Umxholo
- Umdibaniso wezinto eziza kudala unxibelelwano lwe-narcissist / caretaker
- 1. Uvelwano oluphezulu vs. Uvelwano oluphantsi
- 2. Ulawulo nxamnye nokuthotyelwa
- 3. Ukupha kuthelekiswa nokuthatha
- Ubunzulu ngokuchasene nokudlula
- 5. Ukuzithoba vs. ilungelo
Xa iqabane lakho likwenza ngobuqhetseba, lizikrokrela, lizicingela, lilawula, kwaye lifuna ngenkani, kuya kufuneka uvume okanye wamkele ezo ndlela zokuziphatha ukuze uzimisele ukuhlala kubudlelwane. Nokuba ulwa neqabane lakho malunga nokuziphatha kwabo, ukuba izinto azitshintshi ke unyamezelana nezenzo zomnye umntu. Ukuba uneentloni ngehambo yakhe kodwa uyayifihla, wenze ngathi ayimbi kangako, kwaye uxelela abantwana bakho ukuba bayamkele, uya kuba ngumgcini odibeneyo. Ugqibezele njani ukwenza ukuba ukhathalele umntu ozikhohlisayo, ojolise kuye, ozilawulayo?
Umdibaniso wezinto eziza kudala unxibelelwano lwe-narcissist / caretaker
Kuya kubakho indibaniselwano ethile yezinto ukwenza unxibelelwano lwe-narcissist / umgcini womgcini. Njengabo bonke ubuhlobo obusondeleyo, kufuneka kubekho ukudibanisa ukufana nokwahluka. Kufuneka kwakhona kubekho umtsalane obonakalayo phakathi kweemfuno zomntu ngamnye kunye nokuzalisekiswa kweemfuno zomnye umntu.
Umzekelo, uAlicia wayenamanye amadoda amabini awayethandana nawo ekholejini, omabini awachaza njengamadoda alungileyo, anenkathalo, kodwa ayadika kancinci. Uye waphela noMatt, umfo "owayehamba indawo" kwaye wayenombono wokuqala ishishini lakhe. Uye wamtshayela ngenyawo. Wayeyithanda kakhulu imeko yakhe yokuthatha imali, kodwa kwiminyaka elishumi kamva, uyambona ngathi uzingca, ulawula kwaye uhlala efuna ingqalelo yakhe.
UDavid wathandana ngokunyanisekileyo noSerena kuhambo oluya eBrazil kanye emva kwekholeji. USerena wayemhle ngokumangalisayo, efundile, evela kusapho olukumgangatho ophezulu, kwaye wayevuya kukutshata noDavid bafudukela eUnited States. Batshatile iminyaka engamashumi amabini anesihlanu, kodwa uDavid unomsindo kwaye ukhathazekile kuba kusafuneka apheke konke ukutya, ahlawule onke amatyala, kwaye agcine yonke into ihamba ngelixa uSerena esiya kwiklabhu yeencwadi, uthenga iimpahla ezininzi, kwaye uthetha iiyure emnxebeni kunye nomama wakhe eBrazil.
U-Alicia noDavid babandakanyeka njani kwindima yokuba ngumlondolozi kunye ne-narcissist ebomini babo?
Umahluko weNarcissist / okhathalelayo
Bathi izichasi ziyatsala. Ngokuqinisekileyo kukho umahluko ocacileyo phakathi kwabaxhasi kunye nabanakekeli abadonsa kunye. Iyavakala into yokuba xa umntu omnye engenazo izakhono ezithile baya kukhangela umntu onabo, ukuze anikezele ngento ngamandla abo.
1. Uvelwano oluphezulu vs. Uvelwano oluphantsi
Kulula ukubona ukuba kutheni umntu onovelwano oluphantsi enokutsala umntu onovelwano oluphezulu. I-narcissist ikubona njengomntu oya kuqonda ngokwenyani, abe nolwazelelelo, aphulaphule, aqwalasele kubo kwaye abanike nothando nanini na xa benomsindo, bekhathaza kwaye beswele. Kodwa kutheni le nto ufumene uvelwano oluphantsi lwe-narcissist lunomtsalane?
Njengomntu othambekele ekunyamekeleni, amanqanaba ovelwano lwakho aphezulu kakhulu. Ungafumanisa ukuba ngokulula wenza iimfuno zeqabane lakho zibaluleke ngakumbi kunezakho kwaye usenokuziva iimvakalelo zakhe zomelele kunezakho.
2. Ulawulo nxamnye nokuthotyelwa
AmaNarcissist ayathanda ukuba kulawulo, enze izigqibo, kwaye abonwe njengoyena uphetheyo. Umyeni ka-Alicia Matt unjalo. Uqhuba ishishini lakhe lokwakha. Uxhomekeke kuAlicia ukuba enze iincwadi, anakekele indlu, akhulise iintombi zabo ezintathu, kwaye aphathe iipropathi zabo ezisibhozo zokurenta. UAlicia ngoyena uzazi kakuhle ezemali, kodwa uMat akazukumamela nantoni na ayithethayo.
UAlicia uthobela kakhulu kwanaxa esazi ukuba uMat akalunganga. Uyalucaphukela naluphi na uhlobo lomsindo okanye ukungavumelani, ngenxa yoko uhlala engathethi kakhulu. Uthi, “Kulula ngaloo ndlela, kwaye andifuni kulwa naye. Ngale ndlela andibekwa tyala. ” Uyabuthanda ubuchule bakhe bokwenza izigqibo ezinzima, kodwa unqwenela ukuba angazithathela ingqalelo iimfuno kunye nezimvo zakhe ngakumbi.
3. Ukupha kuthelekiswa nokuthatha
Abanyamekeli bajonge amathuba okunika, okwabelana, okusebenzisana kunye nokunceda. Bafumana isikhuthazo sokwenene seemvakalelo ezilungileyo xa benceda abanye. Ngelixa ii-narcissists zihlala ziziva zifuna okungakumbi-ingqwalaselo engakumbi, uncedo ngakumbi, uthando olungakumbi, ukuqonda ngakumbi kunye nemvumelwano engakumbi. Oku kuyasebenza de izinto ziphume kakhulu kubhalansi kwaye ucaphuke. Ngokumangalisayo, kuthatha kuphela isithembiso esenziwa ngumnxibelelanisi ukuba abe nolwazelelelo ngakumbi, akunike ithemba kunye nokuzimisela ukuqhubeka nokunikela ngakumbi.
Ubunzulu ngokuchasene nokudlula
AmaNarcissist ayathanda ukuphatha. Kungenzeka ukuba ukhetha ukunikezela, vumela izinto zihambe, kwaye uzame ukukholisa iqabane lakho. Ezi ziimpawu ezintle, kodwa ziya kukukhokelela ekubeni ulawulwe kwaye ulawulwe liqabane elikhohlisayo. Ukuba ukwisivumelwano sokwenyani, oko kungasebenza kulungile, kodwa xa ufuna izinto ezahlukeneyo okanye uneemvakalelo ezahlukileyo kuhlala kukhokelela kumlo okanye kuwe ukunikezela, ukuvuma kunye nokudibana.
5. Ukuzithoba vs. ilungelo
AbakwaNarcissist baziva benelungelo lokufumana oko bakufunayo kwaye baneemfuno zabo kunye nezinto abafuna ukuba ziqwalaselwe phambi komnye umntu. Ngokuqinisekileyo ungene kwimodeli yokunikezela kwaye uthathe indawo yesibini. Ukunikezela kubonakala ngathi yinto enothando nenkathalo. Abakhathaleli bagxila ngakumbi kwiimvakalelo ezilungileyo zokunika uthando, ngelixa ii-narcissists zijolise ekufumaneni lonke olo thando.
Ukusonga phezulu
Izichaso ziyatsala kwaye zinokongeza amandla athile kubudlelwane. Kuxa izinto zingalinganiyo apho kuvela ingxaki. Okukhona umfunisi we-narcissist, kokukhona umnakekeli enika, kunye nokunye. Into enokuba yaqala ngokulinganayo, iya isiba mandundu kwiminyaka edlulileyo ibe bubudlelwane obungalinganiyo, obungenampilo.
Umahluko obalulekileyo ugcine i-narcissist kunye nomgcini okhathalelayo benamathele kunye, rhoqo kubudlelwane bokutyhala / bokutsala. Ukwi-teter-totter eqhubeka isenyuka isenyuka. Awubonakali ukwazi ukuhamba kwaye i-narcissist ayitshintshi.