Umxholo
- 1. Yaphula umjikelo wonxibelelwano olubi
- 2. Phuma kumxholo xa kuthelekiswa nenkqubo
- 3. Zimasa okwenzekayo kwaye uziva njani apha nangoku
Izibini ezininzi ziza kunyango zikulungele ukuphikisana phambi kwengcali. Bonzakele kwaye banethemba lokuba umntu othile uya kuqinisekisa iimbono zabo kunye nomnwe wabo ongabonakaliyo, wokuba engqondweni yomntu ngamnye, kukhonjwe komnye umntu. Umgqirha, ngokungathandabuzekiyo, akanako ukuqhubela phambili unyango ngokuthatha icala.
Ukuze uxhamle kulo naluphi na uhlobo lonyango, abathengi kufuneka bazive beviwa kwaye baqondwa. Kubudlelwane kunyango, i-Therapist kufuneka yenze umanyano nabaxhasi bobabini, ibancede bobabini bazive beqinisekisiwe, beqondwa kwaye bamkelwe. Lo inokuba ngumsebenzi ongenakwenzeka xa abantu bekwindawo yokugxeka omnye komnye kunye nokuziva bezikhusele. Njengoko i-Therapist iphendula ngovelwano kwelinye iqabane, elinye liziva lingajongelwa phantsi. Iingxoxo ziyaqhubeka. Abanye abanyangi baya kucela abathengi ukuba bangathethi omnye nomnye ekuqaleni, kodwa bathethe ngokwabo kuphela kunyangi okanye abantu ukuba beze ngexesha elinye ukuze bathethe ngokukhululekileyo. Nokuba kwezi meko zilawulwayo, abantu banokwenzakala kwaye bazive bengekho semthethweni. Kukho izinga eliphezulu lokuyeka kunyango kwizibini ezitshatileyo. Ngamanye amaxesha abantu bangena benethemba lokugqibela lokuziphatha kodwa sele benonyawo olunye ukuphuma emnyango. Okanye, banokuqhubeka kwiiseshoni ezininzi betyholana kwaye baziva beqinisekisiwe kancinci kodwa bebengenathemba.
Ke sinokuwuqhekeza njani umjikelo wempikiswano kwaye sisebenzise ngcono ubudlelwane kunye nonyango ixesha kunye nemali?
Ngaba esi sibini sifuna ukufezekisa kunyango? Ngaba kukho iimfuno kunye neemfuno eziqhelekileyo? Esi sisiqalo esihle, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha izinto ziyavutha kangangokuba kungabikho nxibelelwano luya kusebenza kuba umjikelo wempikiswano omiselweyo ubanjiwe. UGreenberg noJohnson, (1988) bachonga into abayibiza ngokuba ngu "Umjikelo wokudibana okungalunganga"
1. Yaphula umjikelo wonxibelelwano olubi
Luhlobo lokuphindaphindeka ngokulandelelana kokuphendula kukhuseleko lomntu ngamnye, kwiimvakalelo zomphezulu. Bathethile ngobunzima bokufikelela kwiimvakalelo ezinzulu, ukuba sesichengeni ngakumbi, ukulungisa isibophelelo ngokuphendula omnye komnye ngovelwano kwakhona. Lo ngowona mceli mngeni kunyango lwezibini, ukwenza ukuba abantu bazive bekhuselekile ngokwaneleyo ukuba bayeke ukuzikhusela, bayeke iimpikiswano kwaye bamamele ngokuvulekileyo xa besenzakele okanye bephambene.
Kwi- "Hold Me Tight" (2008), uSue Johnson ucacisile ngezi ndlela zokuzikhusela, eziphindaphindayo ngokuthetha ngendlela abantu abaqala ngayo ukuyilindela kwaye basabele ngokukhawuleza nangokukhawuleza kwimikhombandlela yokuba umjikelo wengxabano uqala ngaphandle kokuyiqonda. Usebenzise isikweko somdaniso kwaye wabonisa ukuba abantu bafunda imikhwa yomzimba ukuba iqalile kwaye bayazikhusela ngaphambi kokuba bayazi, emva koko elinye iqabane lingena ngokuzikhusela kwabo kwaye bayaqhubeka nokubeka ecaleni. Ucacisile ukubaluleka kokuphinda ubenakho ukuvuleleka kwaye uzilungiselele ngokuhlala ngoku, uchonge umjikelo ophindaphindwayo njengotshaba kunabanye, kunye nokusebenza kunye ukusasaza kwaye uqondise kwakhona xa iqala.
2. Phuma kumxholo xa kuthelekiswa nenkqubo
Le yinto eyenziwa ngabaphili ngaphandle kokuyiqonda kodwa abathengi bahlala besokola nayo. Kuthetha ukujonga isenzo kunye neziphumo zento eyenzekayo apha nangoku, endaweni yokuphikisana ngeenyani, iimvakalelo kunye neembono zebali elibaliswayo. Ibambe ukujonga kweentaka. Sebenzisa isikweko esivela kwimidlalo yeqonga, khawufane ucinge ukuba umntu unokunaka nje into eyenzekayo kwincoko ebhaliweyo kwaye akayikhathaleli impembelelo yezenzo ezikwindawo leyo? Kuya kubakho ukuqonda okunqunyelwe kumdlalo.
3. Zimasa okwenzekayo kwaye uziva njani apha nangoku
Endaweni yokuphendula, ukuphinda senze kwakhona kwaye siphinde sisebenzise iipateni ezindala, kufuneka sikwazi ukumamela abaqalayo.
Le kuphela kwendlela yokwenza indawo yokuphendula ngeendlela ezintsha, ngeendlela zokuphilisa. Ukuba sinokukhumbula okwenzekayo kwaye siphendule ngokwahlukileyo kunangaphambili, sineemvakalelo ezingaphantsi kobuqu, kukho indawo yokubonisa uvelwano komnye umntu kwaye sakhe unxibelelwano kwakhona. Oku kulula kakhulu ukuba bobabini abantu baqonde ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni, kwaye ukuba isikhokelo esinyanisekileyo kodwa esithe ngqo esinjenge-Emotion Focused or Mindfulness-based Therapist sinokufundisa abathengi ngale nkqubo.
Umgqirha ufuna ukunceda ukudala nokubamba indawo ekhuselekileyo kubo bobabini ukuba bafunde iindlela ezinxulumene noko ngelixa beziva beqinisekisiwe ukuba baziva bekhathazekile. Ukuba isibini sinokufunda ukuyeka iingxoxo kwaye siphendule ngeendlela ezintsha, zokuba nolwazelelelo omnye komnye kunokuba unyango lunokuphumelela. Ayisiwo wonke umxholo oza kuqwalaselwa, ayizizo zonke izinto ezidlulileyo eziza kujongwa, kodwa iindlela ezintsha zonxibelelwano zivumela isibini esinezixhobo abazidingayo ukusombulula iingxaki ngeendlela ezihloniphekileyo, ezikhuselekileyo nezikhuthazayo ukuya phambili nangaphaya konyango.