Umxholo
- Kuthetha ntoni kanye oko kulwalamano?
- Iimpawu ze-10 ze-ego yakho zonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho
- 1. Umnqweno ongaphezulu wokuba ulungile, ngalo lonke ixesha
- 2. Unxibelelwano luqala ukwehla
- 3.Uqala ukubonisa umona
- 4. Udlala ixhoba
- 5. Ikratshi / ikratshi
- 6. Ukufumanisa kunzima ukuvuma kwaye ucele uxolo, nokuba wenze impazamo
- 7. Unokuba notyekelo lokuthandabuza
- 8. Iqabane lakho lihlala lisilela kwimigangatho yakho
- 9. Awazi ulwimi lothando lomlingane wakho
- 10. Ukhuphiswano olungenampilo
- Ukusonga phezulu
Iingcali zobudlelwane, abacebisi ngomtshato, kunye nabantu abaye baba nobudlelwane obuyimpumelelo bahlala bevumelana ngento enye; i-ego enkulu kunye nolwalamano olusempilweni azihambelani negloves.
Ukuba kubudlelwane nomntu one-ego ubukhulu be-Empire State Building yinto enzima abantu abaninzi abanokuyidlula. Kuya kusiba kubi ngakumbi ukuba lo mntu ‘unguwe.’
Eli nqaku liza kunceda ukuphosa ukukhanya malunga nomxholo othi 'ego in relationship' kwaye unikeze ingqiqo ebonakalayo onokuyisebenzisa kwangoko.
Nayi imiqondiso elishumi yokuba i-ego yakho iyonakalisa ubuhlobo bakho. Nangona kunjalo, ngaphambi kokuba singene kuloo nto, masiqokelele ulwazi malunga nemvelaphi.
Kuthetha ntoni kanye oko kulwalamano?
Masijongane nayo. Ukuvuma ukuba ungaziphakamisa ayisiyiyo eyona nto ilula ukuyenza emva kokuncokola nawe.
Njengokuba kunjalo, le yinto abantu abaninzi badla ukungahoyi kuba ukuqonda kunokuba yinto encinci kakhulu kubo ukuba bayiphathe.
Ngaba 'kunjalo' ngale ndlela uyiyo, okanye ngaba 'iyafaneleka' njengomboniso we-ego enkulu? Ngaba yinto ekufuneka ikunike inkxalabo, okanye ngaba iqabane lakho kufuneka lihlengahlengise olu hlobo lwakho?
Ngayiphi na imeko, ukuqonda ukuba yintoni 'i-ego' kunokukunika umkhondo wokuba ungabonakaliswa njani kubudlelwane bakho. Ke, kuthetha ntoni i-ego kubudlelwane?
I-ego yakho yimvakalelo yokuzijonga ubalulekile okanye uzithemba.
Xa igcinwe ngaphakathi kwemida yengqondo, i-ego esempilweni iyimfuneko kulwalamano ukuze lusebenze kuba kufuneka ube nemvakalelo esempilweni yokuzithemba ukuze ube kubudlelwane obusempilweni.
Nangona kunjalo, kumxholo wale ncoko, sijonge ngokusondeleyo ekubeni 'ne-ego enkulu' kwaye nokuba oku kungabuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane bakho kakubi.
Xa umntu 'ene-ego enkulu,' bazele bodwa, ngakumbi ngendlela yokuba abanye bababone njengabacaphukisayo.
I-ego enkulu kubudlelwane ibonakalisa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo, kwaye eli nqaku liza kuveza imiqondiso elishumi yokuba i-ego yakho inokuchaphazela ulwalamano lwakho ngendlela engeyiyo.
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Iimpawu ze-10 ze-ego yakho zonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho
Ukuba ubona le miqondiso ye-ego kubudlelwane bakho, unokufuna ukubeka iinyawo zakho kwiibhuleki kwaye uhlalutye ulwalathiso oya kulo.
Kungenzeka nje ukuba i-ego yakho ihleli kwindawo ethile ebumnyameni, ilinde ukubambelela nzima kubudlelwane bakho kwaye inyanzelise ukuba iphule.
1. Umnqweno ongaphezulu wokuba ulungile, ngalo lonke ixesha
Le yenye yeembonakalo zokuqala ze-ego enkulu kubudlelwane bakho; umnqweno wokuba ulunge ngawo onke amaxesha ngelixa unika ingqalelo encinci okanye unganikeli ngqalelo kwiimvakalelo zeqabane lakho.
Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba ufumane indlela kwaye iqabane lakho liyavuma ukuba ubulungile emva kwako konke.
Xa oku kuqala ukwenzeka kuwe, unokufumanisa ukuba ukufumanisa kunzima ukwamkela ukuba unempazamo malunga nento ethile.
Ukongeza, awunakuphulaphula iqabane lakho kwaye wenze izinto okholelwa ukuba zilungile ngalo lonke ixesha, nokuba uyazi ukuba iqabane lakho linokuba nembono eyahlukileyo okanye umbono.
Kwenziwe ntoni:
Zikhumbuze ngamanye amaxesha ukuba usebudlelwaneni kwaye neqabane lakho linelizwi elilinganayo kulo.
Ngenkuthalo funa uluvo lwabo kwimicimbi ebalulekileyo kwaye ukulungele ukufikelela kwisivumelwano xa bengabonakali bekhululekile kumgaqo wentsebenzo. Khumbula, i-ego enkulu iya kubonakalisa ubuhlobo bakho.
2. Unxibelelwano luqala ukwehla
Unxibelelwano luyinto ebalulekileyo kulwalamano ngalunye. Ukufumana ubudlelwane kunye nobuqabane kwinqanaba elinzulu, kukho imfuneko yokuba amaqabane abekho kwilokhwe yonxibelelwano.
Oku kugqithisa 'hi' ngamanye amaxesha okanye 'ekuseni elungileyo' engenakuphepheka.
Sithetha ngonxibelelwano olusondeleyo apho uthetha neqabane lakho kwaye uzityhile kubo. Nangona kunjalo, unxibelelwano alunakwenzeka ukuba iqabane lakho sele liqalile ukuqaphela iimpawu ze-ego enkulu kuwe.
Ukunqongophala konxibelelwano kulandelwa kwinto yokuba iqabane lakho lisenokuba liqale ukuhamba kwiishelufu zamaqanda ezikungqongileyo. Kuba yonke into kulwalamano inendlela yokuba yiyo yonke malunga 'nawe,' ungaqala ukuqaphela ukurhoxa kwabo kuwe.
Kungcono bagcine iimfihlo zabo kubo ngoku. Iqabane lakho lingathanda ukuchitha ixesha elininzi nabanye abantu kunokuba lihlale nawe.
Oku kungenxa yokuba bayayoyika ibhombu yexesha elinokuthi liqhushumbe ukuba bazama ukuqhubeka nengxoxo esondeleyo nawe.
Nokuba benze into ebubudenge, bakhetha ukuthetha nomnye umntu kunawe kuba bekholelwa ukuba unokubenza bazive kakubi okanye ubagwebe ngokukhawuleza okukhulu.
Kwenziwe ntoni:
Isisombululo kulo mngeni kukugcina engqondweni ukuba ukuthatha i-ego enkulu kulwalamano lwakho ngumbono ombi. Ukongeza, qala ngokwenza iinzame zokunxibelelana ngcono.
Yenza ixesha leqabane lakho kwaye eli xesha malikhululeke kulo lonke uhlobo lokungena; izixhobo, ukugweba, nayo yonke into enokwenza iqabane lakho lizive liphangiwe.
Ukuba ucinga ukuba inokunceda, unokufuna ukukhokela kwaye uqale ngeencoko ngokwabelana ngeenkcukacha zobomi bakho. Musa ukoyika ukusebenza indlela yakho ungene kuyo.
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3.Uqala ukubonisa umona
Olunye uphawu lwe-ego kulwalamano lwakho ngumona. Oku ayisiyiyo imvakalelo eqhelekileyo yomona kunye nokukhuselwa okuvela nanini na xa ubona into njengesoyikiso kubudlelwane bakho.
Olu hlobo lomona luhlala lungenasiseko, luyabambezela, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha luyabuya.
Umona uzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezininzi, kwaye enye yazo ngumnqweno wokulawula. Ngaphantsi kwezi meko, ufuna ukuhlala usazi ukuba liphi iqabane lakho.
Ukugxeka kubonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho nabo, kwaye unokuzibona unamathela empumlweni yakho kwizinto ezincinci ezazingakhathali kuwe ngaphambili.
Umzekelo, unokufuna ukwazi ipassword yezixhobo zabo kwaye ujonge yonke imiyalezo abayithumelayo / abayitsalelayo umnxeba. Ngelixa ezi isenokungabi yingxaki ngokwazo, umceli mngeni kukucinga okuthe kwenziwa ngabo.
Ezi zenzo zihlala zenziwa zisuka kwindawo yamandla anetyhefu kunye nomnqweno wokubonisa ukuba iqabane lakho alinakulunga, nokuba oku akunjalo.
Umona ungaludla ulwalamano ngokukhawuleza, ngakumbi ngokwenza umoya ombi kunye nokunyanzela iqabane lakho ukuba liqale ukulumkela.
Kwenziwe ntoni:
Unokufuna ukuqala ngokuba nencoko evulekileyo neqabane lakho. Yenza umoya uluvo lwakho kwaye ubonakalise intliziyo yakho kubo ukujongana nomona kubudlelwane.
Baxelele ukuba kukho nantoni na abayenzayo ebeka kuwe emaphethelweni kwaye ikwenze ubuze ukuzibophelela kwabo kubudlelwane.
Ngelixa ulapho, mamela ukuba bathini na. Khumbula ukuba obu budlelwane, kwaye onke amaqela achaphazelekayo kufuneka azive ekhuselekile ukuba usebenze.
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4. Udlala ixhoba
Uphawu lwe-ego eyonzakeleyo loloyiko lokuzingca lokuba awonelanga. Yiyo loo nto usondela kulwalamano lwakho ukusuka ekubeni lixhoba kunye nokuzisizela.
Ngaphantsi kwezi meko, uziva uxinezelekile kwaye ngokungathi kukho ukhuphiswano olungathethiyo phakathi kwakho neqabane lakho. Ulinganisa isenzo sakho ngokuchasene neseti yemigangatho ephezulu kakhulu kwaye ethi, kwiimeko ezininzi, ibe isengqondweni yakho.
Xa oku kuqala ukwenzeka, uya kuqala ukuba neengxoxo ezingathandekiyo kunye nawe kwaye azikho ezininzi ezilungileyo.
Isiphumo kukuba ukungathembi kwakho wonke umntu (kubandakanya iqabane lakho) kuqala ukunyuka, kwaye kunzima ukugcina ubudlelwane ngale ndlela. Le ntetho ye-ego kulwalamano lwakho isisongelo esikhulu kulwalamano.
Kwenziwe ntoni:
Qala ngokuthetha neqabane lakho. Bazise malunga nokuhamba kwakho kwaye kangangoko kunokwenzeka, uthembeke kubo.
Ngokudibeneyo, ninokwenza isicwangciso sokuhamba ngamaxesha alinga kubudlelwane benu. Esi sicwangciso sinokubandakanya ukubhalisa kuncedo lweengcali zempilo yengqondo kunye nokufuna unyango.
Ngelixa usenza ezi zinto, khumbula ukuba i-ego iyabulala, kwaye kufuneka isuswe kubudlelwane bakho kwangoko.
5. Ikratshi / ikratshi
Le yenye yeengxaki ezinkulu ze-ego kubudlelwane. Enye yeembonakalo ezisemgangathweni ze-ego kubudlelwane kukuzingca kunye nokuzicingela ngokwakho.
Into malunga nekratshi kukuba iqala kancinci kodwa inokwakha ibe yinto enkulu ngaphakathi kokuqhwanyaza kweliso. Kwakhona, ikratshi lonakalisa ubuhlobo.
Ngokwesiqhelo, ikratshi kubudlelwane luqala xa umntu omnye eqala ukuziva, ngenxa yezizathu ezicacileyo, zokuba bangcono kuneqabane labo.
Oku kunokuba kungenxa yokuba bafumana umvuzo ongaphezulu, baphumelele ngakumbi kwikhondo lomsebenzi wabo, okanye kunokuba sisiphumo sezinto ezithile abazibekeleyo abazihlanganisileyo ezingqondweni zabo.
Isiphumo sekratshi kukuba kukwenza ukuba uqale ubone iqabane lakho lingaphantsi kwakho kunye nolwalamano njengento ethembekileyo. Ukuba anithathi nkathalo, uxinzelelo oluza noku lunokubangela ukuba nobabini nifowunele ulwalamano.
Kwenziwe ntoni:
Ukujongana ne-ego kunokuba ngumsebenzi we-herculean. Olu luvo lokuzingca kunye nokuzingca akuyiyo into onqwenela ukuyenza.
Inyathelo lokuqala apha kukuvuma ukuba bakho kwaye bathathe isigqibo sekhonkrithi sokufumana indlela ejikeleze bona. Xa ukwenzile oku, thatha ixesha lokunxibelelana neqabane lakho.
Bazise ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni engqondweni yakho.
Ukuba isizathu sesimo sengqondo yinto yangaphandle kwaye enokulungiswa kunye notshintsho oluncinci kubudlelwane (mhlawumbi, iqabane lakho kufuneka lifumane umsebenzi ohlawula ngcono), sebenzani kunye ukuze nibone ukuba ungayenza njani le nto yenzeke.
Kananjalo unokufumana inzuzo eninzi kumaxesha okubonakalisa kunye neencoko zakho kunye nawe apho ufika khona ukuze uzikhumbuze ukuba yintoni na malunga neqabane lakho elikutsalele kubo kwasekuqaleni.
Ukuhlala uzikhumbuza ngale ndlela yenye yeendlela zokugcina ukuxabiseka kwenyani kubonakala ngalo lonke ixesha kwaye ungaphazanyiswa ziinkcukacha ezincinci.
6. Ukufumanisa kunzima ukuvuma kwaye ucele uxolo, nokuba wenze impazamo
Olunye uphawu lwe-humongous ego kulwalamano lwakho kukungavumi ukuba ubuphosakele kwaye uxolise kwiqabane lakho, nokuba into oyenzileyo ikhanya.
Xa unayo le mpilo ingenampilo, ukuvuma ukuba ubuphosakele malunga nento ayicingeki kwaphela. Ngamanye amaxesha, ungathanda ukudanisa ujikeleze isihloko kunokuba uthethe nendlovu egumbini, lonke elixa ushiya iqabane lakho ukuba lisokole.
Kwenziwe ntoni:
Sukucinga ukuba iqabane lakho liyakuqonda. Ukuba wenza into kwaye kuvela ukuba ayilunganga okanye ayichanekanga ngokupheleleyo, vula iqabane lakho.
Thetha nabo kwaye ungadlali phantsi kwiimvakalelo zabo. Ngelixa ulapho, sukuwajongela phantsi amandla ala magama mathathu; 'Ndiyaxolisa"
7. Unokuba notyekelo lokuthandabuza
Kukho konke ukunyaniseka, ukuhlala ne-narcissist phantse kunzima njengokunyuka intaba i-Everest. Ngombulelo, akukho nzima ukufumanisa ukuba unomdla wokuziphatha kakubi.
Konke okufuneka ukujongile ziinkcukacha ezincinci kwaye uthembeke ngokupheleleyo kuwe.
Xa unomdla kwi-narcissistic, uninzi lwezinto ozenzayo zijikeleza wena. Unika kancinci okanye ungacingi kwaphela ngeemvakalelo zeqabane lakho.
Ngamaxesha amaninzi, unokuzama iindlela ezahlukileyo zokubenza benze nantoni na ofuna bayenze, nokuba zibandakanya uhlobo oluthile lokukhohlisa.
Ukuba ujongene noku, uthatha lonke ithuba elaziwayo lokuthetha ngawe kwaye wonwabe malunga nendlela ongcono ngayo kunabanye.
Kunokuba nzima kuwe ukuba ufunde imikhondo yabantu abakungqongileyo kuba urhangqwe kukugqibelela kwehlabathi lakho. Amagama okubukela e-narcissist "ndim, mna, nam."
I-narcissism luphawu lwe-ego kubudlelwane, kwaye isiphumo soku kukuba iqabane lakho liqala ukuziva liminxekile kubudlelwane, lingenako ukuzithetha, kwaye akukho sithuba sokulalanisa.
Kwenziwe ntoni:
Thatha isigqibo sokuba olu tyekelo yinto ekufuneka uyisebenzele ngabom. Awuyi kwenza nantoni na ukuyilungisa xa ungavumi ukuba kukho into efuna ukusebenza kuyo kwasekuqaleni.
Xa ukwenzile oku, qala ngokuhambisa imizamo yakho ekuboneni iqabane lakho njengomntu onamalungelo alinganayo nawe. Ngamanye amaxesha, kufuneka unqumame ukumisa yonke into ekuchaphazelayo kwaye ubekhona.
Khumbula, ukubanakho ukulalanisa yeyona nto ibalulekileyo kulwalamano olusempilweni.
8. Iqabane lakho lihlala lisilela kwimigangatho yakho
Ngaba uzifumana uhlala uziva unenzondo kuba iqabane lakho alihlangabezani nengcaciso yakho 'egqibeleleyo?'
Mhlawumbi abanalo uluvo oluchanekileyo lwefashoni obafunayo, okanye abanakulunga kwisangqa sabahlobo bakho ngenxa yokuba bengakhazimliswanga ngendlela obungathanda ukuba babe ngayo.
Olu luhlu alunasiphelo, kwaye ngelixa olunye uloyiko lwakho lunokusebenza, impendulo yakho yeyona nto ibalulekileyo.
Ngenxa yeendlela eziliwaka, ufumanisa ukuba iqabane lakho liyasilela; uyawenza umsebenzi 'ukubatshintsha'. Olu tshintsho lubandakanya ukubabeka kubukrakra obungathethekiyo kwaye ubenze bazive bengalunganga ngokungakwazi ukufikelela kwimigangatho yakho.
Imizamo yabo ayithethi lukhulu kuwe kuba akukho nto bayenzayo inokubenza badibane. Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba uyenza le nto, luphawu lwe-ego enkulu kulwalamano lwakho, kwaye kuya kufuneka ukhawuleze uye kuyo.
Kwenziwe ntoni:
Iqabane lakho lisenokungafezeki; akukho namnye. Olu lwazi lodwa luyakukunceda utshintshe indlela yakho kubudlelwane kwaye unikeze inqanaba lokudlala kwinqanaba lokuba ubancede bakhule kwaye baphucule kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo zobomi babo.
Guqula amagama arhabaxa kunye nexesha lokuncokola ngentliziyo. Ukuba zonke ezinye izinto ziyasilela, vumela umntu onegunya kubomi beqabane lakho (mhlawumbi umzali okanye umcebisi) angene kwaye akuncede ubenze babone izizathu zokuba kufuneka bekhule.
9. Awazi ulwimi lothando lomlingane wakho
Wonke umntu unolwimi olusisiseko lothando, leyona ndlela iphambili bafuna ukufumana uthando.
Olunye uphawu lokuba i-ego yakho yonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho kukuba awuyazi ulwimi lothando lweqabane lakho. Nokuba uyayithetha, awuyithethi rhoqo njengoko kufuneka beve ngayo.
Ukungalwazi ulwimi lothando lweqabane lakho kunokucebisa ukuba ube nokuziphatha okungenampilo kubudlelwane bakho.
Kwenziwe ntoni:
Ngaphantsi kwezi meko, inyathelo lokuqala omele ukulithatha kukufumana iilwimi ezahlukeneyo zothando kwaye ufunde iqabane lakho ukuze ufumane olwabo.
Ukuba awukaqiniseki, fumana indlela yokukhupha impendulo kubo ngaphandle kokuveza into oyifunayo.
Zama ukubabuza imibuzo enje, "bendiza kwenza ntoni ukukukhumbuza indlela endikuthanda ngayo?" kwaye uphulaphule ngenyameko iimpendulo zabo. Xa uyifumene impendulo, qiniseka ukuba uyisebenzisa kakuhle le ngcaciso.
Zama kwakhona:Luthini ulwimi lwakho lwemibuzo yothando
10. Ukhuphiswano olungenampilo
Enye indlela ye-ego engenampilo kubudlelwane bakho kukuseta kukhuphiswano olungenampilo ongafanele ukuba kulo.
Xa ubudlelwane bakho buqala ukukhuphisana kakhulu (ngendlela engeyiyo), qiniseka ukuba umntu othile ufuna ukudlala.
Xa ufumanisa ukuba ukhuphisana ngokuzisa imali ethe kratya, phumelela ngakumbi kwaye uzimele ngokwasezimalini, ukuze ubeke iqabane lakho endaweni yalo, luphawu lokuba i-ego yakho ithathe izintso zobudlelwane.
Kwenziwe ntoni:
Qonda ukuba awukhuphiswano namntu, ngakumbi iqabane lakho.
Yinto enye kuni nobabini ukuzicel 'umngeni ngokwenu ukuba nibe ngcono kwaye ninyukele kwinqanaba eliphezulu lamakhondo enu okanye nikhuthazwe yimpumelelo yomnye nomnye, kodwa xa nizifumana nikugqatso lweempuku ukuze niphume ngokwenu, jongisisani imeko .
Yamkela ukuba kukho imeko kwaye ifuna ingqalelo ekhawulezileyo.
Thetha izinto. Unxibelelwano luhlala sisixhobo esibalulekileyo kwaye sinokunceda ukujongana ne-ego enkulu kubudlelwane. Ukwenza nje oku kunokukuvulela amanyathelo ekufuneka uwathathile ukwenza utshintsho olufunayo.
Kananjalo unokufuna uncedo lweengcali ngaxeshanye. Amaxesha amaninzi, ezinye iincoko ezisuka entliziyweni azisinqumli.
Ukusonga phezulu
Ungoyisa njani i-ego kulwalamano lwakho?
Amanqaku ali-10 ekuxoxwe ngawo kwicandelo lokugqibela abonisa ukuba i-ego eyaphukileyo ayivelisi ziphumo zihle kubudlelwane.
Ukuba, ngelixa ufunda inqaku, uye wakukhanyela ukuba i-ego yakho yonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho, qala ngokwenza isigqibo sokuyeka ukuzingca.
Iindawo zokuthatha inxaxheba kuxoxwe ngazo phantsi kwazo zonke iimpawu ezilishumi kwicandelo lokugqibela. Thatha inyathelo kula manqaku kwaye ukulungele ukuvumela ixesha ukuba lithathe uxinzelelo.
Ingxaki ye-ego kubudlelwane bakho iya kufa ukufa kwendalo ukuba wenza ezi. Khumbula, i-ego ibulala ubudlelwane. I-ego eyaphukileyo kunye nobudlelwane obusempilweni abuhambi kakuhle!