Umxholo
- Indawo emnyama yokukhwaza omnye komnye
- Iyacetyiswa- Gcina iKhosi yam yoMtshato
- Unxibelelwano lwe-Assertive lubalulekile kunxibelelwano olusempilweni
- Ukungazinzisi okanye ukwenziwa
- Ndlongondlongo
- Ukuqinisekisa
- Ndizisebenzisa kanjani iingxelo zika "Ndi"
- Utshintsho luqala ngawe
- 1. Iimvakalelo
- 2. Ukuziphatha
- 3. Kutheni
- Ukuba sesichengeni neqabane lakho kuphucula ukuthembana
- Kubalulekile ukuba sesichengeni kubudlelwane
Kuhlala kusithiwa unxibelelwano oluhle lubalulekile kubudlelwane obuphilileyo kodwa kunqabile nakubani na ukuba achaze ukuba kuthetha ntoni oko. Izibini ezininzi zibambekile kwiipateni ezingalunganga zokunxibelelana ngaphandle kwezixhobo zokujika oku kuguqukayo, ke zineendlela ezingasebenziyo zokujongana nembambano.
Indawo emnyama yokukhwaza omnye komnye
Umzekelo, uTeresa noTim, bobabini abaneminyaka engaphaya kwama-30 ubudala, banabantwana ababini abafunda isikolo kwaye baphila ubomi obuxakekileyo besebenza isigxina, bekhathalela abantwana babo, kwaye bengamatsha-ntliziyo kwindawo abahlala kuyo. UTeresa weza eofisini yam ekhalaza ukuba ebengonwabanga ixesha elithile nomyeni wakhe, uTim. Uvumile ukuba abanxibelelani kakuhle kwaye bahlala bexabana ngezinto ezincinci kwaye beshushu iingxabano.
UTeresa ukubeka ngolu hlobo: “Andihlali ndicela into endiyifunayo kuba xa ndenza njalo, uTim undinika isimo sengqondo kwaye siyalwa. Ke, mva nje ndiyakuthintela ukuthetha naye ngezinto zemihla ngemihla kwaye kuvakalelwa ngathi sihlala kunye endaweni yokutshata. Kodwa ngenye imini xa sasixoxa ngamatyala, sagqibela ngokuxambulisana saza sakhupha isigqibo. ”
UTim uyaphendula, “UTeresa unyanisile, kunqabile ukuba sichithe ixesha kunye okanye sabelana ngesondo kwakhona. Xa sithetha, sihlala sithetha ngabantwana okanye amatyala, kwaye ekugqibeleni siye sixambulisane size silale kwiibhedi ezahlukeneyo ngobo busuku. ”
Iyacetyiswa- Gcina iKhosi yam yoMtshato
Unxibelelwano lwe-Assertive lubalulekile kunxibelelwano olusempilweni
Zintathu iindlela eziqhelekileyo zokunxibelelana kubudlelwane: ukungazinyanzeli okanye ukwenziwa, ukuba ndlongondlongo, kunye nokuzithemba. Esona sitayile sisebenzayo sisisiqinisekiso.
Abantu abaqinisekisayo bathambekele ekubeni nokuzithemba okuphezulu kuba bayakwazi ukunxibelelana ngokunyanisekileyo nangempumelelo ngaphandle kokuvumela abanye babalawule. Bakwahlonela amanye amalungelo. Le nkcazo ilandelayo iya kukunceda uchonge ezakho kunye nesitayile seqabane lakho.
Ukungazinzisi okanye ukwenziwa
Abo banxibelelana ngokungazithembi abanakukwazi ukwabelana ngeengcinga zabo, iimvakalelo zabo, okanye iminqweno yabo kwaye bathembeke ngokupheleleyo kuba bakhathazeke kakhulu ngokukhubekisa abanye iimvakalelo.
Ngenye indlela, banokufuna ukunqanda ukugxekwa. Ngokwesiqhelo zibangela amaqabane azive edidekile, enomsindo, engathembi, okanye enenzondo.
Kwelinye icala, bahlala bezithemba eliphantsi kwaye baziva bengakhuselekanga kubudlelwane-bekhalaza ukuba abazifumani iimfuno zabo kwaye abanye ababakhathaleli.
Ndlongondlongo
Abafowunelwa abanengcwangu banokuthi bagxeke, batyhole, kwaye bathambekele ekuthetheni kakubi kwabanye.
Ngokufuthi la mazwi aqala ngokuthi “Wena” ukrwada yaye awukhathali ngendlela endivakalelwa ngayo. ” Abalingani abanxibelelana ngobundlongondlongo bahlala bejolisa kwimicimbi emibi yeqabane labo kwaye abakulungelanga ukwamkela uxanduva ngezenzo zabo.
Ngenxa yoko, iqabane labo lishiyekile liziva libuhlungu, lihlukanisiwe, kwaye lingathembani.
Ukuqinisekisa
Abafowunelwa abanesidima bathembekile kwaye bayasebenza ngaphandle kokuba ngabaphathi.
Bathetha into abayifunayo ngokucacileyo, ngokuthe ngqo ngelixa behlonipha abanye. Unxibelelwano olunamandla alukhuthazi ukuzikhusela. Ngapha koko, bayazityhafisa iingxoxo kwaye bakhuthaze ulwalamano kunye nendlela "esikule nto inye" engenatyala.
Ngethamsanqa, xa umntu omnye enxibelelana ngokuqinisekileyo, amandla aqhelekileyo aqheleka komnye umntu kwanakubantwana.
Umzekelo, ukuphendula ngokuzithemba kwiqabane lakho ulibale ukufowunela kunokuba "Ndiziva ndibuhlungu xa ungafowuneli xa ushiywe lixesha. Ndizikhathaza ngawe. ” Le mpendulo isebenzisa ingxelo ethi "Ndi" kwaye inika ulwazi kwiqabane lakho ngendlela evulekileyo, ethembekileyo, kwaye engenatyholwayo ke oko kukhuthaza unxibelelwano oluqinisekileyo.
Isiluleko esibalulekileyo somtshato esinokuthi sitshintshe amandla kwimpikiswano, kukuqinisekisa ukuba iingxelo zakho ezilungileyo zigqwesa ezimbi zakho ngomlinganiselo wesihlanu ukuya kwenye.
Kwincwadi ethi Kutheni Imitshato Iphumelela okanye isilele, uGqirha John Gottman uthi umahluko phakathi kwezibini ezonwabileyo nezingonwabanga kukulingana kwamagqabantshintshi ngexesha lokungavisisani. Esi sicwangciso siyasebenza kuba sitshintsha ukugxila kugxeka nasekugxekeni ukuze sibe nokuzithemba ngakumbi malunga neemfuno zakho kunye nokunxibelelana ngokweemvakalelo neqabane lakho.
Ndizisebenzisa kanjani iingxelo zika "Ndi"
Ngoku ukuba uyazi ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo zokuziphatha ezingenamveliso kunye nomonakalo abanokuwenza emtshatweni wakho, lixesha lokuba umamele kwaye uphendule ngokuqinisekileyo kwiqabane lakho.
Utshintsho luqala ngawe
Enye yeendlela ezilula kodwa ezinobuchule zokujikeleza okufutshane kumjikelezo ongalunganga wokunxulumana neqabane lakho kukusebenzisa ingxelo ethi "Ndi".
Isiteyitimenti esithi “Ndi” yingxelo eqinisekisayo malunga neengcinga zakho okanye iimvakalelo zakho ezingabeki tyala okanye lokugweba ngokuqatha kwiqabane lakho. Ikhuthaza iqabane lakho ukuba live into oyithethayo kwaye ungazikhuseli.
Ngokuchaseneyo, ingxelo ethi "Wena", engathandekiyo kwaye ihlala ibeka ityala komnye umntu-inokubangela ukuba bagadwe, babe nomsindo, okanye barhoxe.
Iingcebiso zomtshato ezixabisekileyo ekufuneka zilandelwe kukwamkela uxanduva. Ukwamkela uxanduva ngezenzo zakho kunye neemvakalelo yenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo kunxibelelwano kunye nokusebenzisa u "Ndi". Isiteyitimenti yindlela elungileyo yokwenza oku. Kukho imiba emithathu yokusebenzisa ingxelo ka "I" ngokufanelekileyo:
1. Iimvakalelo
Iingxelo zam, ndiqala ngento enje, "ndiziva" zichaza iimvakalelo zakho kwaye zibonise ukuziveza, kwaye ungazive usola iqabane lakho xa usithi "Undenza ndizive".
2. Ukuziphatha
Iingxelo eziqala ngo "Xa u .." zihlala zibonisa izimvo, izoyikiso, ukugxeka kabukhali, okanye isigwebo esibi. La magama okanye iindlela zokuziphatha zidala ukuzikhusela.
3. Kutheni
Esi sisixhobo esixabisekileyo sokuchaza ukuba kutheni unamava okanye uziva ngendlela oziva ngayo xa iqabane lakho lithetha okanye lisenza into. Kwakhona, faka utoliko lwezenzo zabo kunye nokuziphatha kunye nendlela ekuchaphazele ngayo. Nangona kunjalo, yenza oku ngaphandle kokuvakala utyhola.
Ukuba sesichengeni neqabane lakho kuphucula ukuthembana
Emva kokuba uqhelisele unxibelelwano lokuqina malunga neveki, licebo elihle ukuba ungene kunye neqabane lakho kwaye ubone ukuba akukho nto uyibonayo na.
Ukuba uyayenza, bhiyozela ngokuzonwabisa ngokuhlwa okanye isidlo sangokuhlwa esikhethekileyo ekhaya. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba awuqapheli naluphi na utshintsho oluqinisekileyo, licebo elihle ukucwangcisa ixesha lokuqeshwa kunye neengcali zonyango eziqeqeshwe ukunceda amaqabane ukuphucula unxibelelwano.
Xa elinye iqabane lisebenzisa unxibelelwano olusebenzayo, inefuthe lokuphambuka kwiqabane labo ukwenza okufanayo. Oku kunokutshintsha amandla kubudlelwane.
Unxibelelwano luchaphazela indlela oziva ukhuseleke kwaye uzikhusele ngayo neqabane lakho, kunye nenqanaba lokusondelelana.
Kubalulekile ukuba sesichengeni kubudlelwane
Kulucelomngeni, ukunyaniseka kumntu ongenakumthemba. Unganexhala lokuba baya kuphendula ngendlela egwenxa okanye eyenzakalisayo.
Umzekelo, uTeresa wandisa ukuthembela kuTim xa esithi "Ndingayisebenzisa ngenene inkxaso yakho ebantwaneni ngokuhlwanje ukuze ndikwazi ukulinganisa amaphepha." Usichaza ngendlela efanelekileyo isicelo sakhe, esebenzisa ingxelo ethi "Mna", ukuba sesichengeni, kwaye angacingi ukuba ngoyena mntu ungalunganga.
Gcina ukhumbula ukuba ukuba sesichengeni kubudlelwane kunye nokunxibelelana neemvakalelo zakho ngokuqinisekileyo, ngelixa ujonge iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho, kuthatha ixesha kunye nokuzilolonga.
Uninzi lwabantu luyangxama ekunikezeleni izisombululo kunye nokusombulula iingxaki kunye nokutsiba ukumamela kunye nokuqinisekisa iimvakalelo zamaqabane abo. Ungawomeleza umtshato wakho ngokuphucula unxibelelwano lwakho kunye nokuzibophelela ekufundeni ngakumbi malunga omnye nomnye yonke imihla!