Umxholo
- 1. Yiya kucetyiswa
- 2. Thetha ngeemfuno zakho
- 3. Chithani ixesha elininzi kunye
- 4. Fumana uxanduva lokuphendula
- 5. Yamkele into yokuba iqabane lakho ngumntu — njengawe
- 1. Qonda ukuba zeziphi ezona ngxaki zinkulu emtshatweni wakho
- 2. Qala ngaphezulu ukusuka ekuqaleni
- 3. Guqula iipateni ezingalunganga
- 4. Musa ukushiya naliphi na ilitye
- 5. Susa igama elithi 'uqhawulo-mtshato'
Zininzi izizathu kunye neziphumo zoqhawulo mtshato. NgokweDivorceStatistics.org, ama-40-50 eepesenti kuyo yonke imitshato yokuqala iya kuphelela kuqhawulo mtshato. Nangona izizathu zoqhawulo-mtshato zingafani, ezinye zezizathu eziphambili zoqhawulo-mtshato zibandakanya ukunxibelelana okungalunganga, uxinzelelo lwezezimali, imiba yokusondelelana, inzondo eyakhelweyo, iimvakalelo ezinzulu zokungahambelani kunye nokungakwazi ukuxolela. Ukwanda koxinzelelo emtshatweni kunye nokungakwazi kwabantu ukusebenza ngeengxaki zabo kwenza kube nzima kubo ukufumana iindlela zokuthintela uqhawulo-mtshato. Ngapha koko, kufuneka ufumane esona sizathu siphambili sokuqhawula umtshato ngaphambi kokuba ufune ukuba unganqandwa njani uqhawulo-mtshato.
Kukho inqanaba elithile loxinzelelo kubudlelwane xa izibini zizama ukufumana isisombululo kwiingxaki ezithile eziqhelekileyo. Kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, kwelinye okanye omabini amaqabane, ezi ngxaki zinokuba sisizathu sokuqhawula umtshato. Nangona kunjalo, ezibonakala zizizathu ezilungileyo zoqhawulo-mtshato kumtshato oneengxaki, zihlala zichaphazela iqabane lakho, abantwana kunye nabathandekayo bakho ngeendlela ezininzi ezimbi.
Kukho idatha yokuxhasa inyani yokuba uqhawulo-mtshato lunokukhokelela kuzo zonke iintlobo zeengxaki zengqondo kunye nokuziphatha ebantwaneni; inokubangela ukuba babenemicimbi yobudlelwane nabazali babo, abantakwabo kunye nabanye ngenxa yokoyika ukulahlwa. Kananjalo uqhawulo-mtshato lunokuba yingozi kwimpilo yamaqabane ahlukeneyo.
Ngaphandle koqhawulo-mtshato ngabantu banefuthe elibi kuluntu lwethu. Ngaphandle kwento yokuba uqhawulo-mtshato lubiza abahlawuli berhafu kangange- $ 25,000-30,000, uphononongo lubonisa ukuba abantu abatshatileyo badla ngokuba nemveliso emsebenzini kunabo bavela kubudlelwane obuqhekekileyo.
Ngenxa yezi zizathu nezinye ezininzi, kungcono ukuba ungajongi uqhawulo-mtshato njengempendulo yomtshato owenzakeleyo; endaweni yoko bafune iindlela zokuthintela uqhawulo-mtshato. Nazi ezintlanu ezinokukunceda ufumane isisombululo soqhawulo mtshato kwaye emva koko uphephe uqhawulo-mtshato:
1. Yiya kucetyiswa
Kuzo zonke iindlela zokuthintela uqhawulo mtshato oluza kwabelwana kweli nqaku, le yeyona inokuba yeyona isebenzayo. Ngelishwa, zininzi izibini eziza kulinda de zizive zingenathemba ngokupheleleyo kulwalamano lwazo ngaphambi kokuba ziqwalasele ukubona umcebisi womtshato oqeqeshiweyo, kodwa inyani kukuba isempilweni kuzo zonke izibini zokuya ubuncinci amaxesha ambalwa ngonyaka. Ngale ndlela, banokufumana iingcebiso kunye nezixhobo zokuba bafumane unyango olusebenzayo kwiingxaki abanazo okanye ukwenza umtshato wabo womelele ngakumbi. Ukucebisa ngomtshato kungqinisisiwe ukuba kuphuculana ukusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo, ukwandisa unxibelelwano kunye nokuseka unxibelelwano olupheleleyo ngokubanzi phakathi kwamaqabane ekuvumela ukuba ufumane isisombululo soqhawulo mtshato.
2. Thetha ngeemfuno zakho
Ukuba omnye okanye nobabini ninengxaki yokunxibelelana, eso sesona sizathu sokuba kube licebo elihle ukubona umcebisi womtshato. Kodwa ukuba niziva ngathi nobabini niyakwazi ukuthetha nokumamela kakuhle, ungathandabuzi ukwabelana ngeemfuno zakho. Ngamanye amaxesha abantu abatshatileyo bagqibela ngokuqumbelana kuba beziva ngathi iimfuno zabo azikhathalelwanga okanye azingqinelani. Kungenxa yokuba wena neqabane lakho nihlala ndlwini enye, oko akuthethi ukuba nikwazi ukufunda iingqondo zabanye. Nantoni na oyilindeleyo kubudlelwane, kubalulekile ukuba wabelane ngayo. Kungokwabelana kuphela apho ekugqibeleni unokufumana isisombululo esifanelekileyo soqhawulo mtshato.
Jonga kwakhona:
3. Chithani ixesha elininzi kunye
Zininzi izibini ezingonwabanga emtshatweni wazo ngenxa yokuba zingaziva ngathi ziyadibana. Oku kunokwenzeka xa izinto ezinje ngoxinzelelo lwezezimali, iishedyuli ezixakekileyo kunye neemfuno zabantwana babo zithatha indawo yokuqala kunokuchitha ixesha kunye. Nangona oku kunokuhamba ngemihla, ukuthatha iholide, ukwenza isondo phambili emtshatweni wakho ayizizo "izinto zobunewunewu". Ukuze umtshato ube sempilweni ukuze uhlale ixesha elide, zezi izinto eziyimfuneko. Kunyanzelekile ukuba wena kunye neqabane lakho nichithe ixesha elifanelekileyo kunye kwaye ukuba nifuna izisombululo kuqhawulo mtshato.
4. Fumana uxanduva lokuphendula
Nangona iqabane lakho kufanelekile ukuba liqabane lakho eliphambili lokuphendula, jonga nezinye izibini ezitshatileyo ezinokukunceda ekubambeni uxanduva ngokunjalo. Kuphendulwa ngantoni? Kuphendulwa kwizifungo ozenzileyo ngomhla wakho womtshato. Wonke umntu ufuna abahlobo kunye nabacebisi abanokusebenza njengenkqubo yenkxaso kwaye oku kunjalo ngakumbi xa kufikwa kubantu abatshatileyo. Ngamanye amaxesha izibini zibona uqhawulo-mtshato njengesisombululo sazo kuphela kuba zingenabo abanye abantu ezibangqongileyo ezibakhumbuza ukuba zikhona ezinye izisombululo zoqhawulo-mtshato; ezo zihlala zibonakala zilunge ngakumbi.
5. Yamkele into yokuba iqabane lakho ngumntu — njengawe
Ewe, ngaphezulu, uyazi ukuba umyeni okanye umfazi wakho ungumntu. Kodwa nantsi into: Xa ucinga ngazo zonke izinto ezikukhathazayo, kukho ithuba elihle lokuba malunga nokungabi yile nto uyifunayo kunye / okanye ulindele ukuba babe yiyo. Abantu baneempazamo kwaye bayazenza iimpazamo. Kodwa okungakumbi kunokwamkela ukuba kuyinyani, kokukhona uya kuvuleleka ngakumbi ekungacaphukisi iqabane lakho xa likuphoxa; uzimisele ngakumbi ukubanika into oyifunayo xa usilela: umonde, uxolelo, ukuqonda, ukukhuthaza kunye nothando. Ewe, kokukhona uzimisele ukunika le nto uyifunayo emtshatweni wakho, kokukhona liya kuba nethuba elingakumbi lokufumana izisombululo zoqhawulo-mtshato kodwa likwaphephe noqhawulo-mtshato.
Nazi ezinye izisombululo zoqhawulo mtshato ezimbalwa ekufuneka ujonge kuzo:
1. Qonda ukuba zeziphi ezona ngxaki zinkulu emtshatweni wakho
Qonda ukuba yintoni ebangela uqhawulo-mtshato emtshatweni. Xela ezo ngxaki zibangela ukuba umtshato wakho uqhawuke. Yintoni le iqabane lakho likuqhubayo ngamandongomane? Ngaba ngumkhwa othile kubo okanye ngaba kukho imiba ovuma ukuba kufuneka usebenzele kuyo? Nokuba yeyiphi na, cacisa ekuchazeni ingxaki emtshatweni ngaphambi kokuba ufumane isisombululo kuyo. Uya kumangaliswa yindlela isisombululo soqhawulo mtshato esigqitha ngayo izizathu zokuqhawula umtshato.
Funda nzulu ngezizathu zoqhawulo mtshato: Izona zizathu zixhaphakileyo zoqhawulo-mtshato
Njengomzekelo, ukuba imiba yezemali ephazamisa umtshato wakho inokuba isisizathu sokuqhawula umtshato, ke thatha inyathelo umva kwaye uhlale kokufanele ukwenze. Yiza nendlela yeqela ukulungisa iingxaki zakho zezemali. Zonke izibini kufuneka zenze isicwangciso somdlalo kunye kwizinto ezintathu eziphambili:
- Ukwenza uhlahlo-lwabiwo mali lwanyanga zonke kwaye unamathele kulo
- Ukwenza isicwangciso sokuphuma ematyaleni.
- Imephu yendlela ngendlela yokonga kunye nokutyala imali kwikamva.
Yenza uluhlu lwazo zonke izinto ezinokubangela ukungavisisani, kubandakanya nezo ungafuni ukuthetha ngazo, ukunqanda ungquzulwano kunokukunceda ufumane isisombululo sokuthintela uqhawulo-mtshato.
2. Qala ngaphezulu ukusuka ekuqaleni
Ngamanye amaxesha, le yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuqhubela phambili. Ulibale malunga nokulwa, ukungakhathali, iingxaki ezingapheliyo. Qala kwakhona kwakhona. Khumbula ukuba kutheni nobabini nithandana kwaye wakhe umtshato wenu kwakhona ukusuka apho. Uyakhumbula ukugqibela kwakho ukuthetha iiyure kunye neqabane lakho, ukuqhuba okude okanye nantoni na ekhethekileyo eniyenzileyo kunye? Yiba nesidenge malunga nomnye kwaye unike ubudlelwane bakho nothando, kwakhona.
3. Guqula iipateni ezingalunganga
Ngaba uhlala usilwa ngezinto ezingenamsebenzi? Ngaba omnye wenu ucaphuka msinya? Ngaba niyakrokrelana nokuba niyayenza inqaku ngothando? Yaphule ezi patheni zingalunganga kwaye wamkele imikhwa esempilweni emtshatweni wakho. Yiba nembeko omnye komnye, uncamise kusasa ubulise iqabane lakho ngokuhlwa. Khumbula, yile mikhwa mincinci enokwenza okanye yophule umtshato. Qaphela ngezi zinto rhoqo.
4. Musa ukushiya naliphi na ilitye
Yenza konke okusemandleni ukuphucula umtshato wakho. Qonda ukuba oku kuyakuthatha ixesha kunye nomzamo kuwo omabini amaqabane. Beka phambili umtshato wakho kunye neqabane lakho kwaye nibonise umbulelo omnye komnye. Yamkelani iyantlukwano yomnye nomnye kwaye nenze izigqibo kunye njengeqela. Ukuba nobabini niyasokola ukufezekisa oku, ungathandabuzi ukufuna uncedo. Fundani iincwadi kunye malunga nendlela yokwakha imitshato emikhulu, yiyani kwiisemina malunga nendlela yokuphumelela kwiingxaki. Yenza konke okusemandleni ukuze umtshato wakho uphumelele.
5. Susa igama elithi 'uqhawulo-mtshato'
Ngamafutshane, susa uqhawulo-mtshato njengokhetho emtshatweni wakho. Ukuba uziva ungaphuma kuloo meko inzima ngokuqhawula umtshato neqabane lakho, ke ngoku kuyacaca ukuba ufuna ukubuyiselwa kwengqondo. Ukucinga okungalunganga ngale ndlela kubonisa ukuba awuzibopheleli nge-100% ekusombululeni ungquzulwano. Yenza isivumelwano kunye neqabane lakho kwaye ninqande uqhawulo-mtshato ukuba lungaze lunyukele kwisigama sakho. Uninzi lwabantu abaphumeleleyo banamathela ngaphandle ngokuzimisela nothando.
Yazi ukuba utshate iqabane lakho ngesizathu. Khumbula ezo zizathu kwaye kuya kuba lula ukuzama kwakhona. Kungekudala uqhawulo-mtshato luza kuphuma ngefestile, kunye nomtshato wakho.