Umxholo
- 1. Ukubamonela “nabani na okanye nantoni na eyenye ngaphandle kwam”
- 2. Imeko "Andizange ndilale nalo mfazi"
- 3. I-alpha-eyindoda engathintelwanga
- 4. Ukungathembeki kwintlekele yobomi
- 5. Umlutha wesini
- 6. Umcimbi opheleleyo
- Umenzi wobubi kufuneka ayeke
- Umoni kufuneka ajongane nengqumbo
- Umoni kufuneka azive eguqukile ngokwenene
- Umntu owonileyo kufuneka aqale ukuthembela kwakhona
- Umntu owonileyo kufuneka amkele ubudlelwane obunamandla
Njengengcali yengqondo, ndisebenze ngaphezulu kweminyaka engamashumi amathathu nditshatile. Ngokuqinisekileyo, enye into enokuthi izise isibini (okanye ilungu lesibini) kunyango kukungathembeki. Ndifuna ukwabelana nawe ngeengcinga ezimbalwa kunye nemibono yokungathembeki esekwe kumava am abanzi njengengcali yomtshato kunye nengcali yokulutha ngokwesondo.
Ukungathembeki kwimeko ethile kuchazwa "ngamehlo ombonisi (okonileyo)." Ibhinqa elinye, endandisebenza nalo lalibiza igqwetha loqhawulo-mtshato kwakusasa kakhulu apho labamba khona umyeni walo lijonga iphonografi. Kwelinye icala, ndasebenza nesinye isibini "esasinomtshato ovulekileyo," kwaye ekuphela kwexesha ebelinengxaki kuxa inkosikazi yaqala ukubona enye yala madoda yenzela ikofu.
Nazi ezinye zeentlobo zeemeko ezinokuthi zifumaneke njengokuthi "ukungathembeki" ngumntu okonileyo (nceda uqaphele: unokuba nokudibanisa nayiphi na kwezi meko):
1. Ukubamonela “nabani na okanye nantoni na eyenye ngaphandle kwam”
Le yimeko yomfazi obambe umyeni wakhe ejonge iphonografi okanye umyeni "ophambeneyo" ngekhwele xa umfazi wakhe eqhuqha umlindi.
2. Imeko "Andizange ndilale nalo mfazi"
Ikwabizwa ngokuba kukuthandana ngokweemvakalelo. Kule meko, akukho kunxibelelana ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwesondo kodwa kukho uthando olunzulu nolungapheliyo kunye nokuthembela komnye umntu.
3. I-alpha-eyindoda engathintelwanga
La ngam (ngesiqhelo kodwa hayi rhoqo) amadoda ane "mfuno" yabafazi. Ngenxa yamandla abo abazimiseleyo, udumo kunye nelungelo, banalo naliphi na inani labasetyhini abahamba "kwicala." Uninzi lwexesha elininzi azisiyiyo imicimbi yothando kodwa, endaweni yoko, ziyanelisa ukwanelisa inkanuko yakhe yesini kunye nemfuno yakhe yokufuna. La madoda phantse ahlala eneempawu zobuntu ezingathandekiyo.
4. Ukungathembeki kwintlekele yobomi
Ndisebenze nabantu abaliqela (okanye abatshatileyo) abatshate kwangethuba kwaye zange babenalo ithuba “lokudlala intsimi” okanye “ukuhlwayela ii-oats zabo zasendle” abathi, xa bethe babetha phakathi kobomi, bafune ukubuyela emva baphinde bakhumbule amashumi amabini okuqala kwakhona. Ingxaki kuphela kukuba banomlingane kunye nabantwana abathathu ekhaya.
5. Umlutha wesini
Aba ngabantu abasebenzisa isondo kwaye bathanda iziyobisi. Basebenzisa isondo (i-porn, ihenyukazi, i-erotic massage, iiklabhu zokuqhawula, ukukhetha-izinto) ukutshintsha imeko. Ingqondo ixhomekeka kuncedo oluzisayo (kwinto edla ngokuba yingqondo elusizi okanye edandathekileyo) kwaye baba "likhoboka" lokuziphatha.
6. Umcimbi opheleleyo
Yilapho umntu kwesi sibini edibana nomntu kwaye "bethandana" naloo mntu. Olu luhlobo olunzima kakhulu lokungathembeki.
Eyona nto ibalulekileyo endinokuyithetha (khwaza uphezulu kwentaba ukuba kunokwenzeka) yile: Amaqabane awanakuphila kuphela, anokuchuma, nasemva kokungathembeki. Nangona kunjalo, kukho izinto ezimbalwa eziyimfuneko ukuze oku kwenzeke.
Umenzi wobubi kufuneka ayeke
Amalungu esi sibini kufuneka azibophelele kwinkqubo ende, ethembekileyo necacileyo. Umntu owonileyo usoloko ekulungele “ukudlulela phambili” ngokukhawuleza emva kokuba “eguqukile.” Abayiqondi into yokuba kwabo boniweyo kuyakuthatha iinyanga, iminyaka, okanye amashumi eminyaka ukusebenza ngeentlungu kunye nokungazithembi kokungcatsha nenkohliso. Ezinye zeendlela zokungathembeki ziya kuba kunye nabo bonke ubomi babo.
Umoni kufuneka ajongane nengqumbo
Umoni kufuneka afunde ukuthatha amanqindi kwintiyo kunye nokwenzakala kwalowo woniweyo ngaphandle kokuzikhusela.
Umoni kufuneka azive eguqukile ngokwenene
Umoni kuya kufuneka afumane kwaye emva koko anxibelelane (amaxesha amaninzi) ukuzisola okunzulu nokwenyani. Oku kugqitha ekubeni "ndiyaxolisa ngale nto ikwenzakalisileyo" ukuya kuvelwano lokwenene lokuba le nto iyichaphazele njani kwaye yabachaphazela njani abathandekayo babo.
Umntu owonileyo kufuneka aqale ukuthembela kwakhona
Aboniweyo kuya kufuneka, ngamanye amaxesha, bayeke uloyiko, intiyo, kunye nokungathembani ukuqala ukuthembela kwaye bavule kwakhona.
Umntu owonileyo kufuneka amkele ubudlelwane obunamandla
Aboniweyo kuya kufuneka ngamanye amaxesha bavuleleke kwinxalenye yabo kulwalamano-hayi ukunganyaniseki uqobo-kodwa kwi-relational dynamics eziyimfuneko ukuze babe nomtshato ongcono ngaphambili ababenawo ngaphambili. Kuthatha umntu ongafezekanga ukuba athandane; kuthatha abantu ababini abangafezekanga ukuba babe nolwalamano.
Ukuba umtshato wawusekwe kwimidlalo elungileyo yasekuqaleni, isibini sinakho-ukuba sikhetha ukwenza lo msebenzi-sokwakha ubudlelwane obungcono. Kwincwadi yam yokuqala, ndiyacacisa ukuba, kanye ngoDorothy kwi IWizard yeOz, ubomi ngamanye amaxesha buya kuzisa inkanyamba (njengokungathembeki) ebomini bethu. Kodwa ukuba sinokuhlala kwi-Yellow Brick Road, singafumana i-Kansas engcono nangakumbi — kule meko, umtshato owomeleleyo — kwelinye icala.