Umxholo
- 1. Uzimele
- 2. Unqwenela ukuba nolwalamano olunothando ngakumbi ebomini bakho
- 3. Awunamona lula
- 4. Asikuko nje ukukruquka
- 5. Ulungile ngokwabelana
- 6. Imeko ekuyiyo ngoku ayinamsebenzi nawe
- 7. Uyayithanda imingeni kubudlelwane
- 8. Unengxaki yokwenza
- 9. Uziva ubanjisiwe kubudlelwane bomntu omnye
- 10. Uyayixabisa inethiwekhi enkulu yenkxaso
Uninzi lwethu lukhule lubona imiboniso ye ubudlelwane bomntu omnye ngeenxa zonke kuthi.
Iintsapho zethu, uluntu lwethu, iimagazini esizifundileyo kunye neenkqubo zikamabonwakude esizijongileyo zonke zisibonisile ukuba ubudlelwane obunothando busekwe kukunyaniseka nokuzinikela phakathi kwabantu ababini.
Inkqubo ye- umtshato womntu omnye yayikuphela komtshato. Ke buyintoni ubudlelwane bomntu omnye?
Ngamagama alula, olo lwalamano, okanye umtshato womntu omnye, yindawo apho amaqabane omabini asondeleleneyo ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo. Akukho ndawo yokukopa. Omabini amaqabane afungile ukuba azigcine izithembiso zomtshato zesintu kwaye anyaniseke omnye komnye.
Ukuba omnye wabo waphambuka kwaye walala nomnye umntu, ubudlelwane babuphelile, okanye ubuncinci, ukuthembana kwaphulwa, kwaye ubudlelwane abuzange bufane.
Ngelixa ukutshata nomfazi omnye kunokuba yinto eqhelekileyo kwiindawo ezininzi, kukho umdla okhulayo kwihlabathi liphela I-polyamory ebandakanya ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo kwinqanaba elisondeleyo okanye lothando nabantu abangaphezulu komnye ngexesha.
Ubudlelwane obuphindaphindeneyo bunokwenziwa ngabantu abafanayo okanye abahlukeneyo ngokwesini kubandakanya abantu abathandana besini esinye, abathandanayo, abathandana nabathandana nabathandanayo.
Kule minyaka idlulileyo, umxholo we-polyamory uye wamkeleka ngakumbi, kwaye ukuthandwa kwawo kubonakala nakwinkcubeko ye-pop kunye neendaba. Thatha olu xwebhu lwe-CBSN umzekelo:
Ubuzali obunobuzaza bukwenyuka ngamalungelo asemthethweni ezi zibini zigcinwayo kwinkundla yomthetho kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo. Izifundo ezahlukeneyo zophando zikwabonisa ukunyuka kwale nkqubo, enye yenziwa ngo-2017 isithi kubantu abayi-8,700 abangatshatanga e-US ngaphezulu kwesinye kwabahlanu ababandakanyeka kwi-polyamory ixesha elithile ebomini babo.
Ngokwahlukileyo, kuvavanyo luka-2014 lwaluchaze kuphela iipesenti ezi-4% -5 zabantu baseMelika besithi bayipolamamic.
Okwangoku, unabaxhasi kunye naysayers kwicala ngalinye abakholelwa ukuba indlela yabo ingcono. Makhe sihlolisise ezi ngxoxo ukuze siqonde ngcono ukuba enye okanye enye ikulungele.
I-monogamy vs polyamory: Iimpikiswano
Nazi iimpikiswano ngabantu abaninzi abanobudlelwane obubodwa:
- Ngaba abantu badalelwe ukuba bodwa? Ewe. Kuye kwaba njalo kuninzi lweenkcubeko.
- Ukutshata nomntu omnye kuphela yindlela yokuqinisekisa ukuba abantwana bangakhulela kwikhaya elizinzileyo apho baziva bekhuselekile kwaye bekhuselekile kuthando olubonelelwa luseto lwabazali.
- Olu hlobo lobudlelwane luvumela omabini amaqabane ukuba yakha iqhina eliqinileyo lokuthembana nonxibelelwano.
- Luthetha ntoni ubudlelwane bomntu ongatshatanga nabantu abathandanayo? Bona thembelana ngamaxesha amnandi nangalunganga. I-monogamy inikezela ngeqabane elithembekileyo nelithembekileyo. Abanye banoluvo lokuba i-polyamory ayizi nalo nqanaba lenkxaso.
- Ukutshata nomntu omnye kuphela kunciphisa umngcipheko wokuba omabini amaqabane abambe naziphi na izifo ezosulela ngokwabelana ngesondo kuba balala bodwa.
Ngaba kunjalo ngokutshata nomntu omnye?
- Xa bebuzwa lo mbuzo, abanye bathi ubudlelwane obubodwa bomntu omnye buqhelekile Sakhelwe ukubonisa uthando ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo nabantu abohlukeneyo.
Bathi umntu omnye akanakho ukuzanelisa zonke iimfuno zethu, ke umxholo wokutshata nomntu ongatshatanga uphelelwe lixesha.
- Abanye abaxhasi be-polyamory bathi into eqhelekileyo yesiqhelo kukuba nayo ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo. Yimeko yendalo yabantu. ”
- Phantse iipesenti ezingama-20 zabantu abadala abangabodwa base-US baye bazibandakanya kwi-polyamory evumayo ubuncinci kube kanye ebomini babo, ngokolu phando luka-2016 lupapashwe kwiJenali yoNyango lwezeSondo kunye noMtshato.
- Ingcali ye-Polyamory kunye netshantliziyo uElisabeth Sheff ucacisa ezona zizathu ziphambili zilandelayo zokuba kutheni abantu besithi bakhetha i-polyamory:
- Ihlangabezana neemfuno ezininzi
- Inika amandla okuthanda ngakumbi
- Inika iintlobo zesondo
- Idala ithuba lokuba nosapho olukhulu kunye nothando ngakumbi lokujikeleza
Kwincwadi yakhe ethi Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners, ugqirha wezengqondo waseMelika uDeborah Anapol wathi iyayanelisa nomnqweno wamapolisa wenkululeko novukelo.
Ukujonga omabini amacala, kunokuba nzima ukukhetha, kwaye usenokuba ubuzibuza ukuba ingaba ungomnye umntu onokonwaba ngakumbi kubudlelwane obungahambisani nomntu omnye.
Usenokude ujonge ezinye zeempawu okanye imiqondiso enokuyibeka icace yonke kuwe ukuze ukhethe ukuba ube neqabane elinye okanye isithembu.
Ewe, ngoku unokuthatha isigqibo ngokujonga ezi mpawu zilishumi ubudlelwane obunobuqabane obungenabo wena:
1. Uzimele
Ukuba kule minyaka idlulileyo, awuhlali kamnandi ngombono wokuphila ubomi bakho kunye neqabane elinye kwaye unokuba nabantwana ngexesha elifanelekileyo kwaye luphawu lokuba awunakukhetha ubudlelwane obubodwa.
Ukuphila ubomi obunganyanzelekanga bokuba ungatshatanga nomntu othile kunokuba yinto engekhoyo ukuba unabantwana abancinci. Ezinye iingcali zithi abantwana abancinci ngokwesiko bahamba ngcono kwikhaya elizinzileyo labazali okanye labazali ababini.
Ewe, ukuba abantwana bakho bayakwazi ukuzikhathalela, indlela yokuphila engatshatanga nomntu omnye inokwenzeka. Kwangelo xesha, ubudlelwane obuphindaphindeneyo buthetha ukuba kunokuhlala kukho umntu ekhaya ukujonga umntwana xa engekho amanye amaqabane.
2. Unqwenela ukuba nolwalamano olunothando ngakumbi ebomini bakho
Ukuba ufumanisa oku kuyanelisa, ngentla, nangaphaya kweentlobano zesini oku kuhanjiswa, emva koko Unokuba nentambo yomntu ongatshatanga naye ongatshatanga naye.
Unokukunika okuninzi, kwaye ukuhlala kubudlelwane bomntu omnye kuphela akuhlangabezani neemfuno zakho.
Ufumanisa ukuba ukuba namaqabane amaninzi kukunceda ukuba ukhule ngokucacileyo, njengoko iqabane ngalinye libonelela ngento eyahlukileyo ongayifumaniyo nomnye umntu. Uthando lwakho lutyebile ngoku.
3. Awunamona lula
Ukuba uzibona njengomntu ongenakuba nomona ngokwabelana iqabane lakho ngokweemvakalelo nangokwesondo nabanye abantu, ungonwabela i-polyamory.
Abantu abanesimo esiqhelekileyo abadli ngokuba nomona; luphawu lomlinganiswa olungekhoyo kubuntu babo.
Oku kuvumela bona kunye namaqabane abo ukuba bonwabele ukunxibelelana ngokwesondo nangokweemvakalelo nabanye abantu ngaphandle kwazo naziphi na iimvakalelo zokuba nezinto okanye isoyikiso esinokuthi sithathelwe indawo liqabane "elingcono".
Nantsi ividiyo enomdla yabantu abathandanayo nabatshatileyo abathetha malunga nokuthatha kwabo ubudlelwane obunjalo kunye nendima yomona kuyo:
4. Asikuko nje ukukruquka
Uyazi ngokwaneleyo ukuba wazi Umahluko phakathi kokukruquka liqabane lakho elinye, kunye nesidingo sokwenyani sokuhlala ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo. Kuqhelekile emtshatweni omnye ukuba namaxesha okukruquka kwigumbi lokulala.
Yilapho iithoyi zesini, i-erotica, kunye nemidlalo yesondo inokusetyenziselwa ukwenza izinto ngezinto kodwa ufuna enye into.
Usenokucinga ngokuvula umtshato wakho wedwa okanye ulwalamano kwi-polyamory.
5. Ulungile ngokwabelana
Ukuvuma ukuba ungatshatanga nomntu ongatshatanga naye kuthetha ukuba uyakonwabela ukwabelana. Abo bahlala kubudlelwane bomntu omnye abanyanzelekanga ukuba bacinge ngokwabelana amaqabane abo.
Ingcinga yokwabelana namaqabane akho, intliziyo yakho, ixesha lakho, ibhedi yakho, indawo yakho yobuqu, nokwazi ukuba amaqabane akho enza okufanayo akuphazamisi. Ulungile kuyo yonke loo nto.
6. Imeko ekuyiyo ngoku ayinamsebenzi nawe
Awusoze uzame ukungena kulo naluphi na ukungunda. Uzamile ukophula yonke imigaqo ebekwe luluntu kwaye ungacingi ukuba ubudlelwane bungafanelana neeparameter ezithile. Ingcinga nje yokuziva uphefumla.
7. Uyayithanda imingeni kubudlelwane
Ukuba ubudlelwane abuphonzi mngeni phambi kwakho, abukonwabisi kwaphela. Ukujongana namahla ndinyuka eemvakalelo zabantu abohlukeneyo akuvakali ngathi ngumsebenzi onzima kuwe.
8. Unengxaki yokwenza
Ingcinga yokuba kunye nomntu omnye ubomi bakho bonke iyakoyikisa. Ayisiyo yokuba awufuni ubudlelwane bexesha elide kodwa ukwabelana ngobomi bakho nomntu omnye okanye ukuthatha izigqibo ezinkulu kunye nabo akuvakali kulungile.
9. Uziva ubanjisiwe kubudlelwane bomntu omnye
Ubukhe wayenza kwaye wayenza loo nto kodwa into iziva imbi. Ayisiyiyo into yokuba ukuzibophelela kwi-phobic kodwa ubudlelwane obunomfazi omnye buhlala buphela ngokucela okungakumbi. Ufuna ukuhlala phantsi kodwa loo mntu mnye akazange abonakale ebhenela kumacala ohlukeneyo akho. Ukuba ubukhe wakuluhlu lobudlelwane bokuba nomntu ongatshatanga naye uziva ungazalisekanga ngale ndlela, inokuba luphawu lokuba mhlawumbi ayisiyondlela yakho kwaphela.
10. Uyayixabisa inethiwekhi enkulu yenkxaso
Ukuba ungumntu ongathandi ukuxhomekeka nje kumntu othandana naye, mhlawumbi ubudlelwane bodwa abulolwakho.
Kubudlelwane obunobunzima, ungonwabela inkxaso engaphezulu komntu omnye. Unokuba nenethiwekhi yenkxaso eyomeleleyo, nokuba yinkxaso ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokweemvakalelo.
Umzekelo, unokuba nomntu wokukunceda kulawulo lwakho lokuqina. Kwakhona, unokuba nomnye umntu oza kukukhathalela iimfuno zakho zeemvakalelo xa uxinezelekile ngumsebenzi.
Ngoku ukuba ujonge kwiimpawu ezili-10 eziphezulu ukuze wazi ngakumbi malunga nokuphila kunye kunye nokuphila ngokuthanda izinto ezininzi, kuya kufuneka uzibuze lo mbuzo ubalulekileyo:
Uqinisekile ukuba awufuni solo polyamory?
Ngaphambi kokuba wenze isigqibo sokungabinamntu otshate naye yedwa, zibuze oku: Ngaba le yeyakho nje, okanye ukonwabile ngokucinga ukuba iqabane lakho lilele nabanye abantu?
Kungenxa yokuba ukuba ucinga nge-polyamory kodwa yeyakho kuphela, ayisiyo polyamory yokwenyani. Oko kukubuza iqabane lakho imvume yokuphuma ngaphandle kobudlelwane bodwa ngenxa yokuba unqwenela iintlobo zesondo.
Yimeko eyahlukileyo le.
Vumela intliziyo yakho ikhokele
Kukho izibonelelo kunye nokuhla kokubini kubudlelwane bomntu omnye kunye nobudlelwane obuphindaphindeneyo.
Nokuba ungazikhethela oluphi ukhetho, nokuba ucinga ngokutshata nomntu ongatshatanga naye okanye i-polyamory-inye into omele uqiniseke ngayo. Le ndlela yokuphila okanye ubudlelwane obukhethileyo kufuneka buvela kwindawo yothando ukuze wena neqabane lakho okanye amaqabane nigcine ubudlelwane obunempilo.