Umxholo
- Izinto ezinokubakho zomtshato wesini esifanayo
- Ukwamkelwa njengenyaniso
- Ukonyusa umgangatho kunye nokuphila ixesha elide
- Izibonelelo zikarhulumente
- Imingxunya enokubakho yomtshato wesini esifanayo
- Into ayisebenzi
- Ukuqhawula umtshato
- Ukuthatha inxaxheba kwilungelo
- Thetha neqabane lakho!
Indlela eya ekulinganeni emtshatweni ibikade inde. Ngoku sele sifikile, usenokuzibuza ukuba ingaba kufuneka uthathe i-plunge okanye hayi. Ukuba awuzibuzi loo mbuzo, ndikucebisa ukuba wenze! Rhoqo, abantu bayangena emtshatweni bengakhange bacinge kwakhona; Yiloo nto kuphela omele ukuyenza, akunjalo? Akunjalo. Umtshato osemthethweni uza nezibonelelo kunye neziphumo, kwaye kunokuba okanye kungabi lukhetho olufanelekileyo kwiinqobo kunye namaphupha akho njengesibini. Njengoko uthatha ixesha lokucingisisa ngomtshato osemthethweni, Nazi izinto ezimbalwa onokuzifuna.
Izinto ezinokubakho zomtshato wesini esifanayo
Ukwamkelwa njengenyaniso
Umtshato osemthethweni uhlala uthwele ubunzima bomthetho; ubudlelwane bakho buba "bokwenene" kwaye buzuza ukuthembeka ekuhlaleni ukuba utshatile. Ukuya kwinqanaba, ezi zibonelelo zentlalontle zinokufunyanwa kumtshato okanye ukuzibophelela, ngaphandle kwamaqhina asemthethweni. Nangona kunjalo, usenokufuna ukuphikisana nemibuzo (nokuba yeyakho okanye yeyomnye umntu) nokuba kunjalo ngokwenene count, ukuba akukho semthethweni. Impendulo ebaluleke kakhulu, ewe, yimpendulo ezintliziyweni zakho nakwiqabane lakho.
Ukonyusa umgangatho kunye nokuphila ixesha elide
Uphando lubonisa ukuba ukwenza ubudlelwane bakho ngokusemthethweni kunokuba luncedo kumgangatho (umz.I-MacIntosh, i-Reissing, ne-Andruff, ngo-2010) kunye nokuphila ixesha elide (umz.I-Kurdek, 2000) yobudlelwane bakho. Nangona kunjalo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba ukuhlonipha ngokwasentlalweni kunye nokuqonda ubudlelwane bakho kwanele ukuba uxhamle kumgangatho ophuculweyo wobudlelwane (I-Fingerhut kunye neMaisel, 2010). Nguwuphi owona mtshato usemthethweni osisithintelo ekuphumeni, uphando lubonisa ukuba ligalelo elibalulekileyo kubomi obude (umzekelo, Kurdek, 2000). Kubo nabuphi na ubudlelwane bexesha elide, kuya kubakho amaxesha apho elinye okanye omabini amaqabane ekhathazekile, engazalisekanga, ade abuze nolwalamano. Izithintelo ezinje ngomtshato osemthethweni zenza kube nzima ukuba umntu ashiye ubudlelwane. Ewe, izithintelo zinokubandakanya umsitho wentlalontle, abantwana, imali mboleko, okanye amanye amaqhina abophelelayo; umtshato osemthethweni ayisiyiyo kuphela indlela.
Izibonelelo zikarhulumente
Ngokubanzi, urhulumente wethu uthanda abo batshatileyo ngokusemthethweni. Abantu abatshatileyo bafumana izibonelelo ezininzi zomthetho, amalungelo kunye namalungelo angafumaneki kwizibini ezingatshatanga. Umtshato osemthethweni ngokuzenzekelayo uninika nobabini amalungelo noxanduva olufanayo kubantwana bakho. Ibajonga nobabini njengabanini babanini bayo nayiphi na ipropathi eniyifumene ngexesha lomtshato. Kwimeko apho kusweleke omnye wenu, ukuba nomtshato osemthethweni kuya kwenza ukujongana nemiba emininzi yamalungiselelo kube lula kwaye kube nokwenzeka ngokwasemalini. Izibini ezitshatileyo zikwafumana izibonelelo zoKhuseleko lweNtlalo, izibonelelo zokhathalelo lwempilo kunye nabanye. Ukongeza, kwabo bathe bathandana nabemi abangabemi base-US, umtshato osemthethweni uza kuvula indlela yokufudukela kwelinye ilizwe kunye nokuba ngummi wase-US.
Imingxunya enokubakho yomtshato wesini esifanayo
Into ayisebenzi
Umtshato, njengeziko, uye wadlula kwiinguqu ezininzi.Iguqukile ukusuka kwindlela yokufumana ipropathi, amandla, kunye nenqanaba, kulindelo loluntu, ukuya kutshanje, isenzo sothando (Coontz, 2006). Nangona kunjalo, unikezwe ukuba malunga nesiqingatha sabo bonke abantu abatshatileyo abatshatileyo abaza kutshata baya kuqhawulwa ngabaphakathi kweminyaka yamashumi amahlanu, kubonakala ngathi kukhuselekile ukuthi into ngomtshato ayisebenzi okwangoku. Abantu abathandana besini esinye bajongene nayo yonke imiceli mngeni efanayo kubudlelwane babo njengoko isibini esitshatileyo senza, dibanisa ezongezelelekileyo ezizodwa zokuba sisibini esitshatileyo. Imitshato yabantu besini esinye inokuthi, ke, ilandele imeko efanayo. Okona kuncinci, kubonakala kubalulekile ukuba ujonge izinto ozilindeleyo malunga nokuba umtshato uza kuthetha ntoni, uza kwenza ntoni okanye ube njani ebomini bakho.
Ukuqhawula umtshato
Ngelixa kungekho mntu ungenayo emtshatweni ngolindelo lokuba baya kuqhawula umtshato, kungenzeka ukuba kukho into ethi icinge. Uninzi lwezibonelelo zomthetho zomtshato, ngakumbi ngokubhekisele kumalungelo abantwana bakho, zisebenza njengezinto zokhuselo kwimeko yoqhawulo-mtshato, esisibonelelo. Ukuthathwa kobunini ngokudibeneyo bepropathi, nangona kunjalo, kunokuba yinto ebuyela umva. Kumazwe amaninzi, umtshato osemthethweni uthetha ukuba zonke iiasethi, ubutyebi, ipropathi, kwaye Ityala lelakho nobabini ngokulinganayo, nokuba ngubani olifumene ngexesha lomtshato okanye ngubani "onetyala" kuqhawulo mtshato. Ukongeza, uqhawulo-mtshato lunokubiza imali eninzi kwaye lubemdaka. Bafuna iifom zomthetho, ukuvela kwenkundla, kwaye bahlala befuna ingcebiso kwezomthetho. Ukuphelisa ubudlelwane kunzima ngokwaneleyo; ukuqhawula umtshato kunokuba lucelomngeni olungakumbi.
Ukuthatha inxaxheba kwilungelo
Umtshato osemthethweni yinkqubo yelungelo. Ngokwenkcubeko yaseNtshona, iziko lomtshato ekuqaleni lalenzelwe kuphela izibini ezitshatileyo. Imisitho yomtshato wesintu imema ukuthatha inxaxheba kumzi-mveliso wongxowankulu, kwakhona, ubukhulu becala osekwe kwi-heteronormativity. Umtshato unika amalungelo angavunyelwayo kwabo bangakwaziyo okanye abangakhethiyo ukuba bangatshati ngokusemthethweni. Ukongeza, ezinye iindawo zonqulo okanye iinkqubo zenkolelo zisenokungabaxhasi abantu abathandana besini esinye nabathathe inxaxheba kwilungelo lomtshato. Le miba yomtshato osemthethweni isenokungalungeli ixabiso leenkolelo zabanye abantu.
Thetha neqabane lakho!
Maninzi amaphupha abotshwe kunye nokuchitha ubomi kunye. Umtshato unokuba okanye ungabi yindlela yokwenza la maphupha azaliseke. Thetha neqabane lakho malunga nokuba ngawaphi loo maphupha. Thetha ngezizathu zakho zokufuna (okanye ukungafuni) ukutshata. Buzani omnye komnye, “Inokuba yintoni kuthetha ukuba sitshate ngokusemthethweni, kwaye kuya kuthetha ntoni ukuba sakhetha ukungatshati? ” Xoxa ngeempendulo zakho kwizinto ezintle kunye nemingxunya. Ukucebisa ngaphambi komtshato kunokuba yindlela elungileyo yokuhlola le mibuzo kunye nokulungiselela okwizayo.
Ngaphandle kwento onokuyikholelwa, wena unako unawo onke amaphupha akho othando, usapho, kunye nobomi bokuzonwabisa (unganomtshato wamaphupha akho) ngaphandle ukutshata ngokusemthethweni ... ukuba uyafuna. Kakade ke, akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokutshata. Into ebalulekileyo kukuba uyicingile, ukuba nixoxe ngayo kunye, niyazi ngoba uyayikhetha, kwaye uziva ulungile, kwaye uqinisekile, malunga nesigqibo.