Umxholo
- Yintoni efunekayo ukuze uhlakulele uthando oluhlala luhleli?
- Itshekhi yokwenyani yothando
- Umyezo sisikweko esifanelekileyo
- Isebenza kanjani lento?
- Imida eyomeleleyo inceda ukukhuthaza ukusondela
Mna nomfazi wam uHelen sobabini sasisazi ukuba asithandani xa sitshata. Sasithandana kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo sasibawela. Kodwa besingekho kwintloko enjalo ngothando olumnandi oluhlala lujolise kumajelo eendaba. Ngoku iminyaka engama-34 kamva bendihlala ndimbulela ngokungazenzisiyo ebomini bam. Ndikwenza oko ubuncinci amaxesha amaninzi ngeveki. Xa engena egumbini, ndiyakhanyisa ngaphakathi. Undibiza ngokuba "ngumphefumlo wam" kwaye ufungela ukuzama ukundilandela ukuba kunye nam ukuba kukho ubomi emva kokufa. Ke yenzeke njani lonto? Into eyenzekileyo yeyokuba sobabini besikrelekrele-sinobuchule ngokwaneleyo bokuqonda imeko yokwenyani yothando olunyamezelayo kunye nento efunekayo ukuze lukhule. Sasiqonda ukuba kufuneka sisebenzise ubuchule kunye noqeqesho ukukhulisa uthando lwethu ngokuhamba kwexesha. Akukho flash epanini kuthi!
Yintoni efunekayo ukuze uhlakulele uthando oluhlala luhleli?
Isifundo esinomdla senzeka e-India ngo-1982. UGupta noSingh balandelela amaqela amabini abasandula kutshata ngaphezulu kweminyaka eli-10 kwaye bawathelekisa noMgangatho wothando lukaRubin. Elinye iqela latshatela uthando kunye nelinye kuba lalicwangcisiwe. Unokuqikelela ukuba kwenzeke ntoni. Yayilufudo nomvundla yonke indlela.
Iqela eliqale ngothando laqala ngothando oluphezulu kwaye iqela elilungisiweyo laqala phantsi kakhulu. Kwiminyaka emi-5 babelingana ngokulinganayo. Kwiminyaka eli-10 iqela elilungiselelwe lafumana amanqaku kuma-60s kwiRubin Love Scale nakwiqela lothando kwindlu yangasese kwiminyaka yama-40. Kwakutheni?
Unxibelelwano alubonakalisi ubunyani kodwa ndiyakutolika ukuba izithandani ezithandanayo ziqale ngesiseko sobuxoki: Ukuqala kothando euphoria bakhohlisa isibini ekucingeni ukuba uthando lwexesha elizayo luza kuza ngokulula. Abayi kusebenza nzima ukuyilima nokukhusela. Xa ulwabelwano lwamandla luqala kwaye izibini ezingalawulekiyo ziqala ukutyumzana, emva koko iimvakalelo ezingalunganga ziyaqokelela. Ukugxeka kunye neentloni zonakalisa ubudlelwane.
Mamela kwindlela yethu syntax yesiNgesi ebonisa ukungakhathali. "Siwa" eluthandweni. Ingaphandle kwethu. Mhlawumbi yayilungiselelwe nguThixo ukuba “ibekho.” Esi syntax sithetha ukuba asiloxanduva lwayo. Ukuba uElvis usishiyile isakhiwo emva koko siphelelwe ngamathamsanqa.
Itshekhi yokwenyani yothando
Kwintshona malunga nesiqingatha semitshato siyakuphela ngoqhawulo-mtshato. Oko akuthethi ukuba esinye isiqingatha sinovuyo. Izibini ezininzi zihlala kunye ukulungiselela abantwana. Abanye baziva bevalelekile ekubeni bahlale kuba bengakwazi ukwahlukana. Oko kuthetha ukuba bambalwa kuphela abantu abatshatileyo abagcina inkanuko iphila kule minyaka idlulileyo. Yinyani ebuhlungu.
Ukuba "okuqhelekileyo" kuthetha ukuba ekugqibeleni uyaphela kubudlelwane obungonelisiyo, kuya kufuneka ulumke ngakumbi kunesiqhelo
Sukucinga ukuba ungahlala uwela kwimeko yothando olungagungqiyo ngonaphakade. Cinga ukuba kungangcono ukuqhubeka nokuhlakulela iimvakalelo zothando.
Zithini iimvakalelo? Inyaniso echanekileyo kodwa engathandiswanga kangako kukuba ziingqondo zomzimba. Imvakalelo yothando ibandakanya ukukhutshwa kwe-oxytocin, vasopressin kunye ne-dopamine neurohormones. Iingcali zenzululwazi ziye zaphawula ukuba ngawaphi amalungu obuchopho abandakanyekayo. Isizathu sokufumana le geeky kukuba isinika imodeli malunga nento ekufuneka siyenzile.
Umyezo sisikweko esifanelekileyo
Yicinge ngale ndlela. Unesitiya ezantsi ungazi. Uninzi lweemvakalelo zakho luyakhula kule gadi. Iqabane lakho linalo ngokunjalo. Ukuba ufuna isivuno esikhulu se-oxytocin kuya kufuneka uchumise kwaye unkcenkceshele zombini izitiya. Kuya kufuneka uyondle ngamava avusa iimvakalelo zokusondela kunye nobushushu bomntu. La mava anokubandakanya ukubanjwa ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwesondo kodwa uninzi lwabantu abadala ludinga uhlobo oluthile lwengqondo lokuchukumisa. Ukufuna kwakho ukwazi intsingiselo kunye nomnqweno kwingqondo yeqabane lakho sesona sondlo sisityebi kwigadi yeqabane lakho. Ukufuna ukwazi sesona sixhobo sixabisekileyo kubudlelwane.
Kodwa ukuba unesitiya akwanelanga ukunkcenkceshela nokuchumisa. Kuya kufuneka uyikhusele. Ukhula kunye nezitshabalalisi kufuneka zigcinwe ngaphandle. Kubudlelwane bethu obusondeleyo kukho amandla angazi nto njengokhula olunokuphazamisa uthando. Ikhula njenge-ivy okanye i-kudzu ukuba asiyigcini isikiwe. Ayaziwa ngababhali bobudlelwane kodwa mhlawumbi inika ingxelo yemitshato engaphumelelanga kunayo nayiphi na enye into. Iingcali zenzululwazi yengqondo zikubiza oku ngokuthi “kukuthintela nje.”
Isebenza kanjani lento?
Ukuba sisoyika ukungamkelwa kangangokuba siyeke iqabane lethu lisinike imiyalelo endaweni yezicelo, sinike imigaqo endaweni yokuxoxa nathi, sixelele ukuba sicinga ntoni okanye siziva njani endaweni yokusibuza, siphazamise izivakalisi zethu okanye senze Umsebenzi kwithayimthebhile yabo endaweni yethu ....... emva koko siya kuthi ekugqibeleni silawulwe lulindelo lwethu koko kulindelwe liqabane lethu endaweni yento esiyifunayo. Xa oko kusenzeka siqala ukulawulwa kukhuseleko lwethu sifuna ukungazi. Inkqubo yethu yokuzikhusela ithatha indawo.
Siba yirobhothi ekhuselekileyo yesiqhelo kwaye siphelelwe ngamandla. Bangaphi abantu owakhe weva besithi "Andizazi ukuba ndingubani ngoku!" ? Andazi ukuba ndifuna ntoni. ” Ingathi ndiyafuthaniseleka! ” “Ingathi ndiyarhaxwa!” Zonke ezi zizimpawu zokugqibela zento endiyibiza ngokuba "bubuntu bokuziphatha."
Isithintelo esingacacanga sigubungele umyezo ngokupheleleyo. Imicimbi inokwenzeka ukuba iqale ngaphambi kweli nqanaba kuba ivakalelwa ngokungathi ioksijini kunye nobomi buyabuyela emntwini.
Luxanduva lwakho ukudibana ngobuchule neqabane lakho xa lingena kwimida yakho. Abalingani abenza oku banobudlelwane obungcono. Ndiye ndaphanda oku ngovavanyo endilunike amakhulukhulu amaqabane. Ndicela iqabane ngalinye ukuba lizicingele ngokwenza iingxelo ezingaginyisi mathe ukunika elinye iqabane ukwala (umz. Emva kokucinga ukwenza ukwala okunje ndibacela ukuba balinganise uxinzelelo lwabo.
Umzekelo ucacile.
Abalingani abanalo ixhala elincinci xa besala amaqabane abo ngabo banolwalamano olusondeleyo. Banxibelelana ngeyona nto intle. Amaqabane anexhala kuba ukwala ayisiyiyo "intle" ngabo abangathethiyo. Yindida.
Imida eyomeleleyo inceda ukukhuthaza ukusondela
Bagcina ukuthintela nje.
Kodwa linda. Kukho enye into ekufuneka uyikhumbule. Zimbini izitiya, akukho nokuba ibe nye. Ewe kufuneka ugcine ukhula ngaphandle kweyethu. Nangona kunjalo, awungekhe uhambe unyathele izithole kwigadi yeqabane lakho.
Ukuba ujongana neqabane lakho ngokulilawula kwaye ulithobe emva koko wenza umonakalo. Xa uhlonipha kwaye uthethe ngobuchule ubudlelwane buyakhuselwa. Ndiqeqeshe izibini ezininzi ukuba zenze le nto ndiyibiza ngokuba kukujongana ngokubambisana. Olu hlobo lokungqubana lubandakanya elinye iqabane elicela kwelinye iqabane ukuba liziqhelanise nokulungisa imida yalo. Ababini abenza oku bahlala befumana ukonyuka okukhulu kothando. Ndizibonile izibini ezahluliweyo zaphinda zathandana zaza zabuyela umva kwakhona ngokwenza ulwalamano lwentsebenziswano kwiingxabano ezihlekisayo.
Ke ngoku ulapha. Unokukhetha. Ungakholelwa ukuba uwela kumlingo okanye ungakholelwa ukuba unokwenza into. Ukuba uthandile ekuqaleni kobudlelwane bakho, kulungile. Yisigaba esivuyisayo kwaye esihlala sihleli. Ndicebisa nje ukuba ukuba uthando lwakho luyekile kwaye ungaxhomekeki ekubuyeni eluthandweni. Uya kudinga ukuba uzenze ngabom nangakumbi kwaye uyile.
Andilisebenzisi igama elithi "uyilo" hayi ngengqondo yolawulo kwangoko kodwa ngengqondo yokondla, ukukhusela kunye nokukhuthaza uthando. Le yokugqibela ithatha inkuthalo efanelekileyo kunye nokuziphatha. Kodwa ivelisa isivuno esikhulu unyaka nonyaka, iminyaka elishumi emva kweshumi. Yiloo nto ke mna noHelen esiyonwabelayo ngoku. Siyathemba ukuba nawe unako.