Umxholo
- 1. Amadoda kufuneka ahlonitshwe ngaphezu kwayo yonke enye into
- 2. Amadoda awakhuliswanga ukuba abelane ngeemvakalelo
- 3. Singamamela kodwa kungcono sikulungise
- 4. Amadoda afuna ukukhathalelwa
- 5. Amadoda ayoyika ukubonwa njengabantu ababuthathaka
- 6. Ukubonisa umntu wakho yeyona nto imbi onokuyenza
- 7. Indoda ifuna umfazi wayo abe yeyona ntshatsheli yakhe inkulu
- 8. Namadoda afuna ukufunwa
Njengomfazi, usenokuba wazibuza:
"Afuna ntoni ngokwenene amadoda?"
Nalu uluhlu oluchanekileyo oluchaza ngokweenkcukacha kunye nokuqonda ukuba uninzi lwamadoda afuna ukuba abafazi bazi.
1. Amadoda kufuneka ahlonitshwe ngaphezu kwayo yonke enye into
Into emenza umntu azive eyindoda yintlonipho. Nokuba ungumntu okholwayo okanye akunjalo, kuyinyani okuthethwa yiBhayibhile ngamadoda nentlonipho. Kukho incwadi kaGqirha Eggerichs ebizwa ngokuba "Uthando kunye nentlonipho" apho angena khona malunga nokubaluleka kwabafazi behlonipha amadoda abo. Intlonipho endodeni ifana neSipinatshi kuPopeye ... iyamnika amandla kwaye iphantse imenze azive engenakoyiswa. Oku kubalulekile kuba kukho izinto amabhinqa afuna ukuba amadoda azenze kodwa endaweni yokumakha nokumlungiselela lo msebenzi, uyamdiliza kwaye emva koko ambeke ityala ngokuba "angawenzi." Kubonakala njani ukungahloniphi? Ukubuza yonke into ayenzayo. Ukugxeka izigqibo kunye neenjongo zakhe. Zininzi izinto ezininzi ezibonisa ukungabi nantlonelo kwincwadi kaGqirha Eggerichs.
2. Amadoda awakhuliswanga ukuba abelane ngeemvakalelo
Xa amadoda engamakhwenkwe awanakwabelana ngokwabelana ngeemvakalelo neemvakalelo zabo. Amakhwenkwe ayenziwa ukucinezela indlela abavakalelwa ngayo kwaye bazenze ngathi banzima kwaye abalimazi. Ndabona ividiyo kwimidiya yoluntu yenkwenkwana eneminyaka emi-4 ubudala inezinwele. Andazi nokuba umntwana wayekhathazwa okanye hayi kodwa wayekhwaza ngokungathi kubuhlungu. Utata wakhe wayemi naye apho, nto leyo ilungileyo, kodwa le yayithethwa ngutata wakhe yayingalunganga. Uxelele unyana wakhe, "yeka ukukhala ... ube yindoda ... ube lukhuni." Ividiyo indenze buhlungu kuba le nto wayengayiqondi lo tata kukuba wayexelela unyana wakhe oneminyaka emi-4 ukuba ufuna ukuba yindoda emva koko akakwazi ukuchaza indlela aziva ngayo ... amadoda awalili. Wayemxelela nokuba "ukuba lukhuni" kuthetha ukungalili. Into abantwana abafuna ukuyenza kakhulu kukufana nabantu abadala, ke ukumxelela ukuba "yindoda" uyakwenza into akholelwa ukuba ayenziwa ngamadoda ... ukucinezela iimvakalelo zabo. Njengamakhwenkwe, amadoda akhuliselwa ukuba "abe lukhuni" kwaye asebenze nzima.
3. Singamamela kodwa kungcono sikulungise
Xa umfazi esiza kwindoda yakhe enengxaki, amaxesha amaninzi ufuna ukuba aphulaphule ngokulula. Kodwa amadoda alungisa kwaye asombulula iingxaki. Bafuna ukulungisa ingxaki yenenekazi labo. Ngelixa amadoda kufuneka afunde ukuba akusoloko kulungiswa izinto, umfazi kufuneka aqonde ukuba yindlela amadoda anjalo ngayo. Yonke indoda ifuna ukuba ligorha. Kodwa ukuba ligorha ngamanye amaxesha uziva ngathi akalaleli. Akuyonyani oko. Khumbula, amadoda anengqiqo ngakumbi kwaye abafazi banemvakalelo ngakumbi.
4. Amadoda afuna ukukhathalelwa
Xa ndixelela abantu basetyhini ukuba amadoda afuna ukukhathalelwa kufuneka ndicacise kwangoko ukuba akafuni ukuba ube ngunina. Kukho umahluko phakathi kokukhathalelwa nokuphathwa njengomntwana. Njengokuba kunjalo, ukuphatha umyeni wakho njengomntwana wakho kuya kuba neziphumo ezibi kuwe. Nangona kunjalo, amadoda afuna ukukhuliswa ngumama, hayi nje "awunakuzinceda kwaye ungaphantsi".
Yikholwe okanye ungakholelwa, amadoda alula. Ukuhoya umntu wakho kujongeka ngoluhlobo: Akananto yangaphantsi ecocekileyo kwaye uyamhlamba. Akanazimpahla zangaphantsi ‘ziphucukileyo’ kwaye umthengela ezingaphezulu. Usebenze imini ende emsebenzini kwaye endaweni yokulinda ade afike ekhaya abuze ukuba ufuna ukutya ntoni, sele umlungiselele into. Ngokusisiseko, ukukhathalela indoda yakho kuthetha ukwenza ubomi bayo bube lula. Ngoku abanye banokuthi, "kutheni ndifuna ukwenza ubomi bakhe bube lula?" Ayisiyonto yokwenyani, kukufuna. Kodwa ngaphaya kwento yokuba iya kunxibelelana nembeko kunye nothando kunye nokumkhathalela, iya kumenza afane ne-putty ezandleni zakho. Kakade ke oku kukulula kuba kusoloko kukho ezinye izinto kubudlelwane ezinokuchaphazela "ukungakhathali kwamadoda." Uninzi lwabasetyhini aluyi kuyenzela le ndoda yabo kuba beziva ukuba indoda yabo ayikufanelanga. Nokuba yinyani okanye ayiyonyani, ukwenza oku kuya kuvelisa iziphumo ezintle kwaye kumenze abe nothando ngakumbi kuwe.
Kodwa ngaphaya kwento yokuba iya kunxibelelana nembeko kunye nothando kunye nokumkhathalela, iya kumenza afane ne-putty ezandleni zakho. Ewe kunjalo lula ngenxa yokuba kusoloko kukho ezinye izinto kubudlelwane ezinokuchaphazela "ubudoda besilisa." Uninzi lwabasetyhini aluyi kuyenzela le ndoda yabo kuba beziva ukuba indoda yabo ayikufanelanga. Nokuba yinyani okanye ayiyonyani, ukwenza oku kuya kuvelisa iziphumo ezintle kwaye kumenze abe nothando ngakumbi kuwe.
5. Amadoda ayoyika ukubonwa njengabantu ababuthathaka
Inomdla into yokuba sichitha ixesha elingakanani sizama ukweyisela abanye abantu ukuba asingobantu. Ndithetha ukuthini ngale nto? Ndiyathetha ukuba sisebenza ixesha elongezelelekileyo ukwenza abantu bakholelwe ukuba sinako konke kunye, ukuba asilwi nobomi kwaye asinaxhala, konke oko kusenza sibe ngabantu. Amadoda nangona kunjalo ayayifumana le nto kwinqanaba elinzulu kuba kufuneka sinxibe esi sigqubuthelo "singoyiki" ngalo lonke ixesha ukukhusela ubudoda bethu. Ukusukela ngelixesha singamakhwenkwe amancinci sixelelwa ukuba kufuneka sibenzima. Xa abafazi becinga ngendoda bahlala becinga ngamadoda amakhulu, amadoda anamandla kwaye anzima njengoLeonidas ovela kumdlalo bhanyabhanya wama-300.
Enye yeemiboniso zam TV endizithandayo ndisengumntwana yayilixesha elilungileyo, elinotata oqinileyo kuJames Evans. Onke amadoda afuna ukomelela, ukuqiniseka, ukuzithemba nokuba nzima. Kodwa into engaziwayo ngabafazi kukuba ingaphezulu komfanekiso esiwufunayo, ngumfanekiso esoyika ukungabinawo. Enye yezona zinto zoyikisayo emntwini kukubonwa njengobuthathaka ngumfazi wakhe. Olu loyiko lwenza ukuba amadoda enze into elukhuni kunaleyo, abe nesibindi ngakumbi kunokuba eneneni kwaye azithembe ngakumbi kunokuba eneneni, konke oko kuphembelela ikratshi nokuzingca. Zombini ikratshi nokuzikhukhumalisa ziimpawu zokungazithembi.
Enye yeendlela ezikhawulezayo zokuba nomsindo kwindoda yokumbiza ngokuba buthathaka, uxolo, okanye isidenge. Uninzi lwabasetyhini alazi ukuba amadoda ahamba noloyiko oluhlala luhleli ubuntu babo buya kujongwa ngobuso babo bokuqina. Inyaniso yile, amadoda nawoyika. Amadoda akaqinisekanga nawo. Amadoda anokungazithembi nawo. Yintoni elangazelelwa ngamadoda yindawo apho banokuba semngciphekweni kwaye bafuna ukuba le ndawo ibe kunye nabasetyhini babo. Kodwa mininzi imiqobo ethintela oku ukuba yenzeke kwaye amaxesha ngamaxesha abantu basetyhini ababoni ukuba bongeza njani kwimiqobo esele ikhona eluntwini. Ukuba unayo indoda oyithandayo, sebenzela ukumnika indawo apho anokuba sesichengeni khona kwaye abelane noloyiko lwakhe ngaphandle kokuba ohlwaywe ngalo.
6. Ukubonisa umntu wakho yeyona nto imbi onokuyenza
Le yakha kule yokugqibela. Xa umfazi etyhola indoda kunzima kakhulu ukuba ayilibale okanye aphile kuyo. Unokuqhubeka nobomi kwaye kunokubonakala ngathi konke kuhamba kakuhle kubudlelwane kodwa ndiyakuqinisekisa ukuba akunjalo. Amadoda anayo le nto siyibiza ngokuba yi-ego kwaye ibuthathaka kakhulu. Ngenxa yokuba amadoda echitha ixesha elininzi kunye nomzamo bezama ukubonisa indlela abayindoda ngayo, abantu basetyhini abayazi ncam indlela amadoda abuthathaka ngayo. Xa ushushu, uxabana nendoda yakho, lumka ungathethi izinto ongenakuzibuyisa. Ingcebiso elungileyo kuye nabani na eneneni.
7. Indoda ifuna umfazi wayo abe yeyona ntshatsheli yakhe inkulu
Ndiqinisekile ukuba isizathu sokuba uBarack Obama abe nguMongameli wokuqala oMnyama waseMelika kungenxa kaMichelle Obama. Emva kwendoda yonke eyomeleleyo ngumfazi oxhasayo. Amadoda asebenza ngokusemandleni abo xa benabafazi kwiikona zabo bebavulela kubukhulu. Kukho ibali elihlekisayo eliye laxelelwa malunga nabafazi boomongameli. Umongameli kunye nenenekazi lokuqala babephume besiya kubhiyozela isikhumbuzo sabo kwaye umlungiseleli owayebalindile yayisoka elidala leNkosikazi kaMongameli. Xa inenekazi lokuqala laxelela uMongameli ukuba ngubani lo mfo wathi, “kulungile ndiyabheja uyavuya kuba ungamtshatanga. Awungekhe utshate noMongameli wase-U.S. ” Wajonga kuye wathi, “Hayi, ukuba bendimtshatile ngebengumongameli.” Ndihlala ndibaxelela abasetyhini ukuba abawazi amandla abanawo. Amadoda anokukwazi ukuhambisa iintaba kodwa ngaba ngabasetyhini abanika isizathu kunye nenkuthazo yokwenza njalo.
8. Namadoda afuna ukufunwa
Amadoda abonwa njengowasukelayo kodwa kube kanye kubudlelwane indoda ifuna ukuziva ifunwa nayo. Akafuni ukusoloko inguye oza kuqala isondo, enze isimanga okanye ibe nguye onika umyalezo. Abasetyhini ngamanye amaxesha abakuqondi ukubaluleka kokwenza ukuba indoda yabo izive ngathi iyamnqwenela ngendlela efanayo afuna ukuziva inqweneleka ngayo.