Umxholo
Ngexesha elinye okanye kwelinye, sonke sibambelele ngokuqinileyo kwindawo yethu yokujonga. Abanye bade bahamba imigama emide ukuze bayinyanzelise. Kodwa ngaba kufanelekile? Ngaba izibonelelo zingaphezulu kobubi bokwenza oko? Ewe, kulula ukuzibiza ngokuba ngumntu "onzima" okanye "oqinisekileyo" njengesizathu sokungakwazi ukuguquguquka okanye ukuba nobunzima kwaye uninzi lwethu lwenza yonke imihla ngaphandle kokuzisola okanye ukucinga okwesibini ukuba zinokuba yintoni iziphumo. Nangona kunjalo, awudingi ukuba ube nesidanga kwiPsychology ukuze ekugqibeleni uqonde ukuba ukungahambelani kunokukuzisela izibonelelo ezininzi ukuba olu phawu lusetyenziswa kakuhle.
Okona kuqhelekileyo, isenzo sokuba neenkani sivela kwimpikiswano. Abantu abaqhelekileyo abayikulungiswa kwinto ethile ngenxa yokuxhamla okanye ngenxa yokukruquka. Kwaye, nkqu nesona sigulana kunye nolwazelelelo lwabantu sinokuchaphazeleka kwinkani ukuba sicatshukiswe ngokwaneleyo. Ngokuqinisekileyo ungacinga ukuba okoko nje uyazi ukuba le nto unenkani ngayo "yinto elungileyo ukuyenza", ke kukho inkcazo evakalayo malunga nokuziphatha okuxeliweyo. Kodwa, eneneni, ayikho.
Yintoni endifuna ukuyiphumeza ngokuba nenkani?
Ukunyanzela ukuthanda kwakho okanye ukuthanda kwakho yile nto iyiyo. Xa unyanzelisa ukuba nento ngendlela yakho ushiya iqabane lakho linokukhetha ezimbini kuphela: ukuthobela okanye ukuchasa. Ngelishwa, yinto enqabileyo ukubona umntu ethobela phantsi kwezi meko. Kwelinye icala, ubundlongondlongo yimpendulo yendalo kwaye impendulo efanayo ivela komnye umntu. Okwangoku, akusenamsebenzi nokuba unyanisile okanye uchanekile kwaye "umdlalo odlalayo" omiselweyo ucwangcisiwe. Imimoya iya kuba phezulu, izigqibo ezingafunekiyo ziya kuthathwa kwaye akukho ngongoma ibalulekileyo kuya kuvunyelwana ngayo. Ke, kwixa elizayo xa uziva ngathi "ulinganisa", zibuze: "Yintoni endifuna ukuyiphumeza ngokwenza oku?". Ngaba impendulo yalo mbuzo "kukuthotyelwa", "ukwamkelwa" okanye enye into ngokupheleleyo?
Fumana isizathu esingasemva kwendlela yokuziphatha. Kwabanye abantu umanduleli ngumlo okanye uluvo lokonakaliswa, kodwa kwabanye luloyiko lokuphulukana neenyawo zabo kubudlelwane. Abantu banobuchule bokuba neenkani xa besiva isikhundla sabo ukuba sisongelwe. Singacinga ukuba kubaluleke kakhulu ukubambelela kwezinye iinkolelo okanye imikhwa ukuze sikhuseleke, kodwa akusoloko kunjalo. Kuluncedo oluphindwe kalishumi ukucinga ngesizathu sokuba siziphathe ngale ndlela endaweni yokuba siwele nje kubuqhinga okanye kutyekelo lokungxamiseka. Ukuba kukho into esiyibona iyimfuneko, kukho ezinye iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuya kwiqabane lethu kunye nokumqinisekisa. Nokuba yinto elula ukuba “ndiyaxolisa”, ukuthenga imoto entsha okanye ngokucela nje utshintsho oluncinci kwisimo sakho, inkani ayizizo iindlela ezifanelekileyo zokufumana nayiphi na kwezi.
Ubugcisa bokuyeka
Kungangabonakala kuninzi, kodwa ukufunda indlela yokuyeka ukubamba into kunzima kakhulu, ngakumbi ukuba yinto oyikholelwayo ngokwenene. Kungcono ngokuyeka. Ukukwazi ukubona umfanekiso omkhulu kuyafuneka ukuze ukwazi ukwenza oku. Iziphumo zokugqibela kufuneka zibe kukujolisa kuwe, hayi kukuqinisekisa okomzuzwana kokufumana imvume yomntu kwimpikiswano. Nangona iimeko zahlukile, ukuguquguquka bekusoloko kungumthombo wesiphumo esiyimpumelelo. Oku kuyasebenza nakubudlelwane. Kungabonakala kulungile ukugcina umkhombandlela othile okanye iimfuno ezithile, ukanti ubunyani bezinto bohluke kakhulu kwinto esicinga ukuba ichanekile. Ukulunga malunga nento ethile kunye nokufumana iziphumo ezilungileyo ngokumisela umbono wakho zizinto ezimbini ezahlukeneyo. Rhoqo kwenzeka ukuba neziphumo ezibi endaweni yoko. Ke, ngaphambi kokuba ngobudenge unyamezele kwicala elithile, cinga ukuba ungafumana iziphumo ezingcono ngokuyeka le mpi. Umbono wakho kufuneka usetelwe ekuhambeni kwexesha kwaye ekujolise kuko kube sisiphumo sokugqibela.
Ukugqithisa kuhlala kunxulunyaniswa neziphumo ezingafunekiyo. Ukuqaqadeka, nangayiphi na indlela, kukusabela ngendlela egqithisileyo kwaye, ngokungagqibekanga, ayisiyiyo eyonelisayo. Ngelixa ngamanye amaxesha kunokuba luncedo ukubonisa ukuba unomqolo kwaye awulahli amalungelo akho kwityala elincinci lomntu, ukufumana ibhalansi echanekileyo ngumceli mngeni oyinyani. Phinda uthumele inkanuko yakho eneenkani ukuya kwiimeko ezakhayo nezakhayo, musa ukuzibandakanya kwisenzo kwaye uthathe izinto ezininzi zokuthathelwa ingqalelo ngaphambi kokuthatha isigqibo malunga nesenzo. Khumbula, ukuba nomnqweno onamandla kunye neentloko zemeyile ayisiyiyo into efanayo!