Umxholo
- Thatha ixesha lokuphumla phakathi kobudlelwane
- Vumela ukuhamba kwexesha elidlulileyo
- Funda indlela yokwenza amadinga ngokuchanekileyo
- Ukudibanisa ingcinga kunye neemvakalelo
Ngaba uyindoda ekhangela uthando?
Izigidi zamadoda ngoku, kwihlabathi liphela zifuna uthando.
Bakhangela "iqabane eligqibeleleyo," abanye bade babize ukuba "liqabane lomphefumlo. "
Kodwa i-90% yethu yenza intshukumo engalunganga xa kufikwa ekufumaneni intombazana elungileyo.
Ke senza ntoni, sikhetha njani iqabane lobomi elisilungeleyo?
Kule minyaka ingama-30 idlulileyo, umbhali wokuqala othengisa kakhulu, umcebisi, kunye nomphathiswa uDavid Essel bebenceda amadoda ukuba aqonde uthando, amandla othando, kunye nendlela yokukhangela iqabane elifanelekileyo.
Apha ngezantsi, uDavid uthetha ngesidingo sokucothisa kwaye ulandele indlela kunye neemfundiso zakhe ukuze ekugqibeleni amadoda enze uhlobo lothando abalunqwenelayo.
“Kuba amadoda abonakala kwindalo, sihlala siqhubeka ukugxila kumzimba weqabane elinokubakho ngokuchasene nayo nayiphi na into.
Senza iimpazamo ezifanayo amaxesha ngamaxesha kwimfuno yethu yokukhetha efanelekileyo.
Njengokuba kunjalo, njengomcebisi, ndinabaxumi bam abangamadoda abafuna uthando lokwenza umthambo esiwubiza ngokuba ngumzekelo wobudlelwane bangaphambili.
Ilula kakhulu; ekuphela kwento abayenzayo kukubhala ngaye wonke umntu abakhe banobudlelwane naye, yayithini imiceli mngeni kulwalamano, kwaye luxanduva lwabo ekusetyenzisweni kwelo linge lezomthetho.
Ndiyi-99% yexesha; Into efunyanwa ngabathengi bam kukuba bebesukela into engeyiyo ngalo lonke ixesha.
Abakhange bangene nzulu ngokwaneleyo, okanye mhlawumbi abathathanga xesha laneleyo phakathi kobudlelwane, okanye mhlawumbi basaphila kwilizwe lamaphupha lokuba umntu ogqibeleleyo uza kuvela kubukho babo kwaye enze yonke into ilunge.
Uninzi lwabathengi bam abangamadoda abaze baqonde ukuba babengumsindisi, umkhonto omhlophe kwihashe, bekhangela abafazi ukuba babahlangule, bekhangela abasetyhini abafuna uncedo nokuba ngezemali okanye ngokukhulisa abantwana okanye ngomsebenzi wabo.
Kwaye amadoda amaninzi ancanca kwi-vortex efanayo, ubuso obahlukeneyo, namagama ahlukeneyo kodwa ulwalamano olufanayo lokungasebenzi kakuhle oluzaliswe ziziphithiphithi kunye nomdlalo weqonga abathe banobomi babo bonke.
Ke ulikhetha njani iqabane ngobulumko?
Oku kulandelayo zezinye zeengcebiso zokukunceda uphephe iimpazamo ezenziwa ngamadoda kubudlelwane kwaye ukhethe iqabane lobomi elilungele wena.
Thatha ixesha lokuphumla phakathi kobudlelwane
Ekupheleni kobudlelwane, cwangcisa ukuthatha iinyanga ezintandathu ubuncinci kwikhefu.
Oko kuthetha ukuba akukho kuthandana; ukuba uzimisele ngothando olunzulu, oko kuthetha ukusebenza nomcebisi oqeqeshiweyo, umphathiswa, okanye umqeqeshi wobudlelwane, ukufumana into endabelana ngayo kweli nqaku.
Iyintoni indima yethu kukungasebenzi kakuhle okuqhubekayo kobudlelwane bothando?
Vumela ukuhamba kwexesha elidlulileyo
Emva kokuqonda ukuba yeyiphi indima yakho ukuba uqhubeke uqhubele phambili.
Ngaba uyangxola, ngaba uyalawula kwindalo, ngaba unqwenela-ukuhlamba kwaye uya nalo naluphi na ulwalathiso iqabane lakho elifuna ukungena kulo.
Emva kokuqonda konke oko, kufanele si xolela onke amaqabane sikhe sanaye kwixa elidlulileyo ukuba yaphela kakubi.
Oku kubalulekile! Ukuba awuyenzi inkqubo yoxolelo (akukho nto inokwenza nawe ukudibana namaqabane akho angaphambili) kwaye ukhulule nayiphi na inzondo onayo, uza kuthwala i-mindset engacacanga kulwalamano lwakho olulandelayo, olungaze lusebenze kakuhle kakhulu.
Bukela le ntetho inamandla kwindlela yokuqhubeka, yeka kwaye ushiye ixesha lakho elidlulileyo.
Funda indlela yokwenza amadinga ngokuchanekileyo
Kwincwadi yethu ethengisa kakhulu, "Uthando kunye neemfihlo zobudlelwane. Ukuba wonke umntu kufuneka azi!
Ngalo msebenzi, ndinamadoda abhale phantsi oko bakuthatha ngokuba "ngababulali" babo ngothando.
Kwaye uluhlu lunokuba lude kakhulu, kodwa sizama ukulunciphisa luye phakathi kweempawu ezintandathu ukuya kwezili-10 owaziyo ukuba azange zisebenze ngaphambili xa bezama ukukhetha iqabane lobomi.
Kungenxa yoko le nto sisenza konke ukubhala malunga nobudlelwane obudlulileyo, kwaye ukuba khange isebenze, ke izingqinisiso azisayi kusebenza nakwixesha elizayo.
Ukudibanisa ingcinga kunye neemvakalelo
Abanye babaxumi bam abangamadoda, xa behamba nalo msebenzi, bafumana ulwazi olothusayo, uninzi lwabo alufuni kuthandana nabasetyhini nabantwana, kodwa ukuba bajonge indlela yabo edlulileyo kuthando bebesoloko bethandana nabasetyhini nabantwana.
Amanye amadoda aya kuyazi into yokuba kufuneka akhethe iqabane oza kulonwabela ezinye zezinto abazithandayo, hayi zonke, ewe, kodwa bafuna uhlobo olufanayo lokuthambisa into yokwenza ngaphandle kwegumbi lokulala.
Njengoko ndibaxelela bonke abathengi bam, ngaphakathi kweentsuku ezingama-90 zobudlelwane, ukuba usebenzisa ingcinga, njengomgaqo we-3% wokuthandana, kunye nokwazisa ngokweemvakalelo ukukhetha iqabane lobomi:
"Lo mntu ulungile uvela ngexesha, bahlala besenza into abathi bazakuyenza. Indenza ndizive ndikhethekile kubo".
Unethuba elilungileyo lokufumana iqabane elihle.
Kodwa kuya kufuneka ubeke ingqalelo ngaphakathi kweentsuku ezingama-90 zokuqala!
Uninzi lwethu lubanjiswe kukufuna isondo, ukufuna isondo, ukwabelana ngesondo ukuze siqiniseke njengamadoda ukuze singabeki naliphi na ixesha ekujongeni kwiimpawu zabantu esithandana nabo, ezingenakulunga thina.
Ke ukuba ujonga ubudlelwane bakho bangaphambili kwaye ubone ukuba ukhe wathandana nabasetyhini abafuna uncedo lwezezimali, kufuneka siyiyeke loo nto.
Ukuba ubukhe wathandana nabasetyhini kwixa elidlulileyo abanabantwana, kwaye uyazi ukuba awufuni kujongana nabantwana, kufuneka sigqibe loo mjikelo wokuthandana ngaphambi kokuba iqale umzuzu sifumanisa ukuba banabantwana.
Okanye mhlawumbi uyindoda efuna usapho, kwaye ngexesha leentsuku zokuqala ezingama-90, uziva kwaye uqinisekiswa ukuba umfazi othandana naye akafuni kuba nabantwana. Kuya kufuneka uyigqibe.
Uyabona, olu ludibaniso lwengqondo kunye nemvakalelo eya kukunika elona thuba lilungileyo lokukhetha iqabane lobomi kwaye wenze ubudlelwane obunzulu, obuvulekileyo, obuqhubekayo.
Ukuba ngenene ukwimidlalo, kwaye kuthatha ixesha lakho elininzi, iya kuba sisiqwengana esihle sokuzinika ixesha ngaphambi kokuzibophelela kubudlelwane de ukhethe iqabane lakho lobomi elinomdla oncinci kwezemidlalo.
Anditsho ukuba kufuneka ukhethe iqabane lakho lobomi elingumfanekiso wesipili kuwe, kodwa Kuya kufuneka ubhale phantsi ezo zinto zingakhange zisebenze ngaphambili, kwaye uqiniseke ukuba ungaziphindi.
Mhlawumbi awukwazi ukuthandana nomntu otshayayo, ukanti ujonga ixesha elidlulileyo, kwaye amabini okanye amathathu amabhinqa owawuthandana nawo ayetshaya, kwaye ubudlelwane baphela kakubi.
Ulwalamano lwakho alunakuze luphele kakubi ukuba uvulekile, uthembekile, uyanxibelelana, kwaye uyazi ukuba yintoni ekusebenzelayo nengasebenziyo.
Amagama okugqibela
Amadoda amaninzi, adandathekileyo luthando, angalunciphisa uxinzelelo lwabo ngama-90% ngokulandela olu lwazi lungentla.
Yenza uluhlu lwezinto ezingasokuze zikusebenzele ezibaluleke kakhulu; ngumgaqo we-3% wokuthandana.
Emva koko yenza uluhlu lwezinto eziqhelekileyo ongathanda ukuba nazo nomntu; umdla onjalo unokuba kwezemidlalo, kwinkolo, okanye kwikhondo lomsebenzi. Kuya kufuneka unento engaphaya konxibelelwano ngokwesondo.
Kwaye emva koko, qiniseka ukuba unxibelelwano ngesondo lufanelekile, luchanekile, kwaye luyafana kuni nobabini.
Uthando lulapha; ukuba uyayifuna, kuya kufuneka ucothe ukuze uyifumane.
Umsebenzi kaDavid Essel uxhaswa ngabantu abanjengoWayne Dyer ongasekhoyo, kwaye nosaziwayo uJenny Mccarthy uthi, "UDavid Essel yinkokeli entsha yentshukumo yokucinga eyakhayo."
Umsebenzi wakhe njengomcebisi nomphathiswa uqinisekisiwe yiPsychology namhlanje, kwaye iMarriage.com iqinisekisile uDavid njengomnye wabacebisi abaphezulu bezobudlelwane kunye neengcali kwihlabathi.
Ukusebenza noDavid, naphi na ngefowuni okanye ngeSkype, nceda undwendwele www.davidessel.com.