Umxholo
Ukuphila nokumthanda umntu onesifo sengqondo kuyaphula intliziyo, kuxinzelelo, kunzima kwaye kungakwenza uzive ungenamandla. Ayisiyiyo nje into yokuba kufuneka ubukele umntu omthandayo esihla esihla okanye engalawuleki phambi kwamehlo akho, okanye nokuba iqabane eligula ngengqondo linokuba yingozi kuwe okanye kwiziqu zakho. Kodwa kukwakho nokuhlukumezeka ngokweemvakalelo okunokubakho kwityala onokuthi ulibambe ngokuba ulungile (ngokufana netyala lomntu osindileyo) okanye ukubacaphukisa okanye ukuziva unomsindo okanye ukhathazekile ngenxa yengqondo yabo oyaziyo ukuba abanakukwazi ukuyilawula.
Ayimangalisi ke into yokuba umtshato onomlingane onesifo sengqondo uhlala ukhokelela kuqhawulo mtshato, ngapha koko, kufuneka uzikhathalele kungenjalo niyakugula nobabini.
Kodwa yeyiphi imiceli mngeni ekufuneka ujongane nayo xa uceba ukuqhawula umtshato neqabane lakho elihlala ligula ngengqondo? Ewe, ezi zimvo azibalulekanga kodwa zibalulekile ukuba uneqabane eligula ngengqondo kwaye uqhawulo-mtshato lusemakhadini.
Amava okulahleka
Kunzima ngokwaneleyo ukuba kufuneka uqhawule umtshato neqabane elisempilweni. Nokuba awukwazi ukuma ujonge kubo kwakhona kuya kubakho ilahleko kwinto eyayikade ikho kunye nelahlekileyo. Kodwa ukuba kuya kufuneka uqhawule umtshato nomntu othile kuba engaphilanga, loo nto izakukubetha ngakumbi kuba kusoloko kubakho isiphumo sokuba 'uza kuthini'.
- What if bebezokwazi ukuphola ndibashiye ndibenze worse?
- Kuthekani ukuba abajongani bodwa?
- Kuthekani ukuba bayazibulala?
- Kuthekani ukuba bangcono kwaye ndibakhumbule?
- Kuthekani ukuba andizange ndithande nabani na ngendlela endandilithanda ngayo iqabane lam xa baphilile?
Nantsi into, sonke sinendlela yethu ebomini, kwaye asinakho ukubuphila ubomi bethu abanye (ngaphandle kokuba sinabantwana abancinci abasifunayo).
'Kuthekani ukuba' ayiyonyani. 'Kuthekani ukuba' akunakuze kwenzeke, kwaye ukucinga ngabo kuyingozi engqondweni enokukuhlisa.
Ke endaweni yoko, ukuba ujongene neqabane eligula ngengqondo kwaye uqhawulo-mtshato lolona khetho unokukhetha ngalo, yenza eso sigqibo kwaye ume ngaso. Qiniseka nje ukuba uyalinceda iqabane lakho ukuba lifumane uncedo kunye nenkxaso abaya kuyidinga ukuze bafumane. Landela le ngcebiso, yithathe esilevini kwaye ungaze ujonge ngasemva- ukwenza njalo kukuzenzakalisa kwaye akukho mntu usezingqondweni zakhe ofanelekileyo onokuyenza loo nto!
Ityala
Ke unayo iqabane eligula ngengqondo, uqhawulo-mtshato lusemakhadini, kwaye nangona uyazi ukuba yinto elungileyo awukwazi ukuzinqanda ekubeni uzive ukhubazekile ngenxa yetyala.
- Ukuziva unetyala lokuba awunakulinceda iqabane lakho
- Uziva unetyala lokuba uqhawule umtshato neqabane lakho eligula ngengqondo
- Ukuziva unetyala lokuba abantwana bakho banomzali ongaphilanga ngengqondo ongenakumnceda.
- Guild malunga nokuba iqabane lakho eligula ngengqondo liza kuphila njani emva komtshato.
- Ukuziva unetyala lokungakwazi ukunamathela kwiqabane lakho ngokungcono, okanye kokubi.
Olu luhlu alunasiphelo, kodwa kwakhona, kufuneka luyeke!
Awunakuzivumela ukuba ugule kukukhathazeka kunye nokuziva unetyala ngenxa yale meko ayincedi mntu. Ukuba unabantwana kufuneka womelele kubo kwaye uzigcwalise ngobutyala ayizukunceda mntu ingakumbi iqabane lakho okanye nabaphi na abantwana onabo.
Zibekele wena kunye nawo wonke umntu ukhululekile ngokusebenza nzima ukuphelisa naziphi na iimvakalelo zokuba netyala. Vumela ngokwakho ukuvumela ukuba ityala lihambe ngoku kwaye wenze ubomi obutsha ukuze kuzuze bonke ababandakanyekayo.
Ibali lobomi bokwenyani (elinamagama atshintshiweyo) libandakanya inkosikazi eyayineNgxaki yeBiPolar enotyekelo lwengqondo. Umyeni wakhe wema ecaleni kwakhe iminyaka kodwa wanyanzelisa ukuba ahlala endlwini yomntakwabo kwaye akamvumeli ukuba anyamekele unyana wakhe okwishumi elivisayo (oko kuyaqondakala).
Kodwa wamshiya ebambekile kwilimbo ehlala endlwini yomntakwabo iminyaka ephila ngezithembiso ezingenanto zokuba angabuya ekhaya kwinyanga ezayo, okanye kwiinyanga ezimbalwa (ezijike zayiminyaka) kuba engakwazi ukumelana nale meko kwaye akazange yazi ukuba wenzeni.
Ekugqibeleni waba nokuthandana endaweni yala mtshato wayephulukene nawo kwaye ekuhambeni kwexesha wavumela umfazi ukuba abuyele ekhaya. Wayengonwabanga kwaye engakwazi ukuphola, wayesazi ukuba umtshato wakhe uphelile kodwa akazukuhamba.
Kuthathe usapho lwakhe iminyaka elishumi ukumkhuthaza ukuba ahambe.
Kwiminyaka emihlanu kamva, wonwabile, uyachuma, uyakwazi ukuhlala yedwa kwaye akabonakalisi zimpawu zokugula ngengqondo. Umyeni wakhe wangaphambili naye wonwabile kwaye uhlala neqabane lakhe elitsha, kwaye bonke bayavana kakhulu kwaye bengenazimvakalelo kwaphela. Ukuba umyeni wakhe ebemkhulule kwangoko (xa engenako ukuyenza), ngesele bonwabile kwangoko, nokuba bekuya kubonakala kunzima ngelo xesha.
Lo mzekelo ungasentla ubonakalisa ukuba awusoze wazi umphumo wento oyenzayo, kwaye awukwazi ukulawula omnye umntu okanye ubuphilele ubomi bakho.
Awunakho ukubeka ubomi bakho ekumeni okanye wenze ngathi ungaphatha into ngokungafihlisiyo, kwezinye iimeko, kunzima kakhulu ukujongana nayo.
Ukuba uneqabane eligula ngengqondo kwaye uqhawulo-mtshato lusemakhadini, kuya kufuneka uqiniseke ukuba ukhathalelo lwabo luyaphathwa kwaye bajongana nemfesane novelwano njengoko unikezela ukhathalelo lwabo komnye umntu. Unokwazi ukuhlala ungabahlobo kunye nabo emva komtshato.
Nokuba uthatha siphi isigqibo, ukuba awuzukukhathaza omnye umntu ngabom, kuya kufuneka uzamkele iimeko ezikuzo kwaye ubayeke bahambe besazi ukuba wenze okusemandleni akho ngelo xesha.
Kwaye ngethemba, eso sigqibo sinokuba kuko konke okufunekayo ukunceda wonke umntu obandakanyekayo ukujongana nale meko ngcono.
Ixhala
Njani emhlabeni iqabane lakho eligula ngengqondo liza kujongana nawe uqhawula umtshato nabo? Lo isenokuba ngumbuzo owubuzayo kwaye onokubuza ixesha elide emva koqhawulo-mtshato. Ngokuqinisekileyo yayiyingxaki kwimeko echazwe apha ngasentla- umyeni wayengafuni ukwenza izinto zibe mbi ngakumbi, kodwa wayengenazo izixhobo zokujongana neqabane lakhe eligula ngengqondo nokuba emva koko wenza izinto zibembi.
Ewe kunjalo, kuya kufuneka ubeke inkqubo yokuxhasa iqabane lakho njengenxalenye yenkqubo yoqhawulo-mtshato, kwaye kukho iingcebiso ezininzi ngeenxa zonke, uninzi lweenkonzo kunye nesisa ezinokukunceda ekuphumezeni oku njengenxalenye yoqhawulo mtshato wakho. Inkqubo yocwangciso.
Kodwa ukuba ulisebenzisa ixesha kule nto kwaye ungayihoyi, uyakufumanisa kulula kakhulu ukushiya, usazi ukuba iqabane lakho linononophelo abalidingayo ukubanceda baqhubeke kwaye ke unokuyeka ukuxhalaba.