Umyeni wam akandihoyi- Iimpawu, Izizathu kunye nento ekufuneka uyenzile

Umbhali: Louise Ward
Umhla Wokudalwa: 8 Eyomdumba 2021
Hlaziya Umhla: 1 Eyekhala 2024
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Umxholo

Isikhalazo esiqhelekileyo kwizibini ezidibana nam ukufumana ingcebiso “Umyeni wam akandihoyi” okanye bayaphambuka ngenxa yokuba elinye iqabane liye larhoxa okanye lasondela ngokweemvakalelo kwaye omnye umntu eziva engahoywanga.

Izifundo zibonisa ukuba ukuba olu tshintsho luhlala lukhokelela kwipatheni yokulandela-into enokuba yingozi kubudlelwane.

Ngexesha leseshoni yakutshanje yokucebisa izibini ezitshatileyo, uClaire, 38, ukhalaze ukuba uRick, 44, ebemhoyile ixesha elide kwaye uziva enqamkile kuye. Babesalala ebhedini enye kodwa kunqabile ukuba babelane ngesondo, kwaye uClaire wathi udiniwe ukuzama ukubamba ingqalelo yakhe.

UClaire ukubeka ngolu hlobo oku: “Umyeni wam akandihoyi. Ndiyamthanda uRick, kodwa andithandani naye. Ingqondo kunye neemvakalelo zam zolulekile kuba ndiphantsi koxinzelelo oluninzi, kwaye akandikhathalelanga. Xa ndinento ebalulekileyo endifuna ukuyithetha, udla ngokuthetha efowunini yakhe, okanye umamele umculo aze andilungiselele. ”


Imiqondiso ye-8 umyeni wakho akakuhoyi

Ngaba uhlala uziva ukuba "Umyeni wam akandihoyi. Ngaba ikhona into endiyenzayo engalunganga? Ndingayilungisa njani le nto? ”

Ukuba ujongene nale ndoda-umyeni-uyayihoya-imeko yam kodwa ungaqinisekanga ukuba isentloko okanye yenzekile, jonga le miqondiso yokungazi ukuba uqiniseke:

  1. Uyeka ukuqala incoko nawe.
  2. Uqala ukuchitha ixesha elininzi kwifowuni yakhe.
  3. "Uyathula" okanye urhoxe-ukuchitha ixesha elininzi kude nawe.
  4. Ubonakala ngathi "usehlabathini lakhe" kwaye uyayeka ukwabelana ngezinto nawe.
  5. Ubonisa uxabiso oluncinci okanye ungaluxabisi ngamazwi okanye ngezenzo zakhe.
  6. Xa iqabane lakho lithetha izinto ezibuhlungu.
  7. Umyeni wakho ubonakala ekude.
  8. Uziva ngathi, “Umyeni wam akazikhathalelanga iimfuno zam.”

Izizathu zokuba indoda ingamhoyi umfazi wayo


Abafazi bahlala bekhalaza, “Umyeni wam akandikhathalelanga.”

Ngaba kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba indoda ingamhoyi umfazi wayo? Kutheni le ndlela yokuthandana ixhaphake kangaka?

UGqirha John Gottman ucacisa ukuba utyekelo lomntu omnye lokulandela kunye nolunye olukude lunentambo kwi-physiology yethu kwaye amadoda athanda ukurhoxa kwaye abafazi bathanda ukulandela xa benolwalamano olusenyongweni.

  • Kwigama lakhe lakudala elaziwa ngokuba yi “Love Lab”, uGottman uqaphele ukuba le ndlela yokuhamba nokulandela, ebangela ukuba abafazi bazive bengakhathalelwanga ngabayeni babo, yeyona nto inegalelo ekuqhawukeni komtshato.

Ubuye alumkise ngelithi ukuba ayitshintshwanga, sesona sizathu siphambili soqhawulo-mtshato kuba abantu basetyhini bayadinwa kukulinda amaqabane abo ukuba adibane ngokwasemphefumlweni, kwaye amadoda ahlala erhoxa ngaphandle kokuqonda ukuba kwenzeka ntoni emtshatweni wabo.

  • Ngapha koko, omnye wemiqobo eqhelekileyo kunxibelelwano oluqinisekileyo olunokubangela ukuba indoda ingamhoyi umfazi wayo kukuba into ayivayo yahluke kakhulu kuleyo iqabane lakhe lizama ukunxibelelana nayo.

Kwi Ukulwela Umtshato Wakho, Isazi ngengqondo uHoward J. Markman ucacisa ukuba sonke sinezihluzo (okanye izixhobo ezingezizo ezomzimba kwingqondo yethu) eziguqula intsingiselo yolwazi esikuvayo. Oku kubandakanya ukuphazamiseka, imeko yeemvakalelo, iinkolelo kunye nokulindelweyo, umahluko kwisitayile, kunye nokuzikhusela (okanye ukungafuni ukuzenza sengozini).


Umzekelo, ukuba uClaire ungena emnyango athi, "Ndinento ebalulekileyo ekufuneka ndikuxelele yona," uRick unokulindela ukuba akhalaze (kwaye ke angamhoya), kanti yena usenokuthi nje kwenzeke into enkulu eofisini yakhe. .

Ngokufanayo, ukuba uRick uphazanyiswa kukubukela umboniso weTV, usenokungaphenduli kuClaire. Oku kulandelayo kweminye imiqondiso emihlanu yokuba umyeni wakho angakuhoya.

Ividiyo engezantsi ichaza izizathu zokuba kutheni indoda ingayihoyi inkosikazi yayo:

Ukugxeka iqabane lakho kungonakalisa umtshato wakho

Inyaniso iyaxelwa, unokuzibona usola iqabane lakho xa iimfuno zakho zingafezekiswa. Unokuqaphela ukuba ulwa umlo ofanayo kaninzi.

Emva kwethutyana, ngekhe ujongane nomcimbi okuwo, kwaye umjikelo okrakra wenzondo, ukukhathazeka, kunye nomsindo kuyaqhubeka kwaye awusoze usonjululwe.

UClaire uthi, “Umyeni wam akandihoyi, kwaye, iingxabano zethu zinokuba mbi, kwaye siye sithande ukuthetha izinto ezisolisayo size sigxeke omnye komnye ngenxa yezikreqo zangaphambili ezingazange zilungiswe. Ndifuna le nto iyeke, kodwa iyandilimaza xa uRick engayinanzi iminqweno yam.

Ndiyazi ukuba ndibanegalelo kwiingxaki zethu, kodwa sobabini asinangxaki. ”

Ngokomcebisi wezobudlelwane uKyle Benson, utyekelo lwamaqabane lokuba nobunzima bokuhoyana omnye nomnye kunesiphumo esibi kubudlelwane.

Uthi uninzi lwabantu luhlaselwa zizinto ezinje ngemiyalezo, iiposti, kunye nevidiyo, eziphazamisa ukubanakho ukuhoya. Ngenxa yoko, oku kuthintela ukubanakho kokunikela ingqalelo kumaqabane abo.

Nokuba izibini zizifumana ziphazamisekile, zidiniwe, okanye zixakekile okanye xa umntu engakuhoyi emva kwengxabano, kubalulekile ukuba uqonde ukuba unxibelelwano luhamba ngeendlela ezimbini.

Ingumbono olungileyo xa uziva ungakhathalelwanga ngumyeni wakho ukuba ujonge indlela oziphethe ngayo kwaye uzame ukuguqula indlela yakho ukuze ufumane ingqalelo yakhe.

Ukuba uziva ngathi, "Umyeni wam akandihoyi," Nazi ezinye zeendlela zokuqinisekisa ukuba unomdla kwiqabane lakho kwaye uyayiphepha indlela yokulandela umphazamisi.

Izinto ezi-5 ekufuneka uzenzile xa umyeni wakho engakuhoyi

Le meko ayiphumi esandleni. Ukuba uziva "Umyeni wam akandihoyi ngokwesondo okanye ngokwasemphefumlweni" kodwa ungazi ukuba ungayilungisa njani, zikho iindlela ezinokukuhlangula. Zijonge:

1. Qiniseka ukuba unomdla opheleleyo weqabane lakho

Oku kuthetha ukuba ungacingi ukuba umamele kuba uthetha. Endaweni yokuba ungene: “Ngaba eli lixesha elifanelekileyo lokuba nincokole?” Oku kunokubonakala ngathi yingqondo, kodwa amadoda amaninzi akhalaza kum ukuba abafazi bawo baqalisa kwingxoxo xa bephazamisekile okanye bengakwazi ukubanikela ingqalelo ngokupheleleyo.

2. Yehlisa isantya uze ubuze umbuzo onempendulo

Ungenza ntoni xa umyeni wakho engakuhoyi?

Buza ukuba uziva njani umlingane wakho kwaye ujongana njani noxinzelelo.Ukuhlala nje kunye neqabane lakho nekomityi yekofu kungahamba indlela ende ekuphuculeni ukuqonda, uvelwano kunye nokuphucula unxibelelwano kubudlelwane bakho.

Endaweni yokubuza, "Ngaba ubenosuku olumnandi," nto leyo eya kuthi ewe okanye hayi, zama ukubuza into efana nokuthi "Ndingathanda ukuva ukuba luhambe njani usuku lwakho."

3. Misa umdlalo ityala

Kufuneka wenze ntoni xa umyeni wakho ethetha izinto ezibuhlungu?

Thatha okona kulungileyo kweqabane lakho.

Ukuba ungayamkela le ngcamango, wena neqabane lakho niza kuziva nipholile kwangoko. Ukuba uyeka ukukhombana ngeminwe kwaye ujolise ekuqondeni imbono yomnye nomnye kwaye ubonise uthando ngezenzo zakho, umtshato wakho uya kuphucula.

4.Ukuba iqabane lakho libonakala likhukula, hamba ngaphandle komsindo okanye ityala

Xa umyeni wakho engakuhoyi, yeka njengendlela yokubuyisela ukuzola kwakho, hayi ukohlwaya iqabane lakho. Thatha ikhefu kwincoko yababini ubuncinci imizuzu eli-10-15.

Umzekelo, ukufunda iphephancwadi yinto ephazamisayo kuba ungatyhila amaphepha endaweni yokucinga. Zama ukuphinda uqalise incoko xa uziva uhlaziyekile kwaye ukwazi ukuthetha uzolile kwaye unengqondo.

Cwangcisa “incoko yokunciphisa uxinzelelo” yemihla ngemihla

“Umyeni wam uyandiphepha. Umyeni wam uyandikhathaza kwaye andikhathali. ”

Ukuba akuhoywa ngumyeni wakho, fumana ithuba elicwangcisiweyo lokucoca izixhobo, uzityand 'igila omnye komnye, kwaye umamelane xa nithetha ngoxinzelelo lwemihla ngemihla lobomi bakho.

Le ncoko ayenzelwanga ukuba ibe lixesha lokungena kwimicimbi yobudlelwane kodwa kubambe okanye kungene omnye nomnye.

Ewe, ukubanengqondo kunye neenjongo eziya kukungena mihla le zinokuziswa kwimisebenzi yokuzenzekelayo.

Ngelixa amandla ethu okwamkela i-adventure ngokuqinisekileyo ethintelwe zizinto zobomi obuxakekileyo, abatshatileyo banokuqhubeka nokuwuthabatha umhla kwaye bacwangcise amava kunye kunye amatsha, amnandi, kwaye anomdla.

Ukuphazamisa inkqubo yobomi bemihla ngemihla ngemisebenzi enjengokuhamba kwemihla ngemihla okanye nokusayinela iklasi yokunambitha iwayini kunokuzisa wena nomyeni wakho kufutshane.

Kwinqaku lokugqibela

Cinga ngeendlela ezintsha zokubonisa uthando, ezinje ngokushiya umyeni wakho inqaku lothando (ukubonisa iimvakalelo ezakhayo) okanye umphekele isidlo esimnandi.

Ezi zinto zinokukunceda ukubuyisela ubudlelwane phakathi kwakho neqabane lakho kwaye zikuncede uzive usondele. Ukuba uchitha ixesha yonke imihla uncokola kwaye ubonakalisa uthando, ukuthanda, kunye nokuncoma umyeni wakho, oko kuya kukhulisa unxibelelwano olunzulu kwaye kuqinise ubudlelwane bakho.