Umxholo
- 1. Kukuqala, okanye intabatheko
- 2. Thatha uhambo
- 3. Buyela emhlabeni
- 4. Isantya sokuhamba ngenqanawa
- 5. Konke Kulungile
- 6. Ukuphila ngesiqhelo
Bonke ubudlelwane buhamba ngamanqanaba njengoko behamba ukusuka "kudibana nje" ukuya "kutshata nje" nangaphaya. Amanqanaba anokuba lulwelo; ukuqala kwabo kunye nokuphela kufiphele, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha izibini zihamba amanyathelo amabini umva ngaphambi kokuba ziye phambili.
Ubudlelwane besini kunye nobufanasini bubandakanya amanyathelo afanayo nobudlelwane obuchanekileyo, nangona kukho umahluko ocashileyo kubalulekile ukuwuqonda.
Ukuzibuza Kukuba liphi inqanaba ulwalamano lwakho ngokwesini olukulo?
Ukucinga ukuba la manqanaba angayichaphazela njani injongo yakho yobudlelwane besini esifanayo okanye iinjongo zakho zobudlelwane phakathi kwabantu besini esinye?
Nanga amanye amanqanaba obuhlobo obuqhelekileyo kunye nento onokuyilindela njengoko usenza nzulu unxibelelwano lwakho nothando kunye neqabane lakho, kugxininiswa kwindlela umkhondo osebenza ngayo kwizibini ezitshatileyo nezingqingili.
1. Kukuqala, okanye intabatheko
Udibene nomntu onqakraza kuye. Ubukhe kwimihla embalwa kwaye ufumanisa ukuba ucinga ngalo lonke ixesha. Ujikeleza kwilifu lesithoba, nothando njengechiza lakho.
Ezi mvakalelo zisisiphumo sokungxama kwe-endorphins, i-hormone evayo-oxytocin ehlamba ingqondo yakho njengoko usothandweni.
Wena kunye neqabane lakho lesini esifanayo nibona umtsalane omkhulu weemvakalelo kunye nokwabelana ngesondo omnye komnye, ubona kuphela zonke izinto ezintle kwenye. Akukho nto ikruqulayo okwangoku.
2. Thatha uhambo
Kule inqanaba lokuthandana, uyeka ekubeni nentabatheko emsulwa uye kwiimvakalelo ezinengqiqo ngakumbi nezingatyi kakhulu. Usazibona zonke izinto ezilungileyo malunga neqabane lakho, kodwa ufumana umbono ngakumbi kubo xa bebonke.
Nichitha ixesha elide ngokuhlwa nithetha kunye, nabelana ngamabali njengoko nisazana ngaphandle kwegumbi lokulala.
Wena neqabane lakho nizimisele ukwazisa omnye malunga nento eyenza ukuba ube ngubani: usapho lwakho, ubudlelwane bakho bangaphambili kunye nento oyifundileyo kubo, uyaphuma kwaye unamava njengomntu athandana naye.
Eli linqanaba lolwalamano apho uqala khona ukwakha isakhelo esiya kuxhasa ubudlelwane bakho.
3. Buyela emhlabeni
Ubusondele iinyanga ezimbalwa. Uyazi ukuba olu luthando. Kwaye ngenxa yokuba uqalile ukwakha isiseko sokuthembana, uyakwazi ukuvumela ezinye zezo zinto zicaphukisayo ziqhelekile kulo naluphi na ulwalamano.
Emva kweenyanga bonisa kuphela "elona lihle" icala lakho, ngoku kukhuselekile ukuveza nakuphi na ukungafezeki (kwaye wonke umntu unazo) ngaphandle koloyiko lokuba ezi ziya kuqhuba iqabane lakho.
Kubudlelwane obuphilileyo, eli linqanaba elibalulekileyo njengoko likuvumela ukuba ubone wonke umntu onomdla wothando lwakho. Eli linqanaba lokuthandana apho ungquzulwano luya kubakho.
Indlela oziphatha ngayo iya kuba luphawu olubalulekileyo lokuba bomelele kangakanani obu buhlobo. Eli nqanaba lobudlelwane kulapho uyenza khona okanye ulaphule.
Ibaluleke kakhulu kwifayile yakho ubudlelwane be-gay okanye i-LGBT, njengalo naluphi na ulwalamano, ke sukuzama ukuhamba ngalo ngaphandle kokuhoya okwenzekayo.
4. Isantya sokuhamba ngenqanawa
Kweli nqanaba lobudlelwane, uneenyanga ezimbalwa emva kwakho kwaye nobabini nizinikele kubudlelwane benu neqabane lakho lesini esifanayo. Iimpawu zakho zothando zinobubele, zikhumbuza iqabane lakho ukuba zibalulekile kuwe.
Unokuziva ukhululekile, nangona kunjalo, ukuba ungakhathaleli kangako iqabane lakho kuba uyazi ukuba ubudlelwane bunokuyiphatha.
Unokufika emva kwexesha kwisidlo sangokuhlwa sangokuhlwa ngenxa yokuba umsebenzi wakho ukugcinile eofisini, okanye ukungahoyi ukuthumela iitekisi zothando kangangoko ukwenzile ngebanga lokuthabatheka.
Uziva ukhululekile kunye kwaye uyazi ukuba ezi zinto zincinci azonelanga ukukuqhekeza.
Le yi inqanaba lobudlelwane besini apho nizivumela ukuba nibonisane ukuba niyintoni kanye kanye, kwaye anisekho kwinqanaba "lokuthandana" kobudlelwane.
5. Konke Kulungile
Nobabini niyabona ukuba niyimidlalo efanelekileyo. Uziva uqhagamshelene ngokwenene neqabane lakho, ukhuselekile kwaye ukhuselekile. Eli linqanaba lolwalamano apho uqala ukucinga ngokuzibophelela ngokusesikweni.
Ukuba umtshato wesini gay usemthethweni apho uhlala khona, wenza izicwangciso zokubopha iqhina. Uyabona ukuba ukwenza umanyano lwakho ngokusemthethweni kubalulekile kwaye ufuna ukwabelana ngolonwabo lwakho nabahlobo bakho kunye nosapho.
6. Ukuphila ngesiqhelo
Ube sisibini iminyaka eliqela ngoku kwaye wazinza kwisiqhelo. Ungaqala nokuziva ukruqukile ngathi ukuphuma kwentlantsi kulwalamano lwakho. Ngaba uthatha omnye nomnye ngokungakhathali?
Ingqondo yakho inokuphambukela kumaxesha angcono kunye nabanye abantu, kwaye unokuzibuza ukuba zinokwenzeka njani izinto ukuba ubuhleli nalo okanye naloo mntu.
Ayisiyokuba unayo nayiphi na inzondo yokwenyani kwiqabane lakho langoku, kodwa uyabona ukuba izinto zingangcono.
Oku yi Inqanaba lobudlelwane obufanelekileyo besini kubudlelwane bakho kwaye ufuna unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo ukuze uhambe ngempumelelo.
Ngaba iqabane lakho livakalelwa yinto enye?
Ngaba unokucinga ngeendlela onokuthi uphucule ngazo ukonwaba kwakho? Ngaba umbono wakho wobomi wangoku unxulumene nobudlelwane, okanye yenye into?
Eli lixesha apho unokufuna ukutyala inzame ekuvavanyeni iinjongo zakho kunye nendlela ezingena ngayo kwiinjongo zakho zobudlelwane.
Kule nqanaba lobudlelwane, izinto zinokuhamba ngeendlela ezimbalwa:
Ungasebenza ukugcina ubudlelwane bunothando ngamagama nangezenzo, okanye uthathe isigqibo sokuba ufuna igumbi lokuphefumla kwaye ungathatha ikhefu kubudlelwane ukuze uzinike ixesha lokuthatha isigqibo sokuba ngaba ukwenza into yinto ofuna ukuyityala kuyo.
Le yi Inqanaba lobudlelwane apho izibini ezininzi zahlukana khona.
Ukuba usaqala nje kubudlelwane bakho bobufanasini, yazi ukuba imeko yakho yahlukile kwaye ayinakulandela la manqanaba obudlelwane besini. Kwaye khumbula ukuba unesandla kwindlela obuthanda ngayo ubomi bakho bothando.
Ukuba ufumene "enye" kwaye nobabini ninqwenela ukubona ukuba loluphi uhlobo lomlingo eninokuwenza kunye kwixesha elide, la manqanaba aya kukunika umbono wokuba ungalindela ntoni.
Kodwa ekugqibeleni, uzenzele elakho ibali, kwaye ngethemba, elo bali liya kuba nesiphelo esihle.