Umxholo
- 1. Siyakucaphukela ukungqubana
- 2. Sinqwenela ukufunwa, ukufunwa, nokungqinisiswa rhoqo
- 3. Sisoloko sikhetha abantu abafuna ukusindiswa, ukuncedwa, ukuphiliswa
- Kodwa ezantsi kwendlela, umfanekiso awukho mhle
- Gxila ekufumaneni kwakhona ikhowudi
- Ngaba ubudlelwane bekhowudi buya kugcinwa?
Umcebisi nokwangumbhali othengisa kakhulu uthi "bendilahlekile kwilizwe lothando nokuzithemba."
Khawufane ucinge ukuba ngumcebisi, kunye nomqeqeshi wobomi, kunye nenani lombhali othengisa kakhulu kwaye usokola kubudlelwane wena. Ungathini? Ungayiphatha njani?
Kule minyaka ingama-29 idlulileyo, umbhali wokuqala othengisa kakhulu, umcebisi kunye noMqeqeshi woBomi uDavid Essel ebencedisa izigidi zabantu kwihlabathi liphela ngomsebenzi wakhe omnye, iincwadi, izifundo kunye neevidiyo, ukuphonononga intsingiselo kunye nobunzulu uthando ebomini babo.
Kodwa kwathatha ukuthembeka komntu kunye nokuzimisela kwakhe ukucela uncedo, ukuqonda umahluko ebomini bakhe phakathi kothando nothando oluxhomekeke kuye. Inqaku leengcali likaDavid Essel lisikhanyisela ngendlela yokulungisa ubudlelwane obunomlutha kunye nokuxhomekeka.
“Kude kube ngu-1997, andizange ndayijonga ngenene indima eyadlalwa nguThando ebomini bam, kwaye mhlawumbi kubaluleke ngakumbi kwindima edlalwa kukuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kubudlelwane bam bothando.
Ndaye ndazithemba kakhulu, ndalila kakhulu xa kufikwa eluthandweni, kwaye ngokunyanisekileyo andizange ndicinge ukuba ndifuna uncedo oluninzi. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto ndingumcebisi kunye nomqeqeshi wobomi kwaye bendisebenza kwihlabathi lokukhula komntu iminyaka engama-40, ngubani ke onokunceda ukundifundisa nantoni na entsha?
Esinye sezona zipho zibalaseleyo endithe ndanikwa kule minyaka ingama-40 idlulileyo, kukuba nabantu abavela kwihlabathi liphela banxibelelane nam ukuze bancede. Uncedo. Ukucaca.
Kodwa ngandlela thile, khange ndicinge ukuba ndifuna uncedo, nangona ubudlelwane bam buphele rhoqo kwisiphithiphithi nakwidrama.
Njengabantu abaninzi, ndavele ndathi ndandingumntu “okhetha abafazi” ombi.
Kodwa yinyani? Yahluke kakhulu.
Ke ngo-1997, ndaqala ukusebenza nomnye umcebisi, ndachitha iintsuku ezingama-365 ndikhangela umhlaba wokuxhomekeka kunye nothando kubudlelane bam, ndizama ukufikelela emazantsi wokuba kutheni ndifumana isiphithiphithi kunye nomdlalo weqonga kubomi bam bothando.
Impendulo, yayilungile, indilinde ukuba ndiyifumane.
Ekupheleni kweentsuku ezingama-30, umcebisi wam wandixelela ukuba ndingomnye wamadoda athembekileyo othandweni awakhe wadibana naye.
Ndothuka, ndothuka, ndothuka.
Ndingathini ukuba, umbhali, umcebisi, uMqeqeshi woBomi kunye nesithethi esiqeqeshiweyo ndingazi ukuba ndinomcimbi ophambili kubudlelwane obubizwa ngokuba kukuxhomekeka? Into endandiza kuyifumana ayitshintshanga nje kuphela ubomi bam, kodwa nendlela endenze ngayo umsebenzi wam wokucebisa kunye nowokuqeqesha.
Ukuxhomekeka kubudlelane sesona silingo sikhulu ehlabathini, kwaye ndandingomnye wabo bantu babexhomekeke ngendlela emangalisayo ebomini.
Ke, ungayeka njani ukuxhomekeka kubudlelwane bakho?
Kuqala, masiqwalasele eminye yemiqondiso ukubona ukuba nawe, njengam, uxhomekeke ngokwenene eluthandweni:
1. Siyakucaphukela ukungqubana
Sibaleka ungquzulwano olunzulu, xa kufikwa kumba wokuzama ukusebenza ngemiceli mngeni kubomi bethu bothando.
Ndenza oku lonke ixesha. Ukuba bendikubudlelwane obungavumelaniyo nentombi yam, kwaye besingakwazi ukuqonda, bendiya kuvaleka, ndisele ngaphezulu, kwaye kwezinye iimeko ndinokuba nomcimbi wokuphepha ukungqubana kunye nonxibelelwano ekufuneka lwenziwe.
Nguwe lo? Ukuba kunjalo, kwaye unamandla okuyivuma, njengam uxhomekeke kuthando.
2. Sinqwenela ukufunwa, ukufunwa, nokungqinisiswa rhoqo
Ukuxhomekeka ekhondweni luthando, kufuna ukufumana umntu oza kubaxelela rhoqo ukuba bahle, bomelele, bayathandeka, banomtsalane, banengqondo, ndicinga ukuba ufumana umfanekiso.
Sifuna ukuqinisekiswa.
Isiseko sokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kuthando kukuzithemba okuphantsi kunye nokuzithemba okuphantsi.
Kwaye bendinazo zombini, kwaye bendingazi.
Uthini ngawe? Ngaba ungayenza into entle kwiqabane lakho, kwaye ukuba abayikubulela ngokungaphezulu, ungoneliseka kuba uyazi ukuba wenze into elungileyo?
Okanye, ukuba wenza into entle kwiqabane lakho, ngaba uyafuna nokuba kungaphakathi ngaphakathi, kuwe, ukuba kufanele ukuba bakubulele kaninzi?
Isidingo sokuqinisekiswa okungagungqiyo luhlobo lokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kuthando.
3. Sisoloko sikhetha abantu abafuna ukusindiswa, ukuncedwa, ukuphiliswa
Ngokukodwa abo basebenza kwishishini lokukhula komntu, njengabacebisi, abaQeqeshi boBomi, abaphathiswa, abalungisi beenwele, abaqeqeshi bobuqu nokunye, sihlala sikhetha amaqabane afuna uncedo lwethu kwaye luziva luluhle kuthi sobabini ngoku.
Kodwa ezantsi kwendlela, umfanekiso awukho mhle
Siyacaphuka kuba amaqabane ethu angangaphili ngokuvisisana nolindelo lwethu, kwaye bayacaphuka kuba sibabeka uxinzelelo kubo ukuba batshintshe. Imeko embi ngokupheleleyo.
Ndiyenzile le nto iminyaka emininzi, bendiya kudibana nabasetyhini ababetsala nzima ngokwezezimali, okanye besokola nabayeni babo bangaphambili, okanye besokola ukuzithemba, okanye besokola nabantwana kwaye naku kusiza uDavid, umcebisi, uMqeqeshi wobomi kunye nombhali wokuhlangula!
Xa sikhetha ngokungaguquguquki inkwenkwe embi, okanye intombazana esokolayo, sixhomekeke kuthando.
Ngesizathu esithile sikholelwa ekubeni sinakho okufunekayo ukubanceda baphumelele kwimiceli mngeni yabo kwaye bathandwe njengoko kungekho namnye umntu owakhe wabathanda ngaphambili.
Ngaba uyazibona kulo mfanekiso? Ukuba ungayivuma, usendleleni eya ekunyangeni.
Ukusukela oko ndenza ikhosi yam ngo-1997, ndiyitshintshe ngokupheleleyo indlela yam yokuthandana kunye nobudlelwane, kangangokuba ndibona uDavid Essel kwisipili.
Endaweni yokujonga abasetyhini ukuba bancede, basindise, bahlangule, ngoku ndinoxolo nokuba ndingatshatanga, okanye ndinobudlelwane nomntu owenza isenzo kunye.
Ukuba uyasokola ukungatshati, ukuba awonwabanga ungatshatanga, ukuba awufumani lonwabo uwedwa, uxhomekeke kuthando.
Gxila ekufumaneni kwakhona ikhowudi
Kwinoveli yethu entsha, eyimfihlakalo yothando, eyabhalwa kwiziqithi zaseHawaii ezibizwa ngokuba yi "Angel on a surfboard", umlingiswa ophambili uSandy Tavish yingcali kwezobudlelwane kunye nombhali ohambela ezi ziqithi ekhefini kwaye afunde ngakumbi ngezitshixo uthando olunzulu.
Kweli bali, wadibana nebhinqa elihle eligama linguMandi, owayesandula ukugxotha omnye umntu ophantsi, isoka elingenaxabiso kwindlu awayehlala kuyo ngoku wayenamehlo kuSandy “njengendoda yamaphupha akhe.”
Ngenxa yokuba uSandy enze umsebenzi omninzi kuye, kwaye eyonakalisile imeko yakhe yokuxhomekeka, wakwazi ukumelana neenzame zokuhendwa ngulo mfazi mhle, esazi ukuba kufuneka ahlangulwe, aphiliswe kwaye asindiswe kubudlelwane bakhe bangaphambili kodwa yena ibingazukuphinda ihle ngaloo ndlela kwakhona.
Ngaba ubudlelwane bekhowudi buya kugcinwa?
Impendulo ngu-hayi ocacileyo. Ukuxhomekeka, kubudlelwane bothando, kudala ukungathembani nenzondo.
Ukuba ufuna uncedo, kwaye ukuba uzibona ukule mizekelo ingentla, fikelela kumcebisi, umphathiswa okanye uMqeqeshi woBomi namhlanje kwaye ufunde okungangoko unako malunga nesiyobisi sikhohlakeleyo kwilizwe lothando.
Nje ukuba ufumane incasa yento oziva ngayo ukuba kulwalamano olusempilweni, olunothando, oluzimeleyo, okanye wakube ubona ukuba kunempilo kanjani ukonwaba nokungatshati wedwa, ngekhe uphinde ubuyele ekuxhomekekeni eluthandweni.
Yithathe kwingcali, kwingcali, ukusuka kwinto eyayixhomekeke kwikhowudi ngoku ukuya kwisithandwa esizimeleyo, ukuba ukuba ndingayenza, ungayenza.
Umsebenzi ka-David Essel'ukhuthazwe kakhulu ngabantu abanjengongasekhoyo uWayne Dyer, kwaye usaziwayo uJenny Mccarthy uthi "uDavid Essel yinkokeli entsha yentshukumo yokucinga eyakhayo."
Ungumbhali weencwadi ezili-10, ezine kuzo ziye zaba ngabona bathengi babalaseleyo.
UMtshato.com uqinisekisile uDavid njengenye yeengcali kwezonxibelelwano kunye nabacebisi kwihlabathi.