Umxholo
- Kutheni kubalulekile ukuba nabahlobo?
- Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba ube ngumhlobo nomntu wesini esahlukileyo emva komtshato?
- Isigqibo sokugqibela
Ukutshata kuthetha ukuthembisa ukuzibophelela kwakho kumntu othile omthanda ngokwenyani, kodwa, ngasizathu sithile, abantu bahlala becinga ukuba umtshato uthetha ukunika ubomi bakho, inkululeko kunye nolawulo komnye umntu. Sihlala sifumanisa ukuba abantu basixelela ukuba akunakwenzeka ukuba sitshate kwaye sihlale singabahlobo nabantu besini esahlukileyo. Umzekelo, xa indoda etshatileyo ingumhlobo womfazi ongatshatanga, urhano ngandlel 'ithile luyazenzekela kungekuphela nje kumfazi wendoda etshatileyo kodwa naphakathi kwamantombazana athandana nawo kunye nabanye abantu abakufutshane. Kukwanjalo nakwabasetyhini, njengaxa umfazi otshatileyo enobuhlobo nendoda engatshatanga. Nokuba kunjalo nakwizibini ezitshatileyo, oku kungabonakala njengengxaki kwabaninzi- njengaxa indoda etshatileyo ingumhlobo womfazi otshatileyo ongengomfazi wakhe.
Ngokwenyani, isizukulwana esitsha asinakubekwa tyala ngokupheleleyo kwiingcinga ezinjalo nakwindlela abasabela ngayo, kuba umbono wokuba ngumhlobo nomntu wesini esahlukileyo emva komtshato sele ubonwa njengesenzo esingathembekanga; kungoko silungelelanise le ngcinga sele idluliselwe kwizizukulwana ezidlulileyo. Ngoku, asithethi ukuba kukho ipesenti ye-zero yokuba indoda etshatileyo iya kuthi okanye ingabinakho ukutsala ngokwesondo kumfazi ahlangana nayo. Asitsho nokuba akukho thuba lokuba baqale ukwenza iqhina elinokuba ngaphezulu kobuhlobo kuphela. Siya, nangona kunjalo, sichaza inyani yokuba, nangona isabonakala ngathi ayinakwenzeka kule mihla, kodwa kukho ubuhlobo besini esahlukileyo esingakhokeleli kuwo nawuphi na umsebenzi wesondo okanye nantoni na engaphaya kobuhlobo obulungileyo, obungenabungozi, obungenabunzima.
Kutheni kubalulekile ukuba nabahlobo?
Ukuhlalisana nabantu kwinxalenye ebalulekileyo yengqondo yethu kwaye ikwanceda ekugcineni ingqondo esempilweni. Abahlobo yinto efunekayo ekuhlaleni, kuba ukuhlala nabantu osebenza nabo akufani nokuba nobusuku obonwabisayo nabahlobo bakho. Abanye ubuhlobo buhlala ixesha elincinci, ngelixa abanye benokuhlala ubomi bonke-nokuba yeyiphi indlela, bonke babalulekile kuphuhliso lwethu njengabantu. Sinokufumana izibonelelo ezininzi kubahlobo, ezinje:
- Abantu abaninzi bafumanisa ukuba banokuba ngabona kanye xa bekunye nabahlobo babo bokwenyani, kwaye, kwangaxeshanye, bafumanise ukuba bangobani kanye kanye.
- Xa ubomi buba nzima, abahlobo yindlela efanelekileyo yokuxhasa kwaye, kwiimeko ezininzi, iya kuba ngumnxeba okanye isicatshulwa kude.
- Abahlobo bokwenene abayi kukuxokisa ngezinto ezibalulekileyo, nto leyo ethetha ukuba baya kukuxelela xa usenza into engafanelekanga kwaye bakuncede "uhlale usendleleni" ngobomi bakho ngeendlela ezininzi.
- Abahlobo babelana nawe ngeziqhulo kwaye bahleka nawe, nto leyo ebaluleke kakhulu ebomini. UGaiam uxela ukuba kuye kwaqinisekiswa ngokwenzululwazi ukuba ukuhleka kunciphisa uxinzelelo lwegazi kunye namanqanaba e-cortisol, ilungile entliziyweni yakho kwaye ibangela ukuba ii-endorphins zikhutshwe emzimbeni wakho.
Ngokwe Psychology Namhlanje, ukuba nabahlobo kunye nokunxibelelana akuthethi nje ukuba unomntu ongaxhomekeka kuye xa izinto zinzima, umntu oza kuthetha naye xa uziva ubuhlungu okanye umntu ohleka naye, kodwa ikwanazo neenzuzo ezininzi zengqondo yakho kunye abahlobo bakho. Baqhubeka nokuxela ukuba uninzi lwezifundo lufumanise ukuba ubomi babantu abadala abaqhubeka nokunxibelelana nabahlobo, ngakumbi abo banabahlobo bexesha elide, babenomgangatho wobomi obungcono kunye nempilo engcono kunaleyo ingenabo inani labahlobo. Ngaphandle kwezi zibonelelo, uxinzelelo yingxaki exhaphakileyo kubantu abangenabo okanye abahlobo abambalwa kuphela, njengoko kukhokelela kwiimvakalelo zokuziva ulilolo, unxunguphalo kunye nokungafaneleki.
Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba ube ngumhlobo nomntu wesini esahlukileyo emva komtshato?
Ngoku ukuba siqwalasele izibonelelo ezinazo ubuhlobo, kwaye kutheni iyinxalenye ebalulekileyo yobomi obunempilo, kufuneka sibuyele kumxholo ophambili weposti yethu-nokuba kufanelekile ukuba kuthathwe njengesiqhelo kwaye "kulungile" kumntu otshatileyo Yiba ngumhlobo nomntu wesini esahlukileyo. UHugo Schwyzer, umbhali ophethe iAtlantic, kutshanje ebezimase inkomfa ye "Bold Boundaries" eChicago - inkomfa. Ucacisa ukuba iziphumo zakhe zazimangalisa njengoko kubonakala ngathi umhlaba, enyanisweni, uvulela ngakumbi umntu otshatileyo ukuba ngumhlobo olungileyo nomntu wesini esahlukileyo ngaphandle kweziphumo. Ucacisa ukuba namaKrestu ebezimase le nkomfa ngoku athetha ngokungafihlisiyo ngento yokuba, eneneni, kunokwenzeka ukuba indoda etshatileyo ibe ngumhlobo olungileyo nomfazi ongatshatanga, ngaphandle kwengcinezelo yesini. Ngendlela efanayo, umfazi otshatileyo unokuba ngumhlobo nenye indoda etshatileyo okanye nokuba yindoda engatshatanga, ngaphandle kwayo nayiphi na into enomtsalane ngokwesini phakathi kwabo bobabini.
Ukuwuphendula ekugqibeleni lo mbuzo, kuya kufuneka siqale sijonge isidingo sobuhlobo ebomini bethu kwaye siqwalasele enye inyani ebaluleke kakhulu. Inani elikhulu lamaKristu liyatshata kwiminyaka engamashumi amabini anesibini- oku kuthetha ukuba abantu ababini abatshatayo bangena nje ebomini babo emva kokuba betshatile, nto leyo ekhokelela kwinyani yokuba, abanakho ukwenza isixa esifanelekileyo kubahlobo abadala. Xa umntu etshata esemncinci kakhulu, ngaba oko kuya kuthetha ukuba banokuba ngabahlobo kuphela nabantu besini esinye ubomi babo bonke? Isicelo esinje sibonakala singekho sikweni ukubuza komnye umntu, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo abanokufuna nje ukuba ngabahlobo nabantu besini esifanayo njengoko benjalo kule minyaka ingama-50 izayo okanye kunjalo kodwa banokukhetha ukhetho olwahlukeneyo lwabahlobo, ngamnye enabo Iminikelo eyahlukileyo eya kuzisa isangqa kuloo mntu.
Isigqibo sokugqibela
Ngelixa kukho inkolelo ngokubanzi phakathi kwabantu yokuba umntu otshatileyo akanakuba ngumhlobo nomntu wesini esahlukileyo, okanye kungabonakala ngathi kuyakrokra, kodwa ngoku abantu baya beqhelelana nale mbono. Ukutshata akuthethi ukuba kukho umnxeba wokurhanela. Abantu bayakwazi ukuba ngabahlobo nomntu wesini esahlukileyo ngaphandle kokuba batsaleleke kubo ngaphandle kokulalanisa emtshatweni wabo okanye ukwenzakalisa lowo batshate naye. Kule mihla nakweli xesha lobudala, kubalulekile ukuziqhelanisa notshintsho kwihlabathi kunye nokwamkela izinto ezincinci ezinje, ukuze ukhule njengomntu.
Ngaba uOcconner
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