Umxholo
Yonke imitshato inezabelo eziphezulu kunye nezisezantsi. Ngelixa kungekho ngxaki ekufumaneni ixesha lokonwaba, ukoyisa iingxaki zomtshato kunokuba ngumceli mngeni.
Ukuze umtshato uphumelele, okubalulekileyo kukuqonda indlela yokuhamba kwezi ngxaki kunye nokufunda ukuzisombulula. Ukuvumela ukuba imiba yakho yomtshato ikhule inokonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho.
Ingcebiso ngomtshato kwiingcali
Zonke izibini zihamba ngezigaba ezinzima, zibandakanya iingxaki ezintsonkothileyo nezindinisayo. Nokuba unexesha elingakanani utshatile, ukufikelela kuzo akungeni lula.
Kodwa ezinye iingcebiso ezivela kwiingcali ngokuqinisekileyo zinokukunceda ukuba ujongane nemicimbi ngcono, ngaphandle kokufaka umonakalo emtshatweni wakho.
Sikunika eyona ngcebiso yomtshato ilungileyo ziingcali zonxibelelwano ezilungileyo ukukunceda wonwabe kwaye wanelise ubomi bomtshato-
1. Gcina umphefumlo wakho ukulungiselela ixesha xa ukwisithuba sentloko esipholileyo
UJoan Levy, uLcsw
Yeka ukuzama ukunxibelelana xa unomsindo. Nantoni na ozama ukuyithetha ayizokuviwa njengoko ungathanda ukuba ibenjalo. Qhuba umsindo wakho kuqala:
- Jonga uqikelelo kwezinye iimeko kunye nabanye abantu bexesha lakho elidlulileyo;
- Ngaba unokongeza intsingiselo kwinto ethethwa ngumlingane wakho okanye angakhange ayithethe, uyenzile okanye akayenzanga enokubangela ukuba ube nomsindo ngakumbi kunaleyo ifunekayo?
- Zibuze ukuba unesidingo esingafezekiswanga esinegalelo kukucaphuka kwakho? Ungayibonisa njani loo mfuno ngaphandle kokwenza iqabane lakho lingalunganga?
- Khumbula ukuba lo ngumntu omthandayo kwaye okuthandayo. Awulutshaba lomnye nomnye.
2. Yazi indlela yokumamela kwaye ubekhona ngokupheleleyo kwiqabane lakho
UMelissa Lee-Tammeus, Ph.D., LMHc
Umcebisi wezeMpilo yengqondo
Xa ndisebenza nezibini kwisenzo sam, owona mthombo mkhulu weentlungu ezisisiseko uvela kukungaziva okanye ukuziva. Rhoqo kungenxa yokuba siyakwazi ukuthetha, kodwa asimameli.
Yiba khona ngokupheleleyo kwiqabane lakho. Beka phantsi ifowuni, ususe imisebenzi, kwaye ujonge iqabane lakho umamele ngokulula. Ukuba ubunokucelwa ukuba uphinde loo nto ithethwe liqabane lakho, akunjalo? Ukuba awukwazi, izakhono zokumamela zingafuna ukuqiniswa!
3. Ukuqhawulwa konxibelelwano akunakuphepheka, kunye nokunxibelelana kwakhona
UCandice Creasman Mowrey, Ph.D., LPC-S
Ukuqhawulwa kwenxalenye yinxalenye yendalo yobudlelwane, nditsho nezo zihlala! Sihlala silindele ukuba ubudlelwane bethu bothando bugcine inqanaba elifanayo lokusondela ngalo lonke ixesha, kwaye xa siziva thina okanye amaqabane ethu eshukuma, sinokuziva ngathi isiphelo sikufuphi. Sukoyika! Zikhumbuze ukuba kuyinto eqhelekileyo emva koko usebenze ekunxibelelaneni kwakhona.
4. Musa ukuyidlala ngokukhuselekileyo ngalo lonke ixesha
UMirel Goldstein, MS, MA, LPC
Ndingacebisa ukuba izibini zabelane ngento esengozini omnye komnye suku ngalunye kuba abantu abatshatileyo abayeke ukuba sesichengeni kwaye "bayidlale ikhuselekile" banokuzifumana besiva ngakumbi nangakumbi ngokuhamba kwexesha njengoko ixesha lihamba kwaye uxanduva lwemihla ngemihla lukhuphisana neemfuno zobudlelwane.
5. Faka umsebenzi ukuze wonwabe emtshatweni
U-Lynn R. Zakeri, uLcsw
Umtshato ngumsebenzi. Akukho buhlobo bunokuphila ngaphandle kokuba omabini amaqela abeke umsebenzi. Sebenza kumtshato owonwabileyo, ophilileyo awuziva ungathi ngumsebenzi kundoqo womsebenzi okanye uhlobo lokwenza into.
Kodwa ukuthatha ixesha lokumamela, ukucwangcisa ixesha elisemgangathweni, ukubeka phambili omnye komnye, kunye nokwabelana ngeemvakalelo konke kungumsebenzi onomvuzo. Thembani omnye nomnye, ngobuthathaka benu, kwaye nihloniphane ngokunyaniseka (hayi ubundlongondlongo). Olu hlobo lomsebenzi luya kukubonelela ngobomi bakho bonke.
6. Vula ngakumbi iqabane lakho kwaye wakhe ubudlelwane obuqinileyo
UBrenda Whiteman, BA, R.S.W
Okukhona usithi, okukhona uthetha, kokukhona uveza imvakalelo zakho, kokukhona uxelela iqabane lakho ukuba uziva njani kwaye ucinga ntoni, kokukhona uvula isiqu sakho ngokwenyani- kokukhona kunokwenzeka ukuba izokwakha isiseko esiqinileyo kulwalamano lwakho ngoku nakwixesha elizayo.
Ukufihla iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo yindlela eqinisekileyo yomlilo yokutyhila isiseko solwalamano lwakho.
7. Yiba novelwano kwiimvakalelo zomnye nomnye kwaye nilungise imicimbi kunye
UMary Kay Cocharo, uLMFT
Elona cebo lam lilungileyo kubo nabaphi na abantu abatshatileyo kukuthatha ixesha lokufunda indlela yokunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo. Uninzi lwabantu abatshatileyo abaphela kunyango lomtshato bakuswele kakhulu oku! Unxibelelwano olusebenzayo yinkqubo apho umntu ngamnye eziva eviwa kwaye eqondwa.
Kubandakanya ukuba novelwano lweemvakalelo zomnye umntu kunye nokuza nezisombululo kunye. Ndiyakholelwa ukuba iintlungu ezininzi emtshatweni ziza xa izibini zizama ukusombulula iingxaki ngaphandle kwezixhobo. Umzekelo, ezinye izibini ziyakuphepha ukungaboni ngasonye ukuze "kugcinwe uxolo".
Izinto azisonjululwa ngale ndlela kwaye ingqumbo iyakhula. Okanye, ezinye izibini ziyaphikisana kwaye ziyalwa, ukutyhala umba ngokunzulu kunye nokuqhekeka konxibelelwano oluyimfuneko. Unxibelelwano oluhle sisakhono esifanelekileyo ukufunda kwaye siya kukuvumela ukuba udlule kwimixholo enzima ngelixa usandisa uthando lwakho.
8. Yenza iinzame zokwazi ukuba yintoni ebangela iqabane lakho lisoyike
USuzy Daren MA LMFT
Yiba nomdla ngomahluko kwiqabane lakho kwaye uzame ukuqonda ukuba yintoni ebenzakalisayo kunye nento ebonwabisayo. Njengoko ulwazi lwakho lolunye ukwanda kwexesha, cingisisa-bonisa uvelwano lokwenyani xa bexhokonxwa kwaye bakhuthaze ngonaphakade oko kubakhanyayo.
9. Yiba ngumhlobo kwiqabane lakho ojika iingqondo zabo, hayi nje umzimba
UMyla Erwin, MA
Kubathandi abatsha abanethemba lokuba nayiphi na "i-quirks" abanokuyibona kumaqabane abo inokutshintshwa, ndiyabaqinisekisa ukuba ezo zinto ziya konyuka ngokuhamba kwexesha, ukuze baqiniseke ukuba abayithandi loo mntu kuphela kodwa bayamthanda ngokwenyani umntu lowo.
Umnqweno uya kuncipha. Ngexesha lokuncipha kwamaxesha, uyakonwabela ukuba nomhlobo onokuthi uvule ingqondo yakho ngendlela efanayo naleyo babekhe bawayekisa ngayo umzimba wakho. Enye into kukuba umtshato ufuna ukusebenza rhoqo, kanye njengokuphefumla.
Icebo kukusebenza ngenyameko kuyo kangangokuba ungazazi zonke izihlunu ozisebenzisayo. Nangona kunjalo, vumela umntu ukuba akhathazeke kwaye uyakuqaphela. Isitshixo kukuqhubeka uphefumla.
10. Nyaniseka kwiinjongo zakho nakumazwi akho; bonisa uthando ngakumbi
UGqr Claire Vines, Psy.D
Soloko uthetha into oyithethayo kwaye uthethe ukuba uthetha ukuthini; ngobubele. Ngalo lonke ixesha hlala unxibelelana ngamehlo. Funda umphefumlo. Kwiingxoxo zakho kuphephe ukusebenzisa amagama athi, “Soloko ungaze nanini.”
Ngaphandle kokuba, kunjalo, Ungaze uyeke ukwanga, Yiba nomusa njalo. Chukumisa ulusu kulusu, bamba izandla. Ungaqwalaseli kuphela into oyithethayo kwiqabane lakho, kodwa nendlela ulwazi oluhanjiswa ngayo; ngobubele.
Ngalo lonke ixesha ubulise omnye ngempazamo xa uza kugoduka. Ayinamsebenzi ukuba ngubani ofikelela kuqala: khumbula ukuba inkunzi nemazi ziindidi kwaye iindima zemfuza zahlukile. Zihloniphe kwaye uzixabise. Uyalingana, nangona kunjalo, wahlukile. Hambani uhambo kunye, lungadityaniswa, okwangoku, ecaleni.
Khulisa enye, inyathelo elinye elongezelelweyo. Ukuba uyazi ukuba umphefumlo wabo ukhathazekile ngaphambili, bancede bahloniphe ixesha labo elidlulileyo. Mamela ngothando. Uyifumene into oyifundileyo. Ufumene ukhetho.
Ufundile ukuqonda, uvelwano, uvelwano kunye nokukhuseleka. Faka isicelo. Bangenise emtshatweni ngothando lwakho. Xoxa ngekamva kodwa uphile ngoku.
11. Yabelana ngeemvakalelo zakho ezithambileyo kunye neqabane lakho ngokusondelelana okungapheliyo
UGqirha Trey Cole, Psy.D.
Abantu bathanda ukoyika ukungaqiniseki nokungaqhelani. Xa sixoxa, sifundisa, okanye sabelana ngeemvakalelo ezinzima namaqabane ethu, oko kudla ngokunyusa uloyiko kuye malunga nokungaqiniseki kubudlelwane.
Endaweni yoko, ukujonga ukuba zithini iimvakalelo zethu "ezithambileyo", ezinje ngendlela isimilo somlingane wethu esivuselela ngayo uloyiko lokungaqiniseki, kunye nokufunda indlela yokwabelana ngayo kunokubangela ukuba kungabikho mandla kunye nokwandisa ukusondelelana.
12. Umtshato ufuna isondlo esiqhelekileyo, sukuyekelela
UGqirha Mic Hunter, LMFT, Psy.D.
Abantu abagcina iimoto zabo rhoqo befumanisa ukuba iimoto zabo zihamba ngcono kwaye zihlala ixesha elide. Abantu abenza ulondolozo rhoqo emakhayeni abo bafumanisa ukuba bayaqhubeka nokonwabela ukuhlala apho.
Amaqabane aphatha ubudlelwane bawo ubuncinci ngenkathalo njengoko esenza izinto zawo eziphathekayo onwabile ngakumbi kunalawo angatshatanga.
13. Yenza ubudlelwane bakho buyeyona nto iphambili kuwe
UBob Taibbi, uLCSW
Gcina ubudlelwane bakho kwisitshisi esingaphambili. Kulula kakhulu ebantwaneni, emisebenzini, kubomi bemihla ngemihla ukubaleka ubomi bethu kwaye ihlala ilwalamano lobuhlobo oluthatha isihlalo sangasemva. Yakha ngeli xesha, ixesha lokuncokola olusondeleyo nokusombulula iingxaki ukuze uhlale uxhumekile kwaye ungatshayeli iingxaki phantsi kombhoxo.
14. Yakha ubuchule kunxibelelwano lomlomo nolungathethiyo
UJaclyn Hunt, MA, ACAS, BCCS
Inxalenye yokuqala yeengcebiso zonyango okanye nayiphi na ingcali enokuyinika isibini esitshatileyo sinxibelelana nabanye! Ndihlala ndihleka eli cebiso kuba yinto enye ukuxelela abantu ukuba banxibelelane kwaye enye into ibabonise ukuba kuthetha ntoni oku.
Unxibelelwano lubandakanya zombini intetho zomlomo kunye nezingezomlomo. Xa unxibelelana neqabane lakho qiniseka ukuba ujonge kubo, qiniseka ukuba uhlangabezana ngaphakathi nezinto abazidlulisela kuwe ngaphandle kwaye emva koko cela ukulandelela imibuzo kwaye ubabonise ngaphandle ukuqonda kwakho okanye ukudideka kude nibe nobabini iphepha kwaye wanelisekile.
Unxibelelwano luyaphindaphinda kokubini ngokuthetha nangokubonisa okuntsonkothileyo okungabonakali ngomlomo. Leyo yeyona ngcebiso imfutshane ndinokuze ndiyinike isibini.
15. Yikhathalele impilo yakho yomtshato kwaye uyikhusele ‘kwixhoba’
DOUGLAS WEISS PH.D
Gcina imitshato yakho isempilweni. Yabelana ngeemvakalelo zakho imihla ngemihla. Ncoma omnye nomnye ubuncinane kabini ngosuku. Ukuqhagamshela ngokomoya yonke imihla. Hlalani ngesondo ngokufanayo kwaye nobabini niqala rhoqo. Yenza ixesha lokuba nomhla ubuncinci amaxesha ambalwa ngenyanga. Baphathane njengabathandi endaweni yamaqabane. Hloniphanani njengabantu nabahlobo. Khusela umtshato wakho kwizikhohlakali ezinje ngezi: ukuxakeka kakhulu, olunye ulwalamano lwangaphandle kunye nokuzonwabisa.
16.Nqanda izigqibo zokungxama ngokwamkela iimvakalelo zakho
URussell S Strelnick, uLCSW
Ukuhamba ukusuka 'ungahlali nje apho wenze into', uye 'ungayenzi nje into yokuhlala apho' sesona sakhono silungileyo sokuphucula ngaphakathi kwam ukugcina ubudlelwane obusondeleyo.
Ukufunda ukwamkela nokunyamezela ezam iimvakalelo neengcinga ukuze ndinciphise uloyiko lwam, olusebenzayo kunye nolungxamisekileyo isidingo 'sokwenza okuthile ngayo' kuvumela ixesha elifunekayo lokuba ndibuyele ekucaceni kwengcinga kunye nokulinganisela ngokweemvakalelo ukuze ndiphume kumdaka endaweni yokuba yenze mandundu.
17. Yiba kwiqela elinye kwaye uyolo luya kulandela
UGqirha Joanna Oestmann, LMHC, LPC, LPCS
Yiba ngabahlobo kuqala kwaye ukhumbule ukuba ukwiqela elinye! Ngokuza kweSuper Bowl lixesha elihle lokucinga malunga nokwenza ukuba iqela eliphumeleleyo, eliphumeleleyo lenyuke ngaphezulu kwelona lihle?
Okokuqala, ichonga into eniyilwelayo kunye! Okulandelayo, ukusebenzisana, ukuqonda, ukumamela, ukudlala kunye kunye nokulandela ukhokelo lomnye nomnye. Ngubani igama leqela lakho?
Khetha igama leqela lekhaya lakho (Iqela likaSmith) kwaye ulisebenzise ukukhumbuza omnye nomnye kusapho ukuba nikwiqela elinye elisebenza kunye. Chonga into oyilwelayo ngokuchasene nokulwa kwaye ulonwabo luya kulandela.
18. Yiba ziimpazamo zakho
UGerald Schoenewolf, Ph.D.
Thatha uxanduva ngegalelo lakho kwiingxaki zomtshato wakho. Kulula ukukhomba umnwe kwiqabane lakho, kodwa kunzima kakhulu ukuzikhomba kuwe. Nje ukuba wenze oku ungasombulula imicimbi kunokuba ube nengxabano engalunganga.
19. Buza imibuzo engakumbi, uqikelelo alulunganga kwimpilo yobudlelwane
UAyo Akanbi, M. Div., MFT, OACCPP
Ingcebiso yam enye ilula: Thetha, thetha uphinde uthethe kwakhona. Ndikhuthaza abathengi bam ukuba baqhubekeke nokuba yeyiphi na imeko kwaye bafumane ixesha lokuthetha ngayo. Ukuthetha ngundoqo. Kubalulekile ukuba bamamelane kwaye babuze imibuzo. Kananjalo akufuneki ukuba wazi.
20. Vula iingxabano, uqhekeko kunye nolungiso olulandelayo
UAndrew Rose, LPC, MA
Abantu kufuneka bazive bekhuselekile kubudlelwane babo ukuze bafumane ixabiso lokudibana. Ukhuseleko lwakhiwa ngokuqhekeka nokulungiswa. Musa ukuba neentloni kwimpikiswano. Yenza indawo yokoyika, usizi, kunye nomsindo, kwaye uphinde unxibelelane kwaye uqiniseke omnye komnye emva kokuphuka ngokweemvakalelo okanye amalungiselelo.
21. Ngaba ufuna iqabane elikhulu? Yiba liqabane lakho kuqala
UClifton Brantley, MA, LMFTA
Gxila ekuba liqabane elihle endaweni yokuba ube neqabane elikhulu. Umtshato ophumeleleyo umalunga nokuzilawula. Uba ngcono (ulunge ngakumbi kuthando, ukuxolela, umonde, unxibelelwano) uya kuwenza ngcono umtshato wakho. Yenza umtshato wakho ube yeyona nto iphambili kuthetha ukuba kufuneka ubeke iqabane lakho phambili.
22. Ungavumeli ukuxakeka kuxhuge ubudlelwane bakho, hlala ubandakanyekile omnye komnye
UEddie Capparucci, MA, LPC
Ingcebiso yam kubantu abatshatileyo kukuba bahlale bexakekile. Izibini ezininzi kakhulu zivumela ukuxakeka kobomi, abantwana, umsebenzi kunye nezinye iziphazamiso ukudala umgama phakathi kwabo.
Ukuba awuthathi ixesha suku ngalunye ukukhulisana, uyawonyusa amathuba okwahlukana. Inani labantu elinelonaqondo liphezulu loqhawulo-mtshato namhlanje zizibini ezineminyaka engama-25 zitshatile. Sukuba yinxalenye yala manani.
Thatha ixesha lokuqhubekeka phambi kokuba uphendule 
URaffi Bilek, uLCSWC
Qiniseka ukuba uyayiqonda into ethethwa liqabane lakho ngaphambi kokuba unike impendulo okanye inkcazo. Qiniseka ukuba ifayile yakho ye- iqabane uziva ukuba uyamqonda naye. Kude kube wonke umntu eziva ukuba bakwiphepha elinye nayo nayiphi na ingxaki, ngekhe uqale ukusombulula ingxaki.
24. Hloniphanani kwaye ningabambeki kumkhwa wokuzanelisa emtshatweni
U-Eva L. Shaw, u-Ph.D.
Xa ndicebisa abantu abatshatileyo ndigxininisa ukubaluleka kwentlonipho emtshatweni. Kulula kakhulu ukungoneliseki xa uhlala nomntu 24/7. Kulula ukubona izinto ezingalunganga kwaye ulibale izinto ezintle.
Ngamanye amaxesha okulindelweyo akufezekiswa, iphupha lomtshato elingenakufezekiseka, kwaye abantu bahlala bejamelana kunokuba basebenze kunye. Ndiyafundisa ukuba xa 'ukuthandana' kubalulekile ukuba wakhe ubuhlobo ubuhlobo nokusoloko ukuphatha iqabane lakho ngathi wenza umhlobo wakho osenyongweni kuba ukuba ngubani na.
Ukhethe loo mntu ukuba enze uhambo lobomi kwaye isenokungabi yintsomi oyicingileyo. Ngamanye amaxesha izinto ezimbi zenzeka kwiintsapho-ukugula, iingxaki zemali, ukufa, imvukelo yabantwana, -kuthi xa kufika amaxesha anzima ukhumbule ukuba umhlobo wakho osenyongweni uza ekhaya kuwe, yonke imihla, kwaye kufanelekile ukuba ahlonitshwe nguwe.
Vumela amaxesha anzima akusondeze kunye kunokuba anikhuphe phakathi. Khangela kwaye ukhumbule ubuhle obubonileyo kwiqabane lakho xa nicwangcisa ubomi kunye. Khumbula izizathu zokuba ukunye kwaye ungazihoyi iimpazamo zomlinganiswa. Sonke sinazo. Thandanani ngokungathandabuzekiyo kwaye nikhule kwiingxaki. Hloniphanani maxa onke kwaye kuzo zonke izinto fumana indlela.
25. Sebenza ekudaleni ifayile ye- utshintsho olululo emtshatweni wakho
ILISA FOGEL, MA, LCSW-R
Emtshatweni, sihlala sithanda ukuphinda iipateni ukusuka ebuntwaneni. Iqabane lakho lenza okufanayo. Ukuba ungazitshintsha iipatheni zendlela ophendula ngayo kwiqabane lakho, iinkqubo zethiyori zibonise ukuba kuya kubakho utshintsho kwindlela iqabane lakho eliphendula ngayo kuwe.
Uhlala usabela kwiqabane lakho kwaye ukuba unokwenza umsebenzi ukutshintsha oku, unokwenza utshintsho oluqinisekileyo hayi kuwe kuphela kodwa nakumtshato wakho.
26. Yenza ingongoma yakho ngokuqinileyo, kodwa ngobumnene
UAmy Sherman, MA, uLMHC
Ngalo lonke ixesha khumbula ukuba iqabane lakho alilo tshaba lwakho kwaye amagama owasebenzisayo ngomsindo ayakuhlala ithuba elide emva kokuba umlo uphelile. Ke yenza ingongoma yakho ngokuqinileyo, kodwa ngobumnene. Intlonipho oyibonisa iqabane lakho, ngakumbi ngomsindo, iya kwakha isiseko esomeleleyo kwiminyaka emininzi ezayo.
27. Yeka ukuphatha iqabane lakho ngendelelo; ukungathethi cwaka nguhayi omkhulu
UESTER LERMAN, UMFT
Yazi ukuba kulungile ukulwa ngamanye amaxesha, umba yindlela olwa ngayo kwaye kuthatha ixesha elingakanani ukubuyela kwakhona? Ngaba ungasombulula okanye uxolele okanye uyeke ukuhamba ngexesha elincinci?
Xa nisilwa okanye nisebenzisana nje ngaba niyazikhusela kwaye / okanye nibalulekile? Okanye ngaba 'uyathula'? Eyona nto ibaluleke ngakumbi ukuba uyilumkele kukudelela.
Esi simo sengqondo sihlala sisonakalisa ubudlelwane. Akukho namnye kuthi onokuba nothando ngokupheleleyo ngalo lonke ixesha, kodwa ezi ndlela zokuthetha ziyingozi emtshatweni wakho.
28. Qiniseka kunxibelelwano lwakho
I-KERRI-ANNE BROWN, i-LMHC, iCAP, i-ICADC
Elona cebiso ndinokulinika abantu abatshatileyo kukungawajongeli phantsi amandla onxibelelwano. Unxibelelwano oluthethwayo nolungathethiyo lunefuthe kangangokuba abantu abatshatileyo bahlala bengayazi indlela ebaluleke ngayo indima yabo kunxibelelwano lwabo.
Nxibelelana rhoqo nangokunyaniseka. Sukucinga ukuba iqabane lakho liyazi okanye liyayiqonda indlela oziva ngayo. Nditsho nakubudlelwane apho ubukunye ixesha elide, iqabane lakho alisoze likwazi ukufunda ingqondo yakho kwaye inyani kukuba, awufuni nabo.
29. Bambisa ezo glasi zinemibala ebomvu! Funda ukubona imbono yeqabane lakho
I-KERI ILISA SENDE-UMamkeli, i-LMSW, i-LSW
Ngena kwilizwe leqabane lakho kangangoko unako. Sonke sihlala kwibhola yethu yokwenyani esekwe kumava ethu adlulileyo kwaye sinxiba iiglasi ezinemibala e-rose eziguqula iimbono zethu. Endaweni yokuzama ukuba iqabane lakho likubone kwaye likuqonde kunye nembono yakho, yenza konke okusemandleni akho ukuze ubone kwaye uqonde eyabo.
Ngaphakathi kwesisa, uya kuba nakho ukubathanda kwaye ubaxabise ngokwenyani. Ukuba ungakudibanisa oku kunye nokwamkelwa okungenamiqathango kwinto oyifumanayo xa ungena ngaphakathi kwilizwe labo, uya kuba ululungele ubambiswano.
30. Sika iqabane lakho kancinci 
Inkundla yase-Ellis, i-LMHC
Nika iqabane lakho amathandabuzo. Bathabathe ngelizwi labo kwaye uyathemba ukuba nabo, bayazama. Oko bakuthethayo kunye nokuziva kwabo kuyasebenza, kanye njengokuba into oyithethayo kwaye uziva iyinyani. Yiba nokholo kubo, ubakholelwe kwilizwi labo, kwaye uthathe okona kulungileyo kubo.
31. Funda ukwahlula phakathi kokonwaba nokudana
SARA NUAHN, MSW, LICSW
Lindela ukungonwabi. Ndiyayazi lento uyicingayo, ngubani lo utshoyo !? Ayiloncedo kubantu abatshatileyo. Okanye kulungile nangayiphi na indlela. Kodwa ndiphulaphule. Singena kubudlelwane nasemtshatweni, sicinga, silindele kunokuba izakusenza sonwabe kwaye sikhuseleke.
Kwaye enyanisweni, akunjalo. Ukuba uya emtshatweni, ulindele ukuba, umntu lowo okanye imeko-bume ukuba ikonwabise, ke kungcono uqale ukucwangcisa ukuba ucatshukiswe kwaye ucaphuke, ungonwabi, ixesha elininzi.
Lindela ukuba ube namaxesha amangalisayo, kunye namaxesha aphazamisayo nangakumbi. Lindela ukuba ungaziva ungqinisisiwe, okanye ubonwe, uve, kwaye uqaphele ngamanye amaxesha, kwaye ulindele ukuba uza kubekwa kumgangatho ophakamileyo wentliziyo yakho isenokungakwazi ukuwuphatha.
Lindela ukuba niya kuthandana kanye ngalaa mhla nadibana ngawo, kwaye kananjalo lindani ukuba niya kuba namaxesha eningathandani ngawo kakhulu. Lindela ukuba uya kuhleka ulile, kwaye ube namaxesha amangalisayo kunye nolonwabo, kwaye ulindele ukuba uya kuba lusizi kwaye ube nomsindo kwaye woyike.
Lindela ukuba nguwe, kwaye ngabo kwaye unxibelelene, kwaye utshatile kuba ibingumhlobo wakho, umntu wakho, kunye nalowo uziva ukuba ungalihlula ilizwe.
Lindela ukuba awuzukuvuya, kwaye nguwe wedwa onokuzonwabisa ngokwenene! Yinkqubo yokuphuma ngaphakathi, lonke ixesha. Luxanduva lwakho ukubuza into oyifunayo, negalelo kwinxalenye yakho ukuze ukwazi ukuziva konke okulindelweyo, okuhle nokubi, kwaye ekupheleni kosuku, ulindele ukuba loo mntu akuphuze ebusuku.
32. Hlakulela umkhwa wokuzijonga iziphene kunye neemfazwe
UGqirha Tari Mack, Psy. D
Ndikucebisa isibini esitshatileyo ukuba sijonge okuhle komnye nomnye. Kuya kuhlala kukho izinto malunga neqabane lakho ezikucaphukisayo okanye ezikudanisayo. Into ojonga kuyo iya kuwubumba umtshato wakho. Gxila kwiimpawu ezintle zeqabane lakho. Oku kuyakwandisa ulonwabo emtshatweni wakho.
33. Ukungena nzulu kwishishini lomtshato ngokuzonwabisa kunye nokudlala
URONALD B. COHEN, MD
Umtshato luhambo, ubudlelwane obuhlala buqhubeka obufuna ukumamela, ukufunda, ukulungelelanisa, kunye nokuvumela impembelelo. Umtshato ngumsebenzi, kodwa ukuba awonwabisi kwaye uyadlala, awulungelanga umzamo. Owona mtshato ulungileyo awuyongxaki ukuba isonjululwe kodwa uyimfihlakalo yokuba wonwatyiswe kwaye wamkelwe.
34. Tyala imali emtshatweni-Imihla yobusuku, indumiso kunye nemali
ISANDRA WILLIAMS, iLPC, iNCC
Tyala imali emtshatweni wakho rhoqo: Yiza kunye uchonge iintlobo zotyalo-mali (okt ubusuku bomhla, uhlahlo-lwabiwo mali, uxabiso) olubaluleke emtshatweni wakho. Ngokwahlukeneyo, dwelisa izinto ezibalulekileyo kuye ngamnye wenu.
Okulandelayo, thethani kutyalo-mali enikholelwa ukuba lubalulekile emtshatweni wenu. Zibophelele ekwenzeni konke okufunekayo ukuze ube nobutyebi bomtshato.
35. Thethana ngezinto ezamkelekileyo nezingamkelekanga
USHAVANA FINEBERG, PH.D.
Thatha ikhosi kunye ngoNxibelelwano olungelulo lobuNdlobongela (iRosenberg) kwaye uyisebenzise. Zama nzima ukubona yonke imiba ngokwembono yeqabane lakho. Susa “ilungelo” kunye “nelingalunganga” - thethana ngezinto ezinokusebenzela omnye nomnye. Ukuba usabela ngamandla, ixesha lakho elidlulileyo linokubangelwa; kukulungele ukuvavanya loo nto kunye nomcebisi onamava.
Thetha ngokuthe ngqo malunga nokwabelana ngesondo owabelana ngako: ukuxabisa kunye nezicelo. Gcina ixesha lomhla kwiikhalenda zakho ezigcinelwe ukonwaba nina nobabini, ubuncinci qho kwiiveki ezimbini.
36. Chonga ukuba leliphi uphawu lokukorekisha kwaye uzixhobise ngokukhupha izixhobo zakho
I-JAIME SAIBIL, MA
Elona cebiso lilungileyo endinokulinika abantu abatshatileyo iya kuba kukuzazi. Oko kuthetha ukuthini ukuba ungazi nje kuphela izinto zakho ezibangela, iindawo ezingaboniyo, kunye namaqhosha ashushu kodwa ufumane izixhobo eziyimfuneko ukuzilawula ukuze zingangeni endleleni yakho. Sonke sinamaqhosha ashushu okanye izinto ezakhayo eziphuhliswe kwangethuba ebomini bethu.
Akukho mntu uhamba engenzakalanga apha. Ukuba awubazi, baya kubethwa liqabane lakho ngaphandle kokwazi ukuba yenzekile, nto leyo amaxesha ngamaxesha inokukhokelela kungxabano kunye nokuqhawulwa. Ukuba, nangona kunjalo, uyabazi kwaye ufunde ukungaxhobisi izixhobo xa ushukunyisiwe, unokuthintela amashumi amahlanu eepesenti ukuba ayisiyiyo ingxabano onayo neqabane lakho kwaye uchithe ixesha elininzi ujolise ingqalelo, uthando, uxabiso kunye nonxibelelwano.
37. Yiba mnandi, musa ukulumana iintloko zabanye 
Inkundla yeGetneyney, i-LMFT, i-CST
Nangona kubonakala kulula, elona cebiso lam lilungileyo kubantu abatshatileyo lelithi, “yibani nobubele omnye komnye.” Ngamaxesha amaninzi kunoko, izibini ezigqibela esofeni zam zilungile kum kunokuba zingabantu abagoduka nabo.
Ewe, emva kweenyanga okanye iminyaka yokungavisisani kubudlelwane, awungekhe ulithande iqabane lakho. Loo "chip egxalabeni" inokukukhokelela ekubeni ube ndlongondlongo nje nokuba kukuma kwisidlo sangokuhlwa xa ugoduka kwaye ungazisi iqabane lakho nantoni na okanye ushiye izitya ezimdaka esinkini xa usazi ukuba ziyabacaphukisa.
Ngamaxesha athile, awunyanzelekanga ukuba ulithande iqabane lakho kodwa ukuba ulungile kulo kuya kwenza ukusebenza ngokulula kube lula kwaye kube mnandi kubo bonke ababandakanyekayo. Ikwaqala ukubonisa imbeko ngakumbi kubo ekwabaluleke kakhulu ekwakheni nasekugcineni umtshato.
Oku kukwaphucula ukusonjululwa kwempixano ngokususa isimilo esikhohlakeleyo. Xa ndidibana nesibini ekucacayo ukuba “asidlalani kakuhle” omnye komnye, omnye wemisebenzi yam yokuqala kukuba “baziphathe kakuhle kule veki izayo” kwaye ndibacela ukuba bakhethe into enye abanokuyenza ngokwahlukileyo ukufezekisa oku. njongo.
38. Yenza ukuzibophelela. Ixesha elide, ixesha elide
Ixabiso likaLynda Cameron, Ed.S, LPC, AADC
Elona cebiso lililo lomtshato endinokulinika nabaphi na abantu abatshatileyo kukuqonda ukuba kuthetha ntoni ukuzibophelela. Rhoqo siba neengxaki zokuzibophelela kuyo nantoni na ixesha elide.
Sitshintsha iingqondo zethu njengokutshintsha iimpahla zethu. Ukuzibophelela okwenyani emtshatweni kukunyaniseka nokuba akukho mntu ujongayo kwaye ukhetha ukuthanda nokuhlala kwikhondo nokuba uziva njani ngalo mzuzu.
39. Yenza isipili isitayile sonxibelelwano seqabane lakho ukulungiselela ukuqonda okungcono
UGIOVANNI MACCARRONE, BA
Inqaku lokuqala lomtshato lokuba nomtshato onomdla kukunxibelelana nabo usebenzisa indlela yabo yonxibelelwano. Ngaba bayaluthatha ulwazi kwaye banxibelelane besebenzisa imikhwa yabo ebonakalayo (ukubona kuyakholelwa), iaudiyo yabo (ukusebeza ezindlebeni zabo), i-kinesthetic (bayichukumise xa bethetha nabo) okanye enye into? Nje ukuba ufunde isitayile sabo, unokunxibelelana nabo ngokugqibeleleyo kwaye baya kukuqonda!
40. Yamkela ukuba iqabane lakho ayinguye owakho
ULaurie Heller, uLPC
Ukufuna ukwazi! "Isigaba sasemva komtshato" sihlala siphela. Siqala ukuqaphela izinto malunga neqabane lethu ukuba SIKHUTHALE. Sicinga, okanye okubi kunoko sithi, "Kufuneka utshintshe!" NGOKUPHELELEYO, qonda intanda yakho yaHLUKILE kunawe! Yiba nemfesane ngovelwano malunga nento ebenza baphawule. Oku kuyakukhulisa.
41. Gcina iimfihlo kwiqabane lakho kwaye usendleleni eya kwintshabalalo 
UGqr LaWanda N. Evans, uLPC
Ingcebiso yam iya kuba kukuba, ukunxibelelana ngayo yonke into, ungagcini iimfihlo, kuba iimfihlo ziyayitshabalalisa imitshato, ungaze ucinge ukuba iqabane lakho liyazi ngokuzenzekelayo okanye liyaziqonda iimfuno zakho, uziva njani, okanye ucinga ntoni, kwaye ungaze thathani omnye nomnye. Ezi zinto zibaluleke kakhulu kwimpumelelo kunye nokuhlala ixesha elide kumtshato wakho.
42. Yenza uthando omnye komnye njengento engenakuthethathethana yomtshato wakho
UKATIE LEMIEUX, LMFT
Yenza ulwalamano lwakho lube yinto ephambili! Cwangcisa ixesha lokuphinda ulwalamano lwakho veki nganye, wakhe umgangatho wobuhlobo bakho, utyale imali yokufunda ngobudlelwane.
Sebenzisa oko ukufundileyo. Uninzi lwethu aluzange lufundiswe ukuba nolwalamano oluyimpumelelo. Kubalulekile ukuba ufunde indlela yokunxibelelana ngakumbi ngexesha lengxabano. Khumbula izinto ezincinci.
Thatha ixesha lokuphupha, uvakalise umbulelo nothando omnye komnye. Gcina ubungqongqo buphila kwaye ube mnene omnye nomnye nisenza konke okusemandleni enu.
43. Wongani nixhasane ngamaphupha omnye nomnye 
UBarbara Ubusika PH.D., PA
Zininzi izinto ekufuneka zithathelwe ingqalelo njengoko konke kuxhomekeke ekubeni isibini siphi kuphuhliso lwabo.
Ndingatsho ukuba ukusukela namhlanje sigxile kakhulu 'kulonwabo', konke malunga nendlela esenza ngayo injongo yobomi bethu, ukuba xa bebonke bajonge amaphupha omntu ngamnye kunye / okanye ekwabelwana ngawo. ”Injongo” imalunga nokuzalisekiswa, hayi kuphela ngamnye wethu kodwa kweenqanawa ezimbini.
Ufuna ukwenza ntoni? ufuna ukuva ntoni? Ngamnye okanye amaphupha abelwanayo-Nantoni na iyahamba: eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuva, ukubeka imbeko kunye nokuxhasa.
enye enkulu yile. . . ukugcina unxibelelwano kufuneka sijike siye (aka-lean in) kwaye simamele, imbeko, ukuvuma, ukuqinisekisa, umceli mngeni, spar, ukubamba. . . kunye neqabane lethu. sifuna ukuviwa; asinakugxothwa.
Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi namhlanje kuba, ngandlela thile, sinamathuba ambalwa kunxibelelwano lokwenyani.
44. Fumanisa ukuba uqhuba kakuhle kangakanani ekufezekiseni ulindelo lweqabane lakho
USarah Ramsay, uLMFT
Ingcebiso endiza kukunika yona yile: Ukuba kukho into engahambi kakuhle kubudlelwane, sukugxeka kwaye ukhombe iqabane lakho ngomnwe. Njengoko kunzima njengoko kunjalo, ukwenza ubudlelwane busebenze kufuneka ukhombe umnwe kuwe.
Zibuze namhlanje, ndenza ntoni ukuhlangabezana neemfuno zeqabane lam? Gxila kwinto onokuyenza, hayi kwinto eyenziwa liqabane lakho okanye elingakwenziyo.
45. Fikelela kwiziseko-thepha kwiimfuno eziphambili zeqabane lakho
UDeidre A. Prewitt, uMMSMFC, uLPC
Elona cebiso lam lilungileyo lomtshato kuso nasiphi na isibini kukufuna ngokwenene ukuqonda imiyalezo ethunyelwa liqabane lakho. Eyona mitshato ilungileyo yenziwe ngabantu ababini abazi amava omnye kunye neemfuno ezisisiseko zeemvakalelo; ukusebenzisa olo lwazi ukuqonda imiyalezo eyiyo ngasemva kwamagama abo.
Abantu abaninzi abatshatileyo bayasokola kuba bacinga ukuba eyabo indlela kuphela kwendlela yokubona ubudlelwane babo. Esi sesona sizathu sempixano njengoko omabini amaqabane esilwa neengcinga zokuba ziviwe ngokwenene ngabanye abantu.
Ukufunda, ukuhloniphana, kunye nothando ngombono owahlukileyo welizwe kunye nomtshato uvumela iqabane ngalinye ukuba liqonde imiyalezo engasemva komsindo kunye nokwenzakalisa ukuboniswa kweqabane labo kwelona xesha limnyama.
Banokubona ngomsindo ukufikelela entliziyweni yemicimbi kwaye basebenzise ungquzulwano ukwakha ubudlelwane obungcono.
46. Sukufaka ibhokisi kumlingane wakho- khumbula ukuba linjani iqabane lakho
Amira Posner, BSW, MSW, RSWw
Elona cebiso lilungileyo ndinokulinika isibini esitshatileyo kukuba ubekhona nawe kunye nolwalamano lwakho. Ngokwenene ukhona, ungathanda ukumazi kwakhona.
Amaxesha amaninzi sibaleka ngokwethu kwindlela esidibana ngayo nathi, amava ethu kunye nobudlelwane bethu nabanye. Sidla ngokusabela kwindawo ethile okanye indlela emiselweyo yokubona izinto.
Sivame ukubeka amaqabane ebhokisini kwaye oku kunokubangela ukonakala kunxibelelwano.
Xa sithatha ixesha lokucothisa kwaye sihlakulele ukuqonda okuqinisekileyo, sinokukhetha ukuphendula ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Sakha indawo yokubona kunye nokufumana izinto ngokwahlukileyo.
47. Konke kufanelekile kuthando kunye nemfazwe-yi-B.S
ILiz Verna, i-ATR, i-LCAT
Yilwa ngobulungisa neqabane lakho. Sukuthatha isibhamu esinexabiso eliphantsi, ubize igama okanye ungalibali ukuba utyale imali kuhambo olude. Ukugcina imida endaweni yamaxesha anzima kukukhumbula ukuba uya kuhlala uvuka kusasa ukuze ujongane nolunye usuku kunye.
48. Yiyeke into engaphaya kolawulo lwakho
ISAMANTHA IBURNS, MA, LMHC
Ngokwazi khetha ukuyeka izinto ongenakukwazi ukuzitshintsha ngomntu, kwaye ujonge kwinto oyithandayo ngaye. Isifundo sokuvavanywa kwengqondo kwizibini ezisaqhubeka ukuthanda uthando emva kweminyaka engamashumi amabini ananye ngokomndilili womtshato kubonise la maqabane anezakhono ezikhethekileyo zokungahoyi izinto eziphantsi kolusu lwawo, kunye nokugxila kugxilwe kwizinto abazithandayo ngamaqabane abo. Eyona ndlela yokwenza oku kukusebenzisa umbulelo wemihla ngemihla, ukuxabisa into enye abayicingayo abayenzileyo ngala mhla.
49. (Ukujonga ngasemva) Ukungeva, ukungaboni kakuhle, kunye ne-Dementia zilungile kumtshato owonwabileyo
UDAVID O. SAENZ, PH.D., EDM, LLC
Iingxelo ezivela kwizibini ezitshatileyo ezingama-60 + iminyaka. Senza njani ukuba sisebenze kakuhle emva kwamashumi eminyaka sikunye:
- Omnye wethu uhlala ekulungele ukuthanda omnye umntu nje kancinci ngakumbi
- Ungaze uvumele okanye wenze iqabane lakho lizive lililolo
- Kuya kufuneka uzimisele ukuba sisithulu kancinci ... ungaboni kancinci ... kwaye ube nesifo sengqondo esixhalabisayo
- Umtshato ulula ngokulula, kuxa umntu (okanye bobabini) umntu esiba sisidenge kuba nzima
- Unokuba ulungile ngalo lonke ixesha okanye ungonwaba (okt utshatile), kodwa aninakuba nobabini
50. Yilahle loo nto yokuzikhusela! Eyam eyakho inxaxheba kwiingxabano
UNancy Ryan, uLMFT
UNancy Ryan
Khumbula ukuqhubeka unomdla ngeqabane lakho. Funa ukuqonda umbono wabo ngaphambi kokuba uzikhusele. Inxalenye yakho yeyakho ekungaqondani, sebenza nzima ukunxibelelana ngeengcinga kunye neemvakalelo zakho, amaphupha kunye nezinto onomdla kuzo, kwaye ufumane iindlela zokudibanisa ngeendlela ezimbalwa mihla le. Khumbula ukuba nithandana, anizintshaba. Yiba yindawo ekhuselekileyo ngokweemvakalelo kwaye ujonge okuhle komnye nomnye.
51. Uthando lukhula kuphela xa wondla kwaye wondla ubudlelwane, ngokungaguquguqukiyo
ILola Sholagbade, MA, RP, CCC
Awunakwenza nto kwaye ulindele ukuba uthando lukhule. Njengokuba ungagcina amadangatye evutha ngokongeza izingodo kwindawo yomlilo, kungaphakathi kobudlelwane bomtshato, kuya kufuneka ugcine ukongeza iinkuni emlilweni ngokwenza ubudlelwane, imisebenzi yonxibelelwano kunye nokuhlangabezana neemfuno zomnye nomnye- nokuba yeyiphi na .
52. Umhla iqabane lakho ngathi awutshatanga nalo
UGqr. UMARNI FEUERMAN, LCSW, LMFT
Elona cebiso lilungileyo endinokukunika lona kukuqhubeka nokuphathana ngendlela enenza ngayo xa nithandana. Ngale nto ndiyathetha, yenza ukonwaba kakhulu xa uqala ukubona okanye ukuthetha omnye nomnye, kwaye ube nobubele. Ezinye zezi zinto zinokuwela ecaleni kwendlela xa ukhe waba nomntu okwethutyana.
Ngamanye amaxesha indlela abatshatileyo abaphathana ngayo ibingazukufumana umhla wesibini, kungasathethwa ke esibingelelweni! Cinga ngendlela eninokuthatha ngayo enye nenye okanye xa ukhe waliphatha kakuhle iqabane lakho ngezinye iindlela.
53. Nxiba ibheji yakho eyahlukileyo-iqabane lakho ALIKHO uxanduva lwempilo yakho iphela
ILEVANA SLABODNICK, I-LISW-S
Ingcebiso yam kwizibini kukuba wazi apho uphela khona kwaye iqabane lakho liqala. Ewe kubalulekile ukuba unxibelelwano olusondeleyo, unxibelelane kwaye ufumane ixesha lokufumana amava okudibanisa, kodwa ubuntu bakho bubalulekile.
Ukuba uxhomekeke kwiqabane lakho kulonwabo, intuthuzelo, inkxaso, njl. Inokudala uxinzelelo kunye nokudana xa bengazifezekisi zonke iimfuno zakho. Kungcono ukuba nabahlobo, usapho, kunye nezinye izinto onomdla ngaphandle komtshato wakho ukuze iqabane lakho lingabinalo uxanduva lokuphila kakuhle.
54. Phakamisani amandla kunye nobuthathaka omnye nomnye ekwenzeni ulungelelwaniso oluhle
UGqr. KONSTANTIN LUKIN, PH.D.
Ukuba nolwalamano olwanelisayo kufana nokuba liqabane elihle le-tango. Ayisiyiyo ukuba ngubani owona mdanisi unamandla, kodwa imalunga nendlela amaqabane amabini asebenzisana ngayo amandla kunye nobuthathaka bokubumbana kunye nobuhle bomdaniso.
55. Yiba ngumhlobo wakho osenyongweni 
ULAURA GALINIS, LPC
Ukuba unokunika ingcebiso kwisibini esitshatileyo, ingayintoni loo nto? ”
Tyala imali kulwalamano oluqinileyo neqabane lakho. Ngelixa isini kunye nokusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni kubalulekile emtshatweni, ukoneliseka emtshatweni kuyanda ukuba omabini amaqabane aziva kukho ubuhlobo obuqinileyo obubambe isiseko somtshato.
Ke yenza okufanayo (ukuba akunjalo!) Kunye nomlingane wakho njengoko usenza nabahlobo bakho.
56. Yakha ubuhlobo bomtshato ukuze buphuculwe ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo nangokomzimba
STACI SCHNELL, MS, CS, LMFT
Yibani Ngabahlobo! Ubuhlobo yenye yeempawu zomtshato owonwabileyo nohlala uhleli. Ukwakha nokukhulisa ubuhlobo bomtshato kunokuwomeleza umtshato kuba ubuhlobo emtshatweni buyaziwa ngokwakha ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo nangokwasemzimbeni.
Ubuhlobo banceda abantu abatshatileyo ukuba bazive bekhuselekile ngokwaneleyo ukuba bathethe ngokukhululekileyo omnye nomnye ngaphandle kokukhathazeka malunga nokugwetywa okanye ukuziva bengakhuselekanga. Amaqabane angabahlobo ajonge ukuchitha ixesha kunye, kwaye athandane ngokunyanisekileyo.
Imisebenzi yabo kunye nezinto abanomdla kuzo ziyaphuculwa ngenxa yokuba benabantu ababathandayo ukuba babelane ngamava abo obomi. Ukuba neqabane lakho njengomhlobo wakho osenyongweni kunokuba sesinye sezibonelelo zomtshato.
57. Yiba ngumntu ofuna ukuba naye
UGqirha Jo Ann Atkins, DMin, CPC
Sonke sinoluvo lomntu esingathanda ukuba naye. Saqala kwangoko kwisikolo samabanga aphantsi, ukuba "nothando" kutitshala, okanye komnye umfundi.
Sijonge abazali bethu kubudlelwane kunye nezinye izalamane. Sive ukuba yintoni le sinomdla kuyo, i-blonde, ubude, uncumo olukhulu, ezothando, njl. Kodwa uthini ngolunye uluhlu? Izinto ezinzulu ezenza ubudlelwane busebenze.
Ke ... ndiyabuza, ingaba unganguye umntu ofuna ukuba naye? Ngaba unokuqonda? Ngaba unokumamela ngaphandle kokugweba? Ngaba uyakwazi ukugcina iimfihlo? Ngaba unokuba nolwazelelelo nolwazelelelo? Ngaba ungathanda njengexesha lokuqala?
Ngaba unokuba nomonde, uthantamise, kwaye ulunge? Ngaba unokuthenjwa, unyaniseke yaye uyaxhasa? Ngaba ungaxolela, uthembeke (kuThixo), kwaye ulumke? Ngaba unokuhlekisa, ube nomtsalane kwaye wonwabe? Sisoloko sifuna okungaphezulu kunokuba sinikela sisazi.
"Ukuba ngulo mntu, ufuna ukuba naye" ngequbuliso waba ngaphezulu kunokuba bendicinga njengoko ndicinga ngeli phupha. Indibangele ukuba ndithathe ukujonga okungapheliyo kwisipili sokuzingca kwam.
Ndaya ndizikhumbula ngakumbi, emva kwayo yonke into endinokuyitshintsha. Ukuqiqa emtshatweni akuthethi ukuba ndindisholo okanye kude kwiimvakalelo.
58. Qhubeka ufunda ukuba ngumhlobo osenyongweni kwiqabane lakho
UCARALEE FREDERIC, LCSW, CGT, SRT
Kukho izinto ezimbalwa eziphakama phezulu: “Ngelinye ixesha, nitshatile kuba aninakucinga ukuba niphile ubomi ngaphandle kwalo mntu ukuyo. Yondla umkhwa wokukhangela okuhle komnye nomnye yonke imihla.
Yitsho. Yibhale phantsi. Babonise ukuba unethamsanqa / usikelelekile ukuba unabo ebomini bakho.
Kuyinyani ngenene ukuba imitshato elungileyo yakhelwe kwisiseko sobuhlobo obulungileyo- kwaye ngoku kukho ubuqhetseba bophando ukubonisa oko. Funda ngendlela onokuba ngumhlobo wokwenene ngayo. Qhubeka ufunda ukuba ngumhlobo osenyongweni kwiqabane lakho.
Sonke siyatshintsha ngokuhamba kwexesha, kwaye kukho iindawo ezithile ezihlala zinjalo. Nika ingqalelo kuzo zombini.
Okokugqibela, zonke izakhono emhlabeni aziyi kukunceda nganto ngaphandle kokuba ugqibe kwelokuba uyamkele impembelelo yeqabane lakho- ukubenza bachaphazele indlela ocinga ngayo, oziva ngayo, kunye nokwenza kwakho- kwaye ubandakanya impilo yabo kunye nolonwabo lwabo izenzo ozithathayo kunye nezigqibo ozenzayo.
59. Khusela ulwalamano lwakho - cima imo yokuqhuba ngokuzenzekelayo
USharon Pope, uMqeqeshi woBomi kunye noMlobi
Ubudlelwane obukhoyo phakathi kwakho neqabane lakho abukho kwenye indawo kule planethi. Yeyakho kwaye yeyakho wedwa.Xa usabelana ngeenkcukacha zobudlelwane bakho nosapho, izihlobo, okanye abantu osebenza nabo, umema abanye abantu kwindawo apho bengengabo kwaye bungahloniphi ubudlelwane.
Andikwazi ukucinga ngento enye ephilayo kule planethi echumayo ngaphandle koqwalaselo okanye ukondla, kwaye kunjalo nakwimitshato yethu. Asinakukubeka kumqhubi wenqwelo-mafutha, ukuthulula uthando lwethu, amandla kunye nokuhoya abantwana, umsebenzi, okanye yonke enye into efuna ukuhoywa kwaye silindele ukuba ubudlelwane buya kukhula ngomlingo buze bukhule bodwa.
60. Jongana neenkqwithela zobomi kunye nomonde 
RENNET WONG-GATES, MSW, RSW, RP
Xa abantu abadala besenza isigqibo sokudibana kunye nabanye banxibelelana ngokuchongwa kwabo.
Ngaphantsi komphezulu ziimfuno zomntu ngamnye ezingafezekiswanga kunye nemicimbi engasonjululwanga kunye nokucinga kwabo ngamathuba. Kwimpilo yemozulu kunye sidinga umonde, ukuzihlola, ukuxolelwa kunye nesibindi sokuba sesichengeni sokuhlala sidibene ngokwasemoyeni nangokomzimba.
61. Yandisa isebe lomnquma
UMOSHE RATSON, MBA, MS MFT, LMFT
Akukho buhlobo bukhululekileyo kukungaqondani kweengxoxo, ukuphoxeka kunye nokudana. Xa ugcina amanqaku okanye ulinde uxolo, ubudlelwane buya emazantsi. Sebenzisa, phula umjikelo ongalunganga, kwaye ulungise okungahambanga kakuhle.
Emva koko wandise isebe lomnquma, wenze uxolo kwaye uhambe ngaphaya kwexesha elidlulileyo uye kwikamva eliqaqambileyo.
62. Fumana ubomi! (Funda- umdlalo owakhayo)
UStephanie Robson MSW, uRSW
Sihlala siziva ukuba ubudlelwane budinga ukuba sinike ixesha elininzi kunye namandla, okuyinyani oko. Umtshato ufuna umgudu noqwalaselo olungagungqiyo ukuba uza kuphumelela.
Xa usakha ubudlelwane kwaye kusenokwenzeka ukuba lusapho, izibini zinokuntywiliselwa kule nkqubo, bazilahle. Ngelixa kubalulekile ukuba ungqinelane neqabane lakho, kubalulekile ukuba nezinto onomdla kuzo kwaye uziphuhlise njengomntu ngamnye.
Ukuthatha inxaxheba kwimisebenzi engabandakanyi iqabane lakho, okt ukufunda isixhobo somculo, ukujoyina iklabhu yencwadi, ukuthatha iklasi yokufota, nokuba yeyiphi na, ikunika ithuba lokuphuhlisa.
Tyakhe inokuba yindlela entle yokuvuselela amandla kunye nokuziva unamandla ahlaziyiweyo kunye nemvakalelo yokufezekisa eya kuthi income ubudlelwane obunempilo.
Ishedyuli yokujonga ubudlelwane ukuze uxoxe kwaye woyise uloyiko kunye namathandabuzo
UGqirha Jerren Weekes-Kanu, Ph.D, MA
Ndingacebisa izibini ezitshatileyo ukuba zichithe ixesha zihlala zixoxa ngezinto ezifaneleyo, amathandabuzo, okanye ukungazithembi abanamava ngokunxulumene nolwalamano lwabo. Uloyiko olungathandabuzekiyo kunye nokuthandabuza kunokuba nefuthe elihle emtshatweni.
Umzekelo, elinye iqabane elisoyikayo ukuba alisafunwa liqabane lanele ukutshintsha indlela abaziphethe ngayo kunye nolwalamano olunamandla ngeendlela ezinciphisa ukoneliseka emtshatweni (umz. / okanye umgama weemvakalelo ngezinye iindlela).
Ungavumeli uloyiko olungathethwayo lonakalise umtshato wakho; baxoxe rhoqo kwindawo efudumeleyo, evulekileyo nengqinayo yengxoxo.
64. Cwangcisani kwaye nidale ubomi obunentsingiselo kunye
UCaroline Steelberg, Psy.D, LLC
Nika ndicinge emtshatweni wakho. Chonga ukuba wena neqabane lakho nifuna ntoni kwaye nifuna ntoni emtshatweni, ngoku nakwixesha elizayo. Cwangcisa ixesha eliqhelekileyo lokwabelana, ukumamela kunye nokuxoxa ngendlela yokwenza oko kwenzeke. Yenzani ubomi obunentsingiselo kunye!
65. Zibuze ukuba ufumene umqolo weqabane lakho 
ULindsay Goodlin, uLcsw
Elona cebo lililo ndilicebisayo kwizibini kukuhlala udlala kwiqela elinye. Ukudlala kwiqela elinye kuthetha ukuhlala unemqolo omnye nomnye, usebenzela iinjongo ezifanayo, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kuthetha ukuthwala ilungu leqela lakho xa lifuna inkxaso. Sonke siyazi ukuba akukho "mna" kwiqela, kwaye umtshato awukho.
66. Indlela onxibelelana ngayo ibaluleke kanye njengaleyo uyiqhakamshelayo- hlakulela ubugcisa
ANGELA FICKEN, LICSW
Fumana indlela yokunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo. Ngengoku ndithetha, niyakuthi njani nina nobabini nivakalise iimvakalelo ezinje ngokwenzakala, umsindo, unxunguphalo, uxabiso nothando ngendlela eninokuziva ngayo ukuba niyivile kwaye niyayiqonda?
Unxibelelwano olusebenzayo luhlobo lobugcisa kwaye isibini ngasinye sinokuhluka ngendlela esisebenzisa ngayo. Ukufunda unxibelelwano olusebenzayo kunokuthatha ixesha elininzi, ukuziqhelanisa, kunye nomonde- kwaye kunokwenziwa! Unxibelelwano olulungileyo sesona sixhobo siphambili kulwalamano oluhle olusempilweni.
67. Phatha iqabane lakho ngendlela obungathanda ukuphathwa ngayo
I-EVA SADOWSKI RPC, MFA
Phatha iqabane lakho ngendlela obungathanda ukuphathwa ngayo. Ukuba ufuna imbeko - nikela imbeko; ukuba ufuna uthando - nika uthando; ukuba ufuna ukuthembeka - bathembe; ukuba ufuna ububele - yiba nobubele. Yiba luhlobo lomntu ofuna iqabane lakho libe.
68. Bopha amandla akho angaphakathi ukuze uphendule ngendlela engcono neqabane lakho
UGqirha Lyz DeBoer Kreider, Ph.D.
Cinga kwakhona apho amandla akho alele khona. Awunawo amandla okanye umlingo, kunokuthatha ukutshintsha iqabane lakho. Sebenzisa amandla akho ukutshintsha indlela ophendula ngayo kwiqabane lakho.
Amaxesha amaninzi amaqabane asabela ngendlela edala umgama- ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo. Yima kancinci, uphefumle, kwaye ucinge ngeenjongo zonxibelelwano. Khetha impendulo ehambelana nenjongo yakho.
69. Fumana okwenyani (Chuck ezo ngcamango zothando zothando)
IKIMBERLY VANBUREN, MA, LMFT, LPC-S
Uninzi lwabantu luqala ubudlelwane nolindelo olungeyonyani malunga nokuba ubudlelwane bujongeka kanjani. Ihlala ikhuthazwa zii-comedies zothando kunye nokubonwa ngumntu "njengokuthandana" okanye "ukuthanda" okanye "ukonwaba".
Amathuba kukuba uqinisekile ukuba inkwenkwezi ye-movie yamva nje (faka iActor yakho oyithandayo apha) yindlela ulwalamano ekufuneka lujongeka ngayo kwaye ubomi bakho abufani nomdlalo bhanyabhanya, uya kudana.
Rhoqo xa sikwisigaba sokuthandana sobudlelwane, sizijongile izinto zomntu esingazithandiyo. Senza oku kuba sikholelwa ukuba sakuba sinobudlelwane obuzinikeleyo, sinokutshintsha okanye sitshintshe izinto esingazithandiyo.
Inyaniso kukuba, ubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo buza kugxininisa kuyo yonke imiba yeqabane lakho. Ezo uzithandayo kwaye ngakumbi ezo ungazithandiyo. Izinto ongazithandiyo aziyi kuphela xa ukuzibophelela kwenziwe.
Ingcebiso yam ilula. Cacisa kwaye unyaniseke malunga nento oyifunayo kubudlelwane kwaye ube kwaye wamkele malunga nento onayo kubudlelwane, ngeli xesha. Ayisiyiyo le ucinga ukuba inokuba yiyo okanye inokwenzeka ntoni ukuba oku okanye okuya kutshintsha.
Ukuba ujonge kwinto oza kuyitshintsha kwiqabane lakho ukuze wonwabe kubudlelwane, uzibekela ukusilela. Yamkela ukuba ngubani iqabane lakho kwaye uqonde ukuba ngaphezulu kokungazukubakho utshintsho olukhulu kwiimpawu zabo.
Ukuba ungonwaba ukuba ngubani lo mntu ngoku, uya kuba nakho ukwaneliseka lulwalamano lwakho.
70. Ukukhuthaza isimilo seqabane lakho- yazi ngakumbi kwaye ungabagxeki kangako
USAMARA SEROTKIN, PSY.D
Bonakalisa uxabiso komnye nomnye. Nokuba kufuneka umbe ukuze ufumane into oyithandayo kubo, yikhangele kwaye uyithethe. Umtshato ngumsebenzi onzima, kwaye sonke sinokusebenzisa ukukhuthaza ngoku-ngakumbi kumntu esibona kakhulu.
Zazi iingcinga zakho. Uninzi lwethu luchitha ixesha elininzi sicinga ngezinto- ngakumbi amaqabane ethu. Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba ukhalaza kuwe malunga nabo, nqumama kwaye ufumane indlela yokusombulula ingxaki kunye nabo. Ungayivumeli ukuba ikhule kwaye ibe yityhefu.
71. Gxila kwiimvakalelo endaweni yokufumana incoko enemveliso ngakumbi 
UMaureen Gaffney, uLcsw
Andixoki, kodwa yena uyaxoka, ndingaphinde ndimthembe njani? ” Zimbalwa kakhulu izinto ebomini ezihlala zikhona okanye ezingazange kwaye kanti la ngamagama esiya kuwo ngokulula ngexesha lengxabano. Xa ufumanisa ukuba usebenzisa la magama, nqumama okwethutyana kwaye ucinge malunga nexesha onokuba uxoke ngalo.
Mhlawumbi ubuxoki obuncinci omhlophe xa ubusebenza emva kwexesha. Ukuba nigxila kwindlela yokuziphatha eniziva nizive ngayo endaweni yokuba yenzeke kangaphi, kuvula nina nobabini ukuba nithethe endaweni yokuziva nigwetyiwe okanye nineentloni.
72. Ukwamkela yindlela yosindiso emtshatweni
UGqirha Kim Dawson, Psy.D.
- Yamkela ukuba akukho mntu unegunya lokufumana inyaniso, nkqu nawe!
- Yamkela ungquzulwano yinxalenye yendalo yobudlelwane kunye nomthombo wezifundo zobomi.
- Yamkela iqabane lakho linombono osemthethweni. Buza ngayo! Funda kuyo!
- Fumana iphupha owabelana ngalo kwaye ulakhe ngokwenyani.
73. Yenza ubomi kwindawo ohlala kuyo ungenaloyiko lokuba uza 'kufunyanwa'
IGREG GRIFFIN, MA, BCPC
Yenza izigqibo ngokungathi iqabane lakho belinawe, nokuba akakho. Phila ukuze iqabane lakho likothuse ngokubonisa naphi na apho ukhoyo (kuhambo lweshishini, ukuphuma nabahlobo, okanye xa uwedwa), uya konwaba ukumamkela. Kuluvakalelo olukhulu ukuhlala ukhululekile kuloyiko lokuba "uya kufunyanwa".
74. Chitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye neqabane lakho
UMendim Zhuta, LMFT
Ukuba ndinganika isibini esitshatileyo ingcebiso enye kuphela kuya kuba kukuqinisekisa ukuba bagcina ibhalansi yabo "yeXesha loMgangatho" ubuncinci beeyure ezi-2 ngeveki. Ukucaca "ngeXabiso lomgangatho" ndithetha usuku ebusuku / imini. Ngapha koko, ungaze uhambe ngaphezulu kwenyanga enye ngaphandle kokuzalisa le mali eseleyo.
75. Ukondla ubudlelwane bakho ngonxibelelwano oluncinci
ULISA CHAPIN, MA, LPC
Ingcebiso yam iya kuba kukwenza ulwalamano lwakho lube yinto ephambili kwaye uqinisekise ukuba uyalukhulisa ngokudibana okuncinci kodwa okubalulekileyo ngokweemvakalelo nangokwasemzimbeni yonke imihla. Ukuphuhlisa iintlanganiso zemihla ngemihla -ukujongwa kwengqondo kunye neqabane lakho (isicatshulwa, i-imeyile, okanye umnxeba) okanye ukwanga okunentsingiselo, ukuphulula okanye ukugona kungahamba indlela ende.