Izithethe ezi-4 zoMtshato weSibini oPhumeleleyo

Umbhali: Monica Porter
Umhla Wokudalwa: 14 Eyokwindla 2021
Hlaziya Umhla: 14 Ucanzibe 2024
Anonim
UPHILL RUSH WATER PARK RACING
Ividiyo: UPHILL RUSH WATER PARK RACING

Umxholo

Zininzi iinkolelo malunga nokungena kunye nokugcina umtshato ophumeleleyo nomntu owayebophe iqhina ngaphambi kokukholelwa ukuba iqabane lakho liya kuba nakho ukuyiphepha imigibe enje ngoxinzelelo lwezezimali kwaye bayeke imithwalo yabo kumtshato wabo wokuqala.

Emva koko, kufuneka ukuba bafunde izifundo kumtshato wabo wokuqala noqhawulo-mtshato.

Ngokwababhali, uHetheringston, Ph.D, E. Mavis, noJohn Kelly, kwincwadi yabo enesihloko esithi 'Kungcono okanye kukubi: Uqhawulo-mtshato luthathelwa ingqalelo,' bathi nangona ama-75% abantu abaqhawule umtshato beza kuphinda batshate, uninzi lwalemitshato ziya kusilela ngenxa yobunzima abajamelana nabo abantu abatshatileyo. Ezi ngxaki zivela ngexesha xa bezama ukwakha ubudlelwane ngelixa bezilungelelanisa, nokudibanisa, iintsapho ezikhoyo kunye nembali yobudlelwane entsonkothileyo.


Zimbalwa izibini eziqondayo kwasekuqaleni ukuba kunzima kangakanani kwaye kufuna ukuphinda utshate.

Xa izibini ziqala ukutshata kwakhona, eyona mpazamo bayenzayo balindele ukuba yonke into izakuwela endaweni kwaye ibaleke ngokuzenzekelayo.

Uthando lunokuba mnandi okwesibini okanye okwesithathu, kodwa nje ukuba ulonwabo lolwalamano olusandul 'ukugqitywa luphele, ubunyani bokujoyina imihlaba emibini eyahlukeneyo.

Iimfihlo zomtshato wesibini ophumeleleyo

Iindlela ezahlukeneyo kunye neendlela zokuba ngumzali, imicimbi yezemali, imicimbi yezomthetho, ubudlelwane nabantu abatshate nabo, kunye nabantwana kunye nabantwana bomtshato wesibini, banokususa kude kufutshane nesibini esitshatileyo.

Ukuba awusungulanga unxibelelwano olomeleleyo kwaye usilela kwizixhobo zokulungisa ukuphazamiseka kwemihla ngemihla kunxibelelwano, unokugqibela ugxeka omnye komnye kunokuxhasa.

Umzekelo: Ityala lokufunda ngoEva noConner

U-Eva, i-45, umongikazi kunye nomama weentombi ezimbini ezihamba isikolo kunye noonyana ababini, wandibizela kwisivumelwano sokucebisa izibini kuba wayephelile kwintambo yakhe.


Watshata noConner, 46, owayenabantwana ababini emtshatweni wakhe kwiminyaka elishumi eyadlulayo, kwaye baneentombi ezimbini ezintandathu nesibhozo emtshatweni wabo.

UEva wayibeka ngoluhlobo, “Bendingacingi ukuba umtshato wethu unokuba nzima ngolu hlobo ngokwezezimali. UConner uhlawula inkxaso yomntwana yamakhwenkwe akhe kunye nokufumana kwakhona kwimali mboleko awayesakuba ngumfazi wakhe kuyo. UAlex, unyana wakhe wamazibulo, uza ekholejini kungekudala kwaye oyena mncinci, uJack, uza kwinkampu ebiza kakhulu ehlotyeni echitha iakhawunti yethu yebhanki. ”

Uyaqhubeka, “Sinabantwana bethu ababini kwaye akukho mali yaneleyo yokuhambahamba. Sikwaphikisana malunga nezitayile zethu zokuba ngumzali kuba ndingaphezulu komiselweyo kwaye uConner sisikhutshelo. Nantoni na ayifunayo amakhwenkwe akhe, bayayifumana, kwaye kubonakala ngathi akanakuthi hayi kwiimfuno zabo ezingenamda. ”

Xa ndicela uConner ukuba alinganise ukubonwa kukaEva, uthi ubona ingqolowa yenyani kubo kodwa uEva uyabaxa kuba akazange asondele kubafana bakhe kwaye uyabacaphukela.


IConner ibonakalisa, “U-Eva wayesazi ukuba ndinengxaki zemali emtshatweni wam wokuqala xa owayesakuba liqabane lam ethatha imali-mboleko, engazange ayibhatale, emva koko wayeka umsebenzi ngexesha loqhawulo-mtshato ukuze afumane inkxaso-mali yomntwana. Ndiyabathanda bonke abantwana bam kunye namakhwenkwe am, uAlex noJack, akufuneki babandezeleke kuba ndiqhawule umtshato nomama wabo. Ndisebenza kakuhle kwaye ukuba u-Eva angachitha ixesha elininzi kunye nabo, uyakubabona ukuba ngabantwana abalungileyo. ”

Nangona uEva noConner benemicimbi emininzi ekufuneka beyisebenzisile njengesibini esitshatileyo, kufuneka kuqala bathathe isigqibo sokuba banomdla wokuxhasana kwaye bazimisele ukuba sisiseko seentsapho zabo.

Ukuzibophezela ekuthembeni nasekuxabiseni iqabane lakho kungomeleza umtshato wakho wesibini.

Ubambiswano lwakho kufuneka lomelele kwaye lusekwe kwisiseko sokuba niyazikhetha yonke imihla kwaye nizinikezele ekwenzeni ixesha kunye kunye nokuphambili kwaye niyigcine.

Yenza ukuzibophelela ekuchitheni ixesha kunye neqabane lakho

Ngelixa ndandiqhuba udliwanondlebe nesibini esitshatileyo ngencwadi yam ezayo ethi "Incwadi yokutshata kwakhona: Indlela yokwenza yonke into isebenze ngcono isihlandlo sesibini ngeenxa zonke," inye into yacaca gca- imiceli mngeni yokutshata nomntu owayetshatile ngaphambili (xa ubunalo okanye ungazange) zihlala zitshayelwa phantsi kombhoxo kwaye kufuneka kuxoxwe ngazo ukuthintela uqhawulo-mtshato kubantu abatshatileyo abatshatileyo.

Nokuba ubomi bakho buxakeke kangakanani kwaye buxakekile kangakanani, ungaze uyeke ukufuna ukwazi omnye nomnye kwaye ugcine uthando lwakho.

Yenza ixesha lokuchitha kunye kunye libe yinto ephambili- ukuhleka, ukwabelana, ukuxhoma kunye nokwazisana.

Khetha enye yeenkcubeko zemihla ngemihla ezingezantsi kwaye uzilungiselele kwishedyuli yakho yonke imihla! Ukuzibuza, wenza njani umtshato usebenze? Kulungile! Le yimpendulo yakho.

Izithethe zokuphinda uqhagamshele kubudlelwane bakho

Oku kulandelayo zizithethe ezine eziya kukunceda wena neqabane lakho nihlale nidibene.

1. Isiko lemihla ngemihla lokuhlangana kwakhona

Esi siko sinokuba sesinye sezona zibalulekileyo oziphuhlisayo njengesibini.

Owona mzuzu ubalulekileyo emtshatweni wakho ngumzuzu wokudibana okanye indlela enibulisa ngayo yonke imihla.

Qiniseka ukuba uhlala unethemba, uphephe ukugxekwa, kwaye umamele iqabane lakho. Kungathatha ixesha ukubona naluphi na utshintsho kwiimvakalelo zakho zokusondela, kodwa eli siko linokuba ngumthombo omkhulu kumtshato wakho ngokuhamba kwexesha.

Vula iindlela zonxibelelwano ngokuqinisekisa umbono wakhe, nokuba awuvumelani.

Yitya ukutya kunye ngaphandle kwexesha lesikrini

Akunakwenzeka ukuba wenze oku yonke imihla kodwa ukuba uzama ukutya kunye iintsuku ezininzi, uya kufumanisa ukuba niyatya kunye rhoqo.

Cima umabonwakude kunye neeselfowuni (akukho myalezo ubhaliweyo) kunye neqabane lakho. Eli ingalixesha lokuxoxa ngezinto eziqhubekayo ebomini bakho kwaye ubonise ukuqonda kwakho ngokuthi, "kuvakala ngathi ubenosuku olukhathazayo, ndixelele ngakumbi."

3. Dlala umculo owuthandayo ukonwabela ukuwina nokudanisa

Beka umculo owuthandayo, yonwabela iglasi yewayini okanye yesiselo, kwaye udanise kunye / okanye umamele umculo kunye.

Ukwenza umtshato wakho ube yeyona nto iphambili ayizukuhlala izenzekela kodwa iya kuhlawula ngokuhamba kwexesha kuba uya kuziva unxibelelana ngokwasemoyeni nangokomzimba.

Wamkele ezi zithethe zemihla ngemihla zilandelayo

Yamkela 2 yezi zinto zimfutshane kodwa ziyanelisayo zemihla ngemihla ezithatha imizuzu engama-30 okanye ngaphantsi-

  1. Xubusha usuku lwakho xa ufika ekhaya ngelixa ugonene okanye uhleli kufutshane.
  2. Ukuhlamba okanye ukuhlamba kunye.
  3. Yitya isidlo kunye / okanye idessert oyithandayo kunye.
  4. Hamba ujikeleza ibhloko amatyeli aliqela kwaye ubambe malunga nosuku lwakho.

Nguwe wedwa owenza izigqibo apha!

Into oyenzayo kwisithethe sakho ixhomekeke kuwe, ewe. Kwi 'Imigaqo esixhenxe eyenza uMtshato usebenze,' UJohn Gottman ucebisa ngesiko lokuchitha ubuncinci imizuzu eli-15 ukuya kwengama-20 ngemini usenza incoko yokunciphisa uxinzelelo kunye neqabane lakho.

Ngokufanelekileyo, le ncoko kufuneka ijolise kuyo nantoni na esengqondweni yakho ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho. Eli ayiloxesha lokuxoxa ngeengxabano phakathi kwenu.

Lithuba elihle lokubonisa uvelwano kunye nokuxhasana ngokweemvakalelo ngokubhekisele kwezinye iinkalo zobomi bakho. Injongo yakho asikokusombulula ingxaki yakhe kodwa kukuthatha icala leqabane lakho, nokuba indlela ababona ngayo ibonakala ingekho ngqiqweni.

Eyona ndlela yokwenza oku kukumamela kwaye uqinisekise iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo zeqabane lakho kwaye ubonakalise isimo esithi "sichasene nabanye". Ngokwenza njalo, usendleleni eya ekuphumeleleni ekutshatweni kwakhona okuya kuma uvavanyo lwexesha.