Umxholo
- Indlela ebonakalayo yokwakha umtshato owonwabileyo
- Umtshato olula kunye nokubaluleka kothando kumaxesha amadala
- Ukwahlukana noqhawulo-mtshato zihlala zikhetha kodwa ngaphandle kwentlungu
- Ngaba uthando lubalulekile emtshatweni?
- Unokufumana umbono omtsha ngomtshato wakho
- Zibuze ukuba umtshato wakho ubambekile
- Khetha inyani engafezekanga kumbono obonakala ugqibelele
Ngaphandle kommandla weentsomi, imitshato iza nobunzima kunye nemiceli mngeni. Ubuncinci yile nto ndiyifundileyo kumava am obuqu kunye namava obuchwephesha.
UCinderella kunye nePrince Charming babonakala benencasa kunye, kodwa njengoko behlola kumdlalo othi "Into Woods", umzuzwana nje emva komtshato, wavuma ukuba uqeqesho lokuba ngumtsalane aluzange lumlungiselele ukuthembeka nokunyaniseka: “Ndikhulisiwe ukuba nomtsalane, kungabi ngokunyaniseka. ”
Nangona sonke isibini sifika kwimiceli mngeni yabo ethile kunye nokuxabana, kunokwenzeka ukuba wenze obu bunzima ngokujonga ukungaqondani abatshati abanako malunga nesivumelwano sabo sokuqala.
Indlela ebonakalayo yokwakha umtshato owonwabileyo
Kumaphepha alandelayo, ndiza kukuphonononga oku ngokweenkcukacha kwaye ndizame ukunikezela ngezitshixo zomtshato ophumelelayo.
Kwiinkcubeko zesintu, bekuhlala kukho umbono womtshato njengesivumelwano sobabini, uhlala uphakathi kweentsapho zabo babini. Kwezinye iinkcubeko, bekukho uhlobo oluthile lwesivumelwano oluchaza ngokucacileyo izibophelelo kunye nezibophelelo zabo batshatayo. Ngamanye amaxesha, iziphumo zokungazigcini ezi zibophelelo zidweliswe ngokukodwa, kubandakanya kwezinye iimeko ukupheliswa komtshato.
Umtshato olula kunye nokubaluleka kothando kumaxesha amadala
Izivumelwano zomtshato ezindala yayisifungo esangqinwa luluntu oluncinci olwalubalulekile kubomi bomntu nakwimpilo yezibini kunye neentsapho.
Kwinkcubeko yethu, izibini zihlala zingenalo uluntu ngokubanzi olunokuthi lube lingqina kwizifungo zezibini kwaye zibabambe benembopheleleko ngezibophelelo abazenzileyo.
Kubonakala ngathi kwinkcubeko yethu yanamhlanje yaseNtshona, ukucaca kwale khontrakthi yoqobo kulahlekile kwimincili yentlanganiso, imibhiyozo, amathemba kunye nokucinga malunga nohlobo lomanyano lwexesha elizayo.
Kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele ukuba kwixesha lethu, kukho ukungabikho kozinzo oluqhubekayo kwiyunithi yosapho lwenyukliya. Kude kube ngaphantsi kwenkulungwane eyadlulayo, elo yunithi yayisisiseko sokwakha uqoqosho loluntu. Ngokukodwa kuba abantu basetyhini bebengenakuphila ngaphandle kosapho, kwaye ukwabelana ngesondo ngaphandle kwabantwana bekungekho lula kwaye kulula njengoko kunjalo namhlanje.
Iminyaka eyamkelekileyo yokuzibandakanya kwisondo iya isiya incinci kwaye incinci, ngelixa umntu omdala ebonakala ngathi ulibaziseka ukuya kubudala. Iminyaka ili-18 ubudala yayihlala ithetha ntoni: uxanduva, ukuphendula, kunye nokukwazi ukuzikhathalela ngelixa ulilungu elinegalelo eluntwini, ngoku kuyenzeka rhoqo malunga neminyaka engama-30 ukuba kunjalo.
Izizathu zombini zentlalo noqoqosho kunye nenkcubeko kwaye zingaphaya kwenqaku. Ukutshata komtshato endikhe ndakuhlola apha kuhlala kunxulumene nokubonakala okukhulu nokubonakala ngathi kufumaneka ngokwesondo, kunye namandla amancinci okulawula iimvakalelo zokuhlangana ngokwesondo.
Njengoko izibophelelo zingakhankanywanga ngokucacileyo, kwaye imeko yoluntu enika ubungqina itshintshile, kulula ukuba ucinge ukuba iminqweno yakho engekho zingqondweni yayizizithembiso ezazenziwe liqabane lomtshato. Elinye iqabane linqwenela ukufumana umntu oza kubakhathalela kwaye abanike zonke iimfuno zabo zomhlaba, kodwa oko akuzange kuthenjiswe.
Elinye iqabane linokunqwenela ukuba uthando, ukubamba, kunye nokwabelana ngesondo kuhlala kuhlala kufumaneka, kodwa oko kwakungathembiswanga.
Yintoni enokongeza ukungavisisani malunga nesivumelwano sokuqala kukuphindaphindeka kwamaqela abandakanyekayo kuso. Kwii-2000s zakudala, ifilimu ehlekisayo yaboniswa kwinkomfa yezengqondo. Kwifilimu emfutshane, isibini saboniswa kunye ebhedini enkulu. Kwelakhe icala bekukho nomama notata wakhe kwaye kwelakhe icala ibingumama notata wakhe. Aba bazali bane bahlala besabelana ngezimvo (ezimbi) zabo neengcebiso kunye nesi sibini.
Abazali abahlukeneyo ngumzekelo omnye wemikhosi engekho zingqondweni echaphazela umanyano lomtshato. Oku kunokubandakanya amashishini, iinjongo zokomoya, kunye namaphupha okusindisa iqabane lakho okanye ukusindiswa ngabo.
Iinkqubo zoSapho zangaphakathi zinolwimi olunomdla lokuchaza le meko imbi ilusizi. Le ithiyori yengqondo ichaza ubomi bethu bangaphakathi ubukhulu becala obunabakhuseli kunye nabathinjiweyo. Abathinjiweyo yinxalenye yengqondo yethu engamkelwanga yindawo yethu. Abakhuseli ziyinxalenye esiyenzileyo nganye nganye, ukuqinisekisa ukuba ukuthinjwa kukhuselekile kwaye kwangaxeshanye qinisekisa ukuba loo nxalenye ayibuyeli kwindima ebonakalayo.
Ngokwe-IFS, xa abantu bedibana neqabane lomtshato balindele ukuba amalungu abo agxothiweyo ekugqibeleni abuyele ekhaya kwaye amanyane, kanti ke ngabakhuseli abeza kuthethathethwano ngokunjalo, kwaye bazimisele ukugcina abancinci nabasemngciphekweni ekuthinjweni kude kangangoko kunokwenzeka.
Ngexesha lethu, iitaboos kunye neentloni ezinxulunyaniswa noqhawulo mtshato ziyancipha kakhulu ukuba azisuswanga ngokupheleleyo. Yiyo ke le nto ukukhula kwenqanaba loqhawulo-mtshato kusenza ukuba kubelula kubantu abatshatileyo ukuba baqwalasele uqhawulo-mtshato okanye ukwahlukana kubunzima obuncinci.
Ukwahlukana noqhawulo-mtshato zihlala zikhetha kodwa ngaphandle kwentlungu
Kodwa nangona olo lukhetho olukhethiweyo, inkqubo ayinakuze ibe nazintlungu. Xa kukho ukubandakanyeka ngokunzulu kwezemali kwaye ngakumbi xa kukho abantwana, ukwahlukana kuba nzima kwaye ukubandezeleka kuya kuba kukhulu. Ukunyaniseka, ukuvuleka kunye nembeko kunokunciphisa iintlungu. Ukuzama ukufihlela abantwana ukungavisisani emtshatweni, okanye okubi kakhulu, ukuhlala kunye "ngenxa yabantwana" kuhlala kusonakalisa kwaye kwandisa usizi kubo bonke ababandakanyekayo.
Ngamanye amaxesha isigqibo sokuqala sokuhlangana sasingakhulanga okanye sididekile kwaye siyiyeke inokubakhulula bobabini amaqabane ukuba akhule kwaye aqhubeke. Ngamanye amaxesha, amaqabane athathe iindlela ezahlukeneyo zobomi, kwaye nangona ekuqaleni bebengumdlalo olungileyo kwaye bonwabile kunye, ngoku lixesha lokuthatha iindlela ezahlukeneyo.
Ngaba uthando lubalulekile emtshatweni?
Amaxesha amaninzi amaqabane ayazi ngonxibelelwano olunzulu nditsho nothando kunye nokutsala, ukanti kukho ububi, iintloni kunye nokuthuka kangangokuba umtshato ungaphaya kokulungiswa.
Xa uzifumana ukwenye yezi zidibaniso zinzima emtshatweni wakho, zibuze ukuba yeyiphi kwezi zilindelo zakho kunye neemfuno ezingafezekiswayo.
Uyakholelwa ukuba iqabane lakho lithembise ukuzalisekisa oko kulindeleyo okanye ukukhathalela loo mfuno yakho? Zama kuqala ukuthetha neqabane lakho. Ukuba kukho naliphi na ixabiso elishiyekileyo kubudlelwane, iya kukhula kuphela kwincoko ethembekileyo, nokuba incoko leyo inokuba ngumceli mngeni kwaye inokuba buhlungu.
Ukuba incoko enyanisekileyo nevulekileyo ayibonakali iyindlela efanelekileyo ngoku, zama ukudibana nomhlobo omthembileyo.
Unokufumana umbono omtsha ngomtshato wakho
Unokuqonda ukuba nantoni na eselixabiso kubudlelwane ingaphezulu kobunzima, ukuqonda okunokuthi kukhokelele ekuphilisweni nasekufumaneni indlela ebuyela kulonwabo, uvuyo kunye nolonwabo. Unokufumana imvume yokuqonda ukuba ukwahlukana yeyona ndlela ilungileyo kwaye uqhubeke nayo.
Amaqabane ahlala elindele ukuba amaqabane abo azalisekise zonke iimfuno zabo. Ukuchaza iimfuno zakho ezingazalisekiswanga, kunye nokulinganisa ukubaluleka kwazo, kunokunceda ukuqonda ukuba ezinye iimfuno ziyafezekiswa kubudlelwane ngelixa ezinye zinokufunwa kwezinye iindawo, eminye imisebenzi kunye nolunye ubuhlobo.
Zibuze ukuba umtshato wakho ubambekile
Kungaluncedo olukhulu ukuvuma ubuncinci kuwe, ukuba umtshato ubambekile. Akuthandi ukuba kuyo kwaye uyoyika ukwenza utshintsho okanye awazi ukuba uzakwenza njani. Nangona ingathandeki njengokuba kungeniswa, kungcono kakhulu kunokuzenzisa okanye ukunqanda okwenyani.
Ngokwendalo, ukuba ukuqonda ukuqina komtshato kunokwenziwa kunye neqabane lakho, kunokukunceda nobabini ukuba nizive ngcono kwaye mhlawumbi nibe nethemba eliyinyani kunye nesicwangciso esisebenzayo sokuya kuwo.
Ukungaboni ngasonye ngesini; Oko kukuthi, ukuhamba rhoqo, isimbo, kunye nabanye abathathi-nxaxheba, zezona zizathu zixhaphakileyo ezibonisa ukungavisisani emtshatweni.
Ukuxoxa ngalo mbandela akusoloko kulula kwaye kufuna izakhono kunye nokukhula. Rhoqo kukho ukubopha okubandakanya omnye umba obalulekileyo onje ngabantwana okanye imali, othi xa uvakaliswa ngokucacileyo uvakale ngathi: “Singayiqhuba njani impilo yethu yokwabelana ngesondo xa singakwazi ukuthetha ngo-x; Singasombulula njani x xa singabelani ngesondo?
Icacisiwe, le catch22 izandi zibubudenge, kodwa kunokuba yinkqubela phambili enkulu yokwenyani yokwazi ukuba le yimeko eyiyo. Xa isibini sibambekile ngoluhlobo, elinye lamaqabane kufuneka lifumane isibindi sokuba sesichengeni kwaye lenze inyathelo lokuqala. Oko kunokukhuthaza elinye iqabane ukuba libe nesibindi kwixesha elizayo.
Asinakuba kunye "nalowo simthandayo" kuba uhlala loo mntu eyingcinga yethu.
Sisoloko sinamathele ngokungazi emfanekisweni kwaye simathidala ukuwunikezela ngenxa yenyani engagqibelelanga yenyama kunye neqabane legazi. Ubhubhane we-porn ubukhulu becala luphawu lokuqikelela kunye nokunciphisa amandla okuhamba ngokukhuselekileyo phakathi kwamaphupha, iminqweno kunye nenyani.
Imbongi kunye notitshala uRobert Bly ucebisa izibini ukuba zibuyise ingqikelelo yazo. Lo msebenzi usisithunzela unzulu uquka ukujonga ngaphantsi komphezulu wokungafezeki kwethu kunye nokwamkela kunye nokukugcina njengenxalenye yobuntu. Kubandakanya ukujonga emehlweni eqabane lethu, ukwabelana ngeengcinga zethu ezibi kakhulu kunye nokungoneliseki, ukuvuma ukuba incoko inokubenzakalisa kwaye uzixolele wena kunye neqabane lakho ngokuba ngumntu kwaye nibe netyala.
Khetha inyani engafezekanga kumbono obonakala ugqibelele
Inxalenye enkulu yokukhula kukufunda ukukhetha inyani engafezekanga kunombono obonakala ugqibelele.
Xa abantu abatshatileyo banokudibana njengabantu abadala ababini, abahlukeneyo kodwa banxibelelene, benza into entsha, enkulu kunesibalo samalungu. Bobabini bayazazi iimfuno zabo kunye nemida. Ngamnye upha ngesisa kwaye wamkela ngombulelo, kwaye ngaphandle kokulindelweyo.
Omabini amaqabane ayazi amandla awo kunye nokusikelwa umda kwaye awaziva eneentloni ngokungafezeki kwabo okanye ubuntu babantu abatshatileyo. Uhlobo olwahlukileyo lothando kunye novuyo lunokuchuma kolu hlobo lomanyano olunamagumbi aneleyo okubandakanya ukuzisola nokuphoxeka ngokunjalo.