Umxholo
- 1. Yiya kunyango
- 2. Wunqumle amaqhina kutata wakho ongumlwelwe
- 3. Khumbula ukuba ukuxhatshazwa akuwenzi umntu azixabise
- 4. Zibekele imida
- 5. Ziqhelise ukwamkela
Umonakalo onokubakho kwi-psyche yakho ukuba unayo utata ongathandekiyo unokuba neziphumo ezihlala ixesha elide. Kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba ezi ziphumo kufuneka zihlale ubomi bonke.
Ungaziphilisa kwaye uzikhusele (kwaye unemodicum ethile yolwalamano notata wakho we-narcissistic kwixa elizayo). Ingxaki yokuba ngumzali we-narcissistic, njengoko izifundo zibonisa, ikwixesha lonke kwaye ukujongana neziphumo zayo kunokuba yingxaki.
Kodwa unokwenza kuphela ukuba ukhetha ukuphilisa umonakalo oza kubakho kwaye uziqhelanise nokwamkela nokwakha imida yakho (ongabelani ngayo notata wakho ukukunceda ulawule ubudlelwane bakho naye).
Nazi ezinye zeembono ekufuneka uziqwalasele ukuba ufuna ukwazi ukuba ungajongana njani nabazali abathandanayo, ngakumbi ukuba utyisiwe kwaye ufuna ukufunda indlela yokujongana notata ongathandekiyo:
1. Yiya kunyango
Unyango yeyona ndlela ibalaseleyo yokuchacha ekuphathweni gadalala kunye nokujongana nomonakalo umntu athe wahlangabezana nawo nakuphi na ukuxhatshazwa, kubandakanya nomonakalo obangelwe ngutata othanda ukulala. Ukuba uxinzelelo okanye i-PTSD ibonakalisa njengeempawu zokuxhatshazwa, ke yiya kunyango ngazo zonke iindlela kwaye ungalibazisi nangakumbi.
Iseshoni elungileyo yonyango inokuchaphazela imicimbi yobuntwana ongakhange ukwazi ukujongana nayo okanye ukuzikhusela njengomntwana kuba umncinci kakhulu. Unyango lunokunceda ukuphinda ubuntwana obuphosileyo ngenxa yeemfuno utata wakho abenazo kuwe.
Ezinye iiseshoni zonyango onokungena kuzo kukuqonda.
Ukuqiqa, njengonyango, kuyakumema ukuba ugxile ngakumbi ngoku kwaye wamkele elidlulileyo njengoko belinjalo.
Kwaye ukuba uhlakulele uxinzelelo kubudlelwane bakho notata wakho we-narcissistic (ngokunokwenzeka oziswe ziimvakalelo ongasokuze uzilinganise kubo) ukuba nengqondo kunokukunceda ulawule le micimbi.
Ayikhe ibe buhlungu ukungena kunyango lokusinda kwi-narcissist. Ukufunda ukuziqhelanisa nokwamkelwa sisakhono esibalulekileyo ebomini esiya kukunceda kakuhle, hayi ngokubhekisele kulwalamano lwakho notata wakho ongathandekiyo kodwa kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi bakho nekamva.
Bukela inkcazo yonyango lwezonyango uRamani Durvasula kwingcaciso ngootata baseNarcissistic kunye neengcebiso zakhe malunga nendlela yokuphelisa ukuxhatshazwa.
2. Wunqumle amaqhina kutata wakho ongumlwelwe
Ukuba sele umdala, ngoku unamandla okuzixhasa nokuzikhathalela. Utata wakho ongakhathaliyo akazukutshintsha, ungakhetha ukusika amakhonkco kuye ukuba uyahlukumeza kwaye uyityhefu.
Ubuncinci ungayenza de ube ufundile ukumamkela njengoko enjalo kwaye uzikhusele ekuhlaselweni yimikhwa katatazala wobundlobongela.
Khumbula utata othanda ukusebenzisa iziyobisi, njengabo bonke abantu abasebenzisa iziyobisi, sebenzisa kwaye usebenzise abanye abantu ukuze ufumane le nto bayifunayo. Ukuba nomntwana kuthetha ukuba banokongeza abantwana babo "kwizinto zabo ezixabisekileyo" eziya kuthi zincede zichaze kwaye zonyuse ukuzixabisa kwabo.
Utata othanda ukuthanda izinto uyakuthanda umntwana (okanye abantwana) oya kumzisela uzuko kuba, kutata ongathandekiyo, abantwana bazandisa ngokwabo. Kwaye oku kunokunyanzela.
Kuya kufuneka uyiqonde kakuhle le patheni kwaye ulawule okulindelwe nguTata wakho kwaye uzikhusele kwiziphumo zobuchwephesha bakhe ukuba ufuna ukumgcina ebomini bakho. Ngaphandle koko ukusika amaqhina kuya kuba yeyona ndlela yokuzikhusela.
3. Khumbula ukuba ukuxhatshazwa akuwenzi umntu azixabise
Ukuphathwa gadalala kwabo sisiphumo sokungahambi kakuhle kobuntu. Abantu abaninzi abakhe banamava okuphathwa gadalala benze impazamo yokuvumela abo baphethe gadalala okanye abo babaphethe gadalala ukuba babone ukuzixabisa kwabo.
Ukubopha umothuko kwenziwa ngenxa yamava abukhali ngokweemvakalelo ahlala enabantu abanetyhefu. Ngenxa yobunzima bokukhathazeka, sivalelwe entolongweni. Ukomelezwa kukuqiniswa okwexeshana okunje ngeziqhushumbisi zothando ezenziwa ngamaxesha athile.
Ukufumana uxinzelelo lomothuko kuyingozi kwaye kunzima ukuba ubaleke, kwaye kusenokwenzeka ukuba ulufumane olu hlobo lobophelelo notata wakho wezobuchwephesha kunye nazo zonke ezinye izibophelelo zendalo kunye nolindelo olwenza noyise 'oqhelekileyo' naye.
Kunzima ukwahlukana nomxhaphazi lowo wakho ingakumbi ukuba ulwalamano lusondele kakhulu.
Abaphethwe gadalala abafumana umothuko ngokwasenzondweni abasaziboni bengahlukanga kubaxhaphazi babo.
Ngalo naluphi na ulwalamano olunetyhefu, isixa sokuxhatshazwa osifumanayo (okt, ukuphathwa kwengqondo, ukuhlazeka, njl.
Umhle ngokwakho; Uyakwazi ukuzimela, kwaye ungaphezulu kokufezekisa izinto ngokwakho ingakumbi xa kufikwa kumba wokujongana nomzali ongalunganga. Njengakwinqaku lesi-2, yazi ukuba kulungile ngokuchanekileyo ukusika amaqhina ikakhulu xa ubudlelwane buhamba kakhulu.
4. Zibekele imida
Ootata be-Narcissistic babona abantwana babo njengezixhobo.Ngeliphandle, abantwana babo "zizinto" kubo. Kwaye ngenxa yokuba "ngabakho", baya kukusebenzisa.
Ukuba uhlala nomzali ongakhathaliyo, beka imida kwaye uqinise le mida.
Yigcine engqondweni ukuba utata wakho we-narcissist oyingozi akanalo uvelwano. Oku kusilela kovelwano kumenza angakwazi ukuqonda iimvakalelo zakho okanye iingcinga zakho.
Xa utata wakho eqala ukuphikisana nemida oyibekileyo, yima kwaye ucelomngeni kwisikhundla sakhe. Kwakhona, sele umdala ngoku, kwaye xa ujongene notata othanda ukuzonwabisa, ungaqala ukubethelela igunya lakho ngakumbi xa utata wakho ebonisa isimo sengqondo sokuthoba isidima.
Kodwa, lumka; Ingqondo ye-narcissist yesiqu sakho ibuthathaka, abaze bafune ukuba uluvo lwabo olucocekileyo lube ngumceli mngeni kuye nabani na. Yima uqinile ngemida yakho ngelixa uhlala nabazali abathandanayo.
5. Ziqhelise ukwamkela
Awungekhe ucinge ngale ndlela njengendlela yokuphumelela ukuphathwa gadalala kodwa uziqhelanise nokwamkela uncedo.
Xa ufumana ithuba lokufumana unyango, wamkela uyihlo wakho ongathandekiyo ukuba ngubani mhlawumbi kulula. Kodwa kwabo bangakwenziyo, oku kunokuba yeyona nto inzima ukuyenza ngakumbi xa utata wakho eswele.
"Umoya wakhe onzima" awunakwenzeka ukuba uqhekezwe, emva kwayo yonke loo nto, umntu oziphethe kakubi uya kuthi azibone egqibelele kwaye elungele yonke ingqwalaselo (olu phononongo lubonisa indlela abazi ngayo ukungahambi kakuhle kobuntu babo).
Ukuba unokuphinda uyichaze imbono yakho kunokwenzeka ukuba iya kulawulwa kancinci, oko kukuthi (ungaze umazise ukuba uyalawulwa!).
Ukwenza la manyathelo okuqala okuphilisa ekuphathweni gadalala kunye nolwalamano olonakalisayo kuya kuba nzima ukuqala. Kodwa wakube ulenzile elo nyathelo, uyakubona ukuba kungcono kangakanani ukukwazi ukukhululeka kumonakalo wokuba ngumntwana katata ongathandekiyo.