Umxholo
Sonke sinokuziva xa sinobudlelwane obusempilweni, kodwa sihlala singakwazi ukufumanisa ukuba yintoni kanye le isenza sizive sinjalo.
Yintoni ebangela ukuba noluvo olomeleleyo lokunxibelelana neqabane lethu? Ithemba? Intlonipho? Ukusondelelana? Kuninzi kakhulu. Isizathu sokuba sizive ngale ndlela kukuba ubudlelwane obunempilo bukhokelela kubomi obunempilo.
Kodwa ukuphuhlisa ubudlelwane obunempilo yinto efuna ukugcinwa. Ukuyigcina yomelele kwaye izinzile kufuna isixa esifanelekileyo somsebenzi.
Ubudlelwane obusempilweni abubalulekanga kuthi kuphela Ukuphila ngokwasemoyeni nangokwasengqondweni kodwa zisembindini wokusinda kwethu. Umnqweno wethu wokunxibelelana nabanye yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yento esenza ukuba sibe yile ndlela sikuyo.
Uphando oluninzi kwiinkqubo zebhayiloji lufumanise unxibelelwano olomeleleyo phakathi kwempilo yethu kunye nolwalamano esilugcinayo, kodwa sele siza kungena nzulu nangaphaya kweziphumo zophando.
Ke ukuba ubuzibuza ukuba kubaluleke ngantoni ubudlelwane obuphilileyo kunye nokuba nobuhlobo obusempilweni?
Siza kubonelela ngokucacileyo malunga nokuba kutheni ukwakha ubudlelwane obunempilo kuvakalelwa ngathi kuyenzeka kwaye kungagcinwa kanjani ngaloo ndlela.
Eyakho i-utopia yobuqu
Njengabantu, sihlala sikhangela "indawo yethu elangeni," indawo esinokuyibiza eyethu, indawo eya kusinika ukuqonda okuyinyani kwenjongo.
Indawo engafane ibekho, edla ngokuphawulwa ngegama elithi "utopia", ikwachazwe kaninzi njengongabikhoyo okanye ocingelwayo.
Nangona kunjalo, ii-utopias zikhona, kodwa hayi njengeendawo. Endaweni yokuba bafumaneke kubuhle bomnye umntu, umphefumlo.
Xa siziva sidingeka ngokwenene, ngoko nangoko siba yinxalenye yento enkulu ngakumbi. Ukuba kukho umntu obalulekileyo onokonwaba, ukuzama ukuphucula umhlaba ngandlela thile uba kufanelekile.
Olu luvo lwenjongo yeyona nto iphambili esisigcina siqhubeka ebomini, siqhubela phambili. Zonke ii-quirks ezincinci zamaqabane ethu (s) zicebisa umhlaba wethu, kwaye ezi zezona zinto zithandeka kakhulu.
Ewe, inqwelomoya ebonakalayo ibalulekile ngokulinganayo naleyo yeemvakalelo. Iitabo ezininzi zenze ukuba imizimba yethu ibe ziinqaba ezitshixwayo, siguqule ubomi bethu bezesondo kwiindlela ezikhuselweyo.
Kodwa namhlanje sidlulile, siye sakhululeka kwiindlela ezintsha kunye nezixhobo ezibonakalayo ezinokuvuselela yonke imimandla yethu erogenous.
Emva kovavanyo lwezesondo olubandakanya i-analgasms okanye i-S & M ilele ukuthembela ngokupheleleyo kumaqabane ethu-ukuthembana okunokuguqula imizimba yethu ibe ziitempile njengeendawo zonqulo lwenene.
Ukuba sikulungele ukubahlola ngothando nothando, nganye kuzo inokuba yeyethu - indawo apho singabokwenene kwaye sinenjongo eyodwa yokuzalisekisa.
Ke yintoni eyenza ulwalamano olusempilweni kuxa ufumana uvakalelo olunamandla lokuba ufumene i-utopia.
Ukuqhekeza udonga lwangaphakathi
Icwecwe lodumo likaPink Floyd “iWall,“ ingakumbi ingoma ethi “Mama,” isibonisa kakuhle ukuba sizakha njani iindonga zangaphakathi kwasebusaneni.
Okokuqala, sihlala sikhuselwe ngokugqithisileyo ngabazali bethu; emva koko siyaqhubeka nokuphakamisa ezi ndonga ziphakamileyo sisodwa, singaqondi ukuba sityumza ukuzithemba kwethu kunye nokuzihlonela kwangaxeshanye.
Intlonipho iba luhlobo lolawulo oluphezulu, kwaye siqala ukonzakala ngaphakathi, sikhutshiwe kwinyani yethu yokwenyani.
Izibonelelo zobudlelwane obusempilweni kukuba ziyakwazi ukubuyisela imbeko ekwimo yayo yokwenyani- njengokwazisa omnye umntu, kunye nokuxabiseka kwayo yonke into eyenza ukuba umntu abonakale.
Ukuhloniphana kubudlelwane kukhokelela kukuqondana, ukuphelisa isidingo sokuphakamisa iindonga ngaphakathi ukuze sifihle iindawo zethu ezibuthathaka, uloyiko, okanye izinto esineentloni ngazo.
Uxinzelelo lolunye lweebhloko zokwakha eziphambili zolu donga lwangaphakathi, kwaye inkxaso yeemvakalelo nezentlalo ebonelelwa ngamaqabane kufana nokuthatha ishamhamham kuyo.
Kufunyenwe ukuba ubudlelwane obusempilweni buhlangene nokuncitshiswa koxinzelelo lwehomoni yecortisol, ngakumbi kwimeko yokuhlalisana.
Ewe kunjalo, ukukhulisa ukunyaniseka kunye nonxibelelwano oluvulekileyo kubalulekile kule nkqubo. Iindonga zethu zangaphakathi ziya kuqhekeka kuphela xa sikwazi ukuthetha malunga nendlela esivakalelwa ngayo kwaye sicinga ngayo namaqabane ethu ngendlela ecacileyo.
Ukuhloniphana nokuqondana kuvela kukunyaniseka ngaphandle koloyiko lokugxekwa. Iimfihlo nobuxoki azinandawo kubudlelwane obuphilileyo.
Ukwazi ukuba ungubani
Ukophula udonga lwangaphakathi akuthethi ukuba akufuneki sibe nemida- ziyinxalenye ebaluleke ngokulinganayo kwimpilo yethu kunye nokuba sempilweni.
Ukuze sikwazi ukunxibelelana kwakhona neziqu zethu eziyinyani, kufuneka sazi ukuba singesiso.
Inxalenye enkulu yokunxibelelana kwezentlalo namhlanje ayisivumeli ukuba sazise abanye abantu ukuba yintoni esenza sikhululeke kwaye yintoni engasenzi, kwaye sichitha ixesha elininzi sizenza into esingeyiyo.
Ngokuxhomekeke kulindelo lwabanye, sinxiba iimaski phambi kwabantu abaninzi - abaqeshi bethu, abazali, kwanabahlobo bethu.
Kodwa ngokugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo, siyakwazi setha imida yethu kwaye uyigcine.
Banokubonakala ngathi bayimida okanye imithetho kubudlelwane, kodwa inyani kukuba iqabane elinothando liya kuhlala lifuna ukwazi ukuba sifuna ukuphathwa njani.
Kungenxa yoko le nto kubalulekile ukuba wazise iqabane lakho xa ufuna indawo kwaye ngokungafaniyo, kunye nokuhlonipha iimfuno zomnye nomnye, iimfuno, izimvo, kunye nezimvo zakho, ukuze ukwazi "ukuvuma ukungavumelani."
Asiyiqondi ngokupheleleyo imida yethu de siyimise ngokucacileyo. Nje ukuba senze njalo kubudlelwane, asizukufuna nto ingaphantsi kwezinye izinto zobomi bethu, sizazi ukuba singobani kwaye asifuni ukuba ngubani.
Esinye isiqingatha
Kukho isizathu esihle sokuba kutheni abahlobo bokucinga bezivela rhoqo ebuntwaneni. Ubudlelwane begazi yinto enye, kodwa sidinga umntu okwaziyo ukusiqonda kwinqanaba elinzulu, njengesiqingatha sesibini sentliziyo enye ebethayo.
Kungenxa yesi sizathu le nto amaqabane ekubhekiswa kuwo "esinye isiqingatha" - Izifundo ziye zabonisa ukuba iqabane elinothando linokusinceda ukuba siphinde siphume emva kotyando lwentliziyo.
Njengakwimeko yomhlobo oyintelekelelo, ayingomlingo. Imalunga nokuba nomntu osecaleni kwethu okwaziyo ukususa iingqondo zethu kwintlungu, akwazi ukubonelela ngendlela yokwenyani yokuxhasa iimvakalelo.
Abalingani kubudlelwane obusempilweni baziva ngathi ngamalungu abo alahlekileyo, ekugqibeleni baphinde badibana. Yiyo loo nto kubudlelwane obunje, sikhuthazwa ukuba senze utshintsho kwindlela yokuphila esempilweni- ukuzilolonga, ukuyeka ukutshaya, ukutya ukutya okusempilweni, njl.
Ukuba iinyawo zendlela yokuziphatha esempilweni zenziwa ngoogxa bethu bomphefumlo, kunokwenzeka ukuba sibalandele xa sihlangana kwakhona ebesilinde ubomi bethu bonke. Ke ubudlelwane obuphilileyo abukho malunga nokuqonda ukuba singobani, kodwa nokuba sinokuba ngubani.
Njengoko ubona, ubudlelwane obunempilo bufana nendawo yethu ehlabathini. Indawo engenazindonga zangaphakathi zoloyiko kunye noxinzelelo, kodwa enemida emiselweyo.
Indawo enoluvo olucacileyo lwenjongo apho sinokuba yeyona nguqulelo ibalaseleyo kuthi. Yile nto impilo kunye nokuphila okuyinyani ngayo.
Kwaye konke okufunekayo ukugcina ingcwele enjalo ukuthatha umngcipheko kwaye sabelane ngokwenzekayo kwiintloko zethu neentliziyo zethu nabanye bethu ababalulekileyo.