Umxholo
Izigidi zamadoda nabasetyhini namhlanje baya kuvuka, bavuke ebhedini, kwaye benze konke okusemandleni abo ukuba bangasigungqisi isikhephe kubudlelwane babo.
Banokuba bethandana, batshatile, okanye bahlala nomhlobo osenyongweni ... Kodwa kukho ukufana okubalekayo kolu lwalamano. Baxhomekeke ngokugqibeleleyo, bayoyika ukwaliwa okanye ukugwetywa ngabona bantu babalulekileyo ebomini babo.
Kodwa, yintoni ukuxhomekeka kumtshato?
Ukuxhomekeka komntu emtshatweni kuxa elinye iqabane lityale kakhulu kubudlelwane kangangokuba abanakucinga ngobomi ngaphandle kweqabane labo. Nokuba iqabane libaphethe njani, bakulungele ukunyamezela nantoni na ukuze bahlale kubudlelwane. Bacinga ukuba amaqabane abo angabinakho ukuhlala ngaphandle kwabo okanye bona ngokwabo baya kutshabalala kunye nolwalamano luphele. Luhlobo lomlutha.
Ngoku, ukuba ungumntu onolwalamano oluxhomekeke kuwe uya kubuza imibuzo enje ngokuba ingaba ubudlelwane obunokuxhomekeka bunokugcinwa okanye wenze nayiphi na indlela 'yokulwa nokuzimela' okanye iindlela ezikhoyo. Inqaku elingezantsi liphendula yonke le mibuzo.
Ungakoyisa njani ukuxhomekeka emtshatweni?
Apha ngezantsi kukho ezi ngcebiso zibalulekileyo zintathu zokunceda ukuphazamisa imeko yothando kunye nobuhlobo. Amanyathelo okoyisa ukuxhomekeka
Yiba nenyani kunye nawe
Ukoyisa ukuxhomekeka kwekhowudi kubudlelwane inyathelo lokuqala kukunyaniseka, mhlawumbi okwesihlandlo sokuqala ebomini bakho, ukuba uyoyika ukushukumisa isikhephe. Ukuba uhamba kwiigobolondo zamaqanda kunye nesithandwa sakho okanye abahlobo abasenyongweni. Ukuba isazisi sakho sisongelwe ekuqinisekiseni ukuba wonke umntu uyakuthanda, kwaye akukho mntu ungakuthandiyo.
Oku kungasentla ziinkcazo ezimbalwa zegama lokuxhomekeka.
Ngo-1997, ndahamba iiveki ezingama-52 ngqo nomhlobo wam okwangumcebisi njengoko wayendinceda ukuba nditshabalalise ubume bam bokuxhomekeka. Kude kube lelo xesha, kubo bonke ubudlelwane bam obusondeleyo, ukuba beza kum ndishukumisa isikhephe ndingenza nantoni na nayo yonke into enokwenzeka ukuba ndingamcaphukisi iqabane lam. Oko kunokuthetha ukusela ngakumbi. Okanye ubalekela emsebenzini ngakumbi. Okanye nokuba nithandana.
Uyabona, njengomntu owayekade exhomekeke komnye umntu, ndiyazi kakuhle ukuba kunjani xa ufuna wonke umntu ukuba akuthande, akuthande. Xa ungafuni ukwaliwa. Kugwetyiwe. Xa uyithiyile ingxabano.
Inyathelo lokuqala lokuloyisa ukuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kukubhala ephepheni iindlela zokuphepha ukudibana nesithandwa sakho kunye nabahlobo bakho. Oku kuya kuba ngumnxeba wokuvusa abaninzi. Yindawo yokuqala yokuphilisa kunye nokufumana ukuxhomekeka ngakumbi.
Musa ukungena kwiingxabano
Nje ukuba ufumanise zonke iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuphepha ukungqubana, buyela ezimpikisaneni, okanye ungangeni nakukungavisisani, nokuba sele ubizelwe oko, ungaqala ngoku ukwenza omnye umsebenzi wokubhala wokukunceda uphilise. Ukubhala kunokuba kuhle ukoyisa ukuxhomekeka kwikhowudi.
Kweli nqanaba, uza kubhala incoko onqwenela ukuba nayo nesithandwa sakho okanye umhlobo wakho. Uza kuwuchaza umnqweno wakho, ngendlela eqinileyo, ukuba awufuni ukuya ethekweni ngoMgqibelo ebusuku, kuba ungaziva ngathi kunyanzelekile ukuba uphume uye kusela rhoqo njengoko iqabane lifuna. Oku kubalulekile ukuba ufuna ukoyisa ukuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kunye neengxabano zomtshato.
Emva kokuba ubhale ingxelo yakho, uza kuthi emva koko ubhale uthotho lwezizathu zokuba kutheni ukholelwa ngendlela okholelwa ngayo. Ukoyisa ukuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kufuneka usete inkqubo yakho yokucinga ngokuchanekileyo.
Lo msebenzi umalunga nokuzinza emhlabeni kwaye ujolise ukuze xa unengxoxo ube nazo zonke iimbumbulu zakho ezibekiwe engqondweni yakho ngento oza kuyithetha emntwini. Ukoyisa ukuxhomekeka kunye nokwaphula ukuxhomekeka emtshatweni, kuya kufuneka uhlale ujonge.
Abanye abantu bade baziqhelanise nokufunda le ncoko yababini phambi kwesipili. Jonga ulwimi lwakho lomzimba. Hlala Womelele. Sukubuyela umva. Ingathatha ixesha elininzi lokuziqhelanisa ngaphambi kokuba ukhululeke ukuyenza kwihlabathi lokwenyani. Kwaye kulungile. Kuya kufuneka uthathe ezi ntlungu ukoyisa ukuxhomekeka kwikhowudi.
Beka imida
Funda indlela yokubeka imida kunye nesithandwa sakho kunye nabahlobo ngeziphumo. Ngamanye amagama, awufuni kwenza nje. Ufuna ukuba nesiphumo sokuba baqhubeke nokuziphatha okungenampilo kuwe, kwaye uza kutsala inyani, sisiphumo. Eli licebiso lokugqibela nelona libalulekileyo lokoyisa ukuxhomekeka.
Nanku umzekelo omkhulu. Kwiminyaka eliqela eyadlulayo isibini esithile saqala ukusebenzisana nam kuba umyeni wayenotyekelo lokunxila rhoqo ngenyanga, uMgqibelo wokugqibela wenyanga nganye. Akaboni ngxaki nayo. Nangona kunjalo, umfazi wakhe wayibona kwelinye icala.
Ngosuku olulandelayo emva kokunxila, wayelala imini yonke. Xa wayevuka, wayenomsindo ngabantwana kunye naye. Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa ezizayo, ngelixa wayesilwa ne-hangover enamandla, wayenomsindo, engenamonde kwaye engalunganga.
Ekusebenzeni kwethu kunye, ndibenze ukuba benze isivumelwano. Kwikhontrakthi, yayisithi ukuba usela naliphi na ixesha kwezi ntsuku zingama-90 zizayo, kuyakufuneka ashiye indlu, ayokufuna enye indlu okanye ikhaya lokurenta kangangeentsuku ezingama-90.
Njengoko unokuxela, esi yayisisiphumo. Kangangeminyaka engama-25 wayemxelela ukuba xa esela elinye ixesha, uza kumala. Ukuba ebesela elinye ixesha, ebengazukuthatha abantwana emva kwesikolo kwaye iya kuba luxanduva lwakhe ukuthatha ikhefu emsebenzini ayokukhathalela abantwana. Kodwa akazange akhuphe naziphi na iziphumo.
Ngesivumelwano esisesandleni, waphula icala lesivumelwano. Ngosuku olulandelayo? Wafudukela eflethini. Kwiintsuku ezingama-90 wabuya, kwaye kule minyaka mine idlulileyo, khange abenalo nethontsi lotywala.
Ukufunda ukoyisa ukuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kubungqongqo kwimida, kunyanzelekile.
Thatha ixesha lakho ufunda ukuba ngumntu onamandla, ozimeleyo kunye nokoyisa ukuxhomekeka. Ziqhelise la manyathelo angentla. Ndiyakuthembisa, njengomntu owayekade exhomekeke komnye umntu, ubomi buya kuba nzima kancinci ekuqaleni, kodwa uya kuphinda ulawule kwaye ukuzithemba kwakho kunye nokuzithemba kwakho kuyakuhamba ngophahla. Kufanelekile umzamo. Unokwazi nokutshintsha umtshato oxhomekekileyo ube ngowasempilweni. Ukuba akunjalo, ubuncinci uyazi ukuba ungawuphelisa njani umtshato oxhomekekileyo kwaye uphule umgaqo.