Umxholo
- 1. Khumbula ukuba yintoni ulwalamano oluqhelekileyo
- 2. Hlala unxibelelana neemvakalelo zakho
- 3. Bukela ulungelelwaniso lolawulo phakathi kwamaqela omabini
- 4. Vumelanani kwimiqathango ethile
- 5. Musa ukuthi uyabathanda
- 6. Sukukhohliswa okanye usebenze iqabane lakho
- 7. Musa ukuba ngongalawulekiyo okanye ulawulwe
- 8. Thintela ubusuku beveki ukuseta umda osebenzayo wezinto eziphilayo
- 9. Yazisa ngobume obufutshane bobudlelwane
- 10. Hloniphanani
Abanye abantu bakhetha ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo ngaphezu kobudlelwane obuzibophelelayo. Kwabangenakuqalwa, ubuchaza njani ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo?
Ubudlelwane obufutshane okanye obude bexesha elide bububanzi obubanzi, obuvela kubusuku obunye, amalungiselelo "abahlobo abanezibonelelo", umnxeba wokuphanga, akukho zintambo zesini okanye nje ukuthandana nje.
Ewe, ngelinye ixesha, ukuba umntu unamaphupha okuhlala phantsi aze atshate, kuya kufuneka ukuba aqale ngokujonga ukuba angatshintsha njani ukusuka konwabele ubudlelwane nje kuphela ukuze abe nakho ukonwaba kubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo.
Kuza kubakho abantu abathandanayo ubudlelwane babo buphela bezinikele ngakumbi, nangona kukho umzabalazo othile kunokuba bekucwangcisiwe kuqala.
Kodwa kukho amaxesha apho umntu omnye anokuzibandakanya kubudlelwane nje obuqhelekileyo ukuze avelise iimvakalelo ezinzulu zomntu abonwaba kunye naye kwaye anethemba lokuluguqula lube bubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo.
Kodwa, omnye usazonwabisa ngentliziyo ekhanyayo, onwabele ubudlelwane obungahambelaniyo.
Oko kukhokelela kumbuzo, zithini izikhokelo kubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo? Ungazi njani ukuba izinto ziqhubela phambili ukuya kwinto enzulu ngakumbi? kwaye ujongana njani nayo ukuba ayisiyiyo le uyifunayo?
Ingcebiso yobudlelwane obuqhelekileyo kukuba kuyinkohliso ukwazi zonke iimpendulo zale mibuzo ukusuka ekuqaleni, abantu abohlukeneyo kwaye imeko nganye iya kwahluka.
Kodwa ukuba ulandela ezi zikhokelo malunga nendlela onokuba kuyo kubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, uya kufumanisa ukuba awusayi kuphinda ube nayo loo mibuzo.
1. Khumbula ukuba yintoni ulwalamano oluqhelekileyo
Kulungile, ke siyazi ukuba awunakuhlala ulawula iimvakalelo zakho, kwaye ukuba unomdla wokuthandana ngokulula, ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo ngekhe bube bobakho.
Kuyinto eqhelekileyo kwaye ayizimiselanga.
Yiloo nto ubudlelwane obungaqhelekanga, ubudlelwane bezesondo, apho kungekho mithetho okanye ukuzibophelela kwexesha elide komnye nomnye kwixa elizayo.
Ukuba ucinga ukuba uza kukwazi ukuphatha ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo njengendlela yokusondela emntwini, sele unemvakalelo ngalo mntu, emva koko ukuba nolwalamano oluqhelekileyo naye sele sisiqhinga esinobungozi esinokubangela ukwenzakala.
Kukukhetha kwakho ukuba ufuna ukuthatha umngcipheko okanye hayi kodwa sicebisa ukuba ucinge ngomngcipheko wokuba kulwalamano oluqhelekileyo kuqala.
2. Hlala unxibelelana neemvakalelo zakho
Ukuba ulwalamano olungaqhelekanga kwaye ngoku uyothuswa kukuqonda ukuba uqala ukubamba 'zonke iimvakalelo' zomntu onwabileyo naye, yeka ukuzibona iiveki ezimbalwa ukuze ukwazi ukubona iimvakalelo zakho.
Ukuba usabakhumbula, emva koko unokhetho olunambini ngendlela yokuphatha ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo.
- Ziphazamise kwaye uqhubeke kulo mntu.
- Bazise ukuba uziva njani(kodwa zilungiselele ukuba omnye umntu angabinazo ezo mvakalelo kwaye angangumbonisi kubudlelwane nje).
Ukuba ufumana impendulo yokugqibela, ungayithathi ngokobuqu okanye ngokungqonkqoza ngokuchasene nokuzithemba okanye ukuzithemba kwakho, qhubela phambili kwaye ufunde kuyo.
Kungekudala uza kufumana umntu omthanda kakhulu, ongonwabeli ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo.
3. Bukela ulungelelwaniso lolawulo phakathi kwamaqela omabini
Kubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, omnye umntu unolawulo ngakumbi komnye.
Mhlawumbi ngabo abakhathala kancinci kodwa ngesiqhelo, lowo unamandla ngakumbi, ubiza isibhamu. Bathatha isigqibo xa kufanelekile ukudibanisa, kwaye abayi kudibana ukuba abafuni.
Ukuba uhamba naloo nto kwaye uzibone ulangazelela kwaye uzibuza ukuba uza kulibona nini iqabane lakho eliqhelekileyo kwakhona, ke yenye yeempawu ezibonakalayo ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buba mandundu kwaye uneemvakalelo ngalo mntu.
Ke, mhlawumbi lixesha lokuba uhambe. Ngenye indlela, landela imiyalelo kwinqanaba lokuqala.
Jonga kwakhona:
4. Vumelanani kwimiqathango ethile
Ewe sitshilo ukuba akukho mithetho kubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, kodwa kufanele kubekho imigaqo yolwalamano oluqhelekileyo.
Kwiimeko ezininzi, elinye iqabane liya kufuna okungakumbi kubudlelwane, ke xa oko kusenzeka, ngekhe kube buhlungu ukuba nemithetho ethile endaweni yokukhusela nina nobabini.
Imigaqo enjengaleyo xa omnye wenu ebiza ixesha, enye iyayihlonipha loo nto kwaye ayenzi zimbizo zokuphanga kuwe.
Eminye imithetho esisiseko inokukunceda ekuboneni niziva nihlonitshwa.
Umzekelo, ukuba omnye wenu udibana nomnye umntu, mabazise iqabane labo eliqhelekileyo. Okanye unokuvumelana nemigaqo yendlela odibana ngayo- mhlawumbi awuyithandi iminxeba ethinjiweyo, kwaye ke uyavuma ukudibana kube kanye ngeveki.
Ukuthetha nje nomlingane wakho ohleli naye malunga nokulindelweyo kuya kuninceda nobabini ukuba nithethathethane ngemigangatho evumayo kwaye inika amandla kubo bobabini abachaphazelekayo.
Nayi eminye imizekelo yemibuzo eninokubuzana yona-
- Uziva njani ngokuthandana nabanye abantu ngelixa ubandakanyeka kubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo?
- Siza kujongana njani nezinto xa omnye wethu ethandana, okanye omnye umntu?
- Siza kudibana kangaphi?
- Ngaba obu budlelwane buhlala buyimfihlo?
- Senza ntoni ukuba omnye wethu ubamba 'iimvakalelo'?
- Siza kuzigqiba njani izinto ngendlela esiqonda ngayo sobabini ukuba iphelile ukuba omnye wethu akasaziva?
Le isenokuba yimibuzo engathandekiyo yokubuza, kodwa ungavuya ukuba uyenzile ngexesha lobudlelwane bakho, okanye ukuba izinto ziya kubhideka kwiinyanga ezizayo.
5. Musa ukuthi uyabathanda
Musa ukuthi uyamthanda umntu onwabela ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo kunye naye, ngaphandle kokuba ulandele onke amanqaku angentla, ngakumbi eyokuqala.
Ukuba uthetha nomlingane wakho oqhelekileyo kwaye nabo baneemvakalelo kwaye bafuna ukuthatha izinto baye kwisigaba esikhethekileyo, oko kusenokwenzeka ukuba lelona xesha lifanelekileyo lokutshintshiselana ndiyakuthanda.
Nakuphi na kungekudala kwaye unokudana kakhulu.
6. Sukukhohliswa okanye usebenze iqabane lakho
Sukuthetha izinto ezididayo kubo, apho ushukuma phakathi kokubaxelela ukuba kulungile ukugcina ukhetho lwakho luvulekile, ngelixa ubanomona okanye indawo.
Uyabaphambanisa.
Kananjalo, musa ukuwela kumgibe wokukhohlisa apho bakuxelela ukuba udibane khona kwaye uqale ukuthandana nomnye umntu, ngelixa bebonisa isidingo sabo kuwe.
Ukuba ufuna ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo busebenze, ukukhupha ubuqhetseba ngaphandle kwe-equation.
7. Musa ukuba ngongalawulekiyo okanye ulawulwe
Ubudlelwane nje buquka abantu ababini abavumayo.
Rhoqo, elinye iqabane liphela linikezela ngolawulo lwalo kude komnye obiza isibhamu ekuthatheni isigqibo sokudibanisa okanye ukunqanda ukubonana ngokupheleleyo.
Sukuvuma ukuvuma nantoni na abayithethayo kuba awunakukwazi ukuyigxotha. Ngokubaluleke ngokufanayo kukugcina ulingano apho ungalawuli kakhulu okanye ulawule ngokujika kweziganeko.
Ukuba uziva ngathi batsala imitya, hamba uhambe.
8. Thintela ubusuku beveki ukuseta umda osebenzayo wezinto eziphilayo
Yabela iveki ukuba ugxile engqondweni nasemandleni akho kuyo nayiphi na into ekufuneka ujolise kuyo. Umsebenzi, usapho, ukuthumela imiyalezo, ukwakha izakhono, ukulandela ukuthanda kwakho kunye nezinto ozithandayo.
Ngokumisela into njenge "mpelaveki kuphela" ngekhe ubeke ulindelo olungeyonyani okanye uqinise ubudlelwane.
Kananjalo uyakuthintela nakuphi na ukubindeka kwentliziyo, ukuba kunokwenzeka usondele kakhulu kwaye ukhululeke kakhulu ngokuhlala kwakho rhoqo.
Musa ukusekela izicwangciso zakho ezininzi ezibangqongileyo okanye ixesha elininzi ulwabelo lwakho lokuthandana nabo.
9. Yazisa ngobume obufutshane bobudlelwane
Ngexesha elithile, kuya kufuneka ubeke umda kolu luhlu-luqhotyoshelweyo, qhubeka nobomi bakho, kwaye wamkele ukuba baya kuzakhela ubomi obwahlukileyo, obuhle nabo.
Lixabise ixesha owonwabileyo nolonwabileyo, nokuba lidlulile.
10. Hloniphanani
Ukuthandana ngokungaqhelekanga akukho nangayiphi na indlela inesidima ngokuswela imbeko omnye komnye.
Ayinakuthethathethana kulo nabuphi na ubudlelwane, nangalo naluphi na uhlobo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ukuzibophelela, okanye kwenye indawo phakathi.
Kubalulekile ukuba phatha iqabane lakho eliqhelekileyo ngentlonipho efanayo, ubumnene, kunye nobubele onokubaphatha naye nawuphi na omnye umntu-Ukunciphisa ukuzibophelela kobudlelwane bexesha elide.
Ekugqibeleni, khumbula ukunyaniseka kwisiqu sakho, kwaye unyanisekile malunga neemvakalelo zakho.
Ungumntu, kwaye akuqhelekanga ukubamba iimvakalelo zomntu othile. Kuya kufuneka ukhumbule ukuba ezo mvakalelo azinakubuyiselwa kule meko.
Kubalulekile ukuba ukhumbule ukuba ubudlelwane bunokungaqhelekanga okoko nje ukuba iimvakalelo zamalungu omabini zihlala zihleli nje.
Ngokulandela ezi ngcebiso zobudlelwane ziluncedo, uya kuba nakho ukuvuna izibonelelo zobudlelwane obungathandekiyo ngaphandle kokonakalisa uxolo lwakho lwengqondo kunye nokugcina idrama engeyomfuneko kude.