Umxholo
- 1. Kubonisa ukukhula
- 2. Kubonisa nantoni na abayithethayo iyinyani
- 3. Ibonakalisa uxanduva
- Imicimbi yokuthemba kubudlelwane
- Ukungathembi iqabane lakho kubambe uthando
- Sinamandla okuvelisa ngakumbi xa sithembele ngokupheleleyo
- Ukubamba ukuthembana kwenza ubudlelwane bakho bungathandeki
Ifilosofi yam kukuba iintsika ezimbini apho uthando lumi khona kukuthembela kunye nembeko. Le ngcamango ibaluleke kakhulu. Ezi zinto zimbini kufuneka zibekhona ukukhula kunye nokugcina uthando. Oku kuthetha ukuba kufuneka simthembe umntu esithandana naye kwaye kufuneka simhloniphe, okanye ekugqibeleni siya kuphuma nothando kunye naye.
Yayingomnye wababhali endibathandayo, uStephen King, owabhala "Uthando nobuxoki azihambi kunye, ubuncinci hayi ixesha elide." Umnumzana King wayenyanisile. Ubuxoki ngokuqinisekileyo buza kwakha kwaye buphelise nakuphi na ukuzithemba okanye ukuzithemba esinokuba sinako kumaqabane ethu. Ngaphandle kokuzithemba, uthando, ubuncinci uthando, alunakuhlala.
Ukuthemba umntu kuthetha ukuba xa besithi, "ndiza kwenza into, ___________ (gcwalisa into engenanto)", bazakuyenza. Ndizakulanda abantwana ukuphuma kwesikolo, ndifumane umsebenzi, ndenze isidlo sangokuhlwa, njl. ” Xa besithi bazokwenza into, ndiyakholelwa ukuba bayayenza. Xa ndisithi “A” ufumana u “A,” hayi “B” okanye “C.” Uya kufumana le bendithe uza kuyifumana. Ayithethi nje ukuba siyabathemba kwaye siyakholelwa ukuba baya kwenza into, kukho eminye imiyalezo emininzi ebethelelwe kule ndlela yokuziphatha.
1. Kubonisa ukukhula
Ukuba iqabane lakho lingumntwana, ngekhe uqiniseke ukuba bayakwenza into okanye hayi. Abantu abadala ngenene benza into abathi bazakuyenza. Okwesibini, oko kuthetha ukuba ndinokuyisusa kum "into yokwenza uluhlu" kwaye ndiyazi ukuba isazokwenziwa. Esi sisiqabu kum. Okokugqibela, oko kuthetha ukuba sinokuthembela "kwilizwi labo." Ngoku kubudlelwane, ukukwazi ukuthembela kumaqabane ethu "igama" likhulu kakhulu. Ukuba awunakuthenjwa, okanye ukuba awunakuthemba iqabane lakho ukuba lenze into abathi baya kuyenza, siya kubuza yonke into. Siyazibuza ngayo yonke into esicela ukuba bayenze. Ngaba baya kuyenza? Ngaba baya kukhumbula ukuyenza? Ngaba kuya kufuneka ndibakhuthaze, okanye ndibangxolise ukuze bayenze? Ngaphandle kwesakhono sokuthemba iqabane lethu, siphelelwa lithemba.
Ithemba libalulekile ngokubona ikamva eliqaqambileyo kunye neqabane lethu. Ngaphandle kwethemba, siphulukana nemvo yethu yokuba nethemba lokuba izinto ziya kuba ngcono kwaye sinobudlelwane nomntu omdala, okanye umntu okwaziyo ukuba luhlobo lomlingane kunye nomzali ekufuneka sinyamekele esinye isiqingatha somthwalo. Ukuba sibotshwe edyokhweni ngokulinganayo, okanye kuya kufuneka senze kuphela inxalenye yomsebenzi wokukhulisa abantwana bethu, ukuqhuba indlu, ukuhlawula amatyala, njl.
2. Kubonisa nantoni na abayithethayo iyinyani
Ukuthembana akuthethi nje kuphela ukuba baya kwenza into abathi bayayenza. Ikwathetha ukuba banokuthenjwa ngento abayithethayo. Ukuba abantu bayaxoka, okanye ukuba bayolula inyani okanye bahombise, kwa loo nto inamandla afanayo. Ukuba abantwana bethu baxoka nge-5% yexesha, ke sibuza yonke into. Sibuza enye i-95% yezinto abazithethayo. Oku kuthatha amandla amaninzi kwaye kudla ngokusondelelana. Abalingane bethu nabo baziva bengaqondwa kwaye bekhathazekile xa besiva ukuba i-95% yexesha ebebethetha ngalo inyani. Kodwa kukho intetho endala kwezengqondo ethi, "Ixhala liza nomsebenzi esingawulungelanga okanye ikamva elingaqinisekanga." Kunzima ukuseka ubudlelwane bexesha elide kukungaqiniseki kwezinto ezenzekayo okanye ezingenzeki, ukukholelwa kwinto ethethwa ngumntu okanye ukungakholelwa kuyo.
3. Ibonakalisa uxanduva
Ndicinga ukuba esinye isizathu sokuba ukuthembana kubaluleke kakhulu kubudlelwane kukuba sisebenza njengesiseko sokukwazi kwethu ukushiya umzi ekuqaleni kosuku lomsebenzi. Ukuba ndiyalithemba iqabane lam kuba linoxanduva, andoyiki kangako ukuba baya kundikhohlisa okanye babe neentlobano zesini ngaphandle komtshato. Ukuba andinakubathemba kwilizwe lethu eliqhelekileyo, ndiza kukhuseleka njani kwinkolelo yam yokuba abayi kuthandana? Kuya kufuneka sibathembe abatshatileyo okanye kuya kuhlala kukho uloyiko lokungazi ukuba banokuceba into eza kugungqisa ukhuseleko lwam. Siyaqonda ukuba ukuba asinakubathemba abantu abatshatileyo, sizivulela ukwenzakala okanye iintliziyo zethu zaphuke.
Ayisiyiyo kuphela into yokuba ungazi ukuba ungathembela kwiqabane lakho, ukhona umba womsindo wabo xa beziva ungabakholelwa (kuba ngeli xesha bebethetha inyani). Ngokuqinisekileyo, oku kukhokelela kuthelekiso phakathi kokuziphatha kwabo nokomntwana. Andazi ukuba ndive kangaphi kunyango, "ingathi ndinabantwana abathathu." Akukho nto iyakucaphukisa indoda okanye umfazi ngokukhawuleza okanye ibenze bazive bengahlonitshwa ngaphezu kokuthelekiswa nomntwana.
Imicimbi yokuthemba kubudlelwane
Ukukwazi ukuthembela kunzima ukukhula njengomntu omkhulu. Ukukwazi kwethu ukuthembela kuhlala kufundwa njengomntwana. Sifunda ukuthembela kumama, utata, oodade wethu kunye nabantakwethu. Emva koko sifunda ukubathemba abanye abantwana ebumelwaneni, kunye notitshala wethu wokuqala. Sifunda ukuthembela kumqhubi wethu webhasi, umphathi wokuqala, isoka lokuqala okanye intombi. Leyo yindlela esifunda ngayo ukuthembela. Ukuba siyaqonda ukuba asinakubathemba umama okanye utata wethu kuba basihlukumeza ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwasemzimbeni, okanye ngokwesondo, siqala ukubuza ukuba singathemba na. Nokuba ayingobazali bethu abasihlukumezayo, ukuba abasikhuseli emntwini, kumalume, kutatomkhulu, njl. Njl. Ukuba sinolwalamano lwakwangoko olubandakanya ukungcatshwa okanye ukukopela, sikhulisa imiba yokuthemba. Xa oku kusenzeka, siqala ukuzibuza ukuba singathemba na. Ngaba simele sithembele? Okanye, njengoko abanye bekholelwa, kungcono ukuba sibe sisiqithi; umntu ekungekho mfuneko yokuba athembele okanye athembele nakubani na. Umntu ongaboniyo kuye nabani na, ongadingi nto kuye nabani na, akanakwenzakaliswa nangubani na. Kukhuselekile. Ayonelisi kangako, kodwa ikhuselekile. Nangona kunjalo, nabantu abanemicimbi yokuthemba (okanye njengoko sibhekisa kubo kwimicimbi yokusondelana) banqwenela ubudlelwane.
Ukungathembi iqabane lakho kubambe uthando
Esinye sezona zizathu zokuba ukuthembana ngumba obaluleke kangaka kubudlelwane kukuba xa singathembi iqabane lethu siqala ukubamba inxalenye yentliziyo yethu. Siyagadwa. Into endihlala ndiyixelela abathengi bam kukuba xa singathembi iqabane lethu siqala ukuzibamba kancinci, isiqa esikhulu, okanye inxalenye enkulu yeentliziyo zethu (10%, 30% okanye 50% yeentliziyo zethu) . Isenokungahambi kodwa sichitha iinxalenye zemini yethu sizibuza ukuba "ingakanani intliziyo yam ekufuneka ndiyibambile". Siyabuza "kuthekani ukuba ndizibeka ezandleni zabo kwaye bayandingcatsha?" Siqala ukujonga izigqibo abazenzayo imihla ngemihla, kwaye sisebenzise ezo zigqibo ukwenza isigqibo sokuba kufanelekile ukubamba iintliziyo zethu okanye isixa esincinci kuphela. Oku kuthetha ukuba sibamba ukufikelela kwilizwe lethu elingaphakathi, ukuba sivumela kangakanani na ukuba sibakhathalele, kwaye sicwangcise ikamva nabo. Siqala ukuzilungiselela ukuba kungenzeka ukuthembana kwethu kungangcatshwa. Asifuni ukumfamekiswa size sibanjwe singazilungiselelanga. Kungenxa yokuba siyazi kwinqanaba elithile lokuba xa singenakubathemba ekugqibeleni siza kwenzakala. Ukwenzela ukunciphisa le ngqondo yenzakalayo kunye nomzamo wokunciphisa iintlungu. Siqala ukubamba uthando lwethu, nokubakhathalela. Zigade. Siyazi ukuba xa sivula iintliziyo zethu kwaye sibakhathalele, sibathembe, sinokwenzakala. Le yindlela yethu yokunciphisa intlungu. Siyoyika into ezayo. Xa lolo suku lufika sifuna ukubaphethe okanye silawule ukuba senzakaliswe kangakanani. Eyona nto kukunciphisa ithuba lokuba siza kutshatyalaliswa. Siyazi ukuba kufuneka sibekhona ebantwaneni bethu, ukuze siqhubeke nokukwazi ukusebenza. Siyazi ukuba xa sikuthintela ukuba sesichengeni kwabo, sinokwenzakala kancinane (okanye ubuncinci yile nto siyixelelayo).
Sinamandla okuvelisa ngakumbi xa sithembele ngokupheleleyo
Siphupha nangona kunjalo, ngobudlelwane apho akufuneki sibambe nayiphi na intliziyo yethu. Ubudlelwane apho sithemba iqabane lethu ngomdla wethu, ngeentliziyo zethu. Inye apho singachithi mandla sijonga indlela abajonga ngayo imihla ngemihla kunye nezigqibo zabo zokuthatha izigqibo malunga nokuba zincinci kangakanani izinto esiza kuvula zona, zincinci kangakanani iintliziyo zethu esiya kubeka umngcipheko kuzo. Omnye sasibathembe ngokungagungqiyo. Inye apho amandla ethu anokuya kwimizamo yokuvelisa endaweni yokuzikhusela.
Ukuthembana kubalulekile kuba ukuba sinokubathemba ukuba babambelele emazwini abo, sinokuzithemba ngeentliziyo zethu. Singabathemba ngothando lwethu. Sivulela umhlaba wethu wangaphakathi kubo kwaye sibe sesichengeni ngenxa yoku. Kodwa ukuba babonakalisile ukuba abanakuthembeka ngezinto ezincinci, siyazi ukuba kufuneka sibambe umlinganiso weentliziyo zethu.
Ukubamba ukuthembana kwenza ubudlelwane bakho bungathandeki
Amaqabane ethu anakho okanye angaboni ukuba sele siqalisile ukubamba inxenye yeentliziyo zethu. Kwaye ngenxa yokuba umntu ebamba inxenye yentliziyo yakhe oko akuthethi ukuba uceba ukushiya iqabane lakhe. Kuthetha nje ukuba umntu unoloyiko lokuba iimvakalelo zabo zinokuba sengozini, kwaye kufanele ukuba bangene kwimowudi yokuzikhusela. Xa siqala ukubamba isixa esincinci seentliziyo zethu, uninzi lwabantu luqala ubuncinci bokucinga ngokushiya amaqabane abo kwaye kuya kuba mnandi kangakanani ukuhlala nomntu abanokumthemba. Xa izixa zeentliziyo zethu zibanjiwe, abantu baqala ukwenza izicwangciso zokuba kunokwenzeka bangcatshwe. Kwakhona, oku akuthethi ukuba bayemka ngokwenyani, kodwa bafuna ukuzilungiselela xa kunokwenzeka.
Ukuba uziva iqabane lakho likude, mhlawumbi lixesha lokuba ubuze umbuzo ... Ngaba uyandithemba? Kuba ukuba impendulo ngu "hayi", mhlawumbi kuya kufuneka uthethe nengcali malunga nokuba kutheni kunjalo.