Umxholo
- 1. Ukufunda izakhono zobudlelwane obutsha
- 2. Ukuthetha ngezinto ezibalulekileyo kwangaphambili
- 3. Ukuphucula unxibelelwano
- 4. Ukuthintela uqhawulo-mtshato
- 5. Uluvo olungathath 'icala nezikhokelo
- 6. Ukujongana nemiba ngaphambi kokuba ibe yingxaki
Ngaphambi kokuthenga nayiphi na imveliso yezithambiso okanye yezempilo, siyaqiniseka ukuba sibuza uluvo lwabanye kwaye senze uphando olwethu. Ngokufanayo, akukho nto iphosakeleyo ekufumaneni uluvo oluthile, kunye nokuba nengxoxo xa kufikwa kubudlelwane, ngakumbi ukuba ufuna ukuba olo manyano luhlale ngonaphakade. Ngokwanda kwenqanaba loqhawulo-mtshato, siyabona ukuba uninzi lwezibini ezinolindelo olwahlukileyo kunye neendlela ezininzi zokungaqondani ngaphambi komtshato. Oku kungaboni ngasonye akubonakali kucacile 'kwixesha lasemva komtshato' njengoko izithandani zithandana, kodwa ngokuhamba kwexesha, akuthathi xesha lide ukujongana nemiceli mngeni kulwalamano kangangokuba omabini amaqabane aqala ukucinga ngokuqhawula umtshato.
Ekuqaleni, wonke umntu unethemba kakhulu ngolwalamano lwabo. Bonke bathi 'sonwabile kunye' kwaye 'akukho nto inokusahlukanisa', okanye 'akukho nto inokungahambi kakuhle'. Nangona kunjalo, kuya kufuneka uqaphele ukuba neyona tshokholeji imnandi iza nomhla wokuphelelwa kwayo, kwaye olona lonwabo lwalo lonke ubudlelwane lunokuwa ngaphandle kokuhoywa ngokufanelekileyo, ukulungiselela kunye notyalo mali.
Iingcebiso ngaphambi komtshato zinokuba luncedo kuwe nakwiqabane lakho. Nazi iindlela ezi-6 ezinokukunceda:
1. Ukufunda izakhono zobudlelwane obutsha
Umcebisi ngaphambi komtshato akazukukukhanyisela ngokuqonda kwabo kuphela, kodwa uya kukufundisa neendlela ezithile zokwenza umtshato wakho usebenze. Nokuba lolona lonwabe kwizibini ziyalwa kwaye kuyinto eqhelekileyo leyo. Kodwa indlela ohlangabezana ngayo nokungavisisani kwaye uqhubeke nobomi yeyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu. Ke ukuze ujongane nengxabano, kuya kufuneka ufunde iindlela zokusombulula ukungavisisani. Ngale ndlela, uya kunciphisa iingxoxo zakho kwaye uzijike zibe yingxoxo engakumbi.
Iingxaki ziyanda xa izibini zithatha iindlela ezingalunganga zokujongana neengxabano ezinje ngokurhoxa, indelelo, ukuzikhusela kunye nokugxeka. Ukucebisa ngaphambi komtshato kuyakuqinisekisa ukuba awuqhubeki nezi patheni kwaye ukhuthaze unxibelelwano olungcono.
2. Ukuthetha ngezinto ezibalulekileyo kwangaphambili
Bangaphi abantwana oceba ukuba nabo, imiba yomona kunye nolindelo- ezi zinto kufuneka zitshintshwe ngokuvakalayo, ukuze izibini zifikelele ekuqondeni, kwaye zifumane iindlela zokoyisa ukuba ziya kuvela. Kwiinyanga ezimbalwa emtshatweni, awufuni ukuvuka umangaliswe kukuba utshate umntu "ongalunganga" okanye umntu onexabiso elingahambelaniyo.
3. Ukuphucula unxibelelwano
Unxibelelwano yeyona nto ibalulekileyo kulo naluphi na ulwalamano, kwaye umcebisi wakho ngaphambi komtshato uya kukunceda ekwenzeni ngempumelelo kunye neqabane lakho. Kuya kufuneka uyiqonde inyani yokuba wena neqabane lakho aningomfundi weengqondo. Ke ukuba unomsindo, sukuyivumela ukuba yakhe ngaphakathi kuwe, okanye okubi, mayidubule ngokuvakalayo. Endaweni yoko, fumana indlela esebenzayo yokuthetha ngeemvakalelo zakho kunye neemfuno zokwenza ubudlelwane bakho bube sempilweni kwaye bunyaniseke. Iithowuni eziphezulu azikaze zilungise nayiphi na ingxaki, kwaye eyakho ayizukuhluka. Ke funda indlela enamandla yokunxibelelana ngaphambi komtshato, kwaye uyeke ukulwa.
4. Ukuthintela uqhawulo-mtshato
Owona msebenzi uphambili kwaye ubalulekileyo wokunikwa kwengcebiso ngaphambi komtshato kukwakha amandla okuba namandla okuthintela uqhawulo-mtshato. Inceda izibini ekwakheni iqhina elomeleleyo, nasekuthembaneni. Ngale ndlela, iipateni zabo zonxibelelwano azikho maladaptive kwaye ziyabanceda ukusombulula imiba ngokwakhayo. Abantu abatshatayo kwaye baya kunika iingcebiso ngaphambi komtshato bane-30% yokuphumelela okuphezulu kunye neqondo lokuqhawula umtshato kunabo bangakhange (Uhlalutyo lweMeta olwenziwe ngo-2003 olubizwa ngokuba "Ukuvavanya ukusebenza kweenkqubo zokuthintela ngaphambi komtshato")
5. Uluvo olungathath 'icala nezikhokelo
Ngaphambi kokuba utshate, kufuneka ube nembono yangaphandle evela kumntu ongenamkhethe kwaye ovulekileyo ngokupheleleyo. Abacebisi banokukuxelela ukuba uhambelana njani kwaye uzinze kangakanani ngokwemo yakho kunye neqabane lakho kwaye bacebise malunga nokujongana neemeko ezinzima. Ukongeza, ufumana ithuba lokuncokola nabo kwaye ubuze malunga nantoni na ngaphandle koloyiko lokugwetywa.
6. Ukujongana nemiba ngaphambi kokuba ibe yingxaki
Amaxesha amaninzi, abantu abathethi ngemeko zokuba 'uthini ukuba'. Bakholelwa ekubeni iya kuba nefuthe elibi kubudlelwane babo, kwaye yindlela yokujonga izinto engenathemba ukuqala ngayo. Kodwa, oku akuyonyani. Ngokuthetha ngezi zinto, unokufumana iingxaki ezinokubakho kwixesha elizayo, kwaye ujonge izisombululo zabo kwangaphambi kwexesha.
Kulusizi ukubona ubudlelwane obuhle bujika bube muncu, uthando luguqukela kukungakhathali, kwaye oku konke kungathintelwa yimizamo encinci kunye nokululekwa ngaphambi komtshato. Ekuqaleni, yonke le micimbi kulula ukuyilawula. Nangona kunjalo, ngokuhamba kwexesha kunye nokungazi, ezi zihlala zisakha kwaye izibini ziyazibuza ukuba luthini uthando lwabo kunye nothando lwabo. Ukucetyiswa ngaphambi komtshato sisigqibo sobulumko kuso nasiphi na isibini. Ngokukhawuleza uzimase, kwangoko uya kukhokelwa wenze ubudlelwane obunempilo nobonwabisayo. Ke funa ingcebiso hayi kuphela xa kukho ingxaki, kodwa ujongane neengxaki ezivelayo kwangethuba.