Umxholo
- Nxibelelana ngokuthe ngqo malunga nento ekwenza uzive uthandwa kwaye ukhathalelwe
- Sombulula impixano kungekudala
- 3. Yazini bhetele
- 4. Gxininisa kwizinto ezintle
- 5. Mamela kakhulu
- 6. Yenza kwaye wabelane ngamaphupha akho asendle olwalamano
- 7. Phonononga ulindelo lwezesondo
- 8. Yamkela ifuthe lakho langaphambili
Zonke izibini zibonakala zifuna into efanayo kubudlelwane babo obusondeleyo. Bafuna ukukhuthazeka, banxibelelane kwaye bonwabe ngokuba kunye. Uninzi lwazi ukuba "ukuthandana" akwanelanga. Kuthatha imikhwa elungileyo kunye nokuzibophelela ekubambeni.
Ngexesha abantu befika kwi-Therapist yoMtshato, bahlala beziva bekhutshiwe kwaye benesithukuthezi. Bayazibuza ukuba uthando luye phi na okanye abakhethi nje umntu ongafanelekanga ukuba bamthande. Banokuzivalela kumjikelo obonakalayo ongapheliyo wokuphendula kunye nokugxeka.
Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba kwihlabathi lanamhlanje, zininzi izibonelelo ezenzelwe izibini ezifuna ukutshintsha ubudlelwane bazo. Kukho amanqaku angenakubalwa, iincwadi, iindibano zocweyo kunye neeblogi ziingcali eziqeqeshiweyo kwicandelo lothando nomtshato. Izibini eziselula ziza kunyango lwangaphambi komtshato ngaphambi kokuba kuvele iingxaki ngethemba lokuqalisa ngokuqina. Nangona kunjalo, ngaphandle kwalo lonke olu ngcebiso, inqanaba loqhawulo-mtshato lisajikeleza malunga neepesenti ezingama-50 kwaye umtshato usenzima kubudlelwane obuzinzileyo.
Ndithathe iminyaka yamava ndisebenza nezibini kwaye ndanciphisa iitoni zophando ukuya kwezi zi-8 zeengcebiso ezibalulekileyo kunye neengcebiso kulwalamano olusempilweni. Ukuba wena neqabane lakho nisokola ukuzizalisekisa ngendlela engaguquguqukiyo, unokucinga ngokufumana uqeqesho kwi-Therapist ene-Advanced Certification kwizibini ezisebenzayo.
Nxibelelana ngokuthe ngqo malunga nento ekwenza uzive uthandwa kwaye ukhathalelwe
Nangona oku kunokuvakala kucacile, kuyamangalisa ukuba bangaphi abantu abalangazelela amaqabane abo ukuba abe "ngabafundi beengqondo". Abanye bade baveze ukuba iqabane labo libathanda ngokwenene, baya kuyazi nje into abayifunayo. Kumava am, sihlala sinika uthando ngendlela esinethemba lokuyifumana ngayo. Ayisiyiyo le nto ikhangelwe liqabane lethu. Thetha malunga nendlela uthando olujongeka ngayo kuwe kwaye ube ngqo. Le ngcebiso ebalulekileyo yonxibelelwano.
Sombulula impixano kungekudala
Ukuthintela ungquzulwano akuyenzi idlule. Endaweni yokuba usilele ukuyisombulula, iyagcuma kwaye iba nengqumbo. Qiniseka ukuba ulahla imikhwa emibi yokunxibelelana njengokungaphulaphuli, ukuvala, ukubeka indawo, ukugxeka nokuphikisana. Ukufunda izixhobo ezingcono ngumsebenzi wobudlelwane bexesha elide kwaye kufanelekile lonke ixesha kunye nomzamo owenzileyo.
3. Yazini bhetele
Xa siqala ukuthandana, sinomdla wokuzalwa ngomnye. Ukucinga ukuba uyazi yonke into malunga neqabane lakho kukwenza ungafuni ukwazi kwaye kubulale ubudlelwane. Khuthaza umnqweno wokwazi ngakumbi nangakumbi malunga neqabane lakho kulo lonke ubudlelwane ukuze uhlale unomdla.
4. Gxininisa kwizinto ezintle
Ukugxila kokungalunganga, okanye into ongayifumaniyo kwiqabane lakho, kukhokelela kugxeko kunye nokuzikhusela. Kuphando olucatshulwa rhoqo nguJohn Gottman, PhD, siyazi ukuba kuthatha unxibelelwano oluqinisekileyo ezintlanu ukulungisa into enye embi kubudlelwane obusondeleyo. Gxila kumandla eqabane lakho kwaye uvakalise umbulelo rhoqo.
5. Mamela kakhulu
Mamela ngamehlo, fikelela ngaphandle kwaye uchukumise, ubolekise ngobukho bakho kwiqabane lakho. Akukho nto yakha unxibelelwano olungcono kunokwazi ukuba omnye unomdla wokwenene. Rhoqo simamela ixesha elide ngokwaneleyo ukuba sazi ukuba sifuna ukuphendula njani okanye siphazamise phi. Gxila ekuzameni ukuqonda imeko yolwimi kunye neenkolelo zeqabane lakho. Funda la magama mathathu anamandla, "Ndixelele Okungakumbi".
6. Yenza kwaye wabelane ngamaphupha akho asendle olwalamano
Ndagqibela nini, ukuba ndikhona, ukuba nihleli phantsi nithethe ngeminqweno yenu ephezulu kulwalamano lwenu? Ukuphupha ngento enokwenzeka yeyona ndlela intle yokusebenza kunye ekumiseni ubudlelwane bakho kweyona ndlela ilungileyo. Ukuchaza eyona mishini iphezulu kukuvumela ukuba ugxile kuyo, endaweni yokujongana nemihla ngemihla eya endleleni.
7. Phonononga ulindelo lwezesondo
Rhoqo, isini esihle "asenzeki". Ifuna unxibelelwano olululo kunye nokwabelana ngezinto ezilindelweyo. Xa izibini zikwisigaba sokuqala sobudlelwane, iingqondo zazo zivelisa idosi enkulu yeekhemikhali ezithile kunye neehomoni ezenza ukuba isondo lihlale linomdla. Ubuninzi behomoni enye, i-vasopressin, yenza umdla omkhulu wesini kunye nokutsala. Njengoko iqala ukuphela, izibini zijamelene nesidingo sokuthetha malunga nolindelo lwabo ngokwesondo kunye neminqweno kunye nokwenza ezokwabelana ngesondo okunentsingiselo.
8. Yamkela ifuthe lakho langaphambili
Iingqondo zethu zenzelwe ukuba zisinde. Enye yeendlela esikhuselwe ngayo ekonzakalisweni, kukukhumbula yonke into eyakha yasenzakalisa ngaphambili. Xa iqabane lethu libangela enye yezi nkumbulo, sisabela kwinxalenye yeengqondo zethu apho kungekho mahluko phakathi kwexesha elidlulileyo nelangoku. Ukuze siziqonde ngokwenyani kunye namaqabane ethu, kufuneka sikulungele ukwamkela iindlela ezadlulayo ezinefuthe kwiimvakalelo zethu nakwindlela esiziphatha ngayo.