Umxholo
- Ngumcimbi onjani lowo?
- Ngaba uyamazi umlingane okopelayo?
- Wafumanisa njani?
- Uphendula njani umntu otshate naye?
- Ngaba oku kuye kwenzeka kuwe ngaphambili?
- Ngaba wena neqabane lakho niyakwazi ukuya phambili kunye?
Lo ngumbuzo wendalo kwaye uyaqondakala. Ukuba ufumanise ukuba iqabane lakho liyakuqhatha, inokuba yenye yeengcinga ezikhawulezayo ukuyikhumbula: “Ngaba oku kuthetha ukuba umtshato wam uphelile?” Ngaphambi kokuba siwuphendule loo mbuzo, zininzi izinto ezisebenzayo. Ngokuqinisekileyo awulula njengombuzo njengoko ubonakala unjalo, kwaye maninzi kakhulu amathuba okuba impendulo yakho ibe ngu-ewe okanye hayi. Ungangxami izigqibo ngokukhawuleza, kwaye ungalahli themba, kuba lisoloko likho ithemba.
Ngoku makhe sijonge eminye imibuzo kunye nezinto ezinokuthi ziqwalaselwe xa kukho ukungathembeki ngokwesondo emtshatweni wakho.
Ngumcimbi onjani lowo?
Okwangoku usenokuba ucinga ukuba, “ukukopa kukukopa, akunamsebenzi nokuba loluphi uhlobo!” Kuyinyani oko, kodwa ukuba ucinga ngako, kukho umahluko phakathi kokungakhathali okungakhathali ngexesha lohambo loshishino kude nekhaya, kunye nomcimbi obuqhubeka iinyanga okanye iminyaka ngasemva kwakho. Nokuba yeyiphi indlela owenziwe ngayo umonakalo. Ushiyeke unemvakalelo enzulu yokungcatshwa kwaye ukuthembakala kuye kwaphulwa. Unokuzibuza ukuba uya kuze uphinde ukwazi ukuthembela kwiqabane lakho.
Ngaba uyamazi umlingane okopelayo?
Lo ngomnye umbuzo oza kuba nefuthe kwindlela oziva ngayo ngokungathembeki ngokwesondo emtshatweni wakho. Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba iqabane lakho liqhubekile nomntu omaziyo okanye umhlobo wakho osenyongweni okanye umntakwenu, oko kuya kukuchaphazela njengokungcatsha kabini kuwo omabini amanqanaba. Kwelinye icala, ukuba umcimbi uthandana nomntu ongazange wadibana naye, kunokuba yingozi kancinci.
Wafumanisa njani?
Ngaba iqabane lakho lize kuwe lavuma ukungathembeki kwalo lizisola, licela uxolo? Okanye ubumbambile? Okanye ngaba ukrokrela into ixesha elide kwaye ekugqibeleni ufumene ubungqina obungenakuphikiswa? Mhlawumbi ufumane umnxeba ongaziwayo, okanye uvile ngummelwane okanye umhlobo. Mhlawumbi ufumene umnxeba osuka emapoliseni emva kokuba iqabane lakho libanjiwe nehenyukazi. Usenokufumana iindaba ezoyikisayo kugqirha wakho ukuba une-STD kwaye uyazi ukuba uthembekile kwiqabane lakho. Nangona kunjalo ufumanise ngokungathembeki ngokwesondo emtshatweni wakho, iya kuchaphazela indlela okwazi ngayo ukuqhubekeka neendaba.
Uphendula njani umntu otshate naye?
Ngokukhawuleza xa iqabane lakho lisazi ukuba uyazi malunga nokukopela, impendulo yabo iya kukuxelela kwaye ibe sisixhobo kwindlela eya phambili kuni nobabini. Ngaba uyaphika, uyanciphisa, kwaye uzithethelela ngento leyo, esithi ibingeyonto imbi, kwaye uyabaxa? Okanye ngaba uyavuma ekuhleni ukuba yenzekile, kwaye ayilunganga, kwaye uyathembisa ukuba kugqityiwe kwaye akusayi kuphinda kwenzeke? Ewe zininzi iiyantlukwano kulo mboniso, kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo indlela ophendula ngayo iqabane lakho iya kukunika umqondiso wokuba ungaqhubeka kubudlelwane.
Ngaba oku kuye kwenzeka kuwe ngaphambili?
Ukuba ufumene ukungcatshwa kubudlelwane obusondeleyo ngaphambili, impendulo yakho ebuhlungu kolu sizi lutsha inokudityaniswa. Mhlawumbi wawuhlukumezekile okanye ungakhathalelwanga ebuntwaneni bakho, okanye kwabo babethandana nabo ngaphambili. Ezi traumas zangaphambili ngekhe zayonakalisa imeko yakho yokhuseleko kubudlelwane obusondeleyo kwaye ngoku ukuba iyenzeka kwakhona unokuyifumana ibuhlungu kwaye kunzima ukuyetyisa.
Ngaba wena neqabane lakho niyakwazi ukuya phambili kunye?
Emva kokuba uqhubile umothuko wokuqala wokufunda malunga nenyani yokuba bekukho ukungathembeki ngokwesondo emtshatweni wakho, ngoku wena neqabane lakho kufuneka nicinge kwaye nithethe ngalo mbuzo; "Singakwazi ukuqhubela phambili kunye?" Ngaphambi kokuba uphendule lo mbuzo, nazi izikhombisi ezimbalwa zokukunceda ucinge ngesi sigqibo sinzima:
- Umcimbi kufuneka upheliswe: Ukuba ufuna ukuhlala kunye, umcimbi kufuneka uyeke, ngokuthe ngqo, ukubanda, ngokukhawuleza. Ukuba iqabane elonileyo liyathandabuza kwaye lisafuna ukugcina ucango lwangasemva luvulekile, ubudlelwane bakho bomtshato abuzukubuyiselwa.
- Ukuzibophelela kwakhona kufuneka kwenziwe: Iqabane ebelingathembekanga kufuneka likulungele ukuzibophelela kwaye lithembise kunokuba kungathandeki.
- Kufuneka umonde omninzi: Ukuba nigqiba ekubeni nihlale kunye kufuneka nobabini niqonde ukuba iyakuba nde kwaye inzima indlela eya ekubuyiselweni. Kuya kufuneka ninyamezelane. Umlingane okopelileyo kufuneka akulungele ukunika iqabane elingcatshiweyo zonke iinkcukacha kunye nexesha abalifunayo ukuze bafumane ngaphezulu kwezibakala. Akuncedi ukuthi “kudala, masiyibeke ngasemva” xa iqabane lakho lisesentlungwini kwaye lifuna ixesha elingakumbi lokulungisa nokuthetha phambi kokuba kwenzeke.
- Uxanduva lokuphendula lubalulekile: Lowo waphambuka kufuneka akulungele ukuphendula ngeentshukumo zawo maxa onke, nokuba uziva ungenangqondo. Oko kuya kubonisa ukuba bayaguquka kwaye bafuna ukutshintsha.
- Imiba esisiseko kufuneka ijongiwe: Lowo ukopelileyo kufuneka ayiqonde imiba okanye utyekelo olunokubangela ukungathembeki, ukuze ezo zinto zisonjululwe kwaye zithintelwe kwixa elizayo. Nalowo ungcatshwayo usenokubuza ukuba banokuba benze ntoni na ukufaka isandla kule meko. Inokuba luncedo kakhulu kwaye kuyacetyiswa ukuba udibane nomcebisi womtshato okanye ingcali enokukunceda nobabini ukuba boyise iziphumo zokungathembeki.
Kukho konke, ukungathembeki ngokwesondo akuthethi ngokuzenzekelayo ukuba umtshato wakho uphelile. Zininzi izibini ezinokungqina ukuba zikwazile ukubuyisela ubudlelwane bazo kwinqanaba elingcono nelinzulu kunokuba lalinjalo ngaphambi komtshato.