Umxholo
- Musa ukuphinda iimpazamo zakho zangaphambili ebomini
- Musa ukurhuqa omnye umntu kwidrama yakho
- 1. Yiba nomonde ngaphambi kokuba uqalise ukuthandana emva komtshato
- 2. Linda ngaphambi kokuba uqalise ukuthandana emva koqhawulo-mtshato ngokungathandabuzekiyo
- 3. Sebenza nomcebisi, umphathiswa, itherapist, umqeqeshi wobomi bobudlelwane
- 4. Kufuneka usebenzele ukuxolela
- 5. Thatha ixesha lokuphola ngaphambi kokuthandana emva komtshato
Uqhawulo-mtshato luyinto yokugqibela: ngoku, kuya kufuneka ulinde ixesha elingakanani de ungene kwilizwe lokuthandana emva komtshato? Ifika ngeposi namhlanje. Ekugqibeleni. Uqhawule umtshato ngokusemthethweni. Ke, uqala nini ukuthandana emva komtshato?
Nangona kuthathe iinyanga ezintandathu okanye iminyaka emithandathu, amaxwebhu ngoku aphambi kwakho kwaye uyindoda okanye umfazi okhululekileyo. Ke, kuya kufuneka ulinde ixesha elingakanani ukuthandana emva komtshato?
Ndonwabile ukubuyela kwilizwe lokuthandana? Ngaba sele uthandana?
Kule minyaka ingama-28 idlulileyo, umbhali oyena mntu uthengisa kakhulu, umcebisi kunye nomqeqeshi wobomi uDavid Essel ebenceda bobabini abesilisa nabasetyhini ukuba batshintshe betshatile baye kohlukana baye ekugqibeleni abantu abaqhawule umtshato.
Apha ngezantsi, uDavid uthetha ngexesha ekufuneka silindile, ngaphambi kokuba siphinde sibuyele kwihlabathi lobudlelwane kwaye sifumane umhla wokuqala emva koqhawulo mtshato.
“Ungene e-ofisini yam wonwabile. Wayehlukene unyaka omnye, uqhawulo mtshato lwaluza kuqhubeka ixesha elide, kodwa waye wadibana nendoda yamaphupha akhe.
Ingxaki kuphela? Wayengakulungelanga kwaye engazi ukuba ungajola njani emva komtshato?
Ke wadlala ikati kunye nomdlalo wempuku. Uwele entloko ngenxa yakhe, kodwa wabuyela kukungazithembi kwakhe ngokungakulungeli ukuthembela kumadoda emva kwento ayenzileyo kumyeni wakhe wangaphambili.
Yintlekele eqhelekileyo endiyibonileyo ekusebenzeni kwam kule minyaka ingama-28 idlulileyo. Into ehlukaniswa sisibini esahlukileyo kukuba ukufumana uthando emva koqhawulo-mtshato akukho lula njengokuba kunokuvakala. Bobabini abesilisa nabasetyhini bangena ngaphambi kwexesha kwihlabathi lokuthandana kwaye baqala ukuthandana emva komtshato ngaphambi kokuba bakulungele, kwaye uninzi lwabo, ngaphambi kokuba uqhawulo-mtshato lube lolokugqibela.
Musa ukuphinda iimpazamo zakho zangaphambili ebomini
Ukuthandana emva koqhawulo-mtshato nokuthandana emva koqhawulo-mtshato, zombini zinokuba ziimpazamo ezinkulu nezingenakulungiswa. Kwaye ukuba uyakwenza oku, kukho ithuba elingama-99.9% lokuba uzakuphinda iimpazamo zakho zangaphambili ebomini, kwaye ujonge umntu ofana kakhulu nomyeni wakho wangaphambili kunye okanye owayesakuba ngumfazi, kuba awuzange ulicime elidlulileyo.
Umzekelo wolwalamano lokuqala olunzulu olungaphumelelanga emva koqhawulo-mtshato:
Nam ndawela kulo mgibe. Ngaphezulu kweminyaka eli-10 eyadlulayo, ndafumana uthando kumfazi owandixelela ukuba uqhawule umtshato, ndaze emva kweenyanga ezintathu ndakuva incoko naye kunye negqwetha lakhe emnxebeni, ukuba wohlukene iminyaka emihlanu noqhawulo mtshato kwakungekho ndawo.
Abakwazanga ukuqonda izinto zezemali eziza nokwahlukana kunye okanye uqhawulo-mtshato.
Ndathi xa ndimjongisa njengoko wayehla emnxebeni, wavuma ukuba khange andixelele inyani.
Ngoku yonke into yayisengqiqweni, isiphithiphithi kunye nomdlalo weqonga phakathi kwakhe nam, ukungakwazi kwakhe ukundithemba nokuba uthembekile kum.
Ewe ubudlelwane buye baphela kwangoko.
Ke, ukuphendula umbuzo othi, 'uza kuqala nini ukuthandana emva koqhawulo-mtshato?', Andikhathali ukuba wohlukane ixesha elingakanani, ukuba awuqhawulanga ngokoluvo lwam awukakulungeli ukuba kwilizwe ukuthandana ubudlelwane enzulu. Abahlobo abanokuxhamla? Akukho imitya iqhotyoshelweyo ngesondo?
Musa ukurhuqa omnye umntu kwidrama yakho
Ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba ufuna ukuhamba ngale ndlela, kodwa musa ukurhuqa omnye umntu kwidrama yakho de ube uqhawule umtshato okanye uqale ukuthandana emva koqhawulo-mtshato, kwaye nasemva koko, endiza kuthetha ngalo ngezantsi, njengoko ufuna ixesha ngokwakho.
Umzekelo wobomi emva koqhawulo-mtshato kumadoda:
Omnye umthengi endandisebenza naye evela e-Australia, waqhagamshelana nam emva kokuba intliziyo yakhe yaphuke mpela kumfana awayethandana naye.
Indoda yenze isiphoso sokuthandana emva komtshato kwangoko. Wayehlukene iminyaka emithathu, babethandana iminyaka emibini, kwaye kusuku olulandelayo emva kokuba efumene amaphepha okugqibela oqhawulo mtshato eposini wambiza wamxelela ukuba ufuna ixesha lokuba yedwa.
Ukuba ukwahlukana kunye noqhawulo mtshato kumthinte kakhulu, ngoku wayefuna nje ukudlala intsimi kwaye angabi kubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo.
Ngaba uyazibona iipateni apha? Ukuba ufunda le kwaye wohlulwe kwaye ucinga ukuba wahlukile kunabo bonke abanye abantu ... Nantsi isimanga esikhulu, awunguye.
Kusekho umsebenzi omninzi ekufuneka wenziwe nasemva kokuba amaphepha ehanjisiwe, ukubhengeza uqhawulo-mtshato lwakho lusemthethweni ngaphambi kokuba ndicebise ukuba nabani na angene kwihlabathi lokuthandana emva koqhawulo mtshato kwangoko.
Makhe sijonge imigaqo
Ke masijonge kwimithetho yethu engezantsi esiyisebenzisa nabo bonke abathengi bam abafuna ukuhlala bekulungele, bezimisele kwaye bekwazi ukubuyela kumdlalo wothando kwaye baqale ukuthandana emva komtshato.
1. Yiba nomonde ngaphambi kokuba uqalise ukuthandana emva komtshato
Ukuba nahlukene, sukuzisa omnye umntu kwisiphithiphithi nakwidrama yakho okanye uqale ngokuthandana kwakhona emva komtshato. Ukuhambo olungqengqelezayo oluya kwenza into enkulu kuye nabani na oza naye. Yima.
Linda. Okanye ukuba kufuneka, uthembeke ebantwini malunga nokungakwazi kwakho ukuba kubudlelwane obubodwa kwaye ubaxelele ukuba ufuna ukonwaba. Andinawo umgwebo ukuba yile nto ufuna ukuyenza, kodwa ungangeni kubudlelwane emva komtshato.
2. Linda ngaphambi kokuba uqalise ukuthandana emva koqhawulo-mtshato ngokungathandabuzekiyo
Masithi uqhawule umtshato, ngokusemthethweni, ilizwe ohlala kulo likuthumele amaxwebhu abonisa ukuba ngoku uyindoda kunye / okanye umfazi okhululekileyo.
Ke, kufuneka ulinde ixesha elingakanani emva koqhawulo-mtshato ngaphambi kokuthandana? Lindela unyaka omnye ngaphambi kokuba uthandane nabani na ngokungathandabuzekiyo.
Ngaba ndivakala njengomama wakho okanye utata wakho? Ewe, ukuba ndiyakwenza oko, oko kuthetha ukuba banengqondo yesihogo.
Kuthatha malunga neentsuku ezingama-365 zokungatshati, ukuya kusuku lwakho lokuzalwa, iiholide nayo yonke enye into eyedwa ukuze ubone ukuba kunjani ukubuyela eluthandweni nawe.
Ukuthandana emva koqhawulo-mtshato, nangaphambi kokuba ulungele, sisiphazamiso esipheleleyo kuwe ukuze ufumanise ukuba yintoni engahambanga kakuhle kubudlelwane bakho bokugqibela, yintoni ehambe kakuhle, into ekufuneka uyiyekile, into ekufuneka ubambelele kuyo.
Ukuba ufuna ukusebenzisa ukuthandana njengokuphazamisa isithukuthezi, ukungazithembi, isithukuthezi okanye nantoni na eyenye, uphinda uzenzele into embi kuwe nakubani na omzisayo esihogweni sakho.
3. Sebenza nomcebisi, umphathiswa, itherapist, umqeqeshi wobomi bobudlelwane
Sebenza nomcebisi, umphathiswa, itherapist, umqeqeshi wobomi bobudlelwane owaziyo ukuba yintoni le bayenzayo ukuze bafumane iimpazamo “ozenzileyo kumtshato wakho odlulileyo. Sukuba nexhala lokuba zeziphi iimpazamo ezenziwe liqabane lakho ngoku, jolisa kuwe.
Xa unokuzibiza ukuba uphumele naziphi na iimpazamo ozenzileyo, usendleleni eya ekuphiliseni kwaye ukulungele ukuthandana emva komtshato.
4. Kufuneka usebenzele ukuxolela
Ngale ngcali, kuya kufuneka usebenze ngokuxolela i-100%, oko kukuthi yi-100% yokuxolela nantoni na eyayisenziwa liqabane lakho langaphambili. Ngaba bakukhohlisile? Ubuxoki kuwe? Ukuhlukumeza ngokwasemoyeni okanye ngokwasemzimbeni? Ngaba uya kungcatsha?
Ude usebenze nengcali kwaye ucime yonke ingqumbo yakho, uninzi lwazo ingqumbo eqinisekisiweyo, awuyi kuthemba iqabane lakho elilandelayo.
Uya kuba yintlungu kwi-esile kuye nakubani na othandana naye kuba ukungazithembi kwakho kuya kuhanjiswa phambili ngothando.
Uninzi lwabathengi endikhe ndasebenza nabo, ekuqaleni bebebambekile kwinkqubo yethu, bengacingi ukuba banokuba bebodwa unyaka.
5. Thatha ixesha lokuphola ngaphambi kokuthandana emva komtshato
Uninzi lwabathengi bam babesele beqalisile ubudlelwane obunokubuyela umva ngaphambi kokuba bohlukane, okanye ngexesha lokwahlukana, okanye kanye emva kokuba amaphepha oqhawulo-mtshato enikezelweyo sele benamehlo abo komnye umntu ukuba azalise ukungabikho. Isithuba sokuba wedwa. Oku kuyinyani malunga namadoda kunye namadoda abathandanayo emva komtshato ngokukhawuleza akuqhelekanga.
Musa ukuwela kulo mgibe! Ke, ungaqala njani ukuthandana kwakhona emva koqhawulo mtshato kwaye ulinde ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokuba uphinde uthandane? Ewe kunjalo, kukho imigaqo ethile yokuthandana emva koqhawulo-mtshato ukuze izibini zilandele.
Kufuneka uthathe lonke ixesha olifunayo ukuphilisa. Ukuba unabantwana? Owu Nkosi yam, mhlawumbi kungathatha unyaka onesiqingatha okanye iminyaka emibini. Ufuna ukuba ngumzekelo obalaseleyo ebomini babo.
Ukuba unomnyango ojikelezayo wokuthandana emva koqhawulo-mtshato, apho ingumntu omnye iinyanga ezininzi ... Ke umntu owahlukileyo ... Ubathumelela umyalezo ongafuni ukuba bawubone: ukuba uloyiko lokuba wedwa mkhulu kunoloyiko lokuba phantsi.
Ndiyazi ukuba apha ngasentla uninzi lwenu luya kunicaphukisa, kwaye kulungile. Izinto ezisicaphukisayo zihlala ziyinyani.
Kwelinye icala, ukuba uyavumelana noku kungasentla? Kuhle kuwe. Fumana uncedo ngoku. Ke unokujonga phambili kubudlelwane obuhle kwixesha elizayo, nje ukuba uqale ukuthandana emva komtshato.
Umsebenzi ka-David Essel'ukhuthazwe kakhulu ngabantu abafana nongasekhoyo uWayne Dyer, kwaye usaziwayo uJenny McCarthy uthi "uDavid Essel yinkokeli entsha yentshukumo yokucinga eyakhayo."
Incwadi yakhe ye-10, enye inombolo ethengiswa kakhulu inesahluko esipheleleyo ngothando olunzulu, kwaye ibizwa ngokuba yi "Focus! Bulala iinjongo zakho ... Isikhokelo esiqinisekisiweyo sempumelelo enkulu, isimo sengqondo esinamandla nothando olunzulu. ”