Umxholo
- Ukubona amaqabane amaninzi ngexesha
- Isiqalekiso esithi “Kufuneka uyenze”
- Ongatshatanga kodwa uthandana
Ndandikucaphukela oko kujongeka xa umntu endibuza ukuba ndithandana na kwaye ndiphendule, "Anditshatanga." Kwakungathi ndinesifo okanye kukho into engalunganga kum. Kwaye ukujonga okulandelayo kuya kundivumela ukuba ndibone kakuhle ukuba kwenzeka ntoni ezingqondweni zabo. "Yintoni ephosakeleyo ngaye, ngaba uswele kakhulu, ngaba uzimisele kakhulu, ngaba uzonwabisa kakhulu, ingaba woyikisa amadoda ngandlela thile?" Kwakungathi kukho into engalunganga kum kuba ndingatshatanga. Kodwa isigqebelo kukuba bendinokudubuleka kwaye kwakungekho kunqongophala kwamadoda ebomini bam ngokungafaniyo neleyibhile enokubonakala ngathi. Ndandithandana, ndibona abantu, ndidibana nabanye, kodwa ke andizange ndibenobudlelwane bengqondo engacacanga. Kodwa into endinokukhetha kuyo yayikukuba ndindedwa. Ngelixa abanye benqwenela ukubuyisa igama elithi "ongatshatanga" njengelungileyo, bendifuna ileyibhile entsha ebingumboniso wento eyenziwa ngabafazi bokwenene kwilizwe lokuthandana. Yayiyindlela yokuthi, "asizibophelelanga emntwini omnye, kodwa kukuzonwabisa okuninzi kunye nokubona mhlawumbi abantu abaninzi," into ebonakala ngathi iyasokola kuluntu. Ubava nini abantu benika imvume kubafazi ukuba babone abantu abaninzi, ukuthandana ngaphandle kwezinto ezikhokelela kubudlelwane kunye nokutsala ngaphezulu kwendoda enye ngeveki?
Ukubona amaqabane amaninzi ngexesha
Ingxaki yile ilebhile intsha kukukhuthaza abantu basetyhini ukuba bahambe ngokuchasene noluntu iminyaka emininzi ebebefundise lona. Amantombazana alungileyo athandana nenkwenkwe, atshate kwaye abe neentsana. Amantombazana atyibilikayo ngawona athatha ixesha, alale, ajola namadoda amaninzi emva koko abekw 'ityala ngezenzo zabo zokungatshati ngokungathi sisiqalekiso sokuziphatha gwenxa.
Isiqalekiso esithi “Kufuneka uyenze”
Kodwa ukuba ngumlamli wangaphambili wosapho kwaye ndinceda abantu ngoqhawulo-mtshato, into endiyibonileyo kukuba abantu abanalo ixesha eloneleyo lokuzenzela eyona nto bayifunayo kwaye balandele nje into endiyibiza ngokuba “mandiyenze” isiqalekiso, baphila ubomi babo becinga oko babekwenza bekufanele ukwenziwa. Kodwa kufanele ukuba isiqalekiso sihlala sisekwe kwiinkolelo eziphelelwe lixesha ukuba uluntu ngesizathu esithile silugcinile kubandakanya neentloni ezibekwa kwabasetyhini ngokwenza ngaphandle kwento ebonwa njengokuziphatha ngokwesondo. Mhlawumbi xa kuziwa ekuthandeni, ubudlelwane, kunye nomtshato kufuneka sijonge kuphela kwinqanaba eliphezulu loqhawulo-mtshato ukuze siqonde ukuba kufanelekile ukuba senza izinto ngokwahlukileyo.
Ongatshatanga kodwa uthandana
Ukungatshati kodwa ukuthandana akuzange kube yindawo nje entsha yobudlelwane kodwa indlela yokufumana uthando nokuba ngaphakathi kuwe okanye komnye. Emva kokuba ndigqibile ukhenketho lwam lokuqala lwencwadi, ndafumana uthando ngokungalindelekanga, kwaye esinye sezizathu ndikwazile ukuyibona yayiyiminyaka yam yokuthandana, ndibona abantu abaninzi kwaye nditsarhaza-ixesha lam ndingatshatanga kodwa ndithandana. Kuya kufuneka ndifunde ukuba yintoni le ndiyifunayo kwaye ndiyivavanye kwaye ndizame izinto. Kuya kufuneka uyazi njani into oyenzayo nongayithandiyo ngaphandle kokuba uzibonile ezo zinto ngaphambili?
Emva kokubeka lonke icebiso lam ngamagama, ekugqibeleni ndawabona amandla okwenene kuloo magama ebomini bam. Kungenxa yoko le nto igama elinye kodwa ukuthandana kubalulekile ukulisebenzisa. Ayisiyiyo nje imeko entsha kodwa ethembekileyo yobudlelwane kodwa indlela yokunika imvume kubafazi ukuba baphonononge kwaye bazame ngento abayifunayo.