Umxholo
- Ukukhokela
- Ukufana phakathi komtshato nento eyenzekayo kumgangatho wokudanisa
- Tshintshana njengenkokeli kunye nomlandeli
- Funa kuqala ukuqonda
- I-synchrony ngokulinganisela kunye nokuqonda
- Ukukhokelela kumaqabane akho eyona nto uyithandayo
Umtshato ufana nomdaniso, ufunda izingqisho ezimbalwa ezisisiseko kunye namanyathelo athile obukhazikhazi, ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungadanisa kunye kwaye uhlale kwindawo yokudanisa ngokuhlwa okanye kwimeko yomtshato, ukuze nikwazi ukuhamba ubomi kunye.
Emva kwethutyana, ngelixa ucinga ukuba uye phantsi, nokuba ungangcono kwezi ntshukumo, kodwa ke uyaqaphela ukuba zininzi izinto ezinyanzelekileyo ekufuneka uzenzile- ukukugcina kuloo mdaniso okanye ukuqhubela phambili phantsi emgangathweni ukonwaba kunesithukuthezi.
Nokuba kweminye yemitshato elungiselelwe ngcono apho iingxoxo malunga nezihloko zangaphambi komtshato zenzeke ngaphambi komhla omkhulu, kwaye uyazi umcebisi wakho womtshato buqu, kusekho imiceli mngeni emtshatweni enzima kwaye inzima.
Kukho intshukumo ekufuneka uyenzile kunye namanyathelo ekufuneka ewathathe iqabane lakho eliya kuthatha ukudanisa kwakho kwelinye inqanaba kwaye liqinisekise ukonwaba kwexesha elide- njengasemtshatweni.
Ukukhokela
Ngamanye amaxesha omnye wenu kufuneka akhokele, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha omnye akhokele.
Ngexesha lomdaniso, uyabona ukuba ngaphandle kokugxila, ukunxibelelana, kunye nokuqeqesha esi sibini sidanisayo sinokungqubana kwaye siwele kwimfumba engcolileyo phantsi, okanye baya kuba bemi ezinzwaneni zomnye okanye bebaleka kude kakhulu kunye.
Njengobomi bomtshato.
Ukufana phakathi komtshato nento eyenzekayo kumgangatho wokudanisa
IZiko likaGottman lixhasa lo mthetho-siseko, besithi babona ukufana okuninzi phakathi komtshato nento eyenzeka kumgangatho wokudanisa. Kwaye kufanelekile ukuqonda ukuba umtshato ngumdaniso.
Umdaniso omde nomhle nawo ukuba ubeka umsebenzi ekuphuhliseni izakhono, ubabalo, kunye nefayini yokuwukhupha kakuhle.
Nazi ezinye izifundo ezifundiswa yiGottman Institute malunga nomtshato ngumdaniso, kunye nendlela onokuyamkela ngayo kwaye wonwabe xa udanisa neqabane lakho ubomi bakho bonke - ngakumbi ukuba uyalithobela eli cebiso.
Tshintshana njengenkokeli kunye nomlandeli
Kwimixhentso emininzi yesibini kukho inkokeli kunye nomlandeli, okufanele ukuba kube njalo emtshatweni. Kodwa umahluko kuphela kukuba inkokeli akufuneki ihlale iyindoda. Endaweni yoko, nobabini kufuneka nizazi zombini ezi ndima, ukuze nikwazi ukungena nokungena ngokulula kuzo xa kufuneka njalo.
Kobu buchule bokukwazi ukunyuka kunye nokuhla okuya kuthi kubonelele ngokuguquguquka, ukusebenzisana kunye kunye nokulingana emtshatweni wakho.
Kukwasifaniso esiluncedo kwesi sifundo ukuqonda ukuba ngokutshintsha iindima uyanyathela kwesinye isihlangu oko kuthetha ukuba imitshato ephumeleleyo ngokubanzi inabantu abatshatileyo abanokubabuqonda ubomi kunye nomtshato kumaqabane abo ngokwembono yabo.
Zombini ezi zifundo zixabisekileyo awucingi?
Funa kuqala ukuqonda
Ukuqonda, kunye nokuthatha ixesha lokuqonda hayi kuphela iimeko ohlangabezana nazo ebomini kodwa nembono yeqabane lakho yenza umahluko omkhulu emtshatweni.
Ungaqala ukuqonda omnye nomnye ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukugxampuza iinzwane. Thatha laa ndawo uqhubeka ngayo kwaye uqalise ukuqonda okwenzayo kunye neengcinga-kubandakanya ukuthatha ixesha lokucinga malunga nokuba kutheni unokwenza izinto ozenzayo, kwaye ngokuchaseneyo yenza umdaniso wakho ubabazeke ngakumbi.
Kubalulekile ukuba ukhumbule ukuba ukuqonda kubandakanya ukuthatha ixesha lokuqonda ukuba ungene njani kwiimeko ezithile kunye nento onokuyenza ukuzisombulula.
Yiya emtshatweni wakho ngokuqonda kunye nokunyamezelana.
Xa omabini amaqabane efuna ukwenza ukuqonda kube yinto ephambili emtshatweni ungabona ukuba banokuncedana ngokulula kangakanani, baxhasane kwaye bathandane - esinye isifundo esimnandi esivela kwiziko laseGottman elinengqiqo.
I-synchrony ngokulinganisela kunye nokuqonda
Kuqonde ukubaluleka kokuqonda iingxaki zakho kunye nemiceli mngeni kunye nokufuna ingcebiso eyimfuneko efunekayo ukusombulula ingxaki.
Ukuba ulungelelanisa oko kuqonda kunye nezenzo, ufumana ibhalansi phakathi kwakho enokuthi ikhokelele ekungqinelaniseni omnye nomnye izibini ezitshatileyo eziphuphayo.
Xa ungqamaniso uya kwazi ukuba unyuke nini okanye wehle phantsi.
Uyayazi ukuba ungancedana njani kwaye nini, kwaye ngaphambi kokuba uyazi ukuba ujikeleza kwindawo yokudanisa ebonisa ukuba uyinyani-umtshato ngumdaniso.
Ukukhokelela kumaqabane akho eyona nto uyithandayo
Ukuba ukhokele abalingane bakho okanye amaqabane akho omdaniso awathandayo engqondweni, unokuqiniseka ukuba akukho nto ngaphandle kobuhle kunye nemvisiswano eya kulandela-ngakumbi ukuba sele ufumene ukuqonda kunye nokuhambelana phakathi kwakho.
Ukuthembana kuya kutyatyamba, Ukusondelelana kuya kudubula, kwaye umdaniso owenziwa ngumtshato wakho uya kuba ngumlingo.
IZiko likaGottman libonelela ngolwazi ngakumbi kunye nezifundo ezisesikweni zokwenza umtshato wakho ube ngumdaniso. Ngokuqinisekileyo yenye yezona ndlela zintle zokwenza umtshato usebenze.