Umxholo
- Ukuhambelana ngokwesondo kubaluleke kakhulu
- Ke kutheni le nto singakubeki phambili ukuhambelana ngokwesondo?
- Ukufumana iqabane elihambelana nezesondo kunzima kwezinye izinto
- Unxibelelwano alubalulekanga kuphela, lusisiseko
Umlobi wemihlathi kunye ne-podcaster uDan Savage uthi "amangcwaba olwalamano azele ngamatye amangcwaba athi" yonke into yayinkulu ... ngaphandle kwesondo ".
Ukufumana iqabane elihambelana nesondo ngandlela zonke kubalulekile, ukuba akubalulekanga, kunezinye izinto zobudlelwane esijolise kuzo. Abantu bayakukhathazeka ngokufumana iqabane elabelana ngezopolitiko ezifanayo, ezenkolo kunye neembono zosapho. Ukuba ufuna ngokupheleleyo abantwana kunye neqabane elinokubakho alinjalo, oko kuhlala kuyinto elula kunye netyala elingenaxanduva kubantu abaninzi. Ke kutheni le nto ukuba ukuba une-sex drive ephezulu kwaye iqabane lakho elinokubakho linalo liphantsi kakhulu, abantu abaninzi bayathandabuza ukuqaphela ukuba umntu ophule isivumelwano naye?
Ukuhambelana ngokwesondo kubaluleke kakhulu
Phantse zonke izibini ezibonisa kum ekusebenzeni kwam zinenqanaba elithile lokungasebenzi kakuhle ngokwesondo. Ndixelela zonke izibini ukuba isondo "yi-canary kwi-coalmine" yobudlelwane: xa isondo lihamba kakubi, phantse lihlala liyimbangi yenye into ehamba kakubi kubudlelwane.
Ngamanye amagama, isini esibi luphawu, hayi isifo. Kwaye phantse ngokungenakuphepheka, xa ubudlelwane buphuculwe emva koko isini "ngomlingo" siyaphucuka ngokunjalo. Kodwa kuthiwani xa isondo "singahambi" kakubi, kodwa bekusoloko kukubi?
Abantu abatshatileyo bahlala beqhawula umtshato ngokungahambelani ngokwesondo.
Ukuhambelana ngokwesondo kubaluleke ngakumbi kubomi bolwalamano kunokuba kunikwe ikhredithi. Abantu bafuna isondo, isondo kubalulekile kulonwabo lwethu lomzimba. Xa izibini zingakwazi ukwanelisa iimfuno kunye neminqweno yesini, ukungoneliseki emtshatweni sisiphumo eso. Kodwa uluntu lwethu lwenze ukuba isondo lube yinto engekhoyo kwaye izibini zifumanisa ukungahambelani ngokwesondo njengesizathu sokuqhawula kwabo umtshato, ziintloni.
Kuyinto ethobekileyo ukuxelela abanye (kunye nabo bathatha isaveyi) ukuba iphelile "imali" okanye "bafuna izinto ezahlukeneyo" (ezazidla ngokwabelana ngesondo okungcono okanye ezingcono) okanye enye into eqhelekileyo. Kodwa kumava am, andikhe ndadibana nesibini esasiqhawula umtshato ngokwenyani ngenxa yemali, ngokubanzi baqhawula umtshato ngenxa yokungahambelani komzimba
Ke kutheni le nto singakubeki phambili ukuhambelana ngokwesondo?
Uninzi lwayo yinkcubeko. I-Melika yasekwa ngamaPuritan, kwaye inkolo ezininzi zisenentloni kwaye zibeka amabala kwisini, ngaphakathi nangaphandle komtshato. Uninzi lwabazali lubahlazisa abantwana ngenxa yesini kunye nokuphulula amaphambili. Ukusetyenziswa kwe-ponografi kuhlala kujongwa njengesiphene kumlinganiswa, nangona uninzi lwabantu abadala lusebenzisa iphonografi amaxesha ngamaxesha, ukuba akunjalo rhoqo. Iimpikiswano zezopolitiko ezikhoyo ngoku malunga nento ethe ngqo njengokulawula ukuzalwa zibonisa ukuba iMelika iyasokola ukuhlala kamnandi namacala ethu ezesondo. Ukuthi "isini" kwanele ukwenza ukuba abantu abadala bakhule babe neentloni okanye batshintshe ngokungathandekiyo ezihlalweni zabo.
Ke ngoko, ayimangalisi into yokuba abantu bahlala beyinciphisa iminqweno yabo yesini kunye nenqanaba le-libido yabo (okt ulifuna kangakanani isondo). Akukho mntu ufuna ukubonakala ngathi ngumntu ophosakeleyo ngokwesini ngexesha lokuqala lokuthandana. Isini sithathwa njengenkxalabo yesibini okanye nokuba yeyomgangatho ophakamileyo, ngaphandle kwenyani yokuba sesona sizathu siphambili sokungavisisani emtshatweni kunye noqhawulo mtshato.
Ukufumana iqabane elihambelana nezesondo kunzima kwezinye izinto
Ibala nehlazo kuthetha ukuba abantu abasoloko bekhululekile ukuveza umdla wabo wesondo okanye inqanaba lomnqweno. Abantu bahlala behamba iminyaka, nokuba ngamashumi eminyaka, bengakhange baveze isini esithile okanye "kink" kumaqabane abo, kwaye bazinikezele kwimeko yokungoneliseki okungapheliyo.
Umahluko kwinqanaba le-libido zezona zikhalazo zixhaphakileyo. Kodwa oku akusoloko kulula njengoko kubonakala. Sisimo sengqondo sokuba amadoda kusenokwenzeka ukuba asoloko efuna ukwabelana ngesondo, kwaye amakhosikazi kungenzeka ukuba angabi namdla ("ayabanda" njengoko kwakubizwa njalo). Kwakhona, ekusebenzeni kwam oko akuchanekanga kwaphela. Kukwahlula kakhulu phakathi kwezesondo ezinesondo esiphezulu ekuqhubeni, kwaye ngokufuthi abantu abadala esi sibini, kokukhona kunokwenzeka ukuba ibe ngumfazi ongonelisekanga sisixa sesini esi sibini sinaso.
Ke yintoni enokwenziwa ukuba uzibandakanye kubudlelwane apho kukho ukungqinelani okuncinci ngokwesondo, kodwa awufuni kubuphelisa ubudlelwane?
Unxibelelwano alubalulekanga kuphela, lusisiseko
Kuya kufuneka uzimisele ukwabelana ngeemfuno zakho kunye neminqweno yakho, iikinki zakho kunye neentsana zakho, kunye neqabane lakho. Ixesha. Akukho ndlela yokuba nobomi obuzuzisayo ngesondo ukuba iqabane lakho alazi ukuba ufuna ntoni kwaye urhalela kangakanani, kwaye uyala ukubazisa. Uninzi lwabantu kubudlelwane obunothando lufuna ukuba amaqabane abo azalisekiswe, bonwabe, kwaye baneliseke ngokwesondo. Uninzi loloyiko abantu abanalo malunga nokuveza ulwazi ngesondo kuye kwaba yinto engekho ngqiqweni. Ndijonge esofeni yam (ngaphezulu kwesinye) umntu esokola ukuxelela iqabane lakhe ngomdla wesondo, kuphela ukuba iqabane libaxelele ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba baya konwaba ukwenza loo mnqweno, kodwa babengenalo nofifi lokuba into ebifunwa.
Yiba nokholo kwiqabane lakho. Baxelele ukuba awonelisekanga sisixa okanye uhlobo lwesini onalo. Ewe ngamanye amaxesha umntu othile akazukushukunyiswa, kwaye uyakwala ngokuthe ngqo ukuvula iihorizons zakhe okanye ukutshintsha ireferensi yesondo. Kodwa leyo yinto eyahlukileyo enqabileyo, kunye nophawu lomlinganiswa omele ufune ukulazi malunga neqabane lakho ngokukhawuleza.
Thetha ngokwakho. Veza iminqweno yakho. Nika iqabane lakho ithuba lokuhlangabezana neemfuno zakho. Ukuba ayisebenzi, ezinye iindlela zinokujongwa.