Umxholo
- Buyintoni ubudlelwane obuphuma nangaphandle?
- Yintoni ebangela ubudlelwane obuphindaphindiweyo?
- 1. Kunzima ukuqhubeka
- 2. Ukungangqinelani
- 3. Imingeni yobomi
- 4. Unxibelelwano olungalunganga
- 5.Kwabelwana ngembali
- Ngaba ubudlelwane phakathi nangaphandle buqhelekileyo kwaye busempilweni?
- 1. Udidi lweenguqulelo ezitshintshiwe
- 2. Uhlobo lokwahlukana ngokuthe ngcembe
- Ngaba ubudlelwane phakathi nangaphandle busebenza ngokwenene?
- Ugqiba njani ukuba uyayihlala okanye uyishiye?
- Izizathu zokuhlala
- Izizathu zokushiya
- Ungayilungisa njani i-On-Again, i-Off-Againship Relationship?
- 1. Akukho nxibelwano yindlela yokuhamba
- 2. Funa uncedo lweengcali
- 3, Kuphephe ukuthandana okwethutyana
- Isiphelo
Njengaye wonke umntu wahlukile kwaye umahluko ngamnye ubeka abantu ukuba bahluke omnye komnye, kuyafana kubudlelwane. Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi kubudlelwane bezothando. Lonke ulwalamano olusenyongweni lwahlukile.
Yintoni esebenzayo wena kunye neqabane lakho isenokungasebenzi kwesinye isibini. Injalo nje. Yile nto eyenza ubudlelwane bube nzima. Ke, lonke ubudlelwane buza neseti yalo yemiceli mngeni kunye novuyo.
Nangona kunjalo, ubudlelwane obusondeleyo bunokuba nzima ngakumbi kunabanye. Umzekelo, ubudlelwane kwi-and-off budla ngokuba neengxaki. Abalingani ababandakanyekayo kulwalamano olunjalo banokuphela befumana iindawo eziphakamileyo kunye nezona ziphantsi kakhulu. Kuhambo lwe-rollercoaster lweemvakalelo ezinzima.
Ukuba ulwalamano olunje kwaye udidekile ngendlela ohamba ngayo, ungakhathazeki. Awuwedwa kule nto.
Ukuba uziva ukhathazekile okanye ukhathazekile malunga nolwalamano olukhoyo kunye neqabane lakho, kungcono uqale ngokuqonda intsingiselo yolwalamano kunye nezizathu zazo.
Buyintoni ubudlelwane obuphuma nangaphandle?
Masiqale ngokuqonda ngokufanelekileyo ukuba ubudlelwane bokuphinda uphinde uphinde ubuthethe ntoni. Xa unokuqonda ngokubanzi komxholo, unokukunceda ufumane ingcaciso efuneka kakhulu.
Masiqale ngokuthatha isigqibo malunga nokuba i-on-and-off ithetha ntoni. Kolu hlobo lobudlelwane, amaqabane abuyelana emva kokuba ehlukene. Kwaye oku kuvuselelwa kobudlelwane kwenzeka amaxesha amaninzi, kwandulelwa kukwahlukana. Ngoku umsantsa wexesha phakathi kokuqhekeka kunye nokuqhekeka kuyahluka ukusuka kubudlelwane ukuya kubudlelwane.
Inkalo eyoyikisayo yolwalamano olungalunganga yimeko yokujikeleza kolwalamano olusondeleyo. Xa ubandakanyeka kulwalamano olunjalo, uya kuzifumanisa ubambekile kule patheni yokwahlukana kunye nokuchana. Oku kunokuba kukurhafisa impilo yakho yengqondo.
Inkalo eqhelekileyo yobudlelwane obukwi-on-and-off sisigaba sokuqala sokonwaba xa nibuyelana. Kufana nesigaba sokutshata, sizele luthando. Nichithe ixesha ngaphandle komnye nomnye, kungoko kumnandi ukubuyelana.
Xa isigaba sokutshata sidlulile, esi sibini sibuyele kwipateni yendalo yobudlelwane. Yilapho iimvakalelo zinokwenzakala, kwaye amaqabane anokufumana uxinzelelo. Usenokubuza ukuba kutheni nibuye nabuya kunye kwaye mhlawumbi nizahlukana kwakhona. Lo mjikelo uyaqhubeka.
Akukho bungqina bokubonisa ukuba bonke ubudlelwane obuchazwa ngokuqhekeka kunye nokubuyelana kubi. Nangona kunjalo, kukho ithuba lokuba lo mjikelo ungabinampilo kuwe kunye neqabane lakho. Ubudlelwane obukwi-and-off bade babambe amandla okuguqula ityhefu.
Yintoni ebangela ubudlelwane obuphindaphindiweyo?
Enye yeendlela ezilungileyo zokuqonda ukuba ubudlelwane bokubuyela umva bunokusebenza na ekuhambeni kwexesha kukujonga ezinye zezona zinto zibangela imeko engalunganga yobudlelwane obunjalo.
Akukho mntu ungena kubudlelwane nomntu ucinga ukuba izakuphuma ngoluhlobo.
Ke, masiqwalasele oyena nobangela wale meko:
1. Kunzima ukuqhubeka
Esi sisizathu esixhaphakileyo solwalamano olunjalo.
Ukuba wena neqabane lakho aniziva ngathi ungadlula kubudlelwane, inokukutsalela kumjikelo wokuqhekeka kunye nokudibanisa. Ukuba anikho ngaphezulu komnye nomnye, ukuqhubela phambili kunzima.
2. Ukungangqinelani
Ngokwesiqhelo, abantu abakw ubudlelwane apho bahlala beyiphelisa kwaye bevuselela ubudlelwane, oko kunokuthetha ukuba amaqabane anamandla omelele ngokwenene.
Banokuba nothando kakhulu ngomnye nomnye kwaye babelane kakhulu ngekhemistri. Kodwa i-chemistry iyodwa ayonelanga ukwenza ubudlelwane buhlale ekuhambeni kwexesha. Ukuba amaqabane engabelani ngexabiso elifanayo, iinkolelo, okanye isimilo, inokubonisa ukungahambelani.
Ngaba le nto ikwenza uzibuze ukuba ingaba wena neqabane lakho anihambelani okanye ubudlelwane bulungile ukuya? Jonga le vidiyo, kwaye wenze isigqibo unolwazi:
3. Imingeni yobomi
Indima ebalulekileyo edlalwe yimiceli mngeni yobomi enjengokuba nabantwana emfanekisweni okanye olunye uxanduva oluphambili alunakusingelwa phantsi. Ngamanye amaxesha abantu banexesha elinzima lokujongana nemiceli mngeni eyahlukeneyo kunye noxanduva lobomi kunye nolwalamano olusondeleyo.
Xa kuba nzima ukulinganisa zombini, abantu bakhetha ukubuphelisa ubudlelwane. Ngelishwa, kodwa kuyenzeka.
4. Unxibelelwano olungalunganga
Unxibelelwano olusempilweni nolucacileyo yenye yeentsika ezisisiseko sokwakha ubudlelwane obuqinileyo, obuhlala ixesha elide. Abantu abatshatileyo abasokolayo ukusombulula ukungaboni ngasonye ngonxibelelwano olusempilweni nangokuvulekileyo banokuziva ngathi kulula ukubuphelisa ubudlelwane endaweni yokuthetha ngemicimbi ephambili.
5.Kwabelwana ngembali
Ngoku, le yinto enkulu. Ukuba wena neqabane lakho niziva ngathi akulunganga ukutyala ixesha lakho elixabisekileyo ekwakheni iqhina nomnye umntu, kunokukufaka kulo mjikelo wokuphelisa ubudlelwane kunye nokuphinda ubambe kwakhona.
Unokuziva ngathi kulula ukubuyela kwi-ex yakho kuba niyazana kangangeminyaka. Unokuziva ngathi awunalo ixesha okanye amandla okwazi umntu omtsha.
Ngaba ubudlelwane phakathi nangaphandle buqhelekileyo kwaye busempilweni?
Ukuba ulwalamano olungahambelaniyo, unokuhlala ucinga ukuba uza kulubiza nini ulwalamano. Ingqondo yakho inokuhlala ekuvavanyeni ukuba ingaba sempilweni okanye akunjalo kubudlelwane obungenakulindeleka nomntu.
Ke, ngaba ubudlelwane obuphindaphindiweyo buye busebenze, kwaye basempilweni?
Ubungakanani besiqhelo kolu lwalamano luxhomekeke kwindlela abantu abahamba ngayo kwindlela yabo kolo lwalamano.
Ngokusisiseko, zimbini iintlobo zobudlelwane obungaqhelekanga:
1. Udidi lweenguqulelo ezitshintshiwe
Abantu abakolu luhlu babona ukwahlukana njengethuba lokukhula njengabantu kunye nakubudlelwane.
Amaqabane anjalo ajonga lekhefu ngendlela eyiyo.
2. Uhlobo lokwahlukana ngokuthe ngcembe
Olu didi lwabantu lunemibono entsonkothileyo ekwahluleni nasekuxolelaneni. Ezi zibini ziqhekezayo kwaye ziphinde zibuyelane banokuziva bengonelisekanga kulwalamano. Bayazidibanisa kuba bayakhathalelana.
Icandelo lokwahlukana ngokuthe ngcembe lokuphinda-phinda kunye nokuphinda-ulwalamano olusondeleyo kuye kwaxelwa ukuba alunampilo. Xa ezi zibini zixolelanisa ubudlelwane emva kokuqhekeka, ngaxa lithile, baphinde baqonde ukuba bafuna ukubuphelisa.
Ke, iinjongo zesibini, ukuqonda, kunye nokulindelwa kobudlelwane kubaluleke kakhulu xa kufikwa ekugwebeni imeko eqhelekileyo yobudlelwane.
Ngaba ubudlelwane phakathi nangaphandle busebenza ngokwenene?
Ngokusekwe kwicandelo elidlulileyo malunga nobungakanani bemvisiswano kolu lwalamano, kuxhomekeke kwindlela olujonga ngayo ubudlelwane bakho kunye nokwahlukana kwakho. Iinjongo zakho zibalulekile xa kuziwa kuxolelwaniso.
Ngaba uyafuna ukudibana ne ex yakho kuba uziva ngathi ufuna ikhefu ukuze ukhule njengomntu kwaye usebenze ngokwakho, kwaye ngoku ukwimeko engcono yokuba kunye ne ex yakho? Okanye uyafuna ukuxolelana kuba uziva ungaphelelanga ngaphandle kwe-ex yakho?
Ukuba wena ne ex yakho niziva ngathi nobabini nikhule kwaye nikhule ngexesha lenu lohlukene kwaye nikulungele ukunikezela ixesha kunye namandla afunekayo ukwenza ulwalamano lwenu lusebenze ekuhambeni kwexesha, kunokwenzeka ukuba ubudlelwane busebenze.
Ukuba ufuna nje ukuxolelanisa ne ex yakho kuba uyiphosile i ex yakho ngaphandle kokwazi ukuba awusoze waneliseke ngokupheleleyo kulwalamano on-and-off, oko kunokuba mpilo. Ukulindela kwakho, iinjongo zakho, kunye nokuzibophelela kwakho kubalulekile.
Ugqiba njani ukuba uyayihlala okanye uyishiye?
Ngoku uyazi ukuba kutheni izibini ziqhekeka kwaye zibuyela kunye nokuba ingaba olu lwalamano lusempilweni okanye alunampilo, mhlawumbi unokucaca ngakumbi ngale meko imbi. Kodwa ubudlelwane bunokuba nzima.
Ke ngoko, kuyaqondakala ngokupheleleyo ukuba usadidekile malunga nokuba wenzeni. Ke, masikhe siqwalasele i-pros and cons of such ubudlelwane.
Njengoko bekutshiwo ngaphambili, umbono ngundoqo.
Kungenxa yokuba wena neqabane lakho niqhawule amatyeli ambalwa oko akuthethi ukuba akukho sizathu sokuhlala. Konke kuxhomekeke ekubeni iyahambelana na wena kunye neqabane lakho kwizinto ezilindelekileyo, amaxabiso kunye neenjongo.
Nazi ezinye izizathu zokuhlala:
- Indlela yokuphila
Imisebenzi kunye nendlela yokuphila yamaqabane omabini inokudlala indima enkulu ekumiseni uhlobo lolwalamano abalukhethayo.
Abanye abantu abatshatileyo bonwabile kwimitshato emide kunye nobudlelwane. Kwangokunjalo, ukuba uyathanda ukuba wedwa okanye ukhetha indlela yobomi yokuhambahamba, oko kunokusebenzela wena neqabane lakho. Kodwa kufuneka ubekho kwiphepha elifanayo malunga nayo.
- Ukuba awuqinisekanga ngekamva lakho kunye
Ngamanye amaxesha wena okanye iqabane lakho ninokudibana neengxaki ezinokuthi zingabi nkulu, kodwa banokubuza imibuzo malunga nexesha elide lobudlelwane bakho.
Ngoku, ukuba le miqobo kusonjululwa ngcono ngayo ngokuchitha ixesha elithile ngaphandle kwaye emva koko uxolelwaniso, oko kunganisebenzela nobabini.
- Ukuba ukuzibophelela asiyonto yakho
Ukuba ubusoloko uneengcinga zokuba awululo uhlobo lomntu olwakhelwe ubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo, kulungile. Musa ukukhathazeka malunga nayo. Inokwenzeka. Iyasebenza.
Asinguye wonke umntu okujonga ukuba kubudlelwane bexesha elide njengexabiso eliphambili. Wena okanye iqabane lakho ninokonwabela ukuphumla okwethutyana omnye komnye ukuze nibe kunye nani kwaye nikhule.
- Izakhono zonxibelelwano ezingcono
Ukuba wena neqabane lakho nibona oku ngekhefu elijolise ekukhuleni kwengqondo, kuhle oko!
Ikhefu linokukunceda upolishe izakhono zakho zonxibelelwano ukuze xa nibuyelana, ubudlelwane bunokukhula buqhubeke!
Nalu olunye uluvo. Ke, kutheni ubudlelwane buphela?
Nazi ezinye zezizathu ezifanelekileyo:
- Uxabana njani?
Ngaba unayo iingxoxo kunye neqabane lakho ukusombulula iimbambano, okanye ngaba nihlala nihlala nikhwaza omnye komnye malunga iingxaki ezifanayo yonke imihla?
Ukuba kukho abantu abangxolayo kuphela, usenokuzibuza, "ingaba ubudlelwane bunokusebenza emva kokuqhekeka kaninzi." Kule meko, kunokuba sempilweni ukuyiphelisa.
- Umjikelo ulikhoboka
Kwizibini ezitshatayo eziqhekezayo kwaye zibuyele kunye izihlandlo ezininzi, unokuba likhoboka lale ndlela yokujikeleza.
Kwaye ukuba uziva ungazalisekanga kubudlelwane kwaye ulungisa nje ukuziva ungxamiseko loxolelwaniso, lixesha elifanelekileyo lokuba ushiye ulungile.
- Amathuba aphosiweyo
Obu budlelwane bungahambelaniyo bunokuhlawula kakhulu, ngakumbi ukuba ufuna ukuzibophelela ixesha elide.
Ngokubuyela kumntu ofanayo, uya kuphulukana namathuba amahle okudibana nabanye abantu oza kuhambelana nabo!
- Kukho umahluko phakathi kokonwaba nokuqhelana
Ngenxa yembali eninzi ekwabelwana ngayo phakathi kwakho neqabane lakho, umbono wokudibanisa unokuba nembono eyomeleleyo yokuqhelana nayo.
Kukho intuthuzelo kulwazi. Kodwa loo nto ayifani nokonwaba.
Ungayilungisa njani i-On-Again, i-Off-Againship Relationship?
Njengoko kukhankanyiwe kwicandelo elidlulileyo, imeko yokujikeleza kobudlelwane obuphindaphindiweyo kunye nokuphinda-phinda ubudlelwane kunokuba ngumlutha kakhulu komnye okanye kubo bobabini abachaphazelekayo.
Ukwaphula lo mjikelo kube kanye, ukuba nobabini nigqibe kwelokuba niphelise ubudlelwane ngokulungileyo, gcinani la manqaku alandelayo engqondweni:
1. Akukho nxibelwano yindlela yokuhamba
Ukuba ucinga ngendlela wena kunye neqabane lakho eniye naxolelana ngalo lonke ixesha, ungabona ukuba omnye wabaququzeleli abaphambili boku wayehlala enxibelelana okanye emisela kwakhona unxibelelwano. Oku akuthethi ukuba nobabini aninakuba ngabahlobo kwikamva.
Nangona kunjalo, kungangcono kuwe kunye neqabane lakho ukuba ungahlali uqhagamshelana ngeefowuni kunye neetekisi xa ukwimeko yokuba sesichengeni kwaye ulahlekile.
2. Funa uncedo lweengcali
Kusoloko kukho indawo yokuziphucula kunye nokukhula.
Ukuzithemba okuphantsi kunokuba negalelo ekuweleni kulo mjikelo wokuqhekeka kunye nokuqhekeka. Ke, xa sele ukulungele, licebo elilungileyo ukubona ugqirha okanye umcebisi ukuba usebenze ngokwakho.
3, Kuphephe ukuthandana okwethutyana
Ukuba ungena kumdlalo wokuthandana ngenjongo yobudlelwane bexesha elide engqondweni, kungcono ukuyeka ukuthandana ude ube ungaphaya kwe-ex yakho.
Ukuba ungene ngaphakathi kwinkqubo yokuthandana ngaphambi kwexesha, usenokungavumelekanga ukuba ufumane eyona "inye."
Gcina ezi ziqwenga zibalulekileyo zokuphinda uphinde uphinde unxibelelane neengcebiso zobudlelwane.
Isiphelo
Uthando luyinkimbinkimbi. Xa kuziwa kwimibuzo enje "Ngaba ukuthatha ikhefu kubudlelwane kulungile?" usenokuzibona ugcwele sisidubedube.
Kubudlelwane, kuhlala kukho igumbi loqhakamshelwano kodwa ukuba izinto zenzeka ngaphandle kolawulo, iinzame ezinyanisekileyo kwicala elilungileyo zihamba indlela ende yokugcina ubungcwele bobudlelwane buqinile.
Ke, gcina izikhombisi ezibalulekileyo ezichazwe kweli nqaku kwaye uthathe isigqibo ngononophelo!