Umxholo
- Ukungakhathali kuzala ukungakhathali
- Yintoni ukuhluza okungathandekiyo?
- Ungakuyeka njani ukungakhathali ekubulaleni ubudlelwane bakho
- Iindlela zokugcina ukungakhathali kubudlelwane bakho
Ukungakhathaleli kunokuhamba ngokulula kube yinto eyandayo kulwalamano lwakho ngaphandle kokuba uyiqonde. Ukugxekwa kunye nokusola kuhlala kulungile kumaxesha anzima, ngaphezulu kokwaneleyo ukubangela ukungabikho konxibelelwano phakathi kwamaqabane.
Ngaphandle kokudlula kutshintsho okanye uxinzelelo olungalindelekanga (okt ukulahleka kwemisebenzi), intsalela yokungakhathali inokuhlala emva kokuba izinto zisonjululwe (okt ukufumana ingqesho). Ukungakhathaleli okunjalo kunokuba yinto yokutya ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba lokuba ulibale ngokulula oko kwakutsala kunye neqabane lakho ekuqaleni.
Izibini ezininzi ezijamelene nokungakhathali kubudlelwane zihlala zichaza ukuziva ngathi akukho ndlela yakuphuma. Inokufaniswa nokukhwela imoto apho umzuzu omnye uqhuba ngokutyibilikayo kwaye olandelayo, usecaleni kwendlela enomsi ophuma ngaphandle. Isenokuziva ngequbuliso, kodwa kusenokwenzeka ukuba uyalutyeshela ulondolozo kunye nokutshekishwa kweoyile kuhambo lobuhlobo bakho.
Mhlawumbi ubuza iqabane lakho ukuba lichonge izinto ozifunayo kwisidlo sangokuhlwa kwaye zibuye zilahle isithako. Usenokuphendula uthi “Awusoze unake!” Umlingane wakho angaphendula athi “KAKUHLE awonwabanga nokuba ndenzeni! Akunakwenzeka ukukholisa! ”
Leliphi ibali olisusayo kumzuzu wokufumanisa into elahlekileyo? Ngaba imbi kwaphela? Uyayixabisa into yokuba iqabane lakho lifumene iipesenti ezingama-95 zezinto ozifunayo? Okanye ngaba yeyona nto iphambili ithathwa liqabane lakho xa likuvumela ukuba ushiye phantsi?
Ukuba uqhele ukugxila kwinto ongenayo (isithako esilahlekileyo), loo mxholo unokuthatha ngokulula ubomi bawo kubudlelwane bakho kwinqanaba elikhulu. Ukujongana nokungakhathali kubudlelwane ayisiyonto inokwenzeka kodwa yingxaki yesimo sengqondo. Ukuqonda indlela yokugcina ukungakhathali ngaphandle komtshato wakho kuya kufuneka uqonde ukuba kusebenza njani ukungakhathali.
Ukungakhathali kuzala ukungakhathali
Ukungakhathali kuzala ukungakhathali ngakumbi kwaye nje ukuba iqale ukujikeleza, inokubangela uxinzelelo kunxibelelwano, ukusondelelana, kunye nokusombulula ungquzulwano. Umtyholi akanakuxoka phakathi kolwalamano lwakho, inokubangelwa bubushushu emsebenzini okanye nabahlobo. La mandla anokulandela ngaphandle komthungo ekhaya, angene kulwalamano lwakho kunye nokunxibelelana kwemihla ngemihla. Ukungakhathali ojamelene nakho kwamanye amanqanaba obomi kunokutshintsha ngokukhawuleza ukujongana nokungakhathali kubudlelwane.
Ukujongana nokungakhathali kubudlelwane akulunganga nje kukodwa, kodwa kuthintela ukuhamba kweemvakalelo ezintle. Ukuba uninzi lwendawo yakho yengqondo namandla akho ajolise kwinto esilelayo nakumaxesha adanisayo, uya kuba negumbi elincinci kakhulu ukubona into ehamba kakuhle.
Oku kunokukushiya kumjikelo ongapheliyo wokucoca okungalunganga.
Yintoni ukuhluza okungathandekiyo?
Ichazwe ngcono njengokuthintela zonke izinto ezintle kwaye uvumele kuphela ulwazi olubi ukuba luqhotyoshelwe kumava. Umzekelo, iqabane lakho linokubeka izimvo malunga nendlela esilunge ngayo isidlo sangokuhlwa, kodwa eyona nto uyicingayo, ngekungcono ukuba uyifumene iparsley.
Kutheni le nto sinokuthi sikhumbule amaxesha obuhlungu kubudlelwane bethu nenkumbulo enkulu, iinkcukacha ezicacileyo, kunye neemvakalelo kunokuba sinokwenza amaxesha amnandi? Kutheni le nto iinkumbulo zokujongana nokungakhathali kubudlelwane zithatha iinkumbulo ezilungileyo?
Iingqondo zethu zisabela kwizikhuthazo ezingalunganga zomelele ngakumbi kunendlela elungileyo njengecebo lokusinda. Yenzelwe ukusigcina ngaphandle kwengozi, ke ngoko nantoni na ebonisa usongelo okanye ingozi iya kukhunjulwa ngakumbi.
Ke unokwenza ntoni ukuba enye yezi zivakala ziqhelekile kubudlelwane bakho? Okokuqala, kufuneka uzibuze, "Ngaba uzama ukusombulula imiba engundoqo okanye ngaba ujongene nokukhalaza?"
Ungakuyeka njani ukungakhathali ekubulaleni ubudlelwane bakho
Kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele umohluko phakathi kokukhalaza (okanye ukugxeka) ngokuchasene nokubonisa inkxalabo ngokwaphula umjikelo wokungakhathali kubudlelwane bakho. Ukukhalaza kuvakala ngathi, “Usoloko undiphoxa! Awuthembekanga! ”
Kwelinye icala, ukubonisa inkxalabo kugqamisa iimvakalelo zakho, iimfuno, kunye nokuphela kwenyathelo elinokwenzeka okanye isenzo sokubonisa amaxesha akhethiweyo. Inkxalabo isenokuba, “Ndiziva ndingaxabisekanga xa ungangeni ekucoceni emva kwesidlo sangokuhlwa. Ungazihlamba izitya kusasa phambi kokuba uye emsebenzini ukuba awukakulungeli oku ebusuku? ”
Iindlela zokugcina ukungakhathali kubudlelwane bakho
Njengomntu onelayisensi yosapho olunyangayo, ndihlala ndicela umngeni kwizibini ezijamelene nokungakhathali kubudlelwane, ukuqala ngokuzibophelela kwiveki "yokungakhalazi". Abaninzi banomdla ukubona ukuba kunokuba nzima kangakanani. Olu hlobo lokuzilolonga lunokukunceda ujonge ukuhluza okungalunganga kwaye ufumane ukuqonda ukuba ungakhalaza kangakanani kunokuba ubonise inkxalabo.
Qaphela ukuba kuwo onke amagqabantshintshi okanye izikhalazo, ukusebenzisana okuhle ezintlanu kuyafuneka ukugcina ubudlelwane obuzinzileyo nobusempilweni, ngokukaGqirha John Gottman, ugqirha wezengqondo owenze uphando olubanzi malunga nobudlelwane kwezempilo.
Njengoko uqala ukucima ngabom isikhalazo, uya kwenza indawo engakumbi yokujonga amandla kulwalamano lwakho kwaye uzixabise izinto ozixabise kakhulu kwiqabane lakho. Imvakalelo yokucaphuka yokujongana nokungakhathaleli kubudlelwane iya kugqitywa ekugqibeleni.
Ngokusisiseko, kufanele ukuba kubekho "igesi yothando" eyaneleyo kwitanki ukuze ukwazi ukugqitha xa imozulu imbi. Ukuba ufuna ukwazi ngakumbi malunga nendlela onokuthi unciphise ukungakhathali kwaye uzalise ubudlelwane bakho ngemvisiswano ngakumbi, jonga "Iingcebiso ezi-3 zokuMisa isikhalazo ngaphambi kokuba sikophule ”