Umxholo
- Xa izibini zikhombana ngeminwe endaweni yokumamela
- Ukujolisa kwiimpazamo zeqabane lakho
- Iindlela ezi-8 izibini ezinokuzilungisa ngokufanelekileyo emva kwengxabano:
- 1. Sukugxeka iqabane lakho
Izibini ezininzi zindibuza umbuzo ofanayo: Singabuyela njani kwindlela emva kokungaboni ngasonye?
Impixano yinxalenye engenakuphepheka yobudlelwane obusondeleyo. Amaqabane axoxa ngezinto ezixhalabisayo kwangexesha nangentlonipho, amkele ukulalanisa, amkele isimo sengqondo esiqinileyo, kwaye azibophelele ekulungiseni iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu aya kubuya kwangoko kukungaboni ngasonye ngokukhawuleza kwaye akhe ubudlelwane obuyimpumelelo obuhlala ixesha elide.
Iingxoxo ezivelisayo zinokunceda izibini zihlale kunye. Izibini ezonwabileyo ziyayazi indlela yokufumana ukungaboni ngasonye kunye "nokubuyisela incoko".
“Incoko yokubuyisela kwimeko yesiqhelo” yindlela yokuthetha ngomlo emva kokuba abantu bobabini bezolile, bengazikhuselanga, kwaye beyiqonda imbono yeqabane lakhe. Incoko yokubuyisela kwimeko yesiqhelo iya kukunceda ubuyele emgceni emva kwempikiswano kunye nokuthintela imiba ukuba ingakhuli.
Xa izibini zikhombana ngeminwe endaweni yokumamela
Izibini ezininzi zithande ukukhombana ngeminwe endaweni yokumamela, zichaze into eziyifunayo ngendlela elungileyo, kwaye zinika omnye nomnye inzuzo yokuthandabuza. Umzekelo oqhelekileyo nguMonica noDerrick, bobabini abakwiminyaka engamashumi amane ubudala, abakhulisa abantwana abancinci ababini kwaye batshatile iminyaka elishumi.
UMonica uyakhalaza, “Kudala ndizama ukuba uDerrick andimamele kwaye aphucule unxibelelwano lwethu kodwa ayisebenzi. Akaze andenzele ixesha. Kubonakala ngathi sisoloko sisilwa ngokufuthi. ”
UDerrick uyaphendula, “UMonica uyathanda ukundigxeka kwaye akonwabanga. Asichithi xesha kunye kuba uhlala esithenga okanye nosapho. Uhlala echaza iimpazamo zam kwaye alibale ukuba ndizama ukuba ngumyeni notata ongcono kakhulu. Akukho lula ukuphila ngemilinganiselo yakhe ephakamileyo. ”
Ukujolisa kwiimpazamo zeqabane lakho
Ngelishwa, umsonto oqhelekileyo kwizimvo zesi sibini ugxile kwiziphene zomnye endaweni yeendlela zokulungisa ubudlelwane babo. Kwi Imithetho YomtshatoIsazi ngengqondo, uGqirha Harriet Learner ucacisa ukuba enye yezinto ekhokelela ekusileleni komtshato kukulinda omnye umntu atshintshe.
Ucebisa ukuba endaweni yokuncama ubudlelwane babo, izibini kufuneka zayame omnye komnye, bandise unxibelelwano lwabo oluqinisekileyo lweemvakalelo, kwaye bafunde izakhono ezilungileyo zokulungisa emva kokungavisisani.
Iindlela ezi-8 izibini ezinokuzilungisa ngokufanelekileyo emva kwengxabano:
1. Sukugxeka iqabane lakho
Endaweni yoko, yazisa iqabane lakho ukuba ufuna ntoni ngendlela efanelekileyo. Umzekelo, ukuthetha into enjengokuthi "Ndingathanda ukusicwangcisela into eza kwenziwa" kusebenza ngakumbi kunokuba "Awukhe undinike xesha." UGqirha John Gottman usikhumbuza ukuba ukugxekwa kuyonakalisa umtshato kwaye ukuthetha ngemicimbi ethile kuya kuvuna iziphumo ezingcono.
2. Yiya kwimpikiswano nesimo sengqondo sokusombulula iingxaki
Kubalulekile ukuba ungazami ukungqina inqaku, endaweni yoko, zama ukuvavanya indawo yakho kwimpikiswano. Zibuze ukuba ngaba kubaluleke ngakumbi "ukuphumelela" impikiswano okanye ukusombulula ingxaki.
Mamela kwizicelo zeqabane lakho kwaye ubuze ingcaciso kwimiba engacacanga. Xoxa ngokulindelekileyo ukunqanda ukungaqondani. Thatha umngcipheko kwaye ujongane neemvakalelo ezibuhlungu, ngakumbi ukuba ngumba obalulekileyo endaweni yokugubungela ngamatye okanye ukuvala.
3. Sebenzisa “mna” iingxelo endaweni yokuthi “Wena”
Ingxelo ethi "Wena" idla ngokubonakala ngathi ubekek 'ityala njengokuthi "Ndaziva ndikhathazekile xa uthenge imoto ungakhange uxoxe nam" kunokuba uthi "Awukhathali kwaye awukhe ucinge ngento endiyifunayo."
4. Thatha ikhefu elifutshane
Ukuba uziva ukhathazekile okanye unezikhukula thatha ikhefu elifutshane. Oku kuya kukunika ixesha lokuzola kwaye uqokelele iingcinga zakho ukuze ube nengxoxo enentsingiselo ngakumbi neqabane lakho.
UMonica uyibeka ngoluhlobo: Xa mna noDerrick sincokola ngezinto emva kokuba siye saphola, oko kundenza ndizive ngathi usikhathalele. ”
5. Sebenzisa ulwimi lomzimba
Ulwimi lomzimba njengonxibelelwano ngamehlo, ukuma komzimba, kunye nezimbo zomzimba, ukubonisa injongo yakho yokumamela kunye nokulalanisa. Ukukhupha kwitekhnoloji ubuncinci iyure enye busuku ngabunye oku kuya kukunceda ukunxibelelana neqabane lakho kwaye niqwalaselane ngakumbi.
6. Kuphephe ukuzikhusela
Ithatha ezimbini ukuya kwi-tango kunye uya kuba ngcono xa uyeka ukugcina amanqaku kwaye ujolise ekulungiseni iingxabano. Zama konke okusemandleni akho ukuba ungabonisi indelelo kwiqabane lakho (ukuqengqa amehlo akho, ukuhlekisa, ukubiza amagama, ukubhuqa, njlnjl.).
Xa uGqirha uJohn Gottman wabona amawaka ezithandani kwiLebhu yakhe yoLuthando besenza unxibelelwano lwemihla ngemihla, wafumanisa ukuba ukugxeka kunye nokudelela zizinto ezibini ezibangela uqhawulo-mtshato xa ebalandelela kwiminyaka emininzi.
7. Nika iqabane lakho amathandabuzo
Endaweni yokwalatha kwiimpazamo zeqabane lakho kwaye uzame ukuchitha amandla akho ukhuthaza unxibelelwano olunzulu.
8. Yiba "nokubuyisela incoko" emva kwengxabano
Xa “nipholile” nobabini, mamela icala leqabane lakho. Musa ukwenza izoyikiso okanye ukhuphe isigqibo. Kuphephe ukuthetha izinto oya kuzisola ngazo kamva. Qiniseka kodwa uvule iinzame zakho zokuthetha-thethana malunga noko ukufunayo kwiqabane lakho. Bobabini abantu kubudlelwane bafanele ukufumana ezinye (ayizizo zonke) iimfuno zabo.
Abantu abatshatileyo abaphumeleleyo kubudlelwane bexesha elide bakubeka kwindawo yokuqala ukuchitha ixesha kunye besenza imisebenzi eyonwabisayo yonke imihla ukomeleza unxibelelwano lwabo lweemvakalelo. Umzekelo, ukuzama ukuba nengxoxo yemizuzu engama-20 kunye nesiselo ngaphambi kwesidlo sangokuhlwa okanye uhambe ujikeleze indawo ohlala kuyo. Amaqabane athabatha isimo sengqondo esithi "Sikule nto ikunye" ayakwazi ukuphinda-phinda ukungavisisani ngokukhawuleza kuba ajolise ekondleni izixhaso ezifanelekileyo kunye nezakhono zokulungisa.