Umxholo
- 1. Yithande indlela yakho yokuba ngumzali
- 2. Thembela kwisitayile sakho sokuba ngumzali
- 3. Thembela ekubeni umntwana wakho angamelana nayo
- 4. Musani ukusukuzana — sebenzani kunye!
Ukubambisana njengomzali yenye yemingeni emikhulu abajongana nayo abazali ... kwaye sesinye sezihloko eziqhelekileyo abathengi bam bendibuza ngazo. Nokuba imeko yobudlelwane phakathi kwabazali, nokuba batshatile, baqhawule umtshato, bahlala kunye, okanye bohlukene, le mingeni ivela ngokwendalo. Nasi isizathu: nangaliphi na ixesha abantu ababini beqala ukonwaba kunye, izimvo zabo ezizodwa kunye neenqobo zabo zokuziphatha ziya kudlala indima kwindlela nganye efika ngayo kwiimeko, kwaye ekugqibeleni ziziphi izigqibo abazenzayo. Ukuba ngumzali kwahlukile kunayo nayiphi na enye i-adventure, nangona kunjalo, kuba umsebenzi omisele ukuwenza kukunyusa umntu, kwaye kukho uxinzelelo olukhulu lokuphumelela. Ayothusi into yokuba izigqibo zobuzali, ke, zibambe ubunzima obuninzi kwaye zinokubangela uxinzelelo phakathi kwabazali.
Nangona la mava eqhelekileyo kwaye eqhelekileyo, oko akuthethi ukuba kulula! Kodwa mhlawumbi ikhona indlela yokunciphisa uxinzelelo kunye nokuphucula "ubudlelwane bakho bokusebenza" nomnye umzali womntwana wakho ...
Esinye sezizathu eziphambili zokuba nzima ukuba ngumzali ngumbono wokuba abazali kufuneka babekho kwiphepha elinye. Le yintsomi yokuba ngumzali engakunikeliyo okanye iqabane lakho elingumzali. Ukuze abazali bahambelane, abazali kufuneka babambe kwaye basebenzise imida efanayo, amaxabiso kunye nezicwangciso ezifanayo. Ngenxa yeembono zabo ezizodwa, nangona kunjalo, akunakulindeleka ukuba abazali babini babelane ngombono ofanayo kuzo zonke ezi ndawo. Endaweni yokunyanzelana omnye nomnye ngokungumzali ngokunganyanzelekanga, kutheni ungakhuthazi omnye nomnye ukuba athande amandla akho obuzali awodwa, esenza ukuba ubudlelwane bakho bomelele kunaye nokuba ninakho ukuzimela? Nantsi indlela:
1. Yithande indlela yakho yokuba ngumzali
Ukuze uyithande indlela yakho yokuba ngumzali, kufuneka uqale uyazi ukuba yeyiphi indlela yakho yobuzali, efuna ukwakha ulwazi malunga nendlela ojonga ngayo kwaye ujonge ngayo imiceli mngeni yokuba ngumzali. Ngaba uhleleke ngakumbi, okanye ubhetyebhetye ngakumbi? Ngaba uyakuxabisa ukukhulisa inkxaso, okanye ngaba uhlala ungqongqo? Chonga ukuba zeziphi iindawo zokuba ngumzali uzive ungenamsebenzi kwaye kulula kuwe, kwaye uzive uxinekile kwaye ucelomngeni.
Ukuchonga ixabiso lakho yindawo emangalisayo ukuqala. Ukuba ungumzali oyixabisayo imfundo, uya kuba uchitha ixesha elininzi uzama ukufundisa umntwana wakho ukuba ayixabise imfundo, kwaye ubaxhase kwimingeni yokufunda. Ngokukwanjalo, ukuba uyayixabisa imfesane kunye nonxibelelwano lomntu, ezi zizifundo onokuthi uzinike ixesha lokuba ngumzali. Ukuchonga amaxabiso akho aphezulu kunokuzisa ukucaca kwiindawo zobuzali apho uhlangana khona, kunye neendawo zobuzali apho ungafuna ukwenza utshintsho khona ukuze ube ngumzali ngokufanelekileyo. Xa uyazi ukuba uzama ukufundisa kwaye kutheni, ukuba ngumzali kwindawo yokuzithemba kunye nokudibana kuba lula kakhulu.
Nokuba oyena mzali uhambelana kakhulu, nangona kunjalo, uya kuba neendawo zobuthathaka. Kuqhelekile ukuziva ngathi kukho iindawo apho ungoyena mntu ulungileyo kulo msebenzi. Nceda, ube nemfesane kuwe xa oku kuvela. Kuyinto eqhelekileyo njengoko ingonwabisi. Abantwana benzelwe ukuba bakhuliswe eluntwini. I-adage endala yokuba kuthatha ilali ibhekisa ngqo kula mava. Le mimandla "yobuthathaka" inokuba ngamathuba amangalisayo okufundisa umntwana wakho izifundo ezibini ezibalulekileyo: indlela yokuthanda zonke iinkalo zakho-nditsho nezo uzibona njengeziphene, kunye nendlela yokufuna uncedo kunye nenkxaso xa uyidinga. Kulapho ukuzithemba kungekuphela ngokwakho, kodwa nomzali wakho osebenza naye, kuba liqela elinika amandla.
2. Thembela kwisitayile sakho sokuba ngumzali
Ukucaca malunga nezibonelelo zendlela yakho yokuba ngumzali kunokwenzeka kukunceda ngokukhawuleza ukuba ubone izibonelelo zendlela yokuba ngumzali kwiqabane lakho. Nje ukuba ukhangele amandla, ingqondo yakho iya kuba nakho ukuwachonga ngokukhululeka okukhulu. Ukongeza, inokucaca kwakhona ukuba ngubani na umzali wakho osebenza naye onomngeni. Ndiyakumema ukuba nibe nengxoxo evulekileyo malunga nokuba bobabini izakhono zakho zobuzali kunye nezimbo ziyancoma njani, kunye neendawo apho umntu ngamnye anokuziva elahlekile okanye engaxhaswanga. Ukuba imeko yakho yobuzali ayisiyiyo apho unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo nolunyanisekileyo luziva lunokwenzeka, ungoyiki. Ukuba unomdla wokuzithemba wena kunye nomnye umzali, oko kuya kunciphisa uxinzelelo kuyo yonke le nkqubo.
Owona mbandela uqhelekileyo oziswe kum kwiingxoxo zokuba ngumzali kukuba umzali ngamnye "wahluke kakhulu," okanye "akafumani." Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu ukuba uyiqonde kule meko (kwaye ihlala inzima) kukuba lo mahluko uyimpahla enkulu. Iimbono ezahlukeneyo zehlabathi, amaxabiso, kunye neendlela zinceda ukulinganisa abantu ababini abanefuthe kwinkqubo yosapho. Izisa okunokwenzeka ngakumbi kubantwana abachaphazeleka. Nanku umzekelo: kusapho olunye kukho umzali omnye oyile kakhulu kwaye unendlela yokucinga eguqukayo, kunye nomzali omnye oxabisa ulwakhiwo kunye nesiqhelo. Ngelixa benokuthi baphikisane malunga nokuba lijongeka kanjani ixesha lasekhaya, into ekunokwenzeka ukuba abanakuyibona yindlela abanempembelelo ngayo omnye komnye kunye kunye benza imeko-bume yekhaya ngokulinganisela kokubini ukuyila kunye nolwakhiwo. Ukongeza, abantwana babo bafunda iindlela ezimbini ezahlukileyo zokujongana neemeko ebomini babo.
Kuzo naziphi na iimeko ezahlukeneyo, ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho nomzali wakho, ukuyeka ulawulo yenye yezona ngxaki zilukhuni. Ukungabikho "kwiphepha elifanayo" njengomzali wakho ongumzali kuthetha ukuba awukwazi ukulawula zonke iimeko zokuba ngumzali. Ngokukodwa kwiimeko zoqhawulo-mtshato okanye umzali onengxabano enkulu, ukuyeka ulawulo kunokuziva kungenakwenzeka. Njengomzali, ufuna ukuqinisekisa ukuba umntwana wakho ufumana olona nyango lusemagqabini, okuthetha ukuba le nkqubo inokoyikisa kakhulu. Zibuze le mibuzo ilandelayo, kwaye ubenze babe sisikhokelo sokuthembela kwiqabane lakho lokuba ngumzali: Ngaba umzali wam osebenza naye ufuna okona kulungileyo kumntwana wethu? Ngaba umzali wam osebenza naye uziva kwaye uyakholelwa ukuba izicwangciso zabo zobuzali ziluncedo? Ngaba ukukhulisa kwam abantwana ngendlela ekhuselekileyo kumntwana wethu (ren)? Ukuba ungaphendula ngo-ewe kule mibuzo, yintoni ekubambezela ekuthembeni kwakho?
3. Thembela ekubeni umntwana wakho angamelana nayo
“Kodwa ayizukubhidana lento nomntwana wam?” Hayi akunjalo! Ukungqinelana kuphela okufunwa ngumntwana kukungqinelana komntu lowo. Ukudideka kuya kuvela ukuba awuqinisekanga kwisitayile sakho sobuzali, kwaye ke ngenxa yoko uzibandakanya kubuzali bokuphambuka. Umngcipheko wokutsiba kukuba umntwana wakho akazukwazi ukuba alindele ntoni ngokwemida, imida, okanye iziphumo, isiphumo soko iya kuba kukuxhalaba kunye nolindelo.
Umntwana wakho unakho ngokupheleleyo ukufunda kwaye aphendule kwiindlela ezimbini zokuba ngumzali. Ukuba nobabini neqabane lakho lokuba ngumzali niqinile kwindlela yenu yokuba ngumzali, umntwana wakho uya kwazi ukuba umzali # 1 uphendula ngendlela ethile, kwaye umzali # 2 uphendula ngenye indlela. Akukho kulindela okanye uxinzelelo apho. Kwaye, ufumana isibonelelo esongeziweyo sokufundisa umntwana wakho ngamava okuba zinokubakho iindlela ezimbini ezahlukeneyo zokujongana nawo nawuphi na umceli mngeni.
Awulindelanga ukuba utitshala womntwana wakho "alandele imigaqo yakho" ngexesha lesikolo, kutheni ke ulindele ukuba umzali wakho enze njalo? Ukwahluka kwamava, hayi ukuthobela, yinto eza kuphembelela ukukhula komntwana wakho, umdla wakhe, kunye nobuchule bokuyila.
4. Musani ukusukuzana — sebenzani kunye!
Owona mceli mngeni mkhulu kule modeli yokuba ngumzali ngulo: umntwana wakho uya kuthi, ngokuqinisekileyo, azame ukukhohlisa imeko ngokumenza alungelelane naye nawuphi na umzali abona ukuba uya kubakhulisa ngakumbi ngexesha elithile. Iyeza lokulwa nolu tyhefu lunxibelelwano. Ukuba isigqibo sele sithathiwe ngomnye umzali, kunyanzelekile ukuba omnye umzali asihloniphe kwaye asigcine eso sigqibo. Nasiphi na isigqibo esenziweyo okanye iziphumo ezinikiweyo kufuneka zihlale zikhona xa omnye umzali “esemsebenzini.” Oku kuthetha ukuba bobabini abazali kufuneka bakhawuleze kwizigqibo ezithathiweyo ngelixa bebengekho, ukuze bakwazi ukwenza ngokufanelekileyo.
Ukuzimisela ukucela inkxaso sesinye isakhono esibalulekileyo ekukhuliseni ngokubambisana. Ukuba udiniwe, ukhuthazekile, okanye nje ujamelana nomceli mngeni wokuba ngumzali, ukuba nomzali osebenza naye "akuncede" yindlela entle yokuzikhathalela kwaye ubonise iqabane lakho elingumzali ukuba uyabathemba kwaye uyabahlonipha. Ukuba kukho indawo yokuba ngumzali oziva ungakhululekanga okanye ungaqhelekanga, zive ukhululekile ukubuza umzali wakho ukuba bazakujongana njani nayo kwaye bazame ukuhamba. Umzali wakho bobabini uyimpahla kwaye ungumthombo wolwazi. Ngabo kuphela umntu owaziyo umntwana wakho, kunye nemiceli mngeni ethile yokuba ngumzali womntwana wakho, kunye nawe.
Ekugqibeleni, ezona zinto zibalulekileyo kubazali bobabini kukuthembana, intlonipho kunye nonxibelelwano. Le asiyondlwan 'iyanetha; kunokuba nzima ukuziqhelanisa naziphi na izizathu. Ukuba wena okanye umzali wakho osebenza naye unengxaki kwenye yezi ndawo, nceda ukhumbule ukuba ukufuna inkxaso yobuzali okanye ukucebisa abantu / izibini akuthethi ukuba uyasilela-yinto nje yokuziqonda nokuzikhathalela. Ukuba ngumzali yenye yeyona misebenzi inzima kweli hlabathi, kwaye kulungile ukuba neentsuku ezimbi. Ukuze ube ngowona mzali ubalaseleyo unganguye, ngamanye amaxesha ufuna inkxaso ethe kratya.