Umxholo
- 1. Ukumamela, kodwa ungaphulaphuli
- Ukujolisa kuphela kwinto oyifunayo ukuba ukhuphe
- 3. Ukuthetha ungakhange uzihlole kuqala
- 4. Ungajongi ithoni yelizwi lakho
- 5. Unxibelelwano olungenamlomo
- 6. Ukugxeka
- 7. Ukuthoba isidima somlingane wakho
- 8. Ukwenza uqikelelo
- 9. Ukubonisa ukungakhuseleki kwakho
- 10. Ungazivezi kwiqabane lakho
- 11. Ukulindela izinto ezingekho ngqiqweni
- 12. Ukuthetha kunye kodwa bengathethi
Eminye yemitshato ebalaseleyo inokuqhekeka ngenxa yeengxaki zonxibelelwano phakathi kwesibini.
Abanye abantu abathandanayo bathandana kakhulu kwaye bazinikele omnye komnye kodwa ababonakali ngathi bayavana kuba unxibelelwano lwabo alukho.
Kwaye ngaphezulu kwako konke, abacebisi ngemitshato bahlala bekhankanya ukungabikho konxibelelwano okanye imiba yonxibelelwano emtshatweni njengenye yezona zinto zigqibeleleyo emtshatweni.
Ke, ukuqonda ukuba kukuphi ukusilela konxibelelwano onokuthi uhlangabezane nako emtshatweni wakho kunye nokufuna ukuzilungisa kufanelekile ngomzamo, awucingi?
Kodwa, ukulungisa njani ukungabikho konxibelelwano kubudlelwane?
Eli nqaku libelana nge-12 ukusilela koqhakamshelwano oluqhelekileyo okanye imiba yonxibelelwano kubudlelwane kunye nento enokwenziwa ukuyilungisa.
1. Ukumamela, kodwa ungaphulaphuli
Enye yezona mpazamo zinkulu zokunxibelelana esidibana nazo kukukwazi ukumamela, kodwa singamameli.
Ukuba nje sonke siqonde nje ukuba le yayingunobangela omkhulu weengxaki emitshatweni kwaye sonke sinokuba netyala lazo. Thatha ixesha lokuziqhelanisa nokukhulisa izakhono zakho zokumamela ukuzisa uxolo emtshatweni wakho!
Ukujolisa kuphela kwinto oyifunayo ukuba ukhuphe
Uninzi lwabantu kubudlelwane luyakhumbula ixesha apho bekhuphela nje amaqabane abo ngaphandle komdla wokuva okwenzekayo namaqabane abo.
Sonke siyazi ukuba konke ukuthatha kwaye akukho kunikwa akuphilanga, kwaye sonke mhlawumbi sinetyala loku ngamanye amaxesha. Kuphephe ukusilela kunxibelelwano ngokuzihlola rhoqo.
3. Ukuthetha ungakhange uzihlole kuqala
Owu, le sisilelo esinye sonxibelelwano esinokuthi sonke sihambe amaxesha ngamaxesha.
Yenze umkhwa wakho ukukhangela ngaphakathi kwaye ucinge ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukukhwaza kunye nokumemeza kubudlelwane, kwaye uya kuwusindisa umtshato wakho kwingxaki kunye neengxabano!
4. Ungajongi ithoni yelizwi lakho
UGqirha John Gottman ubanga ukuba ufumene kuphando lwakhe ukuba uqala njani ingxoxo yindlela ophelisa ngayo ingxoxo.
Ukujonga ithoni yelizwi ukuze uqiniseke ukuba ayizukubeka izinto kwithoni engeyiyo yinto esinokuqalisa ukuyenza sonke.
Ngale ndlela, siyakuphepha ukusilela kunxibelelwano kwixa elizayo.
5. Unxibelelwano olungenamlomo
Sukuvumela unxibelelwano lwakho olungathethi ngomlomo lube kukusilela kunxibelelwano olwenza umtshato wakho wehle. Imbonakalo yobuso bakho kunye nezimbo zomzimba kunye nokujikeleza kwamehlo konke kuya kubhaliswa kokulungileyo okanye okubi.
6. Ukugxeka
Isityholo kukusilela kunxibelelwano rhoqo okwenzeka emtshatweni.
Ukuthi ukwazana kuvelisa indelelo kufanelekile apha. Zama ukukhumbula oku kunye neprojekthi yobubele, umbulelo kunye nokwamkelwa kwiqabane lakho ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukungena kumdlalo wokubeka ityala.
7. Ukuthoba isidima somlingane wakho
Oku kusilela kunxibelelwano ngokuqinisekileyo akukho mfuneko; akulunganga ukuthoba isidima seqabane lakho. Endaweni yoko, gxila ekwakheni kunye nasekuthandeni iimpawu zabo ezintle kunokuba ujonge kwiimpawu zabo ezimbi.
8. Ukwenza uqikelelo
Ukwenza uqikelelo yingxaki yonxibelelwano eqhelekileyo uninzi lwethu olunayo; sihlala sicinga ukuba umntu othile ngandlela thile, okanye uya kuziphatha okanye enze ngendlela ethile.
Oko kuthetha ukuba xa sinxibelelana, ayinamsebenzi ukuba iqabane lakho aliphenduli ngendlela olindele ukuba aphendule ngayo usaya kuthatha ukuba baya, okanye bacinga njalo.
Yintoni enokubangela ukungazithembi kunye nokungaqiniseki kwicala lakho kunye nokudakumba kwelakho iqabane?
9. Ukubonisa ukungakhuseleki kwakho
Sidla ngokucinga ukuba wonke umntu ucinga ngendlela efanayo nathi, kodwa bahlala bengenayo. Umzekelo weklasikhi womntu ocacisa ukungakhuseleki kwabo emtshatweni kuxa elinye iqabane lithe cwaka ngokungaqhelekanga (ihlala iyindoda).
Amaqabane abo angaqala ukucinga ukuba kukho into engalunganga, ngakumbi emtshatweni okanye indlela amaqabane abo abajonga ngayo.
Kulo mzekelo, le meko yenzeka ngenxa yokuba iqabane eliqondayo linokoyika ukuba ngenye imini umtshato wabo ungabetha amatye, okanye amaqabane abo angabafumana bengathandeki njengoko bekhula. Oku kungakhokelela kwimpikiswano, ukudideka, ukungazithembi, kunye nokubeka ityala ngokungeyomfuneko.
10. Ungazivezi kwiqabane lakho
Abanye abantu kunzima ukuba bazibonakalise.
Bafumanisa kunzima ukuthetha indlela abavakalelwa ngayo, enokuthi ikhokelele kwiimvakalelo zokudana okanye zokungaqondwa. Oku kusilela kunxibelelwano ekudala kulula ukusombulula; Kufuneka uvule nje iqabane lakho kancinci kwaye 'bakubone.'
11. Ukulindela izinto ezingekho ngqiqweni
Umbutho usifundisa ukuba ikho indlela ethile awufanele ukuba ube ngumtshato ofanelekileyo okanye indlela yokuphila, kodwa asikwazi konke ukungena ngokufanelekileyo kwiibhokisi ezincinci zoluntu.
Ke ukuba wakhe ulindelo lokuba umtshato wakho uzakuphuma njengoko bebonisa kumaphephancwadi acwebezelayo, emva koko ube nomsindo neqabane lakho ngokukuyeka, emva koko uwele nje kukungalindeli izinto ezingenakwenzeka.
Ukulindelwa okungenangqondo zizinto ezibangela ukusilela kunxibelelwano.
Khumbula ukujonga into elindelwe liqabane lakho emtshatweni, ubudlelwane, indlela yokuphila, kwaye niyakuzivumela ukuba nithethathethane kwaye nenze ulindelo olufanelekileyo nolwanelisanayo kunye.
Jonga kwakhona: Okulindelwe liQabane- Into oyifunayo 'nento oyifunayo'.
12. Ukuthetha kunye kodwa bengathethi
Ke uxoxa rhoqo malunga nento ebaluleke kakhulu, kodwa akukho mntu ujongana nendlovu egumbini, okanye akukho mntu uchazayo iimfuno zabo, amaphupha, iminqweno, iminqweno kunye nolindelo lwabo.
Oko kuthetha ukuba yonke into kunxibelelwano lwakho ayikho ngaphezulu.
Olu nxibelelwano luya kukubeka kwindlela ekhawulezayo yokukhukuliseka ukuba uyayivumela, kwaye konke okufuneka ukwenze kukuvula kwaye bathembane ngakumbi.