Umxholo
- Ulungelelwaniso olungenakwenzeka
- Ezi ngxelo zilandelayo zibonisa ingqiqo yokufumanisa kwam uthando olutsha:
- Ukuzithanda ngokwakho kuyindlela yokuthintela ukuxhomekeka
- Ukusilela kothando lwakho kukuxhomekeka
- SLDD Ingxaki / SLD uMntu
- Unyango lokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kukuzithanda kakhulu
Bendingazi ukuba ukufuna kwam ukubiza elinye igama "ukuxhomekeka" kuya kundisa kwisiXeko saseNew York apho, ngoJuni 2, 2015, ndaye ndathatha inxaxheba kwingxoxo yesigqeba namalungu aliqela ahlonelwayo kwezempilo yezengqondo.
U-Harville Hendrix, ubudlelwane bamanye amazwe kunye nengcali yonyango lwengqondo (kunye nomxhasi weencwadi zam zesiNgesi) ligorha lam kwaye ndiyabulela ngokunyanisekileyo ngeli thuba lokufunda kuye ngalo msitho.
Kumalungu amathandathu epaneli, ndenza unxibelelwano kwangoko kunye noTracy B. Richards, ugqirha wezengqondo waseCanada, umzobi, kunye negosa lomtshato. Ngelixa isahlulo sam sengxoxo siqulathe ukuxhomekeka, ukubhengeza, kunye neengcinga zeMagnet Syndrome, iTracy ijolise kumandla okuphilisa ukuzikhathalela, ukuzamkela, kwaye okona kubaluleke kakhulu, kukuzithanda.
Ulungelelwaniso olungenakwenzeka
Sidibene ngoko nangoko ngelixa sabelana ngemvakalelo efudumeleyo, yolungelelwaniso lwentuthuzelo kunye nokuqhelana. Kwaye kwabonakala ngathi "abantwana" bethu-i-My Human Magnet Syndrome kunye naye "Ukuzithanda ngokwakho yimpendulo" -bathandana xa beqala ukukubona.
Ukubuya kwam emsebenzini, andizange ndiyeke ukucinga malunga nokubhekisa kwiingcinga zikaTracy zokuzithanda.
Ixesha elingaphezulu, iingcinga zakhe ezilula, kodwa ezintle, zithathe indawo nangakumbi kwindlu yam. Akuzange kumangalise xa iingcinga zakhe zaqala ukukhula kuzo zombini iinzame zam ngokubhekisele kwimiceli mngeni yosapho lwam kunye nomsebenzi wam wonyango ngokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi / kunyango.
Kungekudala, iingcamango zakhe zafumana indlela eya kumanqaku am okufundisa kunye neevidiyo, kunye nakwiisemina zam ezininzi.
Ezi ngxelo zilandelayo zibonisa ingqiqo yokufumanisa kwam uthando olutsha:
- Ukuxhomekeka kwe-Codependence akunakwenzeka ngokuziThanda ngokwakho (SLA).
- Ii-Codependents zinentsilelo ebalulekileyo ekuthandeni kwakho.
- Umothuko wokuncamathisela ebuntwaneni ngoyena nobangela wokuSilela koThando lwaKhe (SLD).
- Ukusilela kothando lwakho ngokwakho kubangelwa bubulolo obungapheliyo, iintloni, kunye nentlungu engasonjululwanga ebuntwaneni.
- Uloyiko lokufumana uxinzelelo olucinezelweyo okanye olucinezelweyo kunye nesizungu se-pathological lilolo eliqinisekisa ukuba umntu oxhomekekileyo uhlala kubudlelwane obuyingozi.
- Ukupheliswa kwentsilelo yothando lwakho kunye nokuziphucula kothando lwakho
- Ubuninzi yinjongo ephambili yonyango lokuxhomekeka.
Ukuhlala ndinyanisekile kwinkolelo yam yokuthatha umhlala phantsi "wokuxhomekeka," kuqala bendidinga ukuza notshintsho olufanelekileyo.
Ukuzithanda ngokwakho kuyindlela yokuthintela ukuxhomekeka
Andizukuyeka ukukhangela ndide ndifumane igama eliza kuchaza eyona meko / amava, ngelixa ndingamvuseleli umntu ukuba azive kakubi ngaye.
Ithamsanqa lam litshintshe phakathi ku-Agasti 2015, ngelixa ndibhala inqaku malunga nokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi. Kuyo, ndibhale eli binzana, "Ukuzithanda ngokwakho sisiThintelo sokuxhomekeka." Ukuqonda ukuba lula kwayo kunye namandla, ndenza i-meme, emva koko ndayithumela kwiindawo ezininzi zonxibelelwano.
Khange ndikwazi ukuqikelela ukuphendula okungummangaliso kwimeme yam kunye nentsingiselo yayo, njengoko ibicaphukisa iingxoxo ezinzulu kunye nokubonisa malunga nokuba kutheni ukungabikho kothando lwakho ngokwakho kunxibelelene nokuzimela.
Ngelo xesha ndandisazi ukuba ndiza kwinto enkulu!
Njengazo zonke izinto ezihambelana nokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi, ibiya kuhamba engqondweni yam ngaphambi kokuhambisa esona sifundo sayo sibalulekileyo-ipepany yolandelelwano.
Umzuzu wam wokuzithanda eureka weza kum phantse kwiinyanga ezimbini kamva.
Ukusilela kothando lwakho kukuxhomekeka
Ngelixa ndisaqulunqa imathiriyali yesemina yam entsha yokuxhomekeka kwiCodependency, ndenze isilayidi esasinesihloko esithi "Intsilelo yokuzithanda ngokwakho kukuxhomekeka!"
Nje ukuba ishicilelwe, ndatsalwa ngumkhukula wolonwabo kunye nolindelo. Kulapho ndaye ndaziva ndisithi, Ukuzithanda-ukusilela kuThintelo kukuxhomekeka! Andibaxi xa ndisithi ndiphantse ukuwa esihlalweni sam yimincili.
Ngokukhawuleza ndakuqonda ukubaluleka kweli binzana lilula, ndaqala kwangoko ukuyifaka kumanqaku, kwiibhlog, kwiividiyo zeYouTube, kuqeqesho, nakubathengi bam bengqondo. Ndamangaliswa ngokupheleleyo kukuba zingaphi izinto ezixhomekekileyo, ezifumana kwakhona okanye ezingachazwanga kakuhle.
Ndaxelelwa rhoqo ngendlela ebanceda ngayo abantu ukuba bayiqonde ngcono ingxaki yabo, ngaphandle kokubenza bazive benesiphene okanye "babi."
Malunga nelo xesha, ndaye ndenza isigqibo sokuba nditshintshe "ukuxhomekeka" kwi-Self-Love Deficit Disorder.
Ngaphandle kokuba ndinamalungu amaninzi kwaye indenza ndiboshwe ngolwimi amaxesha amaninzi, bendizimisele ukufezekisa izicwangciso zam "zokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi". Ukukhawuleza ukuya kunyaka omnye kamva: amashumi amawaka abantu, ukuba abekho ngaphezulu, bamkele ukungazinzi kothando njengeLizwi elitsha kwimeko yabo.
Imvumelwano ibikukuba isiQinisekiso sokuThanda ukuZithanda asilogama lifanelekileyo lale meko, kodwa ikwakhuthaze abantu ukuba bafune ukusisombulula.
SLDD Ingxaki / SLD uMntu
Kwiveki nje ezimbalwa, ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndiqalise iphulo lokuthatha umhlala-phantsi "ngokuxhomekeka," ngaxeshanye ndakha ulwazi olubanzi nolwamkelo ngokutshintshwa. Ndiphumeze isicwangciso sam ngeevidiyo zeYouTube, amanqaku, iibhlog, udliwanondlebe kunye neTV, udliwanondlebe kunye neesemina zemfundo.
Ukuba bekukho umbutho osemthethweni wokuxhomekeka, ngendibangqonge ngezicelo zokundivumela ndibuyisele elinye igama elifanelekileyo, i-SLDD ye-Self-Love Deficit Disorder, kunye nomntu ongu-Self-Love Deficient (SLD). Ndinebhongo lokuthi i-SLDD kunye ne-SLD kancinci kubonakala ngathi iyabambeka.
Unyango lokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kukuzithanda kakhulu
Njengokuba ndingakuvumeli ukusetyenziswa kwamagama amabi afunyanwa kuvavanyo lwempilo yengqondo, ndiqinisekile ukuba “intsilelo” kwi-Self-Love Deficit Disorder ibalulekile, njengoko ichaza ingxaki efunekayo kunyango.
Ngokungafaniyo nezinye iingxaki, yakuba inyange ngempumelelo i-SLDD, iyanyangeka-ayifuni kunyango olulandelayo okanye inkxalabo malunga nokuphindaphinda okanye ukubuyela umva kwakhona.
Ngokusonjululwa kwayo nayiphi na ingxaki, ndiyakholelwa ukuba ukuxilongwa okunikezelwe emntwini kufuneka kurhoxiswe okanye kufakwe enye ebonisa impilo yengqondo elungileyo okanye ephucukileyo.
Le ngcinga yaphefumlelwa ngumsebenzi wam kunye noxilongo olukhulu loxinzelelo, olungabonakalisi zimpawu okanye zimpawu xa sele kunyangwe ngokufanelekileyo. Kwale mbono inye iyasebenza kwi-SLDD: kutheni ubambelele kweso sifo? Le ndlela yokucinga yandikhuthaza ukuba ndenze igama elimele isisombululo esisigxina se-SLDD-iCodependency Cure.
Inyathelo elilandelayo yayikukudala igama lonyango lwe-SLDD. NgoFebruwari 2017, ndaqala ukubhekisa kunyango olunje nge-Self-Love Recovery (SLR), njengoko yayilulwandiso lwendalo lwesigama sam esitsha sokuzithanda.