Umxholo
- Amava obomi bokwenyani
- Izinto zitshintsha ngokuthe ngcembe
- Akukho lula ukunikezela
- Akukho nto itshintshile ngaphandle kwayo yonke imizamo
- Iingcinga zokugqibela
Sonke siyayithanda ingcinga yothando-kodwa uthando lokwenyani lwahlukile. Kuyamdaka. Inzulu. Iyatshintsha ngokuhamba kwexesha.
Kwaye nokuba uyamthanda umntu, oko akuthethi ukuba uthando luya kwanela ukugcina ubudlelwane bakho bobomi kwaye ungavumeli umtshato emaweni.
Xa sitshata, kubonakala ngathi kukho isigidi esinokwenzeka. Kodwa, ngelishwa, uqhawulo-mtshato yenye yezo zinto zinokwenzeka, esihlala sikhetha ukungahoyi. Kwaye, inqanaba langoku loqhawulo-mtshato ngokuqinisekileyo alusenzi sizingce.
Ke, uyazi njani xa umtshato wakho uphelile? Okanye, ungawuchonga njani umtshato wakho ematyeni?
Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ucingisise okanye ucinge izinto nokuba azikho. Kodwa, ngokuqinisekileyo kufuneka ube nobuchule ekuchongeni iimpawu zomtshato wakho.
Ngokuchonga iimpawu zokungaphumeleli komtshato wakho, ungathatha amanyathelo afanelekileyo okusindisa umtshato wakho.
Okanye, xa uqaphela ukuba umtshato wakho uphelile, ungagqiba kwelokuba uhambe kwaye ubuphelise ubudlelwane obuhle kunokuba nje uburhuqe ngaphandle kwesizathu.
Ukuba ubuzibuza ukuba uza kwazi njani xa umtshato wakho uphelile, funda kumava obomi bokwenyani anokukunceda uqaphele xa umtshato wakho usematyeni. Le miqondiso yeengxaki zomtshato inokukunceda ukuba uhlangabezane neyakho kwaye uthathe isigqibo malunga nesenzo esifanelekileyo.
Amava obomi bokwenyani
USheri uzazi kakuhle iingxaki zomtshato. USheri watshata nendoda awayecinga ukuba yeyona mhlobo wakhe usenyongweni kuba yile nto wayecinga ukuba ufanele ukuyenza.
“Sasikuthanda ukuba kunye. Sahleka kakhulu. Kwakukho okuninzi endikuthandayo ngaye. Siyancoma ngokwenene. ”
Wonke umntu wamxelela ukuba befanele ukuba njalo, kwaye wabakholelwa. Kwakubonakala kuyindalo ukuba bazakuthatha inyathelo elilandelayo batshate.
Kodwa ubomi babo bekamva kunye babungeyiyo le nto wayelindele ukuba ubomi bomtshato bube yiyo. Umyeni wakhe, owayesemkhosini, wathunyelwa e-Iraq, kwaye wachitha ixesha elininzi eyedwa okanye nosapho.
Wayehambile ixesha elide, kwaye wayekhumbula nokuzalwa komntwana wakhe wokuqala. USheri kunye nomyeni wakhe omtsha babengenalo elo xesha libalulekileyo lokudala isiseko esihle sokuphuhlisa ubudlelwane babo.
Kamva, xa wayesekhaya, izinto zabonakala zimnandi. Wayekuvuyela ukubuya, kwaye wayevuya ukuba nomntu oncike kuye. Kwakufuneka baqale ukuqala kwasekuqaleni kunye nolwalamano lwabo, ngelixa kwangaxeshanye befumanisa indlela yokunyamekela umntwana.
Izinto zazinzima, kodwa benza konke okusemandleni abo. Ngaphandle, abantu bababona njengemodeli yosapho. Kodwa khange baqonde ukuba kukho into esela ngaphantsi komhlaba.
La yayingumtshato wokuqala ongaphumeleliyo. Kodwa, akukho mntu wayefuna ukucinga kwimigca yomtshato ematyeni.
USheri wayeluhlobo lomntu owayejamelene nemiceli mngeni ngqo, kodwa wayengazithembi njengomama. Kule minyaka izayo, bongeze abanye abantwana kwiintsapho zabo, kwaye ngexesha lokufika kosana lwabo lwesithathu, uSheri wayothukile.
Wayelindele ukuba umyeni wakhe abekhona kuye ngokwasemzimbeni nangokwasemphefumlweni, kodwa ixesha laveza ukuba uhlala engekho endlini, okanye wayehlolwa ngokwasemoyeni. Umchwechisile ukuba udiniwe kukusebenza kakhulu.
Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, kunzima ukufumanisa umtshato ematyeni!
Izinto zitshintsha ngokuthe ngcembe
Kodwa, izinto zazitshintsha kubo. Nangona babengazi, yayingumtshato emaweni kubo.
Utshintsho lwaluhamba ngokuthe ngcembe ekuqaleni; Umyeni wakhe wayethetha izimvo ezingekhoyo rhoqo. Wayephupha kakubi kwaye efika emva koko kubonakala ngathi akukho nto inkulu.
Kodwa emva koko izinto zaba namandla. Oku kuye kwanda kwaba kukuziphatha okungaqhelekanga kunye nokuxhatshazwa kukaSheri. Kwakucacile ukuba ikho into engahambanga kakuhle nomyeni wakhe. Xa wayethetha naye ngezinto, wayezikhusela.
"Bendicinga ukuba siza kuyidlula," utshilo. “Kuba yile nto yenziwa zizibini ezitshatileyo. Kwaye, ngokucacileyo besisathandana. ” Ngaphandle kokusebenza emtshatweni wabo, izinto azibangcono.
Xa ukuyo, nangona kunjalo, awusoloko ubona okulungileyo phambi kobuso bakho. Kwaye xa usenza umsebenzi ongaka emtshatweni, kunzima ukucinga ngokuhamba nje.
Njengokuba uSheri echazayo, "Umtshato wam ubusematyeni, kwaye bendingazi."
Ngelishwa, umyeni wakhe wayenengxaki yePTSD.
Akukho lula ukunikezela
Kuthathe iminyaka kubo bobabini ukujongana nenyani yokuba umtshato wabo ubusematyeni.
Nje ukuba uSheri kunye nomyeni wakhe bazidibanise iziqwenga, kwaye bobabini babuqonda ubunyani bemeko-eyayisiqingatha sedabi-ngoku kwakufuneka bazi ukuba bajongane nayo.
Emva kokuhamba kwizangqa iinyanga, kwakucacile ukuba umyeni wakhe wayengenamdla wokuya kwicounselling okanye ukutshintsha indlela aziphethe ngayo ukuze enze ubomi bomtshato bube ngcono.
Kungelo xesha ke endathi ekugqibeleni ndavuma ukuba umtshato wam ungaphela. ” Xa uSheri wayecinga njalo, waziva ngathi akasileli. Wala ukuyamkela le ngcamango.
Ngoko uSheri waqhubeka exhome ixesha elide kangangoko wayenako. Wayefuna nje ukuqiniseka ukuba ubeka yonke imizamo yokugqibela kuyo. Wazama ukumnika ixesha elaneleyo ukuba atshintshe.
Akukho nto itshintshile ngaphandle kwayo yonke imizamo
Umtshato wabo wawungelulo ulwalamano oluthandekayo xa babethandana. USheri wayefuna ukuphuma, nangona wayengazi ukuba konke konke ngaxeshanye — kwenzeka ngokuthe ngcembe. Wazifumana esenza iinguqu ebomini bakhe eziya kumvumela ukuba abe yedwa.
“Siye sayiphucula iveni yethu, nomyeni wam wavuma ukuba nje ibe egameni lam. Sathetha ngokufudukela kwelinye ilizwe, ke ndiye ndapakisha ndamxelela ukuba ndizokuhlola amaflethi. Ndihambile andabuya. ”
Ngelixa wayebuhlungu ukuba izinto ziphelile, kwakubonakala ngathi kukuqhubeka kwendalo ngelo xesha. Bahlala ngaphandle kwenkundla ngayo yonke into, kwaye banamalungiselelo okugcina asebenze kakuhle kwimeko yabo.
“Xa usazi ukuba umtshato wakho uphelile, kubuhlungu kakhulu. Ndiphulukene nento ebinokuba ntle, ”utshilo. “Kodwa awunakumtshintsha omnye umntu.”
Ungayibukela le vidiyo ukuchonga izizathu ezintandathu eziphambili zokuba umtshato wakho uqhawuke:
Iingcinga zokugqibela
Kweli bali, uSheri wasilela ukuqonda iimpawu zomtshato ekuqaleni. Ayinguye yedwa, kodwa, nabani na ongasilelanga ekuboneni iimpawu zomtshato ematyeni.
Imeko yomntu wonke inokwahluka, kodwa uninzi lwenu kunokuba lula ukungahoyi imiqondiso yokuba umtshato wenu uphelile okanye umtshato wenu ematyeni.
Kuya kufuneka, ngazo zonke iindlela uzame ukugcina umtshato wakho kwaye usebenzele ukuphucula ubudlelwane bakho. Kodwa, ukuba ubona iimpawu zoqhawulo-mtshato lusondele, kuya kufuneka uzilungiselele kwaye uthathe amanyathelo ayimfuneko ukuzisindisa kwintlungu yolwalamano olungaphumelelanga.