Ngaphezulu kwe-88% yabantu abadala abancinci bakholelwa ukuba banamaqabane omphefumlo kwindawo ethile ebalindeleyo, ngokophando olwenziwe yiProjekthi yeSizwe yoMtshato kwiYunivesithi yaseRutgers. Ngokucacileyo, umbono weqabane lomphefumlo ugcwele ... kodwa ngaba uyinyani? Lalivela phi eli gama? Ngaba kuyingozi ukubeka ukholo oluninzi kwimbono ekunzima ukuyibonakalisa?
Kwabaninzi, umbono weqabane lomphefumlo usekwe kwilishwa, ukuthanda kukaThixo, okanye ukuzalwa ngokutsha kothando langaphambili. Abanye abanako ukuqonda ngokucacileyo ukuba kutheni bekholelwa kwimbono yomlingane womphefumlo kodwa baziva beqinile ukuba bazimisele ukuhlala nomntu omnye kweli hlabathi.
Ingcamango yomlingane womphefumlo yinto ekhohlisayo-ingcamango yokuba umntu omnye unokugqiba ngokugqibeleleyo, okanye ubuncinci basincede, unomdla omangalisayo. Ukuba kwaye nini na xa sifumana iqabane lethu lokwenene lomphefumlo, iziphene zethu azizukubaluleka kuba iqabane lethu liza kube likulungele ukujongana nokulungelelanisa ezi mpazamo.
Xa amaxesha elungile, kulula ukukholelwa ukuba umntu onaye angangumlingane wakho womphefumlo. Kodwa xa izinto ziba nzima, ukuzithemba okufanayo kunokushukunyiswa ngokulula. Bekuyakuthini ukuba ubuphosile-kuthekani ukuba lo mntu ngenene akazange abe ngumphefumlo wakho? Ngokuqinisekileyo, iqabane lakho lomphefumlo lokwenene alinakuze likudanise, lingaze likuqonde kakubi, lingaze likwenzakalise. Mhlawumbi iqabane lakho lomphefumlo lokwenene lisekhona ndawo, lilinde wena.
Ngelixa umxholo weqabane lomphefumlo ungenakuze uqinisekiswe ngokuqinisekileyo, kwaye awunakuphikiswa. Ke zeziphi izinto ezimbi ezinokuvela ngokukholelwa kumaqabane omphefumlo, okanye ubuncinci ithemba elinye? Ingxaki inokuba into yokuba umbono wethu wamaqabane omphefumlo unokusibangela ukuba sibe nolindelo olungeyonyani kuthando kwaye lusishukumisele ekubeni sishiye ubudlelwane obunenekamva eliqaqambileyo.
Yithi ufumene umntu okhethekileyo, umgqatswa womphefumlo onokubakho. Ngelishwa, kunqabile ukuba amazulu avuleke kwaye anike umqondiso ocacileyo wokuba umntu onaye ngokwenene "nguye." Ngaphandle kobu bungqina, kulula ukuthetheleleka "ngomphefumlo weqabane" uyokuthenga okomzuzu uthando lwakho luqala ukuphulukana nemincili.
Isifundo seminyaka engama-20 esenziwe nguPaul Amato, Ph.D., ePenn State, sicebisa ukuba ama-55 ukuya kuma-60 epesenti yabantu abatshatileyo abalahle iimanyano zabasebenzi. Uninzi lwaba bantu bagcina ukuba babelithanda iqabane labo kodwa babekruqukile okanye beziva ukuba ubudlelwane abukwenzi ngokuvisisana nolindelo lwabo.
Ubudlelwane obunokwenzeka buhlala bukhutshelwa ngaphandle, hayi ngenxa yeengxaki ezingenakulungiswa, kodwa ngenxa yokuba iqabane lethu lingakhange lihambelane neenjongo zothando esasinazo entlokweni yethu. Ngokukodwa kubudlelwane bexesha elide, ukuzibophelela okanye umtshato, ukuphelisa ubudlelwane obuqinileyo ngenxa yokuba ungasekho kwi-100% uqinisekile ukuba iqabane lakho liqabane lakho lomphefumlo kubonakala ngathi alinankathalo.
Oko akutsho ukuba kufuneka sihlale kubudlelwane obungenampilo, kodwa kunoko, ukuba masilinganise ukufaneleka kobudlelwane ngokuchanekileyo. Kuba ukuchaza ngqo ukuba yintoni efanele umntu ukuba ube liqabane lakho lomphefumlo akunakwenzeka, zama ukuvavanya ubudlelwane bakho endaweni yezinto ezisisiseko njengothando, imbeko kunye nokuhambelana. Ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo, eminye imidlalo ilunge ngakumbi kunenye. Kodwa ukulunga ngokufanelekileyo akuthethi ukuba kufuneka wabelane ngazo zonke iimpawu zobuntu okanye umdla njengeqabane lakho.
Amaqabane omphefumlo angakho kakuhle ... mhlawumbi unethamsanqa ngokwaneleyo ukuba sele ufumene owakho. Okokugqibela okubalulekileyo nangona asiloqabane lethu lokudlula kuvavanyo lomphefumlo olungaqondakaliyo. Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu kukuba sinokuzithemba kumandla ethu okuqhubeka nokufumana ubuhle, ukomelela, ewe, uthando lokwenene, kubudlelwane bethu nomntu esinaye.