Umxholo
- Buyintoni ukusondelelana?
- Yintoni enokuthintela ukusondelelana okunempilo?
- Iingcebiso zobudlelwane obusondeleyo kwizibini ezitshatileyo
- 4 Amanqanaba othando
- Ingqikelelo yomtshato
- Izibini zeFANOS zabelana ngokuzivocavoca
- Ukwamkelwa
- Imibuzo onokuzibuza yona
- Malunga neziyobisi
- Siqala nini ukwabelana ngesondo kwakhona?
- Ukuthetha ngesondo
Ukubonisa ukusondelelana kunokoyikisa abantu abathandanayo kubudlelwane kuba ukusondelelana kubandakanya ukuba semngciphekweni kunye nokuba nesibindi, ngelixa ujongene nomngcipheko wokwaliwa.
Ngaphandle kokunxibelelana ngokunyanisekileyo nangokuvulekileyo, akunakubakho ubudlelwane obusempilweni phakathi kwamaqabane.
Buyintoni ukusondelelana?
Ubudlelwane obusondeleyo kubudlelwane buquka:
- Ukutyhila isiqu sakho sokwenyani kwiqabane lakho
- Ukunxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo nangokunyaniseka
- Ukuba nomnqweno wokwenene wokujonga ngakumbi malunga nabanye
- Ukuphatha iqabane lakho njengomntu owahlukileyo hayi njengepropathi yakho
- Ukuvuma ukungavumelani neqabane lakho xa kukho umahluko wezimvo
- Ukungavumeli nayiphi na into eyenzakalisayo okanye ukuphoxeka ukudanisa ubudlelwane
- Ukuthatha ubunini ngeengcinga zakho, iimvakalelo, isenzo kunye nokuziphatha
Yintoni enokuthintela ukusondelelana okunempilo?
- Ukunqongophala kokuthembela kubudlelwane bokuqala, kwenza abantu bakulumkele ukuthembela kwabanye, kunye namava amanqanaba okusondelelana, kubandakanya ukukhula ngokwasemzimbeni.
- Umnqweno ongenakuphikiswa wokulawula nokukhohlisa abantu ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasemzimbeni njengendlela yokufumana iimfuno zethu.
- Ukuzithemba okuphantsi malunga nokuba ungubani kwaye ukholelwa ntoni, kuthintela amandla akho okunyamezela ukuba omnye umntu abe nenyani eyahlukileyo kuwe.
Ukungahoywa okudlulileyo okanye ukungahoywa ngokweemvakalelo ebuntwaneni kunokuba nefuthe elibukhali kwindlela obujonga ngayo ubomi ngoku, kunye nenqanaba lethu lokuthuthuzela ngokwakha ulwalamano olusempilweni kubudlelwane.
Ukuba uchonga naziphi na kwezi ngxaki zintathu zidweliswe apha ngasentla, sicebisa ukuba uthethe nomcebisi malunga noku njengoko zinokukunceda ekuboneni iindlela onxibelelana ngazo, indlela olibona ngayo ilizwe kunye nokuzikhusela oye wakwenza ukukunceda uzive ukhuselekile Umhlaba.
Ezinye zezo zinto zokuzikhusela ziluncedo kwaye ezinye zinokusiyekisa ukwakha ubudlelwane obusenyongweni.
Iingcebiso zobudlelwane obusondeleyo kwizibini ezitshatileyo
Ukwakha ukusondelelana kunokufezekiswa kuphela ngezenzo. Nazi iindlela ezimbalwa zokuba nibe nobudlelwane obusempilweni phakathi kwenu nobabini.
Uthando lufuna
Beka inqanaba lothando olungezantsi ukusuka kwelona liphezulu ukuya kwelona lisezantsi emva koko wabelane neqabane lakho.
Uthando -Ukunandipha ukubanjwa ngaphandle kokulalana, kokubini ukwamkela nokunika.
Uqinisekiso -Unconywa kwaye unconywa ngokuqinisekileyo ngomlomo, okanye ngezipho, ukuba ungubani kwaye wenzani.
Uxabiso -Ukwamkela umbulelo, nokuba kungamazwi okanye isipho, kwaye uqatshelwe ngeminikelo oyenzayo kubudlelwane nakwikhaya nakusapho.
Ingqalelo -Ukuchitha ixesha kunye nengqwalaselo epheleleyo yomnye, nokuba yeyokwabelana ngendlela ebeluye ngayo usuku lwakho okanye iingcinga neemvakalelo zakho zangaphakathi.
Intuthuzelo -Ukukwazi ukuthetha ngezinto ezinzima kunye nokunika kunye nokufumana ukuthamba komzimba kunye namazwi entuthuzelo.
Ukhuthazo -Ukuva amazwi akhuthazayo xa unengxaki nento okanye unikwa uncedo.
Ukhuseleko -Ukufumana nawaphi na amagama, izipho okanye iintshukumo ezibonisa ukuzibophelela kulwalamano.
Inkxaso - ukuva amazwi enkxaso okanye ukufumana uncedo.
Iintsuku ezintlanu ngosuku
Ukuphucula ukusondelelana kwakho ngokwasemzimbeni ngokungena kumkhwa wemihla ngemihla wokuchukumisana. Oku kunyusa ukubophelela kokubini kwendalo. Xa sichukumisa umntu, kukhutshwa imichiza ebizwa ngokuba yi-oxytocin.
I-Oxytocin iyasikhuthaza ukuba sibambe ngakumbi kwaye sandise ukubopha kubudlelwane bethu ekufutshane. Xa izibini ziphulukana ngokoqobo nomnye nomnye, ubudlelwane bazo bemichiza buthathaka kwaye kunokwenzeka ukuba bahlukane.
Injongo kukuba esi sibini sithinte ubuncinci amaxesha ama-5 ngemini- kodwa ukubamba kufuneka kungabi ngokwesini umz. ukuncamisa xa uvuka, bamba izandla ngelixa ubukele umabonwakude, ukwangana ngelixa uhlamba njl.
- Ukunyamekela imithambo yokuziphatha
Imibuzo emithathu oza kuyiphendula kwaye wabelane neqabane lakho. Iimpendulo kufuneka zingabi ngokwesini. Nyaniseka kwaye unobubele, ukunceda ngamnye kuni abone ukuba zeziphi izenzo ezibonisa ukuba uyakhathala.
- Izinto ozenzayo ngoku ezichukumisa iqhosha lam lokukhathalela kwaye zindincede ndizive ndithandwa ..
- Izinto oqhele ukuzenza ezichukumise iqhosha lam lokunyamekela kwaye zandinceda ndaziva ndithandwa zi ....
- Izinto endihlala ndifuna ukuba uzenze ezinokuchukumisa iqhosha lam lokukhathalela zezi ....
4 Amanqanaba othando
Umda
Imeko yengqondo ethi ibangelwe ukutsala umdla komnye umntu kwaye kubandakanya iingcinga ezingafunekiyo kunye neminqweno kunye nomnqweno wokwenza okanye wokugcina ubudlelwane kunye nothando kwaye iimvakalelo zikabani zibuyiselwe.
Umda uvelisa i-oxytocin eyaziwa ngokuba yihormone yothando. I-Oxytocin inefuthe ekuziphatheni kwentlalo, kwiimvakalelo, nasekuhlaleni kwaye inokukhokelela kwisigqibo esibi.
Ithemba
Ngaba ukho kum? Ithemba yindlela yokuba neemfuno zeqabane lakho entliziyweni, endaweni yokulindela ukufeza iimfuno zakho.
- Thembeka: Yenza lento uthi uyakuyenza, xa usithi uyakuyenza.
- Vula iingxelo zakho: Ukuvuma ukunika nokufumana ingxelo kunye nokwabelana ngolwazi kubandakanya iimvakalelo, iinkxalabo, iinkolelo kunye neemfuno.
- Ukwamkela ngokuqatha kunye nokungasigwebi: Bamkele naxa singavumelani nokuziphatha kwabo.
- Yiba kunye: Hamba uhambe, uthethe intetho yakho, kwaye wenze oko ukushumayelayo!
Ukuzibophelela nokunyaniseka
Ukuphonononga injongo yobomi bakho kunye nokuzincama ngenxa yobudlelwane. Ukuthelekisa okungalunganga kuqalisa ukuhla ubudlelwane behle kwaye kube nefuthe kubudlelwane obusempilweni.
Ukhuseleko kunye nokunxibelelana
Iqabane lakho yindawo yakho xa izinto zikoyikisa, zikukhathaza okanye zikoyikisa. Unoluvo lokuba uhambelana nomnye umntu, unendawo efanayo yokuziva ukhululekile, kodwa umahluko owaneleyo wokugcina izinto zinomdla.
Amahashe amane e-Apocalypse (nguGqirha John Gottman)
Ingqikelelo yomtshato
- Ukugxeka: Xa kuthelekiswa nokuqalisa ngobumnene njengokusebenzisa "mna" iingxelo.
- Ukuzikhusela: Ukuchasana nokuphendula ngovelwano kwaye akukho sarcasm.
- Indelelo: Ukubiza iqabane lakho ngamagama anjenge "jerk" okanye "idiot." Ukunika umoya wokugqwesa. Ukudelela kuyenza buthathaka inkqubo yomzimba yokuzikhusela yomntu owamkelayo, ekhokelela kwizigulo zomzimba nezeemvakalelo.
- Amatye Ebangelwa ziimvakalelo ezixineneyo, elinye iqabane alinakuqhubekeka nayo yonke into eliyivayo kwaye lifutshane-ukujikeleza incoko ukuzola kunye nokufumana kwakhona ulawulo.
Ukuba indoda iyathetha into ehlathini kwaye akukho mfazi ukhona, ngaba iphosakele? - UJenny Weber
Yintoni esebenzayo ekwakheni ubudlelwane obusempilweni?
- Lawula ungquzulwano. Ayisiyongxaki, imalunga nokhetho.
- Yitshintshe
- Yilungise
- Yamkele
- Hlala ulusizi
- Yeka ukugxila kwimpixano, gxila kubuhlobo
- Yenza intsingiselo ekwabelwana ngayo kunye nenjongo yesibini sakho
- Nika omnye nomnye isibonelelo sokuthandabuza endaweni yokutsiba kwisigqibo ngokweemvakalelo
- Fumanisa uvelwano
- Zibophezele ekuzibopheni okwenyani
- Jika ujonge endaweni yokuba kude
- Yabelana nothando kunye nokudumisa
- Yakha iimephu zothando zezinto ozithandayo, iinkolelo kunye neemvakalelo.
Izibini zeFANOS zabelana ngokuzivocavoca
I-FANOS yindlela elula yokujonga umthambo e-5 yokwakha ubudlelwane obusempilweni phakathi kwabantu abatshatileyo. Yenzelwe ukugqitywa yonke imihla kwaye ngokufutshane, imizuzu emi-5 ukuya kweli-10 okanye ngaphantsi ngokungena kwayo kungekho ngxelo okanye Izimvo zinikwe umphulaphuli.
Ukuba enye ingxoxo iyafuneka, inokwenzeka emva kokuba omabini la maqela ebhalisile. Lo msebenzi ubandakanya amaqela omabini ekwabelaneni. Esi sibini kufuneka sithathe isigqibo kwangethuba ngexesha lalo msebenzi.
Isishwankathelo sokungena ngolu hlobo lulandelayo:
- F - Iimvakalelo - Uziva njani ngokweemvakalelo ngoku (jolisa kwiimvakalelo zokuqala endaweni yeemvakalelo zesibini.
- A-Ukuqinisekiswa-Yabelana ngento ethile oyithandayo oyithandayo iqabane lakho eliyenzileyo ukusukela ukungena kokugqibela.
- N-Isidingo-Zithini iimfuno zakho zangoku.
- O-Ubunini-Yamkela into oyenzileyo ukusukela oko kungeniswa kokugqibela okungakhange kuluncede kubudlelwane bakho.
- S-Sobriety - Chaza ukuba ugcine okanye awugcinanga ubunzululwazi ukusukela ukungena kokugqibela. Inkcazo yobungqongqo kufuneka ixoxwe kwangaphambili kwaye isekwe kwi-Circle yangaphakathi ye-Circle Exercise.
- S - Ukomoya - Yabelana ngento osebenza kuyo ukusukela ekungeneni kokugqibela okunxulumene nokuqhubela phambili ubumoya bakho.
Le modeli ivela kwintetho kaMark Laaser, ngoSeptemba ka-2011 kwinkomfa ye-SASH. Khange athathe ikhredithi ngayo okanye anike ikhredithi kwimodeli.
Ukwamkelwa
Ngokwengxelo kaGqirha Linda Miles kwincwadi yakhe, Friendship on Fire: Passionate and Intimate Connections for Life, uthi, “Isakhono sokuyeka kwaye samkele ubomi senzeka ngokuhamba kwexesha. Njengokuba uya uvuleka kwaye ungazigxeki kakhulu wena kunye nabanye, imiceli mngeni emitsha iya kuncipha, kwaye uzakusebenza ngakumbi kuthando kwaye ungoyiki. ”
Ukwamkela okwenzekileyo kwixa elidlulileyo okanye ukwamkelwa komnye umntu, indlela abayiyo, oko akuthethi ukuba uyayithanda into eyenzekileyo kuwe, okanye uyazithanda ezo mpawu.
Ithetha nje ukuba uyabamkela ubomi bakho ngoku ukuba buyintoni, uyalikhumbula elidlulileyo, kodwa ungaphindi uhlale apho kwaye ujonge okwangoku, ngelixa ungazikhathazi ngekamva lakho.
Imibuzo onokuzibuza yona
- Ngaba uyazamkela iimpazamo zeqabane lakho?
- Ngaba iqabane lakho liyazamkela iimpazamo zakho?
- Ngaba ngamnye uzimisele ukukhusela ukuba semngciphekweni kweqabane lakhe?
Njengabantu abatshatileyo, xoxani ngendlela eninokuyenza ngayo indawo ekhuselekileyo, enothando kunye nokusondelelana okunempilo ngaphandle kokuba ngamnye enesiphoso, ngaphandle kokugxekana. Yeka ukubizwa ngamagama kunye nokufumana isiphoso. Endaweni yoko, nikeza iqabane lakho isibonelelo sokungathandabuzeki.
Jonga kwakhona:
Malunga neziyobisi
Iikhemikhali ezichaphazelekayo kwikhoboka lamachiza, njenge-dopamine kunye ne-serotonin nazo ziyabandakanyeka kwikhoboka lesini.
Thatha umzekelo, masithi wena kunye nentombazana nihamba elunxwemeni. Ubona intombazana entle inebikini. Ukuba unomtsalane kuye unomdla wokutshintsha kwemeko.
Ezi mvakalelo zilungileyo zisisiphumo sokukhutshwa kweekhemikhali zobuchopho ezonwabisayo, okanye iiurotransmitters. Ukwinqanaba elithile lokuvuselela ngokwesondo. Ayisiyonto intsha okanye yezifo.
Umlutha kwinqanaba leengqondo liqala xa sinamathele kwiimvakalelo ezinxulumene nezenzo zethu zesondo, kwaye senze ubudlelwane obuphambili kunye nabo.
Ukwabelana ngesondo kubaluleke ngakumbi kunaye umntu olala naye.
Umlutha ukhula xa iimvakalelo zethu zinxulunyaniswa nomsebenzi ube ngowona mthombo wethu wentuthuzelo. Imvakalelo evela ekuziphatheni ngokwesondo iphakathi kwee-neurotransmitters, nazo zonke iimvakalelo.
Umlutha uqala ukudida ezi mvakalelo ngothando nangobomi, kwaye aphulukane nezinye iindlela zokuphelisa isithukuthezi kunye nokudikwa, okanye ukuziva ulungile. Ukuba umntu utsaleleka kakhulu kwezi mvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo, baqala ukudideka ukonwaba kunye nokusondelelana.
Baqala ukukholelwa ukuba ukonwaba ngokwesondo okuzisa ezi mvakalelo kungumthombo wothando novuyo, ezingenakuphila ngaphandle kwazo.
Ingqondo isetyenziselwa ukusebenza kula manqanaba aphezulu ee-neurotransmitters, ezihlala zifuna ukuvuselelwa okungaphezulu, inoveli, ingozi okanye ukonwaba.
Umzimba, nangona kunjalo, awunako ukugcina ubungqongqo obunje kwaye uqala ukuvala iinxalenye zobuchopho ezifumana ezi khemikhali. Ukunyamezelana kuyakhula kwaye ikhoboka lesini liqala ukufuna ngakumbi nangakumbi ukonwaba ngokwesondo ukubuyisa iimvakalelo zovuyo nolonwabo.
Siqala nini ukwabelana ngesondo kwakhona?
Lo asingombuzo ulula ukuwuphendula! Kuxhomekeke apho ubuyela khona njengabantu abatshatileyo kwaye ngokukodwa, isini sinokuba yeyona nto iphambili engqondweni yakho, okanye unokuba nomdla wokubuyisa ubomi bakho bobulili njengesibini.
Indlela oziva ngayo ngamnye malunga nokwabelana ngesondo iya kuxhomekeka kwindlela ubomi bakho ngokwesondo obabukho ngayo ngaphambi kokufunyanwa kweziyobisi okanye iziyobisi kwi-ubudlelwane. Ukuba isondo bekusoloko kuyinto entle, kuya kuba lula ukuyibuyisa.
Kodwa ukuba isondo liye lafunyanwa ngokungalunganga kunokuba luhambo olude lokuvuselela ukuzithemba nokwabelana ngesondo. Phambi kokuthatha isigqibo sokuba uphinde uqale nini ukwabelana ngesondo, inqanaba lokuqala kukuthetha omnye nomnye ngesondo.
Ukuthetha ngesondo
Masithembeke, uninzi lwezibini lunokukufumanisa kunzima ukuthetha ngesondo ngexesha elifanelekileyo, ungasathethi ke ukuba uyisibini esichaphazeleka ekufumanekeni kweziyobisi okanye iziyobisi kwi-ubudlelwane bakho. Kukho uloyiko oluninzi oluqhubekayo kwesi sibini.
Uloyiko oluqhelekileyo zezi:
- Ukuziva ungonelanga: amaqabane anokuxhalaba ngokuphila ngokufezekisa iinkwenkwezi zoononophala okanye abantu iqabane labo ebelikhoboka labo belisebenza nabo. Iqabane elinomlwelwe lingaziva lingonelanga ukubonakalisa ukuba akunjalo.
- Nobabini niyaphazamiseka: Iqabane elinomlutha linokuba neengcinga ezingenayo kunye nemifanekiso yokuziphatha edlulileyo kwaye iqabane lixhalabile ukuba iqabane lakho elinomlutha licinga ntoni. Abantu abatshatileyo kufuneka basebenze kunye ukukhulisa iindlela zomlomo kunye nezingezizo zomlomo zokwazisa omnye nomnye ukuba bakho ngoku ngalo mzuzu.
- Ukoyika isondo kuya kuthintela ukubuyela kwimeko yesiqhelo: amaqabane ahlala enexhala lokuba ukwabelana ngesondo kuya kuyitshabalalisa i-libido yomlutha wesini kwaye baya kuba nakho ukwenza into. Ngokuchaseneyo abanye banexhala lokuba 'ukungabelani ngesondo kunokubangela ukuba badlale kwaye ngenxa yoko baqale ngesondo xa bengafuni.
Kwamanye amaqabane amakhoboka abelana ngesondo, okanye ukungabelani ngesondo, angonyusa iminqweno, kunye nokuphucula iindlela zokulawula oku, kufuneka baqinisekise iqabane labo ukuba basebenzise ezo ndlela.
Inyathelo lokuqala lokoyisa olu loyiko kukunyaniseka kwiziqu zakho, kunye nakomnye nomnye, ukuze nisebenzisane ukuboyisa. Kuyanceda ukubeka ixesha ecaleni ukuze uvumelane ngento oyifunayo kubudlelwane bezesondo kwaye uvumelane nosukelo enifuna ukujolisa kulo nobabini.
Oku kungathatha ixesha, ke yiba nomonde. Ukwazi ukuba nobabini niyasebenza kunye nenjongo enye inokunika inkuthazo eyimfuneko kunye namandla afunekayo.
Kuqhelekile ukuba izibini zichache ekufumaneni iziyobisi ngokwesini ukuze zifumane iingxaki zesini ezinje ngokufikelela nzima kwi-orgasm, ukugcina ulwakhiwo, ukuphuma kwangaphambi kwexesha okanye ukungahambelani nomnqweno wesini.
Oku kunokuba luxinzelelo kwizibini ezitshatileyo kwaye sicebisa ukuba sifune uncedo ngengcali yezesondo eyamkelweyo ekwaqeqeshelwe ukuba likhoboka lesini ukuze uthethe ngokoyika kunye nazo naziphi na iingxaki zomzimba.
Ukuphuhlisa ulwalamano ngokwesondo
Ukwabelana ngesondo okunempilo kubangelwa kukuphuhlisa kunye nokwenza nzulu kwezinye iindawo zobudlelwane kuqala.
Xa usabelana ngesondo, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuba ulungile. Ilungile ngokwasemphefumlweni, ngokunxulumene nangokomzimba. Ukwabelana ngesondo kuya kuziva ngathi kuyingozi ekuqaleni kunye nokunciphisa loo mngcipheko kuyavakala ukuqinisekisa ukuba iimeko zakho ezingundoqo zilungile. Iimeko zakho eziphambili zingabandakanya:
- Iimfuno zakho ngokweemvakalelo: ukukhetha ixesha xa uziva kwindawo efanelekileyo yeemvakalelo
- Ulwalamano lwakho luyimfuneko: ukuba kukho iingxaki ezingasonjululwanga ezibhabhayo phantsi komphezulu, awuyi kuba kwisimo sokucinga esifanelekileyo ngesondo. Thetha ngezi ngxaki kwaye uzibophelele ngokulinganayo ukuzilungisa. Nobabini kufuneka uzive ukhululekile ngenkangeleko yakho kwaye awuyi kugwetywa ngendlela okhangeleka ngayo okanye owenza ngayo ngokwesondo.
Iimfuno zakho zomzimba -Ikho intsomi eqhelekileyo yokuba isini kufuneka sihlale sizenzekela, kodwa ukucwangcisa kunokwakha ulindelo olunomdla, kuvumela ixesha lokuba kuthethwe ngalo, kunye nokucwangcisa awuyi kuphazamiseka okanye ngaphezulu. Kuya kufuneka uzive ukhuselekile ukuba nangaliphi na ixesha xa usabelana ngesondo, ungathi hayi.
Iqabane lakho linokuziva lidanile, kodwa banokuqonda kwaye bababalo ngalo. Ukuba nencoko ngaphambi kwexesha kunokunceda ukunqanda ukungazithembi, ukuziva unetyala kunye nenzondo.
Mininzi imiqobo kubantu abatshatileyo abafumana isondo phakathi kwabo, kodwa ukuba nobabini nihlala nizinikele ekuphulukaneni nomntu ngamnye kwaye niqhubeke nokuzinzisa ezinye iindawo zobuhlobo, ukuzaliseka ngokwesondo kunye nokusondelelana okunempilo kunokuphinda kufumaneke. Ewe kunokuba ngcono kunangaphambili.