Umxholo
- 1. Umkhohlisi kufuneka eze acocekile
- 2. Ukunyaniseka yimeko eqhubekayo nehlala isigxina
- 3. Kufuneka ubenze buhlungu ubudlelwane obucinga ukuba unabo, kwaye yinto eqhelekileyo leyo
- 4. Ukuba ungumkhohlisi, cela uxolo kwiqabane lakho
- 5. Jonga indima yakho kuko konke oku
- 6. Yazi ukuba ubudlelwane emva kokukopela akupheleli apho
Ngaba unemibuzo ngendlela yokuqhubela phambili nolwalamano lwakho oluphambili emva kokuba ufumene ukuba iqabane lakho likukhohlisile? Ngaba uyafuna ukulusindisa olu bambiswano lubalulekileyo, kodwa awuqinisekanga ukuba ungaqala ngaphi? Kwaye ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokuhlala kunye, loluphi uhlobo ubudlelwane benu obuza kuthatha? Ngaba ingaze ifane?
Ukuba ufana nabantu abaninzi abanamava okungcatsha kubudlelwane babo, ushiyeke unemvakalelo yokungathembani okunzulu. Uyakuthandabuza ukunyaniseka kweqabane lakho, kungekuphela njengexhala elinokubakho kwimicimbi engaphaya komtshato kodwa kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi bakhe.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ucinga ukuba, ukuba unokuxoka malunga noku, oko kuthetha ukuba uyaxoka nangezinye izinto, naye.
Ke, into yokuqala oya kuyifuna ukuqala ukulungisa kubudlelwane bakho emva kokukopela kukuthembana. Kwaye ukwenza oku, kuhlala kulungile ukuba usebenza nomcebisi wabatshati.
Umcebisi wabatshatileyo ukubonile konke, kwaye akukho nto unokuyithetha kwimfihlo yeofisi yabo eya kubothusa okanye ibanqumamise. Baza kukukhokela kwezi ntsuku zisengozini kwaye bakuncede uqonde ukuba indlela oziva ngayo iqhelekile kwaye, rhoqo, inokuhlawulwa ukuba nobabini nifuna ukugcina ubudlelwane benu.
Masicinge ukuba uyayenza. Ke masiqale ngokwakha ukuthembana kwakhona - ukuthembana okulahlekileyo xa iqabane lakho ligqibe kwelokuba kulungile ukuba uziphathe ngendlela engatshatanga.
1. Umkhohlisi kufuneka eze acocekile
Oku kuthetha ukuba kufuneka athembeke ngokunyanisekileyo kuwe. Kuya kufuneka aphendule nawuphi na umbuzo omphosa kuye, kwaye kufuneka aphendule ngokunyaniseka kwe-100%. Ufumene ilungelo lokwazi konke kwaye wazi konke kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi bakhe.
Ukwakha ukuthembana kwakhona, ongakholwayo kufuneka avume, athi, makanikezele ngamagama okugqitha kwifowuni yakhe, i-imeyile, zonke iiakhawunti zakhe zemidiya yoluntu, ukuba unqwenela ukuya kwezi.
Akunako. Ungafumanisa ukuba ukutyhila ukukhokelela ekukhohliseni kunokuba buhlungu kakhulu kunoko, iziphumo zokukopa. Kodwa ukunyaniseka ngokupheleleyo kuyinxalenye yokwakha kwakhona ukuthembana, kwaye lowo waphule intembeko kufuneka ayiqonde le mfuneko.
2. Ukunyaniseka yimeko eqhubekayo nehlala isigxina
Ixoki alinakuthetha ngokuphandle nangokunyanisekileyo malunga nokungcatshwa. Kuya kufuneka bazinikele ukuhlala ubomi obunyanisekileyo kuzo zonke iindawo, hayi kuphela kubudlelwane bakho.
Abantu abathembekileyo benza ukunyaniseka kuwo onke amabakala obomi.
Abaphambuki kwindlela yangaphantsi, abakhohlisi kwiirhafu zabo, abayifaki engxoweni inguquko ethe yenziwa ngempazamo ngabaphathi bemali. Qikelela ukuba? Ubomi bokuphila 100% ngokunyanisekileyo uziva ulungile! Akusekho ukuseta iakhawunti eyahlukeneyo ye-imeyile kwimicimbi engathandekiyo, akusayi kuphinda kugubungele umkhondo xa usenza into abayaziyo ukuba abamele bayenze.
Ukunyaniseka kukukhululeka kwisithunzi setyala.
3. Kufuneka ubenze buhlungu ubudlelwane obucinga ukuba unabo, kwaye yinto eqhelekileyo leyo
Sukuzama ukutyhala isenzo esibi emva kwakho kumzamo wokubuyela kulwalamano lwakho emva kokukopela ngokukhawuleza okukhulu. Vumela ukuba uzive ubuhlungu boku kungcatshwa. Umlingane wakho kufuneka abone ukuba izenzo zakhe zivuse usizi olunzulu kuwe, oluya kuthatha ixesha ukuba lutshabalale.
Ufuna wonke umntu acinge ukuba ulwalamano lwakho lulungile, okanye uneentloni zokuvuma ukuba "umtshato wakho ogqibeleleyo" wawungagqibekanga kangako, okanye mhlawumbi ungonwabi ngokuhlala kunye nokufumana iimvakalelo ezingathandekiyo.
Ukuba uyayityhalela ecaleni loo mvakalelo, isenzo sakho sithumela umyalezo kwiqabane lakho lokukhohlisa ukuba le ayisiyonto enkulu kwaye mhlawumbi angaphinde aphume ngokukhohlisa kwakhona.
4. Ukuba ungumkhohlisi, cela uxolo kwiqabane lakho
Cela uxolo. Kusenokufuneka uxolise ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Ungakuvumeli oku kukucaphukise. Endaweni yoko iya kukuhlawulela.
Ukuba uliqabane elingcatshiweyo, kusenokuba nzima, kodwa ulixolele iqabane lakho elixhwalileyo emva kwenkqubo efanelekileyo yokukhathazeka Musa ukuxhoma kwintlungu kunye nenqala, kuba iyakukwenzakalisa kanye njengokuba injalo kuye.
Ukumenza "ahlawule ixabiso" ngekhe kulunge ukuba uyafuna ukudlula kulo mzuzu unzima kwaye uvuselele ubudlelwane bakho.
Ukumxolela yinxalenye yakho kwinkqubo yokubuyisela kwimeko yesiqhelo.
5. Jonga indima yakho kuko konke oku
Ayinguwe owaphuma ngaphandle kobudlelwane, kodwa unetyala kwiqabane lakho lokuhlala nithethe ngendima yenu kwinto ekhokelele koku.
Mhlawumbi wayeziva ngathi awumxabisanga. Mhlawumbi wayediniwe ngokwala kwakho ukwenza uthando. Mhlawumbi waziva ukuba akasenguye ophambili kuwe, kodwa ungumondli nje, kwaye engazange ave “enkosi”.
Kwakhona, le yingxoxo ekufuneka yenziwe phambi komcebisi wabatshatileyo, njengoko ezi zizihloko ezishushu ezifuna ukuphathwa ngobunono kunye novakalelo olukhulu.
6. Yazi ukuba ubudlelwane emva kokukopela akupheleli apho
Uninzi lwabantu abatshatileyo baye basinda kukungathembeki.
Ngapha koko, ugqirha owaziwayo wezithandani u-Esther Perel uthetha ngendlela onokuthi uphumelele ngayo kwaye uphinde ubuyisele esi sibini emva kokukopela kwincwadi yakhe Umbuso Wezemicimbi: Ukuphinda Uqwalasele Ukungathembeki.
Thatha induduzo kulwazi lokuba nawe, ungaqala ngokutsha, nasemva kokungcatshwa.