Umxholo
- 1. Zimele
- 2. Lithembe iqabane lakho
- 3.Seta kwaye uhloniphe indawo yobuqu yeqabane lakho
- 4. Yiba nenxaxheba ekuhlaleni
- 5. Yeka ukuxoxa ngexesha labo
- 6. Gcina isazisi sakho sihlukile
Inkcazo yokufuna, njengoko ichaziwe yingcali kwezengqondo uCraig Malkin, Ph.D., umbhali wencwadi eyaziwayo kwilizwe jikelele, Rethinking Narcissism, yile: “Ukuxhomekeka ngokubanzi, nokungakhathali kwabanye okuhambisana neemvakalelo zokungabi nakuzinceda kunye noloyiko lokushiywa nokushiywa.”
- Ngaba uziva ufuna iqabane lakho ecaleni kwakho ngalo lonke ixesha?
- Ngaba uzibona njengomntu osoloko ebalekela kwiqabane lakho efuna uncedo?
- Ngaba uzibona njengomntu osoloko ethumela imiyalezo ngefowuni, ethumela umnxeba kunye ne-imeyile neqabane lakho nokuba uyazi ukuba uxakekile emsebenzini?
- Ngaba uzibona njengomntu ofuna uthando rhoqo kunye nokuqwalaselwa liqabane lakho ukuze uzive wonwabile?
Kananjalo, ufuna ukubona iqabane lakho ngalo lonke ixesha, ukuba isicatshulwa okanye umnxeba awungeni uqala ukuzibuza ukuba yintoni engalunganga kwaye uphambene, kwaye emva koko, uqala ukubathambisa.
Ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buhlangana nayo nayiphi na kwezi zinto zingasentla, ezi ziyimpawu ebonakalayo yendoda okanye yomfazi osweleyo kubudlelwane.
Ezinye iimpawu zomntu osweleyo zezi, ukulahlekelwa yimvakalelo yokuzimela, ukuba nomona kakhulu, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha ukuhamba ngaphezulu, ngokulandela iqabane.
Oku kusweleka kubudlelwane. Oku kuziphatha kuya kulonakalisa ulwalamano lwakho.
Ezo mpawu zomntu osweleyo zinokudityaniswa 'nesitayile sokuncamathela kwixhala'.
Umntu obonisa isitayile sokuncamathela kwixhala uhlala eziva engathembekanga okanye ekrokrela, kodwa bayabambelela kwaye batyhafile. Ukuncamathela kumanani okuncamathisela yeyona ndlela isebenzayo yokuba bakwazi ukuhlangabezana neemfuno zabo.
Uphando luye lwahlula isincamathiselo sabantu abadala sothando kwimilinganiselo emibini ebanzi, ukuthintela kunye noxinzelelo.
Okokuqala, ukuthintela, kubonisa inqanaba apho abantu bekhululekile ngokusondela kunye nokusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane. Inqanaba lesibini, unxunguphalo, kuvavanya inqanaba abantu abanalo malunga nokungaxatyiswa okanye ukushiywa ngamaqabane abo athandanayo.
Xa uqala ukuswela kubudlelwane, yinto nje yexesha ngaphambi kokuba iqabane lakho liqale ukumka. Kwaye okoko ubona iqabane lakho lirhoxa okanye liphulukana nomdla kulwalamano, uya uswela kakhulu kubudlelwane kunye nokufuna ingqalelo. Hlala nathi njengoko sijongisisa ukuba kutheni kwaye ungasweleki kubudlelwane.
Apha ngezantsi kukho iingcebiso malunga nendlela yokuyeka ukubambelela kunye neendlela ezifanelekileyo zokuyeka ukuswela kubudlelwane.
1. Zimele
Nantsi enye yeengcebiso zobudlelwane ezilungileyo ukuba uyafuneka kwaye ufuna ingcebiso ngendlela yokoyisa ukungakhuseleki kubudlelwane. Musa ukuxhomekeka kwiqabane lakho.
Kuza kubakho amaxesha apho umntu othandana naye okanye intombi yakho iya kuba ixakekile isenza ezinye izinto ezifanelekileyo, awuyi kulindela ukuba bashiye le nto bayenzayo ukuya kwiimfuno zakho ngalo lonke ixesha.
Sukuxhomekeka kwiqabane lakho ukuze lifezekise zonke iimfuno zakho. Sukulindela ukuba iqabane lakho likusindise emhlabeni okanye likhathalele iimvakalelo zakho ngalo lonke ixesha. Qhubeka ulwa amadabi akho kwaye uzame kangangoko kunokwenzeka ukuba uphile ubomi obuzimeleyo.
Qhubeka usebenza ngokwakho kwaye ungaze uyilibale into yokuba ungumntu okhuselekileyo noqinileyo onobomi obahlukileyo owahlukileyo kwiqabane lakho.
2. Lithembe iqabane lakho
Ubudlelwane bakhiwe kwaye buphuhliswe kukuthenjwa nokuthembeka. Kuya kufuneka ukuba uthembele kwaye uthembe iqabane lakho.
Nika iqabane lakho amathandabuzo; ukuba bathi baxakekile, kholelwe.
Sukuqala ukothuka ukuba bayazikhwebula kuwe kwaye bazama ukufumana isicwangciso sokuphuma ngenxa yokuba bengakubhalelanga kwakhona kwimizuzu emi-5, kuyonakalisa ubudlelwane.
Baxakeke kakhulu, kwaye kuya kufuneka uxakekile usenza into nayo.
3.Seta kwaye uhloniphe indawo yobuqu yeqabane lakho
Kuya kufuneka ufunde ukunika iqabane lakho indawo.
Nditsho nolona lwalamano lusondeleyo ludinga igumbi lengqiniba ukuphoswa ngamanye amaxesha. Xa iqabane lakho licela ixesha lakho wedwa, qiniseka ukuba uyalihlonipha.
Wonke umntu ufuna ixesha elithe cwaka ukuze abaleke kuko konke. Kodwa sukucinga ukuba xa iqabane lakho licela indawo, iqabane lakho lizama ukuniphepha.
Ukunika iqabane lakho isithuba esincinci kunye nokubaphazamisa ngalo lonke ixesha kubudlelwane kuya kubenza bakutyhalele kude. Kuthetha nje ukuba bazigcina ekubeni bangaphazanyiswa zizo zonke izinto ekufuneka bajongane nazo mihla le.
Nokuba ungathandani kangakanani kwaye niyathandana, zonke izibini zifuna ixesha elincinci lodwa.
Jonga kwakhona le vidiyo eya kukunika ukuqonda malunga nokuba ungasweli njani:
Kungcono ukuqondana kunye nokuba ingakanani indawo kunye nemfihlo eniyifunayo nobabini ebudlelwaneni, kwaye ninikezane indawo leyo kunye nemfihlo.
4. Yiba nenxaxheba ekuhlaleni
Esona sizathu siphambili sokuba ubonakale uswele kubudlelwane okanye kwintombazana ebambeleyo okanye kwisoka kukuba ulindele ukuba iqabane lakho lisombulule imicimbi yakho yeemvakalelo.
Isithandwa sakho okanye intombi yakho ayinguye kuphela umntu onokuthetha naye emhlabeni.
Kukho abanye abantu onokuba nencoko yeemvakalelo kunye nabo, kukho abantu abaninzi abakulungeleyo ukumamela iingcinga zakho, imiba yeemvakalelo, izimvo; funda ukuthetha naba bantu. Banabanye abantu njengeebhodi zokukhala.
Ukwenza oko kuya kunciphisa uxinzelelo lokuziva ulilolo kulwalamano.
5. Yeka ukuxoxa ngexesha labo
Malunga nokuba ungasweli ntoni kubudlelwane, kubalulekile ukukhumbula oko Ukugcina iithebhu zokuba nihlala nihleli kunye kangaphi, ayisiyonto ilungileyo yoku ubudlelwane obuphilileyo.
Ke, ungazilawula njani iimvakalelo zakho kwaye uyeke ukuba yintombazana esweleyo okanye isoka?
Khumbula, awungekhe utsho kuba iqabane lakho liphumile namaqabane alo namhlanje, kufuneka babe nani imini yonke ngomso.
Iqabane lakho kufuneka lenze ixesha lakho.
Akufanele ucenge okanye uthethathethane nabo ngexesha labo. Ndiyathemba ukuba, ezo mpendulo ziya kuyeka indlela yokujonga kakhulu umfana okanye intombazana kwaye ubuyise ubomi bakho.
6. Gcina isazisi sakho sihlukile
Kungenxa yokuba usebudlelwaneni akuthethi ukuba awusenakho ukwenza izinto ezizezakho kwakhona.
Endaweni yokuba sisoka okanye intombi esweleyo, funda ukuzibekela ixesha lokwenza izinto ozithandayo.
Oko kuya kukunceda uyeke ukuswela kubudlelwane kwaye kukwenze uzimele. Kuza kuluncedo ukuzibuza ukuba, ngaba nam ndiyadinga, kwaye ndenza umzamo wokulawula iimvakalelo zakho, ndiyeke ukuba ngumfazi osweleyo okanye indoda.
Indlela yokuyeka ukuswela nokungazithembi, nantsi into ebaluleke kakhulu.
Isibini ngasinye kufuneka sichithe ixesha elisemgangathweni omnye komnye. Isempilweni kwaye iyimfuneko kubudlelwane bakho kwaye ikunceda ugcine imeko yokuzazi kunye nesazisi sakho.