Umxholo
Uyaqhubeka, othandweni njengangaphambili, kwaye uyakhula ... inyani iyawa phantsi xa ufumanisa ukuba enye yakho ebalulekileyo ibinomdla wentliziyo.
Umngxunya ukhula esiswini sakho ubungakanani beCleveland xa ubona ukuba umyalezo othi "Akwaba ubulapha ... Ndicinga ngawe lonke ixesha" uthunyelwe komnye umntu phezolo ngo-10: 30 ngokuhlwa.
Umahluko ocacileyo phakathi kwento obucinga ukuba uyinyani kwaye eyona nto iyinyani inokothusa, yoyike kwaye iphazamise.
Le yindlela omnye wabathengi bam abasandula ukuyichaza ngayo nayiphi na indlela.
UMary noJohn babekunye phantse iminyaka emibini. UMary wandixelela ukuba akazange azive ngoluhlobo ngaye nabani na ngaphambili kwaye wayefuna ukuchitha ubomi bakhe bonke noJohn.
Ukanti, kwiinyanga ezintathu ezidlulileyo, uMary wafumanisa uthotho lwemiyalezo kunye neefoto phakathi kukaJohn nelinye ibhinqa eliqale kuphela iinyanga ezisi-8 emva kokuba beqalile ukuthandana. Ukusuka kwinto awayeyithetha ngayo, zange babelane ngesondo, kodwa oko akunamsebenzi. Wayexhelekile. "Angazithetha njani ezi zinto zifutshane komnye umntu?" Wabuza, ngakumbi xa wayenokutsho, ubudlelwane babo babonwabile.
Imicimbi yeemvakalelo inokuzibonakalisa ngazo zonke iindlela.
Umfazi otshatileyo oneminyaka eli-15 ohlala ethembela "kumhlobo osebenza naye" malunga neengxaki zakhe ekhaya, ngelixa ehlala eqinisekisa ukuba umhle.
Indoda enxibelelana neekholeji zangaphambili kwaye iqala into engekho mthethweni evuthiweyo ngeencoko ezinde zefowuni, imiyalezo ebhaliweyo efihlakeleyo, kunye nokutshintshiselana ngeefoto rhoqo.
Olu hlobo lokungcatsha lubuhlungu njengokukrexeza ngokwesondo kwaye luthambeka oluthambekileyo. Umntu owenza ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo uhlala engaboni ukuba akukho nto iphosakeleyo kule nto ayenzayo. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, abanga okanye balala nalo mntu.
Umzekelo, xa uMary ebuza uJohn ngento ayenzileyo, wavele wathi "Ndiyadikwa emsebenzini, ndiye ndibhale umyalezo."
Ukuqala kwenkqubo yokuphilisa
Xa ukungcatshwa okunje kusenzeka, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba nomsindo, usizi, unxunguphalo, ukulala, iintloni, okanye ukungabinamdla wokutya, kodwa eyona mbono iphosakeleyo inkulu ndiyibonayo kumgca wokusebenza kukuzibek 'ityala.
Umntu okhohliswayo uziva ngathi le yimpazamo yakhe, evakalisa ukuba "ukuba bendinokuzithemba ngakumbi okanye ndinomdla wokuzonwabisa okanye ndingenaxhala kakhulu kunokuba ngekhe kwenzeke njalo."
Kodwa ukuba sijonga indlela abantu abasebenza ngayo, siyabona ukuba ayisiyonyani le.
Inye into yokuba bonke abantu abakhohlisayo badibana ngokufanayo kukuba bayabanjwa kwaye bakhohliswe yindlela abacinga ngayo. Bathatha iimvakalelo zokukruquka kunye nokungazithembi ngokungathí sina, ke xa omnye umntu esiza nokubanika ingqwalaselo elungileyo, bayakwamkela ukukhawuleza kwe-dopamine okuvela kule ntsebenzo intsha nenomdla. Abakrelekrele basebenzisa umcimbi njengoncedo lwebhanti lwethutyana kukungonwabi kwabo ngokweemvakalelo.
Kwenziwe ntoni
Ngale nto ithethwayo, nangona isenzo somkhohlisi sibonisa indlela abacinga ngayo, akukho mpendulo "ilungileyo" yento ekufuneka yenziwe emva kokuthandana. Abanye abantu abatshatileyo baya kuhlala kunye, abanye baya kukhetha ukwahlukana, ukanti abanye bacinga ngesisombululo esisebenzayo kubo.
Eyona mpazamo inkulu ndibona ukuba abathengi abayenzi kukungaziniki ixesha elaneleyo lokuzibonakalisa ngaphakathi kwabo kwithumbu labo emva kokungcatshwa. Nangona iingcebiso zabahlobo zenzelwe iinjongo ezintle, ukuthatha ixesha lokujonga ngaphakathi kobulumko bakho kunye nokuqonda okuqhelekileyo kunye nokuvumela iqabane lakho ukuba lenze okufanayo, kubalulekile.
Lungela
Kwizibini ezitshatileyo ezikhetha ukuhlala kunye, owona mceli mngeni mkhulu "ziinkqwithela zokucinga" ezilandela iintsuku, iinyanga, okanye iminyaka emva.
Zilungiselele ukuba iingcinga ezingapheliyo ngohlobo lwexhala kunye noxinzelelo ziya kuvela kumntu ogezelweyo kwaye iingcinga zokungazithembi kunye nokudikwa kuya kuvela kwakhona kumoni.
Ukucinga (ngohlobo lweenkumbulo kunye neemvakalelo) yeyona nto iphambili ethintela izibini ekubuyiseleni ukuthembana kwakhona. Nangona kunjalo, kunokwenzeka ukuthembela kwakhona.
Isitshixo sokubuyisela ukuthembana kuxa abantu abatshatileyo beqonda ukuba akukho mfuneko yokuba benze okanye bakholelwe yonke into engena ezingqondweni zabo.
Ukufumana ulwazi ngakumbi kuhlobo lokucinga kunceda kakhulu ukuhambisa isikali endaweni yeso sibini. Kwimeko kaMariya noJohn, uMary wenza isigqibo sokumxolela uJohn kwaye uxela ukuba baqhuba kakuhle kakhulu ngoku.
Ndincoma ukufunda ngakumbi malunga neendlela zokuphilisa ezisekwe kwingcinga ezinje ngala adweliswe ngezantsi.
Qala ngezi zixhobo:
I-10% yolonwabo kwi-App nguDan Harris yokucamngca imihla ngemihla
Incwadana Yolwalamano nguGqirha George Pranksy